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dear fish they could never make me hate you EVER

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21/06/25

maybe friendship is magic

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i want a mysterious source of income

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eclipse

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“the heart wants what it wants”? okay well the heart is fucking stupid can we let someone else have a turn? maybe the spleen wants to have a go?

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I had a dream that opened immediately to me sitting on the edge of an indoor, hotel swimming pool. I was in a bathing suit with my feet dangling in the water. I knew right away that this was a dream, and I thought to myself that it was a pleasant one, because I love hotel pools so much. I love when they're so warm and accompanied by a hot tub as well that the entire room is steamy. I love when there are big windows so you can see winter outside. I love the children making friends and inventing intricate games in the water with strange children they'll never see again. I was enjoying all of that, when a woman appeared beside me, sitting with her feet in the water.

It was as if she blipped into existence, but it also felt that perhaps she was there before, and I hadn't noticed her. We both took a moment to look startled, and then we said hello. She looked like she was in her 60s or 70s. I started on small talk, and then she calmly and politely told me that she believed she was dying. I didn't know what to say. I said, "Oh. Are you sick?"

She said, "No. Right now. I think I'm dying right now."

She pointed across the swimming pool, and sure enough, she was there too, lying on the ground while someone performed CPR on her. Everyone was silent. The children stood in the pool and watched, ignoring their parents frantic, silent waving to come out.

The woman told me that the young woman and man beside her were her adult children. The children behind them were her grandchildren. Her husband was in their hotel room. I still didn't know what to say, so I asked her about her children.

She was worried about her son, who was going through a terrible divorce. She said he needed her. I told her that he would be okay. I told her about losing my dad when I was young and the way my friends and family took care of me. She was happy to hear it. She said she felt better about leaving. Then she said, "OH! I think I'm going back."

She was gone in an instant, and across the swimming pool she started vomiting water. I thought, "How nice I could keep her company during that ordeal" and "I should have asked her name so I could reach out to her." And then I woke up feeling like I didn't sleep at all.

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oh fuuuck i never posted kitydile and mirapuppy doodle. everyone enjoy them?

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Happy winter solstice! The light begins to return tomorrow!!

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35 year old guy i added on steam: Heh, well, I might be on tomorrow. You know how it is, with a kid and all- their schedule is your schedule

12 year old me: Totally get it man

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playing undertale at last after somehow unintentionally avoiding all major spoilers for my entire online life (UT came out two years before I first used social media) and oh my god. this game is crazycool. lifechanging. I kind of want that gay robot

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so what do u think about plays

i like how in a theatre time and space are necessarily metaphorical. i don’t like how plays always have to begin with someone walking onstage and talking. too many directors try to work around this by having someone walk onstage and brood in silence for a moment before talking. this is worse. 

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i think about that "the pop girlies yearn for espn" tweet a lot because like. everyone is so obsessed with stats now wrt music and like. sports is the ultimate stat play. there's stats about stats in sports. they make up new stats every single weekend in the nfl. "first player since the reagan administration born in the western part of the united states to throw for 25 touchdowns over 10 yards" "first player in the super bowl era to have a twin" like they just pull shit out of their asses for the sake of it and i think people obsessed with charts and sales would LOVE the nfl.

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Haven't figured out a politic way to word this but before saying someone/thing "makes you uncomfortable" please ask yourself this important question: is it any of your fucking business

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Torn between the need to write hard scifi intimately grounded in reality, and the need to have the Aesthetic on point

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the thing about job searching is i see all these job postings and im like i dont wanna do any of this for any of you