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my motivation as someone with a high sw and cw

~the thing that makes me most motivated is the fact that i am Fat, that’s a fact. it’s not just a “oh i look fat today” i am overweight. i have a belly and my bones don’t show, i can squish my thighs and my face is round.

after losing 15 pounds

i’ve gotten complements from my family like “you’ve lost weight i can see it in your face” “you look great! i need to do what you’re doing!” “your legs look slimmer”

my friend who is very honest about everything (and sometimes is too honest) grabbed around my wrist and he said “your wrists are so tiny!! you’re so small”

my collar bones are starting to peak through, i can’t stop feeling them and when i turn you can fully see them

i know this is a small victory but my fingers do not touch now, they don’t look as stubby. my fingers look longer (i’ve always wanted my fingers to look long bc i play piano and i want those pianist fingers)

my face just looks?? nicer?? when i walk by mirrors my double chin is so much less visible i feel prettier and it makes me smile

certain outfits look different on me, not baggy yet bc i have a LONG way to go but things just fit better and i don’t feel as repulsive

things that i look forward to

more defined collar bones. the fact that my collar bones will show without any effort is just! so motivating

my feet and hands to look slim and dainty rather than pudgey

for my sweatshirts to get even bigger on me

to be able to wear jeans again instead of leggings all the time, and actually like how i look

thigh highs to fit correctly and not roll down bc they’re too tight on my thighs

to not be scared during sex/ be able to do more doing sex because my size won’t limit or control me

to see how my bones look, i have always been on the larger side bc i am 4’11”. ive been in a vicious cycle of restricting and binging it all back since i was about 13 because i never had a scale and i would get frustrated after losing weight bc my dsymorphia just,, i never see change. but my scale is forcing me to see the change and i’m just so excited to see the bones in my hand without having to flex it

the bone in my wrist will jut out more

h i p b o n e s- i like to push through the fat and sort of feel them bc i’ve never seen how they look so when i drop more weight i’ll finally be able to feel them and see them!!!!!

thigh gap!! even if it’s not large just a little gap will make me so happy and it’s slowly starting to happen

because i am so short, once i get to my ugw or even a little before it i will look so little and dainty, my boyfriend already says i’m tiny regardless of my weight, so wait until i’m even smaller!!

these are just some of the motivations of a bigger girl, i know how hard it is to start at a high weight bc it’s so hard to see changes on other people and then look at yourself and see no change at all because it takes us so much more to see results. that’s why i’ve given up so many times, the most i’ve lost is thirty pounds but i gained it all back bc i didn’t look like a twig at that point but you know what? i’ve accepted that it’s going to take longer and it’s going to be hard and i think that it makes me or anyone going through a similar battle pretty bad ass. we will be skinny, it’s all about patience and hard work. be nice to yourself and take things slowly to avoid binges and it’s okay if you binge!! if you’re not in recovery please do not beat yourself up or throw all of your progress out the window okay? i know it’s frustrating and people make you feel like this is just a diet regardless of the fact that you are starving yourself but your ED is valid and if you feel like no one acknowledges or cares, i do. stay strong and safe and if you want recovery, PLEASE recover. this is more directed for the people who are past the point of recovery. thanks for listening to my little rantings ❤️ (i’ll be updating this post with my weight loss and what i’ve noticed is linked w it)

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idk if those “spells” work but………. somehow it’s working, is it a placebo? anyways 10 lbs weight loss spell!

like to charge

reblog to release

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Me: I just sometimes get so stressed that I just want to screech

My Therapist: Then do it.

Me: I’m sorry?

My Therapist: Primal screeching is one way of completing your stress cycle, do it. Be mindful of where you are, I usually do it in my car, but yeah. Go for it.

Me: Ah- Oh.

My Therapist: Holding that kind of thing in is what’s locking you into that stress state. Screeching, running, dancing, that tells your body they the danger has passed and you’ll relax. Since you have a lifetime of that shit locked away, it’ll take a sec but yeah. Screech if you want to.

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Reminder for me cuz I forget to drink enough: water speeds up weight loss/flushes out water weight, water is important, it helps clear skin, is healthy, so stay freaking hydrated you imbecile

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nipples poking through a shirt are an accessory we should all learn to appreciate 

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🌙☁️

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if i'm not skinny by the end of summer i will thrOW A RIOT

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oh to be a nun in 1350 enjoying quiet time and gardening and having lots of lesbian sex and then dying at the ripe old age of 36

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easy peasy kill me pleasy

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cw: an abomination

gw: an abomination, but skinny

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like for donald trump, reblog for this piece of grass

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do you ever see your face from a different angle and have a mental breakdown

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REBLOG TO LOSE 2KG WHEN YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW 🍃

ig : @ vict0ar

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Me: *waking up in the morning because i got work*

the funeral director embalming me:

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Other bloggers: man I need to clean out my askbox

Me:

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Control Yourself, 2/12/2016 (MGMT - Kids)