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I Was Born Sick (SL with @StalkYourDreams)

James: -Paisley was right when she’d said I was a bad teacher. I hadn’t ever really had to do this for anyone. I’d been a student myself once, but that was so long ago I’d forgotten what it was really like. I wasn’t a good husband most of the time either. It wasn’t something I was used to. Both roles involved me being concerned about someone other than myself. I’d been alone too long. I’d been the person who had only had one thing to be concerned about and that was getting my own ass out of whatever I got myself into in one piece. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about Paisley. I did. It was just that I wasn’t certain what that looked like in practice. I was learning, so at least I could make a change in all of that.

When I’d come home from the last job, it was to discover that she’d spent the time I’d been gone redecorating the house. It had been the same since I was a child, probably long before that. My grandmother hadn’t been one to spend time remodelling or decorating a house. She kept it spotless, but not much had changed since I was a kid.

Paisley had been right when she told me that this place was the only place I knew that seemed like home. I had other places to live -- houses, apartments, condos. I’d been in all of them, but they’d just been hideouts for the most part. My younger sister may have been the one who lived here all this time, but it was always going to be the only place that felt like home to me. I’d loved the renovations that she’d done, even if they’d been minor and mostly cosmetic, but they’d meant everything.

She kept me in mind, making sure to use the colors and things that reflected the both of us in everything she’d done. It was more than I’d deserved, and I loved her even more for it. It just meant that I was bound and determined not to make the same mistakes I’d made in the past regarding my wife. I owed her that much. So when the chance for the two of us to take on another job came up, I took it, making sure that it provided both of us the opportunity to do our part to make sure this came through the way it was supposed to.

I put the file down on the kitchen table where she was sitting having her coffee this morning- So, Paisley, ready to try another job?

Paisley: ~I could only look at James with a raised brow. I definitely didn’t have this place set up for work, but I was okay with him having a file for us to go through. But I wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about. I wasn’t sure if it was the best move to have me go back out into the field with him. The mistakes I had made on the last job made me question what I was going to do next.

I needed to get into the mindframe of being James’ partner. But at the same time, I had to be open with him. I needed to share any fears I had. I couldn’t walk into this situation like the last had never happened. It had happened. And it had been an eye opener. There was still so much that I didn’t know. And there was a lot I wasn’t sure how to handle. But I had to learn to depend on James for all of it.

But I had a plan in my mind when James settled in across from me with the file. It was a file I had been working on for a few days. It was something I wanted to do for him. I wanted to prove to him that I was ready to work with him. One way or another. Standing from the table, I was quick to pour myself another cup of coffee. I grabbed another mug and poured some for my husband before setting it in front of him as I pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

It was something that had started up once we talked about our feelings. We wanted to be more open with what we were feeling. There was no reason to hold back anymore. So I didn’t stop myself from being affectionate with him. There was no reason for it. Not when we were both trying to make it work. Sitting back in my chair across from James, I took a breath before flipping through the file. I didn’t like how it was set up, but I knew it was the nature of the beast.~

You want the truth? There’s no way in hell I am going to be able to be a part of this hit. I can plan it for you. I can tell you the best moves. But if you decide to go with that plan, I can’t be a part of it. Because the best bet for getting this hit done is going to be to treat it like the hit on the Ward Family out in LA. And you know how that ended.

~I could only give James a pointed look as I brought up my family. It was the reason I was still alive. But I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to watch him do the exact same thing to someone else’s family. But I also knew that he wasn’t going to leave anyone alive. I was the only person to have ever been let go by James. And here I was. Married to him. But I still wanted to get his opinion on it. I wanted the plan to be solid before he went in. I wanted everything to work out fine.~

James:  -If anyone had been looking in on this scene before she started talking about the file I passed her, they’d have thought we were any other comfortable married couple. It was a weird thing to have that in my life. It wasn’t something I was used to, not even something I’d seen when my parents were alive. It had been what my grandparents had, and this had been the house it had happened in, so it fit that this was the place we were doing all of this. Anyone else tried kissing me on top of the head, and I’d have choked them. Her? It was something else entirely.

There was a reason I was handing her this file. I could plan a job on my own. I could go in guns blazing and take everyone down, or I could take it slow and easy until I put a bullet in everyone’s forehead at the dinner table. Sometimes, I didn’t do what was best for myself in the interest of getting a job done. Hell, I’d even been known to do something just because it looked cool without worrying much about the consequences for myself. I had scars to prove all of that.

Paisley might have been a sociopath with most people, but she was going to keep me from hurting myself or getting into something I wasn’t going to be able to get out of unscathed. I also wanted her in on my life as fucked up as that might have sounded. I was a god damned murderer for hire asking my wife to help me plan a hit, for fuck’s sake. The irony didn’t escape me.-

Then help me. You don’t have to be there. I know that’s not necessarily your thing, and I know it could end badly for you to be there for all of it. Just help me find their weak spots. Help me get in and out without anyone noticing me that’s going to come out of this alive.

-I took a sip from the coffee mug she’d placed in front of me, letting the warmth seep through me while I waited for her answer. -

Paisley:  ~I was familiar with the file. I had looked over it when trying to figure out what James’ next hit was going to be. I had gone to one of the other apartments to get the information downloaded. It didn’t matter how many times we rerouted the signal. I wasn’t ever going to put this place in jeopardy. Any information that we brought here about the case was all paper. It was something I could throw into the fireplace and burn. Nothing was going to be tied back to this house. It was our one safe haven.

Clearing my throat, I sat forward in my seat. I wanted James to see that I was serious about this. But this hit was a little different. It wasn’t something like my father. It was a little worse. Mr. Ward was a step away from becoming the man on the paper in front of me.~ Julian Marsh. Child pornography and child sex trafficking. He keeps his hands relatively clean of it all, but then again, so did Anderson Ward. Two daughters. Well, maybe two daughters. There’s a sixteen year age gap between Allison and Amy. Allison disappeared for a year, and when she came back, Amy was around. So I wouldn’t be surprised if Amy was actually Allison’s daughter.

~I could only give James a look. I wasn’t sure what his move was going to be here. There was a loophole to getting me involved in this case. And I was going to give him that loophole. But it was only if he wanted it. I knew the truth, though. Amy made this case a little different. She was truly innocent in all of this. I just wasn’t sure what direction he was going to go. I knew he wasn’t going to kill her. But Allison was the big question mark.~

Allison knows what her father does. She doesn’t pretend that he is a good man. And she’s like I was at eighteen. She wants nothing to do with the business. She wants out, James. But I think she’s staying close to Amy.

James: -Paisley wasn’t saying anything that hadn’t already crossed my mind. I knew families like this well enough, and I believed that Allison knew and didn’t approve of what Julian Marsh did. But I also knew she was a little to entrenched in this situation to extricate herself on her own. Julian might have kept his hands clean, but he wouldn’t have hesitated to take care of her himself if it meant that she might go out and turn on him. He was keeping his cards close to his chest, which meant he was keeping his daughter close as well. It wouldn’t have surprised me if Amy was the leverage he used to keep her in his life, and I was glad that Paisley had struck on that line before I’d even brought it up.

I wasn’t in the habit of leaving people alive. It had only happened once, and Paisley was the exception to every rule that I’d ever put in place. Allison and Amy weren’t, but they weren’t exactly part of the problem I was being paid to deal with either. The client who had hired me to take out Julian Marsh wouldn’t care about the collateral damage, especially if taking out a toddler and a teenager meant that all the other victims he’d had his hands in ruining would be protected. It wasn’t my style to murder a kid, though, and I wasn’t in the habit of figuring out how to keep people alive. I was hoping maybe Pais could help me out in that department.

I threaded my fingers together, and raised an eyebrow of my own at my wife, letting the corners of my mouth turn up into a slight smirk-

So help me figure out how to get them out of the way before I take down their father, because I’m not leaving any witnesses. I don’t give a damn who they are, but if they aren’t witnesses then they can walk away from all of this.

Paisley: ^I nodded my head as James said his peace. I knew what he was saying. The last thing he wanted to do was kill a child. Allison has a small blessing in Amy. Amy was the only reason Allison would stay alive. And I had a small plan in place for how to keep them away from the murders that were about to take place.

I was young enough that I could make friends with Allison. Even if I was 22, I looked young enough to be a teenager. Especially if I was dressed down. But I could only clear my throat before letting my eyes fall on the man in front of me. The man that I absolutely owed my life to. I could only hope that he didn’t think I was insane for what I was about to say.^

Julian allows the girls to spend the day together once a week. Saturday from 9 am to 7 pm, Allison takes Amy out to spend time together without anyone around. I think if you give me the chance, I can keep the girls out and away from the rest of the Marsh Family. But then it��s a matter of getting you inside.

^This was the part I didn’t like thinking about. I was putting my husband in harm's way. I was sending him into the lion’s den. And even though I knew he had done it a million times, I still worried about him.^ We use one of your many aliases to set up a meeting with Julian. Debra is the one who controls the girls in the circle, so she’d be at the meet to help you pick the one you’d like the most. It would be an easy takedown of those two. Allison and Amy would never see you or what had happened. They would truly be blind to the whole situation. You’d be completely safe.

James: -I thought about her proposition. Allison and Amy wouldn’t ever see my face or hear my name if she executed her half of the job properly. Not only that, but it would keep her from being around while I did whatever it was I needed to do. I could use whatever tools I had within my arsenal to break down the defenses of the target. I wasn’t going to do anything she wouldn’t have liked, but I also was only going to have to worry about getting myself in and out of the situation safely. It also meant there were two less people I was going to have to worry about taking down before I got out of there.

I had a plan in mind. I knew about this man, and I knew he had two drives -- sex and money. One of those was very specific, and seeing that I wasn’t exactly a preteen girl, I wasn’t exactly his type, but I could tempt him with the other. Debbie could go along with him. She knew about every facet of his business life. Hell, she organized more than half of it, and her hand were as dirty as his were. I wasn’t going to leave their bodies behind for their daughters to walk in and find though. Allison didn’t deserve that, even if it meant she was going to free of them for the rest of her life.

I had some time to get the rest of my plan together. All the two of us needed to do to get this ball rolling was to figure out a day that I could get the two of them to meet me for an appointment with one of my alter egos and for Paisley to make sure she could get the girls out of the house for the day.-

Then why don’t we do that? The less witnesses I have to take care of the better.

-I stood up, walking over past her on my way to refill my coffee, leaving a kiss on the crown of her head, and mirroring the way she’d kissed me before. She was going to make this job easier, and I hoped she knew that. But there was more to it than that. She made my life better in general. Different than I’d ever expected it to be, but far better than I’d ever imagined it could have been either.-

Paisley: ~I needed him to understand that it wasn’t going to be easy for me. This was going to be very close to what had happened with my family. But at the same time, it was so very different. But I also knew there was going to be a few more things we needed to set up before we could make the trip to Chicago. I wanted everything set up before I was going to be willing to put either one of us in danger.

But I also craved being closer to James. I wanted him to understand that I needed this to be serious. I needed him to know that I was taking every inch of this just as serious as he was. I didn’t want to risk either one of us getting caught. I had learned my lesson from the last job I had been on. And if that meant getting everything in order for us to do this job as safe as possible, I was going to do it.

Moving from my seat, I walked around the table before slipping on top of it.  As much as I wanted to be in his lap, I couldn’t let us get distracted. Because that was absolutely something we couldn’t afford at the moment.~ You need to set up a meeting. It won’t be fun or pleasant. But I also need you to help me set up a few aliases. I can’t keep going into cities as Paisley Dansby or Paisley Ward. And you know that that is one of the fastest ways to get us caught.

James: -I pondered over what she was trying to tell me, and I knew she was right. I had dozens of aliases I could chose from to get any job done, and as soon as one of them started drawing too much attention, I could toss it aside and adopt another one. The only name my wife had to fall back on was her maiden name. That one already had far too much attention attached to it. Getting her another set of identification and a back story wasn’t going to be too hard. It was just going to be a matter of contacting the right person and getting the records in a few places altered to make her a real enough person to get everything accomplished. You would have thought that the internet would have made it much harder to hide now that all the authorities were connected with each other, when in fact, it tended to make things easier. I could get in contact with the right people and get things sent to one of the many post office boxes we had access to without much of a second thought. Transferring money to cover the transaction wasn’t going to be difficult either.

I was already creating a checklist in my head of things that needed to happen to get all of the paperwork in order for her to get through the job entirely unnoticed. I was going to keep her safe whatever happened.-

I’ll take care of the alias as soon as possible. We can set up one for now and more for later use. I can’t believe I haven’t thought of it before now, as a matter of fact. And the meeting should be easy enough to set up once all of that is in place. Is there a name you’d like to use?

Paisley: ~There was a lot that needed to be done, but I knew the truth. This was the way things needed to happen. We needed to take the time to get everything in place, and this was the way to do it. We needed something that would bring the conversation to the forefront of our minds. I loved that James was willing to own up to this mistake with an alias for me. It was something we had never considered.

But I wasn’t sure what name to take. There were a million and one ideas, but I wasn’t sure what the right move to make was. Did I go to a name that I felt close to? Was that going to be a mistake? I wasn’t entirely sure. But I knew that I needed to figure out something. I just felt a little lost in the idea of picking out a new name.~ Annette? Or is that too close to Anne? Michelle? Leslie? Ellen? Trinity?

~I could feel the panic starting to pop up. I wasn’t sure what the right decision was, but I knew I had James here with me to make the right decision.~ Do I need to pick a last name? Or is it going to be one that is tied to one of yours? I don’t know what the right decision is, James. And it’s starting to freak me the fuck out.

James: -I pulled Paisley into my arms when I heard the tone of her voice change as she tried to come up with a name. I didn’t want this to be more than she could handle. I’d always just pulled names out of a hat, randomly, without any seeming rhyme or reason. My first name was innocuous enough, so was my middle name. There were thousands of Jameses and Patricks, enough that those two names didn’t draw any particular attention. There were another million random white guy names I could choose from. The name only mattered in that it didn’t need to be something unique. It just needed to be generic enough to blend in.-

The name doesn’t matter that much, Baby. Anne, Michelle, Leslie, Ellen… Margaret, Chloe.. There’s a million names you could choose. Just don’t stand out too much. That’s the key to all of this. Don’t panic about that. If you want, I’ll pick it out. I don’t think we should tie ourselves together any more than we have to. If I get caught with anything, the last thing I want is you going down with me. Even if we’re married you can still play ignorant.

-It wasn’t something I liked to think about often. I’d had a few close brushes between the police and rival hit men in the past. Dragging her into that wasn’t ever my intention, but for better or for worse, she was married to me. It meant she was part of all of it.-

Paisley:  ~I felt my head bob in a nod as I pressed myself closer to James. I still wasn’t sure of any of it. And I knew we were going to have to practice with me using my new name. I was going to have to work with all of those. But I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about James saying another girl’s name towards me. But I absolutely needed to remember that I was special to him. There was never going to be someone else like me.

The only reason the two girls were going to survive this hit was because James would never see them. And they would never see James. I was putting myself out there for this part of the hit. But I knew how we both felt knowing there was a child in the mix. We didn’t want to cause too much damage. And neither one of us was too keen on killing a child. Our morals may have been questionable, but even we weren’t monsters.~

I think it’ll be best if you handle it. I just think that I’m going to overthink all of it and freak out. Plus you know all of your aliases. I only know a bunch. You’ll be able to keep our connection buried better than I will. I trust you to take care of me.

James: -There were going to be a few logistics to figure out in this situation, but it wasn’t something that I wasn’t used to. I just had to involve another person in them for the first time. It was part of me teaching her what I knew-

Then, I’ll pull something out of my pocket, and you can practice with getting used to it. It’s not an issue. We just have to get out of this in one piece. We’ve got some work to do like figuring out an in with Allison and Amy to get them out of the way for the day. We’ll make it work, and a hell of a lot better than last time, I promise.

-That was really all we could do, make things work out for the best, and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that happened this time. I knew it was going to be a lot for her. This was too much like how I’d taken out her entire family for it not to have some kind of effect on her, but I could soften the blow. I could keep her out of the way, and if making sure that Allison and Amy made it through this alive meant that she would be able to make it through all of this intact, then so be it-

#IWasBornSick

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This Feels Like Falling In Love (Solo SL)

~I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting after we had talked. The biggest thing that surprised me was that James was acting more and more like a husband. I was no longer the girl that he kept alive. I was the woman he had fallen in love with. I was the woman he married.

There were things about his job that I needed to come to terms with, though.And I knew that I couldn’t fly off the handle like I had with the last job. And even then, it wasn’t the last job. We had both come to terms with the fact that I was not prepared for what we were doing.

It did not help matters that neither one of us had really come to terms with our relationship. We were avoiding the hard things.We weren’t talking. We weren’t doing much of anything. We were fighting or fucking. Occasionally, I was being taught how to defend myself. We were existing in a space together. But that was the most of it. And I wasn’t sure how to handle that.

I knew that I should not have ever been in love with him. I shouldn’t respect him. I should have hated him for what he did to my family. But it was something I couldn’t do. I couldn’t hate him for making my life better. And it was better, no matter how you looked at it.

As a Ward, I was forced to be something I didn’t want to be. I had to be this perfect little princess. I had to be Paisley Anne Ward. I had to be the youngest child in the Ward Dynasty. I was the one that was never going to take over the company, but I was going to marry someone with some kind of power. I was not going to live a quiet life in the middle of nowhere being no one. I was never going to be the teacher I had dreamed of being.

And I still was never going to be the teacher I had, at one point, dreamed of being. But I had come to terms with that the moment I was told that I owed James a favor. I knew that there was never going to be another option for me. If I didn’t come running when he called, I was going to be dead. And then it was going to be the end of any dream I had. At least, if I came running, I had the option for some kind of a dream.

But no one ever dreamed about this. You didn’t dream about becoming an assassin. Or even being involved with one. And it wasn’t the fabulous lifestyle that everyone imagined it to be. James didn’t just go out into the world without a plan. It took time to gather the information he needed for a job. I had watched him sit behind a computer screen or at a desk studying a file. He was making plans for backup plans. He never went in without a contingency plan for the five other contingency plans he made. It was why he was the best.

And maybe I was a little bit biased about him being the best. But to me, he was. James was absolutely lethal. He did what needed to be done without getting caught. But I also knew the truth about him. He didn’t have a place he could call him. Except this farmhouse. It was where he grew up, and he loved it. Even if it was something he didn’t like to talk about.

But I could see the wear and tear on the place. It needed some love. And I wasn’t sure if the house was getting it as much as it used to. But I wanted to give something to my husband. I wanted him to understand that I was taking us seriously. I wanted to give our relationship a chance, and I wanted to show him that I wanted to build a life with him. I wanted to have a home with him. And I wanted it to be a place where we could do some work, but nothing that would get us caught. This was a place for me to do research. I had another building about two hours away that was wired to the internet.

But the farmhouse was not the place to handle the actual work. It was a place for us to exist. It hadn’t taken too much time, and money talked. I had my trust fund, but that account had its own job. It was the front we were going to be using to move James’ money. But what I did have was a very shiny black credit card that would get me everything I wanted or needed without too many questions being asked.

I was used to it, though. The Ward family had made sure I was used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it. But I wasn’t a Ward anymore. The card didn’t read Paisley Ward. Instead, it informed people that I was Paisley Anne Dansby. It was one of the first things James had given me when we had gotten married. “It makes sense for you to have a credit card, Pais. Just don’t do something stupid like a buy a fucking island.” And I wasn’t an idiot. I wasn’t going to go out and spend his money frivolously. It was there if I wanted to do something.

I didn’t want to buy an island. I didn’t need an island. The truth was that I was tired of being alone. I wasn’t good alone. Even the few days that I spent alone when James was out on a job was too much. I was okay for the first few hours, but anything longer than a weekend and I was going out of my mind. I was sure it was because of the three years he had allowed me to go to school. But it wasn’t something I was ready to discuss with him. It was the one aspect of our relationship I wasn’t sure I was ready to be open about.

How was I supposed to tell him how much I needed him? How did I explain that I felt panicky every time he walked out that door for a job? How was I supposed to explain that without coming off as clingy or needy? I didn’t know the answer. The only thing I could do was set this up for him. I could set up the house that he had once called home for him.

I didn’t want to change much to the structure. I wanted it to be the place that James had called home. But I knew there was going to be a few updates. The downstairs held everything for us to just kind of live. I wasn’t sure if it was how it had always been, but there was an open floor plan for most of the first floor. You could walk from the living room to the kitchen without the walls blocking anything off. There was a room just off of the living room, though. The only place there was a wall separating the rooms. It wasn’t big enough to be a bedroom. But it was big enough to have a table and a couple of chairs inside of it. I knew immediately what I wanted it to be.

And the fact that there was a fireplace in the living room was exactly what I needed. That room was going to be my office. At least for now. It was the one place I could do research and maybe help James come up with a plan of attack for his target. There was so much that I wanted to help him with. But I knew I was going to be held back. There was no way he was going to let me out into the field for a while. Not when he wasn’t sure if he could trust my instincts to keep the both of us alive.

The entire downstairs had been painted in a light gray color. I didn’t want pure white walls, but I didn’t want to close the house off to sunlight. And I knew that James was not about any other colors on the walls. The kitchen was completely updated to a more modern feel. Dark granite countertops with a slightly darker shade of gray than the walls. Everything I could want or need to be the perfect hostess my mother had always wanted me to be.

But it was the bedroom I was the most proud of. It was a space for James and I to just let all of the pretenses go. It was a place where we could just be us. And the times that we actually did let everything go was rare. But it was changing. We both were beginning to realize that we could be open with each other. We could be together and not judge the other person. Granted, I had never judged James. I couldn’t. Not when I knew the truth about him and what he did to earn a living. Judging him would mean I didn’t appreciate the life he had given me the chance to live.

The navy walls were a very dark contrast to everything else in the house. But I wanted this room to be different. Dark walls with blackout curtains meant that we could hide from everyone no matter the time. I wanted to be able to give him something he could appreciate. Something that wasn’t frivolous. The bed, however, was for me. We didn’t need it to be as big as it was, but I loved the idea of us having a California King sized bed.

The truth was that it didn’t matter what size bed we had. Even if we fell asleep on opposite sides of it, we ended up wrapped around each other before morning. I just loved the design of it. The fact that it was a canopy with lace curtains surrounding the bed that could be open or closed made me happy. And that’s what the house was about. Compromise. I could give James everything he wanted, but it was also everything that I wanted.

But there was still some time to kill. I didn’t know when he was going to come back. But it was not a case of if he was going to come back. I knew he would. James was too smart to get caught. And I was the only person alive that knew about what he did. Most people didn’t know anything when they reached out to him. To them, he was a total mystery. But I was the exception. And I had been for the better part of three years. That secret could have driven us apart. But in the end, it only brought us closer together.~

#ThisFeelsLikeFallingInLove

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And That’s Why I Need You Here (SL with @StalkYourDreams)-blog

Paisley: ~Every moment went through my head again. I had been thinking about this nonstop since the moment I had been sent back to the ranch. Every decision was questioned while I was alone. And I couldn’t come up with an answer. I mean, he couldn’t have been mad about the girl I killed. He had more blood on his hands from my family alone than any normal person should. And he killed them without blinking an eye. So it couldn’t have been because of the girl.

She made me see red. The way she bent over my husband. Her arms draped across his shoulders. Her breasts pressing into his back. The way she flung her blond hair over her shoulder after every sentence he spoke. It was all too much. And it was all stuff that would drive James insane. It was too predictable.

But it was the blue eyes that were shining with delight that threw me for a loop. I wasn’t expecting him to like it. Even when he had first started flirting with Riley, I could see the distaste in his eyes. He hadn’t wanted to be flirting with her. But this was different. And I had to wonder if that was what he wanted. I drove him insane on a good day. But this was different.

This was someone coming into my relationship with the intention to take mine and make it hers. And it was the one thing I couldn’t risk. In my own way, I loved my husband. And in his way, he claimed to love me. But after seeing what I had seen, I wasn’t quite so sure.

It felt like a blink of an eye. James was in front of me, his blue eyes piercing me with rage. I had done something wrong. But I wasn’t entirely sure what it had been. And it was only the words that were being whispered to me to go back to the ranch. I wasn’t needed here anymore. I was more trouble than good now.

But I was still lost when I got back to the ranch. The place that I had fallen in love with. The ranch that had belonged to James’ grandmother. The place that we had gotten married. And it had been a few days since I had been back. But I was lost. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing. And I wasn’t sure what I had done.~

James: -I couldn’t have told you what was running through Paisley’s head when she lashed out and murdered some random girl who’d been flirting with me at the bar we’d wound up in a few nights ago. It wasn’t my usual type of place, but I had a job to get done. One that required me to stake out a bar or two this guy was known to frequent, and there was no better source of information than the women who hung out in that type of place night after night. They were a good source of information because they knew everything and after a drink or two they were always ready to gossip. They were a tool of the trade. Nothing more or less. But I’d seen the way her eyes darkened when the dumb blonde back at the bar had leaned over me one too many times. It amused me. Maybe a little too much for her liking. But it wasn’t the same as her. I just didn’t know how to tell her that.

I didn’t care about people. It wasn’t in me. My sisters maybe. I cared about them enough to take care of them and their families, but they didn’t really need me. They took care of themselves. They always had ever since we were kids. Other people were just targets, useful to get what I needed or wanted, or in the way. Paisley was different. There was something about her that reminded me of myself, but there was more to it than that.

I wanted her. But it wasn’t just that either. I wanted her to be a part of my life. I wanted to show her what my world was all about as surreal and strange as it could be to the average person.  She had it in her to handle it. It was love, the only way I could experience it. I wasn’t built for that lovey dovey shit that most people went in for. I couldn’t. But I kept her alive. In spite of my better judgement at the time. And I continued to keep her in my life. I wanted to teach her what I knew. That’s what I had to offer.

But doing stupid things like murdering a girl with the knife I’d given her on our wedding day and leaving it behind was the kind of thing that was going to end up with one or both of us in jail and nowhere near each other. I didn’t give a good god damn that she killed someone.  I’d lost count of the number of bodies on my head. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t even that she’d done it so impulsively that she’d put us in danger of being caught. I had to be quick on my feet to figure out a place to hide a body around here without drawing too much attention in the alley behind a bar in the middle of nowhere. She was going to be missed. Too many people back in that place knew her name. At least there hadn’t been any witnesses I needed to take care of.

It was a quick matter of using the remote on the keys in her purse to find her car and wait until the lot was empty to stuff her into the trunk. The body and the car and her bag and every trace of her that was near the bar was going to have to disappear. Maybe someone would buy that a bar rat from the middle of nowhere Texas was going to get tired of her life and run away. It had happened before. I just needed no one to look for her til this body was long gone. Fortunately we were in east Texas and the Louisiana swamps extended pretty far into this part of the state. I could get her into a gator filled swamp quickly enough along with the car, and while they might find the metal body of the old Buick she’d been driving, they wouldn’t find anything else in a few days time.

The next part of this clean up, involved me walking back to the bar and catching a cab back to the place we’d been staying nearby. I could pretend my wife had left me there because I’d had too much to drink and flirted with someone I shouldn’t have. That was believable. And it made me forgettable. Someone the driver met every damned day in this part of the country. So many details she hadn’t thought of in her haste and jealousy. I was mad. Not just at her, but at myself for not teaching her faster. She had a lot to learn.

I waited a few days longer before I headed back to the ranch, keeping an ear out for gossip about one of the local women disappearing or a body turning up or anything like a witness saying they’d seen a gorgeous redhead stab someone in the parking lot of a bar in this tiny town. Fortunately, nothing turned up, and all I had to do was get my ass back to the ranch without anyone following me. That part was easy enough. I’d done it plenty of times before.

When I walked into the house she was there, just waiting and looking a little lost like she didn’t have any idea what she should be doing. I’d been a couple of days longer than she had getting back, at least, so I didn’t know how long she’d been sitting here waiting. Her knife was in my pocket, and I needed her to have it back for some reason I didn’t quite understand myself. I fished it out and placed it next to her hand- Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? We’re both lucky that no one caught either of us. I don’t know what I’d do if you were in jail.

-I guessed that I would have been adding jailbreaking to my resume if that had been the case. It wasn’t, but it was something I had to think about every time I took someone’s life. I needed her to think about it too. Avoiding the cops wasn’t that hard. It just took a little foresight and some planning ahead, not going off half-cocked.-

Paisley: ~I could only stare at the knife he placed next to my hand. So that had been the stupid thing that I had done. It wasn’t the fact that I killed the woman. I’d have called him on it if she had been the stupid thing I had done.

But to be fair, I didn’t like what she had done. I didn’t like the way she had draped herself around my husband. I knew better than to expect him to wear his wedding band when he was out on a job. It hindered him. Women wouldn’t open up to him as easily if they thought he was married. But I didn’t like the way women threw themselves at him.

I couldn’t deny the fact that James was handsome. He had those ice blue eyes that could freeze over when he was ready to kill. And they were looking at me that way. Because I left my knife.

I just shrugged my shoulders as he continued to stand there and watch me. I needed to get more from him. I needed him to attempt to feel something for me. Because it was very clear that I felt something for him.~ But you were there to clean up. So it doesn’t matter, right?

James: -I saw red when she started flippantly mouthing off about me being there to clean up. She was acting out. I knew it instinctively, but I couldn’t stop myself from reacting to what she had to say. My hand had been resting on the back of one of the chairs that had sat around that kitchen table since before I was born, but I found myself half slinging one across the room as I moved forward towards where she sat. My fist landed on the table, knocking the knife I’d just placed down near her aside a few inches before I stopped to hover over her.-

It fucking matters, Paisley. -I wasn’t yelling, but I was angry. That much showed clearly in the gravelly tone of my voice as I kept my face only a few inches from hers. My eyes were blazing as I looked into hers- You have to be able to take care of yourself, or I’m not going to be around to be able to clean up after you because I’m going to get myself killed making sure nothing happens to you. I’d rather be the one that ends up dead or in jail if it comes down to the two of us, but maybe if you gave a fuck you’d have noticed that.

-I was pushing her buttons. I knew what I was doing, and I knew that it was probably a bad idea, but I was doing it anyway. I was close enough that she could grab that knife and drive it right between my ribs before I would be able to get it away from her or get myself away, but I trusted her. If she wanted to stab me, I was going to let her.-

Paisley: ~It was a reaction I didn’t bother to correct. The one thing James had taught me since I had been here was how to use a knife. Especially once he knew I was a pro at throwing it. But I didn’t think as I grabbed it and forced it into the table. It didn’t touch him in a way that would hurt him. Not that hand. His right hand was his dominant hand. The hand he used when shooting a gun. But I knew he felt the metal press against the skin when I stabbed the table. I was that close. But I had enough control to not hurt him.~

If I gave a fuck?! If I hadn’t of given a fuck, you’d be in a bedroom with that slut! Your cock buried deep in her skanky ass pussy! Do not presume I didn’t give a fuck, James Patrick! I gave enough of a fuck to take out a threat that was trying to take what was mine!

~In the years following the death of my family, I had steeled myself off from most things. But the one thing I was still insanely territorial over was things I perceived to be mine. And as long as I wore that black band around my finger, the asshole standing in front of me was mine. And nothing, or no one, was going to take what was mine away.~

My last name is Dansby. I don’t give a flying fuck if it’s just a goddamn cover. I am your fucking wife, and I will not be subjected to watching some dumbass blond bimbo try to take what is mine. Do you understand me?!

James: -My hand went straight for her throat, but it wasn’t to choke her. At least not in the way I would have normally choked someone. I wrapped my fingers around her neck, using the grip to pull her in closer to me, but not closing them tightly enough to cut off her air supply. She’d know they were there though. They would be cutting off some of the blood to her brain at this point.

I moved in closer, letting my lips brush across hers, but I paused to speak so that she could just barely hear me, each word blowing warm air that curled across her lips.- I could be balls deep in any damned one I wanted, but I’m here, so what does that tell you? I sent you back to my grandmother’s ranch because you and I are fucking endgame, Love. Just know that. I’d have killed you and left without batting an eye if I was just going to go around letting some slut in a bar catch my attention in any real way.

-I leaned in closer, brushing a kiss across her lips as I gently relaxed my grasp, but kept my fingers there. I had a real problem. I wasn’t going to admit out loud what a turn on it was when she was psychopathic, but it was. I liked it when she threw a knife at my head, and I enjoyed it more than I’d ever admit when one of us started a fight with the other. No one else could have gotten that reaction out of me. Most people would have been ignored at best, killed at worst. With her, it was different.  It always had been-

Paisley: ~I could only back away from him. I knew we both had fire in our eyes. And I knew what he was doing. But the distraction wasn’t going to work. I was too fired up now to fall into that trap.

Plus, I didn’t want to climb right into bed with him. There was so much shit we needed to discuss. And I refused to jump under the sheets for sex before we talked about it. Because watching him on the job was making my insecurities go insane. And if I had to watch him flirt with another girl before all of this was out on the table, I was going to lose my goddamn mind.~

No! You don’t get to do that! You cannot use sex and affection to derail this train! You want to know what’s going on with me? Fine! I’m head over fucking heels in love with you. I could give a shit about the fact that you killed my entire family. For some fucking reason, you decided to keep me around.

~Taking a breath, I looked down at my hands. I couldn’t stop them from shaking, and I couldn’t stop what I had already started. He needed to know every goddamn thing that was on my mind.~

You brought me out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere Texas, and married me. And, at the time, you claimed to have loved me. Now, I have no fucking clue if you were playing along to give me the perfect wedding day, but fucking hell! One second you’re teaching me how to throw knives, and the next you’re screaming at me because I fucked up. It’s like you need the fight with me to get your dick hard.

~I felt my head shake from side to side as I tried to keep from losing my mind. This wasn’t easy. Things with him had never been easy. And I knew that it could absolutely get worse. But I needed to try and fix it before too much damage had been made.~

I have never held the fact that you killed my mom, dad, and sister against you. But if you were going to pull this shit, you should have left me alone for the rest of my fucking life. I fell in love with you. I married you! I gave you the perfect fucking cover for your murder games. I have never asked anything of you, but I’m about to. And you’re gonna fucking hate it. But I need the truth. All of it, James. And no lying. How the fuck do you feel about me?

James: -When she pulled away from me, I felt my heart sink in my chest, but I understood her reasoning. I had a hard time explaining myself on a good day as far as feelings were concerned. I didn’t experience fear or happiness or love like most people did. I wouldn’t have even gone so far as to say that I’d loved anyone or anything, including my family before Paisley came along. I’d gotten good at faking it with most people, especially those who didn’t really know who I was. I could pretend with the best of them, but with her I wasn’t pretending. It was what lead to the  fact that I was cold one moment and worked into a frenzy the next. I wasn’t quite sure how to handle the things that rushed through my system when she was around me, but I knew I needed to do the best job that I could explaining that to her.

I could have gone after her and moved myself closer, but I wasn’t sure that was what she wanted for the moment. I’d pushed her boundaries enough for one night, and it was my turn to be vulnerable. I decided to go back to the beginning-

The truth… Alright, I couldn’t have told you why I let you live that night. I saw something in your eyes that reminded me of myself. The fact that you thanked me for killing your family stopped me in my tracks. It made me pay attention to you, when I’d been focused on your sister before. I wouldn’t have even tried with you. You were too smart, and you’d have suspected me as soon as I started talking to you. I knew that without even spending more than a couple of hours watching you, but I didn’t realize that there was more to you until that moment I looked into your eyes.

And you can blame me all you want for leaving you alone for three years. I did that, but I had my reasons. I wanted you to live your life. I wanted you to have a chance to be anything but this. I’ve been alone and disconnected from my life for so long, I feel like I forgot how to have feelings. I didn’t want you to be stuck with me.

But here we are. I married you, and you might think it’s a cover, but it's a hell of a lot more than that. You wouldn’t be here at my grandmother’s ranch if you were just a cover. You’d never have seen this place when it’s as important to me as it is, and you wouldn’t have the ability to ruin my life the way that you do. I trust you, because I love you. I’m not just saying it to shut you up or pacify you. It’s the honest truth. It happened while I was watching you. I kept telling myself it was for both our good, but in reality it was selfish. If I’d been thinking about my own good, the two of us wouldn’t be here having this conversation. Most of the time, I’m logical, but with you, I feel anything but. It scares me a little, and I’m not certain how to process it, but it is what it is.

Paisley: ~This was what I needed from James. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen with us, though. It wasn’t just a personal thing. This was also going to have to adjust our personal lives. James was great at compartmentalizing. What happened on the job was not something that happened in our house.

But I couldn’t put that distance in my head. I didn’t know how to separate myself off the same way he had. And he hadn’t trained me to be in this life. He taught me how to use my weapon. That was something I was good at. But the fact that I was going to have to figure out how to watch my husband be flirted with was almost debilitating.

I took a breath as I thought about where to go from where we are. There was still something I needed to hear from James. But I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to push him on. I knew that what he had said had been a huge step. But it also wasn’t something I was sure I wanted the answer to. But I knew that this was going to be the part that showed him more of what was in head.~ How would you have reacted if you had to sit and watch me flirt with a guy at a bar? Knowing that he was enjoying it. And the look on my face saying that I was enjoying it. How would you have reacted?

James: -I might have tried to steel my expression when she started asking me about how I’d have felt if the tables had been turned, but there was no point in it. It would have been a lie if I’d said it wouldn’t have affected me. It absolutely would have. I might have been better at hiding the way I felt about things than her, and I may have been less open about them. But I would have most likely plotted a way to kill the man who flirted with her openly too. I just would have been more careful about things, and maybe a little more sadistic -

I can’t say that I would have been fine with it. I won’t hide that from you or lie to you. And I won’t say it was fair of me to expect that of you. It wasn’t. But I’m also a creature of habit sometimes, Pais. I know the tools of this trade in one way, as an absolutely single man. It’s going to be some work to get used to doing things any differently.

Paisley: I’m not asking you to do things differently, James. I’m asking you to properly train me to do this with you. You threw me to the wolves with this. And yes, I fucked up. I was impulsive. And worse than impulsive, I blanked out and left my knife behind. Even worse, I used a knife that can absolutely be linked back to us because it’s the knife I got for our wedding.

~I let my hands curl into fists as I thought about everything that had happened since we had gotten married. I could work with James if I didn’t have to watch him with another woman. I could do the actual killing. I couldn’t sit back and watch it with him. And it brought up a few ideas in my head. But I knew there was no way he was going to let me go back out into the field for a while. Not until he was truly sure that I could do this. When I could reign in the blackout rage.~

I cannot watch you with women right now. I cannot watch you flirt with them. It’s not that I doubt how you feel about me. It’s that in those three years that I had to wait for you to come to me, I was lost. I didn’t know how to come to terms with the idea that you made me this way. I’m not placing the blame of my insecurities on your shoulders. I’m saying that in all of your attempts to make me live my life, I lost some of that spark that might have made you want me alive. I’m great at being this hardcore bitch, James. I can play that role until I fucking die. But I am fucking petrified that I am not enough for you. Nor will I ever be. Because there had to have been something wrong with me if it took you three years to come for me.

James: -I let myself frown and move in to run my fingers along the line of Paisley’s jawbone. I hadn’t realized that leaving her to live her life was going to have that effect on her. I’d wanted her to have a chance to go to college, and to lead a life without me. As much as I enjoyed my own life, I realized that it wasn’t ideal. It was solitary and strange, and living a life that consisted of taking other people’s wasn’t something that most people aspired to.

Some part of me had wanted to give her the chance to choose anything else if that was what she wanted. Not because she wasn’t good enough for me, but because I wasn’t good enough for her. -

There’s nothing wrong with you, but I’m pretty certain there’s something wrong with me, Pais. I wanted you to have a life without me if that’s what you wanted. I didn’t want to force myself into your world, but you made me. And I’m glad you did. I’ve never been happier about having something or someone in my life. I went through life for far too long with absolutely nothing to lose. It’s odd to think that I do have something to lose now.

-She had a point about me allowing her to do recon for me beforehand. As a woman, she could get into far more spaces inconspicuously than I could. She was beautiful, but that beauty was something that was going to make people trust her even more. It could work out beautifully.-

If you really want to learn this, then I’ll teach you. But I agree that it’s a good idea that you do recon work for me for now. It’s far less dangerous than the actual job, and you’re going to stand out less than I do, even with this hair. -I grinned and ran my fingers through her scarlet hair- No matter what you do, I need to talk to you about being careful, and covering your tracks. You have to be a ghost in the end of things for this to work out in your favor.

Paisley: Then you have to take the time to teach me properly, James. You cannot do what you did with this mission. It’s not about having your back. You did this well for however many years without me. You don’t need me to be there to watch every last thing that you do. I can get in and out before giving you the information you need to make the kill.

~I let my head tilt to the side to press against James’ hand. The two of us just talking like this was strange. Normally, it all just fell apart. We’d start screaming at each other. James would storm out or drag me to the bedroom. This was different. And it was a good different. We were getting everything in place to make us successful at what we did.

But, more importantly, we were learning how to be a married couple. There was no way that this was going to be easy. There were going to be things that set us off. But I was hoping that this conversation gave us both pause when those conversations came up.~ I want to learn from you, James. That is something I have never lied to you about. I want you to know that this doesn’t change my opinion about you as a husband. As a boss? Maybe a little bit. But you’re right. You’ve never had to worry about working with someone else before. So this is just as new for you as it is for me.

James: -For some reason, me being a boss was a hilarious idea to me. I’d always worked solo until Paisley had come along. It wasn’t that working with someone else was scary or ridiculous. It just wasn’t anything that I’d done much before. There were times when I wound up pairing off with someone else very temporarily to get a job done, but those moments were fleeting and never lasted more than a few days. Now, I was seriously thinking about teaching Paisley the ropes, and if I was going to do that then I was going to need to figure out better ways than to just expect her to pick it up as we went along. That was my first mistake. My second was not being ready to admit my own flaws right up front. She wasn’t a kid, and I knew that with some work she was going to be good at what she did. I just needed to find the patience to give it to her.

On top of that, she was my wife, and while we had moments in the past where we acted like that, they could be fleeting. Maybe it was time to make sure that part of my life was a priority.

I leaned in to steal a kiss from her lips, the first one since I’d sent her back to the ranch a few days ago and rested my forehead on hers, just taking a breath-

Then we do this together. You take your part, and I’ll take mine, and hopefully we don’t tear each other to shreds in the process.

-I chuckled and pulled her in closer, wrapping an arm around behind her waist-

I hope you know, I really do mean it when I say that I love you, Paisley. I’ve never said that lightly or to get on someone’s good side.  Those words are never a lie…

-Whatever else happened between the two of us, that much was always going to be true. I loved her, in my own stupid, weird, clumsy, hot and cold manner. I always had. Love just hadn’t been an emotion that served me in the past, and it got cut out and left by the wayside. Maybe now it was time to bring it back.-

#AndThatsWhyINeedYouHere

[onenotsubtle-blog]

I Do, But Do You? (SL with @StalkYourDreams and @PetersSugarTits)

James: -The last few days had been a little crazy. Adjusting to things with someone else in my life had been strange enough without the odd dynamic that the two of us had somehow managed to settle into. It was clear that 90% of the time she hated me, though whether it was for killing her entire family or make her wait alone for me for all those years before I came for her was a toss up. I was terrible at reading her, though to be honest, I was terrible at reading anyone. I always had been, which was probably why I’d spent most of my life entirely alone. Paisley was a smart girl, however, and the plan that she’d come up with as a cover for both of us was brilliant, at least for me. If I married her it came with a world of protection and cover stories for the both of us. She was the only witness against me for those particular murders, and there was no way anyone was going to be able to make either of us testify against each other. It would make both of us more comfortable, not to mention the fact that I could hide my illegal money behind her trust fund. It would make my life a lot easier. No one was going to ask questions about why a trust fund baby and her husband were popping around the world. I could train her to do anything she wanted to do, to take part in this life as much or as little as she wanted. I wasn’t going to push her into it. I’d already pushed her into this as much as I was going to. Besides the practicality of the situation, I had to admit I was fond of her. She’d had a soft spot in my heart since the day I met her, and keeping tabs on her had only made it worse. It was set in place permanently and there wasn’t much of anything she was going to be able to do to dislodge it. I knew I was terrible at showing it. Partly because it scared me to even admit it to myself, and partly because I didn’t know how she was going to react to it. The most I could do was go through with the plan we had in place and hope things fell in line. We had plans in place for today to go to the justice of the peace back in the town I’d grown up in, to just sign the papers and get it done with as quickly as possible. There was a 3 day waiting period between applying for the papers and having them signed, so we’d been a few days before to take care of all the formalities and make an appointment for today. It was over and done with for the most part, just the final signatures needed to make it all official. I was sitting in the bed we’d been sharing since she got here, leaning back against the wall as I listened to her moving in the bathroom beyond, a glass in one hand. The soft sounds of the ice clinking against the sides of the tumbler distracted me enough for the moment. I didn’t want to admit that I wanted this for more reasons than the cover. I couldn’t say it to myself, much less to Paisley. I didn’t even know how she’d take it if I did tell her. Probably slap me squarely across the face. I probably deserved that. I knew she was walking into the room by the change in the sounds coming from the bathroom. Placing the glass down on the bedside table before I stood up, adjusting my sleeves and tie to walk into the next room and give her some space to get ready.- Paisley: ^There was a lot I wasn’t exactly ready for. Marriage was one of those things. But I had given him the idea to do it. And it was smart. I knew the man I was getting into this with. I was giving him protection. It was nowhere near the same kind of protection he had given me, but I knew there was something to be done. I guess, in my mind, I owed him. I had to give him this cover because he didn’t kill me. No one deserved to have the Ward last name. Not after the bullshit I went through with it. It was something I had grown to hate over the years. James was giving me the chance to shed that name. I wasn’t going to have to be a Ward anymore. I could just be Paisley. Of course, I was going to be tied to James. There were days I could tolerate that. I could tolerate him. But there were other days I couldn’t. Those were the days the violence got to be too much. I was having another one of those days. I was supposed to be getting ready for this wedding. But it wasn’t that fucking easy. No, nothing with James ever was. It was something I needed to get used to. But I wasn’t sure I could. I hated him. I wanted to, at least. I told myself I hated him. We had nothing in common. I was just the only person he had ever let live. I was the enigma. I wasn’t supposed to be around, but here I was. And I was getting him to change his ways. It wasn’t a huge thing. It was stupid things like keeping me close to him. Letting someone else be around. Granted, the only reason I got to be around was because I was giving him an alibi. I was giving him a front to hide his money. My trust fund was going to be good for a lot of things. It would get us through if we needed to run. But it was also going to invest in my future. When James and I weren’t naked or screaming at each other, we were briefly talking about my training. He wanted me to be able to handle myself. We both knew there were going to be times that he wasn’t around. I wasn’t going to be able to go on every job with him. So for those times, I needed to be able to defend myself if anything had happened. James was hell bent on teaching me to fire a gun. It was the quickest way to injure or kill someone. But I was weary. I didn’t handle gunshots well. Each time James tried to get me to pick up a gun, I froze. I guess part of it was from when he killed my family. I could still see the pools of blood as I walked through the house. I hadn’t heard anything, but the carnage was there. No, guns were never going to be the answer for me. I needed to find a different way. I let out another scream as I tried to shake myself out of this. I didn’t need to go back to when my family had been killed. I didn’t need to think of my parents. I didn’t need to think of Riley. I needed to focus on getting dressed. Walking to the spare room, I sat on the edge of the bed and glared at the white dress hanging against the door. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to give in to what my father would have wanted for me. And James was the type of man he would have approved of. Of course, that approval would only come if he was working for the Wards. But, again, it didn’t matter. The Wards no longer existed. James and I had both made sure of that. Today was the day the Ward family truly fell out of existence.~ Alright, Paisley. Man up. Become a Dansby. James: -I could hear the frustrated cry that came out of the next room. The walls in this place were thin, and there was nothing that went on here that we didn’t both know about. Getting married had been her idea, even if it had been half a joke from a frustrated girl who’d spent the day with maddeningly cryptic instructions about how to find the thing she’d been waiting years for. I didn’t blame her for flying off at the mouth. Paisley had trouble keeping her temper in check when she wasn’t exhausted and scared. I knew that much before she ever walked in the door of this apartment. She was gun-shy, but I couldn’t blame her. There were other tools to use, and she had time to learn them all, to try out each one until she found what was perfect for her. And something told me that the dagger in the box I’d hidden in my inside coat pocket with the amethysts embedded into the handle, the letters PAD engraved into the butt of the handle, might just be the thing she was looking for. Of course, I had no idea. I was good at being a bastard, and not much else. The rest of this was new to me. Living with someone else, sharing a bed with someone else for more than a night or two… That was all new territory as far as I was concerned. It was new for Paisley too. Which explained the way we alternated between screaming and sex like we were set on some sort of timer for it. Both of those were something we knew, and something we were both good at. This whole marriage thing was probably the craziest thing I’d ever done. It made sense on paper. It was a cover for both of us, a way to get the name of Ward out of her life forever, a way to cover up how exactly I came across my money and wound up travelling all over the place for no real reason, at least no reason that anyone with an office needed to know. In reality, I wanted it, even if I wasn’t going to admit it to her or anyone else just yet, and that scared me a little. I knew she felt forced into the whole thing, and there was nothing like a person who felt backed into a corner. They were unpredictable and erratic. But I had no idea how to make her feel better about it. This wasn’t my forte. Putting a bullet between someone’s eyes was easy. It was all about the aim and controlling your breathing, just focusing and concentration. This was different. Paisley was a living breathing person that I wanted to keep living and breathing. Someone that I wanted to be a part of my life even when I didn’t know how to carve a niche out for her. And I had no idea how to tell her that. I started to go into the room, took one step and froze, thought better of it before I faltered backwards and just focused on toying with the rings in my trousers pocket- Paisley: ~I could hear James just outside the door. He was making sure I was okay. The walls were thinner than I had ever had to deal with, but it was what it was. He had probably heard my scream and was glad I was struggling. The two of us were in a constant push and pull. We knew there was a balance somewhere, but we were both too stubborn to find it. Part of me was terrified of what we were about to do. This wasn’t something we were doing out of love. It was obligation. It was because we needed to protect the other person. I wasn’t stupid to think any of this was about love. There was no love involved. There was hate and sex. I couldn’t delude myself into thinking James could love me. I was special to him, though. He had let me live. He didn’t have to. He very well could have put a bullet between my eyes when I told him to. He could have killed me a number of times in the past three years. He could have done it a number of times the past few weeks. It didn’t exactly matter. For some reason, he felt it was a good idea to let me live. And in letting me live, I was the only person that could nail his ass to a cross of doom. But I couldn’t. I owed him my life. I hated that I knew it, but I couldn’t just turn him in. I could run, though. But that was the end of my life. That wasn’t something I was ready for. I just wanted… No. That wasn’t something I could think about. I needed to stay focused on what today was. It was my wedding day. I was leaving behind the Ward name to become Mrs. James Dansby. There was still so much I didn’t know about him, but this was the reality of my situation. I was marrying a man I knew very little about. I had to come to terms with what I was doing, though. Sliding the white lace fabric over my body, I looked in the mirror. My makeup was simple. I didn’t care about looking beautiful. James was never going to notice it. I didn’t even know why I had a dress for him for tonight. It wasn’t ever going to matter. The only reason we were going to sleep together tonight would be to consummate the marriage. It would absolutely be violent and hate filled, but it would signify us as husband and wife in the church’s eyes. Not that the church mattered. None of this mattered. Pulling a brush through my hair, I slipped into a pair of black heels before pulling the door open. Of course he was still standing there. I could only roll my eyes as my arms folded across my chest.~ Are you ready for a wife, James? James: -I heard the door open, looking up from the glass in my hands with a soft noise. That hadn’t been exactly what I expected, seeing Paisley there in a white dress took my breath. She was beautiful; she always had been, but seeing her there in the doorway was a little unexpected. I took a drink to steady my nerves and left the glass behind on the countertop before stepping forward, trying to gain my composure again. - Don’t you look lovely? And yes, I’m ready for a wife if you’re ready for a husband. -I wanted to go and wrap my arm around her, just to pull her into my chest, but I didn’t know how she would respond to that. I could see something dangerous lurking just behind those brilliant green eyes of hers. It was always there, but today it was just below the surface, like a monster crouched and waiting to pounce. Her arms were folded defensively across her chest, like she was going to punch me if I tried anything. Today was weird for me, I’d never considered even marrying anyone. Forget the idea of a cover. It made sense at least in that respect, but there was more to it than that for me. No matter how hard we fought, how certain I was she was probably going to stab me in my sleep one of these days, I wanted her in my life. It wasn’t about keeping a witness quiet. I could do that with one bullet, even now. It wasn’t just about that or using her trust fund to cover up my money. I wanted her. It was purely selfish on my part. I was keeping her whether she wanted me to or not. The wedding was just another way to cement her into my life.- Paisley: ~I wasn’t entirely sure about this. But I knew that it was no longer an option. Turning away from this meant that I was going to die. There was no way James would let me out in the world without him. Not when I knew his secrets. Not when I knew of one place that he wanted to keep quiet. It was surreal, though. Most men couldn’t pull off a suit like James. The color of it alone could send most girls into a fright. The pale blue was almost gray, but it wasn’t. It was a subtle pale blue. Something that made the blue in his eyes pop out even more than I wanted to admit. I liked it more than I should. I couldn’t stop myself from taking the few steps forward. My arms were around his neck and my lips against his before I could tell myself to stop. This wasn’t what we were supposed to be doing. We were supposed to be at each other’s throats. I was supposed to hate him for killing my family. But in the moment, I wanted to be normal. I wanted to pretend that we were a couple that was in love. I had the entire story built up in my head. A fantasy I could easily believe. We met just before I left for college. The romance was completely forbidden. But we couldn’t stay away from each other. The one time we did, both of us nearly died. So we were running away with each other. We were putting our happiness ahead of everyone else. But the truth was that it was just a fantasy. This was nothing more than an arranged marriage. And if I had any common sense, I would hate James for pushing me into this, even if it had been my idea. For some reason, I wasn’t in the mood to hate him. Maybe it was because this was our wedding day. Nothing should be wrong on someone’s wedding day. Maybe it was because I was still treating this whole thing as a fantasy. My words were soft against his lips as I felt myself fall into the fantasy I had built myself. I wasn’t sure if he was going to go along with it, but the least I could do was ask. And he had to have known that it would be easier to give me what I want than to deny it. I could pout and throw tantrums with the best of them.~ Pretend that today is everything you could have ever wanted? That I’m the perfect woman for you, and that you can’t imagine your life without me? James: -When she leaned into me and I could feel the heat of her chest sink into mine, I couldn’t stop my hands from wending their way around the gentle curve of her waist and into the small of her back. The last thing I expected was for her lips to find mine. I’d have sooner expected the crack of a slap across my cheek. And the words that came out of her mouth had me pulling in a breath that caught in my throat. If I was perfectly honest, she was the perfect woman for me, even if I was pretty damn sure I was going going to wake up with a knife at my throat one of these nights. It would have been worth it. I couldn't imagine my life without her. But I also was rarely honest with anyone, including myself. Maybe it was time for some of that to change. My fingers dug gently into her back, kneading her spine as I leaned in closer, my words brushing across her lips in a slow exhale of warm air across her skin- Maybe I don't have to pretend. -pressing another kiss onto her lips before I draw away in a soft breath- I can't imagine living without you. -I knew she wasn't likely to believe me, but I meant it- Paisley: ~I wanted to believe him. I wanted to think that I was the only woman for him. But I wasn’t sure if he was just going along with what I wanted. James could be so fucking hard to read at times. And those were the times where he irritated me the most. This was absolutely one of those times. But I couldn’t pretend right now. I couldn’t ignore the fact that this was actually where I wanted to be. There was never any pressure from James. The only thing he ever wanted from me was for me to be who I was. I wasn’t Miss Ward. I wasn’t the heir to the Ward dynasty. And I think he saw that when he first walked into my life. Yes, he was absolutely meant to get close to Riley. And he was supposed to kill the entire Ward family. But I was different. I didn’t want any of it. I wanted to run as far away from it as possible. James made it so that I didn’t have to be that girl. I didn’t have to live that way. The only thing was that I owed James my life. And I knew he was going to come calling. But this was not what I had been expecting. I wasn’t expecting to be standing in front of him in a white dress while he stood in front of me in a blue suit. I was dropping the Ward name today. I was taking the Dansby name. And I still wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that. Maybe I had to take it one thing at a time. I needed to focus on what was going on in this minute. I needed to evaluate everything one step at a time. I was wrapped up in James’ arms. He was telling me that maybe this was exactly what he wanted. I wasn’t sure how to react. Could I openly admit that I wanted this with him? That I wanted what we would consider the perfect life? We weren’t normal. He was an assassin. And he wanted me to be trained. I still didn’t know what he was thinking, though. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to handle a gun. I knew there were other weapons, though. But I wasn’t sure if James was going to be able to teach me those skills. Our fights weren’t simple, either. They were fueled with passion and hatred. I resented him for leaving me alone for three years. I could only assume he second guessed himself with leaving me alive. But the times we weren’t fighting were amazing. Those were the times where I just wanted to be closer to him. The times where I wanted to get to know everything about him. Now things were different. I was in his arms about to become his wife. And we never let the other know that we could barely tolerate them. But the truth was, this was different.~ Then this isn’t pretend. This is the real deal. James: -I couldn’t stop my hand from moving to her face, my thumb lightly tracing the line between her cheek and jaw. I could tell she only half believed it. It was what she wanted to hear, but it was what I wanted to say as well. Things were never going to be normal between the two of us. I had no chance of normal ever being a part of my life. But I had a chance at Paisley being a part of my life. And that wasn’t something I was ever going to want to be able to give up, as selfish as that might be. - This is the real deal. I’m not faking this, Paisley. It’s not my style. Just know that. -Keeping one arm around her, I sent the other hand into my jacket pocket to pull the box that contained the knife free. I hadn’t been sure if I wanted to give it to her before or after the ceremony, but I thought this was probably the best time. At least it was the time I wanted her to have it, whether that was selfish or not. I pulled away just enough to draw the box between us and bring it into her line of vision.- And I know that you’re not a fan of the guns, but I thought you might like a little something else. -I wasn’t certain how she was going to feel about the knife, just like I wasn’t sure about how she felt about all of this. I didn’t want her to feel like I was forcing into this, but there wasn’t much I could do about the situation. And there weren’t many other choices she was going to be able to make. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning in and stealing a kiss before I handed her the box. I knew we were in for quite a day, but she deserved as normal as we could manage at least for once.- Paisley: ~I felt my entire body stop as he handed me the box. The comment about not liking guns was almost a surprise. It wasn’t something that I had hidden, but I wasn’t sure what he was going on about. Slipping off the top of the box, I felt my breath leave in a gasp. Sitting on a bed of satin was a perfectly polished knife. The hilt appeared to be solid amethyst. I wasn’t stupid enough to believe it was, but it was absolutely gorgeous. Setting the box down on the tiny table next to us, I let my fingers dance along the silver blade. There was no doubt in my mind that it would do damage. James wouldn’t give me a weapon if he didn’t intend for me to know how to use it. Picking it up, I let my eyes study every inch of it. At the bottom of the hilt, just on the butt of the knife, the initials PAD were engraved. Paisley Anne Dansby. There was no doubt in my mind that he wanted this. He had planned this for me. He planned far enough in advance that he had this ready for me. I didn’t hesitate as I pulled the knife from the box and gently drape it across my finger. It was absolutely perfect. It was weighted to perfection with the end of the blade sitting across my finger. I didn’t give myself a chance to think before I was hurling it at the wall where James stood. He didn’t even blink as the knife embedded itself into the wall. All I could do was stare at the spot.~ James: -I couldn’t help the soft chuckle that left my lips when the knife buried itself into the wall about a foot from my head. Her natural aim wasn’t bad, and the form was spot on. I would have been hard-pressed to believe no one had taught her if I hadn’t known better, if I hadn’t been watching her for years and known that there was no way she could have had anyone show her anything. I had to start trusting my instincts more often. The knife had been a choice I’d made on impulse alone. I didn’t know if she’d be any more open to something like that than the gun. The gun had its advantages. Range and deadliness to name a few, but the knife had it’s own as well. It was easy to conceal, easy to get close to someone, easy to take them out at close range. And for a woman… it was perfect. A woman could get closer to someone than a man could without raising suspicion. The gears were turning. I knew what I was going to work on teaching her for at least the next little while, though I pushed it out of my mind. I had to admit I was impressed. Reaching behind me and pulling the knife out of the drywall in one smooth motion, the plaster that flaked away falling to the floor in a tiny cloud of white dust as I ran my thumb across the blade, cleaning it before I moved to hand it back to woman I was going to marry in less time than seemed possible.- So, I see that suited you. -grinning lightly when she took it from my hand- Well, Miss Ward, shall we take the last steps to make those initials really and truly yours. -moving to tuck a stray strand of the red hair that sat in such a stark contrast to her pale skin behind one ear.- And believe me when I say I want you to be my wife for so many more reasons than I can say. I’m not good at any of this. I never have been, and I’m far too good at lying for you to explicitly trust me. But we’re going to work on that. Now, Paisley… Will you marry me? Paisley: ~There was a lot I wanted to tell him. He was right about the lying thing. He was amazing at it. But even if the short time I had been around him, lying to me wasn’t ever a thing. I wasn’t sure if it was because I knew more about his lifestyle than anyone else, or if it was because he didn’t feel the need to lie to me. I was in this. One way or another, I was going to be a part of his life. Before he handed me my knife, I knew he had a million and one ideas about how I fit into his lifestyle. His words were everything I needed to hear, though. I trusted him with my life. I always had. I think that was why I was so very willing to die when he pointed a gun at my head. James may have been paid to kill my family, but there was something in his eyes from the moment we met. Yes, Riley was his in. But for the first time in my life, someone didn’t want her. He used her the same way she had used a million other guys. But it just lead to her death. It wasn’t something I had ever asked him about. I didn’t know why he decided I was worth it. I could only imagine it was because I wanted nothing from the Ward dynasty. The ease and relief that had been written over my face as he pointed a gun at my head told the entire story of my life. It was something that I wanted to ask. But was now the time? I couldn’t go there, could I? Clearing my throat, I knew the words that were about to tumble from my lips. I wasn’t sure if he was ready for them, but he needed to know the truth.~ You were supposed to kill me. I was the only one left after you pointed a gun to everyone’s head and pulled the trigger. I was willing to die. I was fine with it. You were doing me a favor by ending my life. I didn’t have to be a Ward. I didn’t have to go through the motions. I didn’t have to be the perfect youngest child. You decided, for whatever reason, that I needed to stay alive. And if you think that didn’t have an impact on me, you’re out of your mind. ~I could feel myself getting emotional. But it wasn’t because I was thinking of James as a monster. He had never been a monster to me. He was a savior. He would never go for hearing those words fall from my lips, though.~ Every detail of our relationship should point to me hating you. You brutally killed my family. You put a nine millimeter gun to their heads with a silencer attached to it and pulled the trigger. Without a second though. You threatened my life when you spared me. You vowed that you’d come looking for me eventually. You pulled me out of college. You took me from everything I knew, and we’re here. The middle of fucking nowhere Texas about to get married. Will I marry you? It’s a question that people are asked every day. But I’m not sure how many people accept it in my situation without it being coercion. But it’s not. I don’t have to be standing in front of you. I didn’t have to come to Texas. I could have ignored your text telling me to come. I could have turned you into the police. I could have told them the entire story. You see me in a way that no one else has ever seen me, James. Where everyone else saw a girl that was spoiled and got everything she wanted, you saw that I was struggling to exist in a family that didn’t care about what I wanted. You gave me the opportunity to be who I was supposed to be. You ask me if I’m willing to marry you. The better question is why wouldn’t I marry you? You’re the only person in the world who has ever kept their word to me, James. So yes. Of course, I will marry you. James: -the grin that melted across my face as I pulled a ring out of my pocket and slipped it onto her left ring finger was genuine. There was no way for me to fake that. I’d had the ring since shortly after she brought up getting married, but I hadn’t found the testicular fortitude to give it to her. The black metal set off the blood red stones embedded in it to perfection, and it looked right against her pale skin- Good because there’s no one else I’d ever have asked to do this with me. I can’t explain what happened. I don’t know what I saw, but I know that I have to trust my instincts. And my instincts always told me you had a bigger part to play in my life than just another victim, just another body curled up on the floor. So, I left you. I gave you a chance to prove me wrong, and you never did. You didn’t go run off to the police. You didn’t do anything except wait, even if you waited rather impatiently. -running my fingers along the length of her arm from wrist to shoulder- I can’t say I blame you there. I did wait rather a long time, but I needed to know. I’ve never let anyone into this world with me, not anyone who survived, anyhow. Not even my sisters know what I do. I kept it from them on purpose, but there’s a reason I brought you back to the town I grew up in for all of this, even if I didn’t tell you that’s where we were. This is going back down to the core of who I am, and it’s only fitting that it happens in the town where everything began. -I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. It was nothing like the kisses we usually exchanged that cut off curses strangled in one throat or the other or the ones that began with me catching the fist she swung at an arc straight for my jaw. This was different. I needed her to know that today wasn’t about the two of us not sure if we wanted to murder each other or tear each other’s clothes off.- Paisley: ~The ring was perfect. It was very much how we were. It was dark, but the blood red was more than just the red of the blood he had spilled. It was passion. It was everything that we were together. It was like we knew there were only a handful of ways for us. Especially violent, or especially passionate. We yelled, we cursed, I threw punches at him without fear. He hit walls. But I was denying everything that I felt for this man. I didn’t know why he had chosen to come back here. Hearing that it was where he grew up changed everything. He had slowly been giving me glimpses into his life without revealing what they were. He was giving me information as he thought I needed it. And it was a smart move. I couldn’t reveal his secrets if I didn’t understand them. But he was slowly opening up to me. It was about all I could take. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.~ I love you. ~I just froze after they slipped out. I didn’t know what I was going to hear back, but I wasn’t entirely sure this was the thing I needed to be saying. I shouldn’t have said it. We were making strides in our relationship, but it didn’t need this. It didn’t need me telling him that I was in love with him. He didn’t know that I was either stupid or psychopathic for always being in love with him~ James: -I could feel her body tense as the words I was fairly certain she hadn’t meant to say escaped her lips, but the last thing I wanted was for her to freeze up on me now because of a slip of the tongue. My arms moved around her, tightening their embrace to draw her closer and catch her lips in a kiss. It wasn’t slow and deliberate, but it wasn’t hasty and unthought out either. Something in the middle, and just what I thought both of us needed in the moment. I let it linger just as long as I could before pulling away and looking down into her eyes- I love you too, Paisley. And it’s probably ridiculous, but I don’t care. -keeping my eyes on hers as I kept her chest pinned to mine- Now, shall we take advantage of these clothes and go ahead and get married? Because either way, I’m keeping you. Paisley: ~Looking down at the white dress I was wearing, I had to stop and take a second to think. If I said yes, and we did this, by the end of the day, I was going to be a Dansby. I could truly leave behind the Ward name. I could leave behind all the pain that came along with being a Ward. But taking his last name meant that I had to let go of any kind of resentment I held towards James. I needed to let go of the fact that it took him three years to call me back to him. I had to give him the chance to be more than a guy that killed my family. I had to let go of any anger I felt. I knew for a fact the only thing he had to give me was his word. It was the only thing I could trust. If he couldn’t give me anything else, he could always give me his word. And it was the one thing he would never fall back on. I just needed to let go of the walls I had. The walls that kept me mad at him when I had no reason to be. The violence that kept him at arm’s length. Well, apparently none of that was working. Even without speaking to him, James knew me better than anyone else in the world. He knew my secrets, and understood them in a way I wasn’t sure I understood. I knew the truth, though. The reason he knew me so well was because of his research on the family. That was why he knew that Riley had been the easy target. It was why he knew I was going to be the only person who could survive all of this. It was time to be honest with myself. James was far from a hero. It was something I could never call him. But he was my savior. It didn’t matter that he was going to train me to kill right beside him. What mattered is that he saved me from the Ward hamster wheel. He was my special brand of hero. For that, I owed him everything. I didn’t know how to respond to him telling me he loved me, though. Neither one of us had been good at showing our emotions over the past few weeks. When even a small amount of it started to come through, the walls were thrown back up. We went back to what we knew. Cold and callous or violent and passionate. There was never an in between. In fact, this was the most civil we had been since I came to Texas. But again, I could chalk it all up to it being our wedding day. It could have been James just giving me everything I was asking for. But I knew the truth. He didn’t just say things to make me feel better. He never had. It was the one think I trusted about him. He didn’t care if what he said didn’t work for me. If it was the truth, he was going to say it.~ We’re getting married. And it’s for a legitimate reason. Do not let me down, James. Let’s just make it happen. James: -I reached over and took her hand, and it was probably the first time I’d ever grabbed her hand out of love like that. I’d taken her by the wrist and pulled her into the bedroom before, pushed her up against a wall and pinned her hands above her head, grabbed her hand to stop her from slapping me or landing a punch against my cheek. She had a hell of a right hook, but I’d never had the chance to just hold her hand. We knew what we knew. I’d spent most of my life on my own, as an assassin, and suddenly there was this other person in my life, and in my space. She’d spent most of her life alienating herself from everything there was around her. In essence, we were a lot alike, and we resorted to what we knew best when things got to be too much. For today, I was determined we were going to push past that and into something like what a wedding day should be- You’ve got my word, Paisley. -I gave her fingers a squeeze, running my finger around the engagement ring I’d placed on her finger, the black metal smooth under my touch and couldn’t help the smile as I leaned in to steal another kiss, this one soft and sincere instead of heated and hungry.- Paisley: ~The moment he gave me his word, I knew the truth. He was going to do this for me. Every word he had said previously hadn’t been a lie. I could trust him. I had always trusted him, but this time was different. It wasn’t about us arguing. It wasn’t about him making me see his side of a fight. It was that he wanted to love me. He wanted this to be perfect for me. Even if the circumstances surrounding it were anything but. I felt myself relax as he pressed his lips to mine. This wasn’t something I had ever expected from him. I wasn’t used to this soft, tender side of him. He didn’t outright show that he cared about me. I knew he was attracted to me. I knew we were a huge ball of fire. But things were different now. This kiss was almost a promise of what was to come. Pulling away from the kiss, I look up into the blue eyes that I knew were seeing me in a different way. The bright blue focusing to take in every detail of my face as if he was trying to memorize me in this moment. I wanted to hold it for a while longer. I wanted to bask in this feeling. It was a new look for him. Most of the time, those eyes were as sharp as ice. The blue cold and hard as he pegged me with a stare. All of this was different. I could feel myself struggling for a breath as I felt James places his forehead against mine. We were both opening ourselves up to something new. Something we weren’t ever sure about.~ Get me out of here before I tear that suit off of you, James. Because if you keep looking at me that way, I’m going to explode. James: -chuckling lowly as I pulled away, keeping her hand in mine to guide her towards the door. She was right. If the two of us didn’t get out the door we weren’t going to be able to. I needed her to be mine formally anyhow. She was for all intents and purposes, but some part of me needed to have the paperwork signed and all the dotted i’s and crossed t’s in place. And I knew exactly who I intended to do it. It didn’t take long to get Paisley downstairs and into the car I had waiting outside the building. My grandmother’s farm wasn’t a long drive from here. It was, in essence, where I had grown up, where my sisters and I had lived after our parents died. I technically owned a piece of it, and Char didn’t live there anymore. She and Cort had moved when she married Peter over a year ago. I shot off one quick text to my little sister, letting her know to meet us there before I put the car into gear and pulled out onto the highway. The town gave way to fence posts and fields, open flat land where you could see for miles. One turn down a dirt road had me closing the distance fast between us and the old house. It needed painting, and the tin roof was starting to rust in a couple of places, but it was still sound. Even my grandmother’s rocking chairs were still in their place on the front porch. I pulled into the side of the yard and put the car in gear, glancing over at Paisley* Ready? Paisley: ~Stepping out into the yard, I could only stare in wonder. I knew where I was supposed to be. And it was supposed to be here. I could feel the question on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t entirely sure I should ask it. Instead, I just stood there for a second and took a breath. This was where I was supposed to be. With this man. I could feel the sun sinking into my skin, and all I could do was smile. Pressing my body against his, I felt myself relax slightly. Was I ready to be married? Of course, I was. But the question was loaded. Because after the wedding, everything was going to change. And I knew he was asking me if I was ready for that as well.~ I’m ready for every adventure we’re going to take, James. And we’re coming back to this house. I don’t care if you train me here or if we just come back to relax after something. We’re coming back. James: -laughing softly as I watch her eyes take in the house in front of us. I had an idea what she might think of the place, but her reaction was a little stronger than I’d expected- It was my Grandmother’s and, since I own part of it, we can come back any time you want. My younger sister used to live here with her son, but she moved about a year ago. She’s supposed to be here any second. -eyes trailing down the dirt road to find a trail of dust coming down the road we’d just pulled off of. I could only assume that was Char, and she was right on time.- -It was a perfect day. I couldn’t have asked for better. Sometimes during this time of year it could be scorching one minute and freezing the next, everything ranging from snow to thunderstorms, but the sun was shining today and the air was warm but not humid. I didn’t know if I believed in good omens or fate, but if it was possible, it seemed like today was the day that was meant for this to happen.- Char: -When James had called and told me that he wanted me to perform his wedding ceremony, I figured he was just drunk so I just agreed, it wasn’t until he texted me a website link a few days later that I realized he was serious. I logged right on to themonastery.org. I joined the ranks of Lady Gaga, Stephen Colbert, and Richard Branson and got myself ordained. I was a Universal Life Church minister. Peter spent a full day calling me “The Right Reverend Charlotte Dansby Whitlock.” I’d written the ceremony out on note cards so that I didn’t screw this up. I personally thought this was a little odd, but it was James and he’d always done things however he wanted. I pulled the truck down Nana’s driveway and waved at James and Paisley as I parked. Nana’s yard looked great. The warm weather had ensured that all the early blooming flowers were out. I walked over to where James and Paisley stood and with my note cards in hand, I started reading.- Today we’re here to join you two in marriage and to share in the joy of this momentous occasion, which should be one of the most memorable and happy days of your life. On this day, the day of your marriage, you stand somewhat apart from all other human beings. You stand within the charmed circle of your love; and this is exactly how it should be. But, love is not meant to be the possession of two people alone rather it should serve as a source of common energy, as a form in which you find the strength to live your lives with courage. From now on, you must come closer together than ever before, you must love each other in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, but at the same time your love should give you the strength to stand apart, to seek out your unique destinies, to make your special contributions to the the world which is always both a part of us and more than us. Being assured that y’all are both aware of the meaning and significance of this ceremony and its importance in each of your lives from now on, I will now ask you to repeat the marriage vows. James, do you take Paisley to be your lawful, wedded wife, to love honor and cherish her through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part? James: -Char didn’t miss a beat as she strolled across the yard, note cards in hand. I knew she thought I was probably crazy, but she’d logged onto the site and sent me a screenshot of the confirmation that she was ordained as a minister already. I knew she was going to help me here. I couldn’t imagine asking anyone else, and my sister was going to keep this under her hat as long as I asked her to. She might have been the one I teased mercilessly and landed in some less than reputable situations when we were kids, but she was always there for me when I needed her, just like I was always there for her. She started reading the ceremony with a grin, throwing in y’all in the place of you in all the right places, just enough to sound exactly like our grandmother had when I’d lived here with her. It fit perfectly. It didn’t take her long to get to the I Do’s. This ceremony wasn’t going to be long and drawn out, or overly elaborate. It was going to get the job done, which was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be married to Paisley, and I wanted my sister to be a part of it. I didn’t have a lot of family left in the world, but I was about to add one person to it. With a simple nod, I threaded my fingers between Paisley’s and pulled her closer, holding her hand as I turned to face her for my reply with a genuine grin.- I do. Charlotte: Paisley, do you take James to be your lawful wedded husband, to love honor and cherish him through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part? Paisley: ~I was nervous for some reason. I hadn’t had the time to consider everything, but the truth was that I was terrified. As soon as I said the words, I was going to be in a spot I could never get out of. But did I really want to get out of it? I never had. Not since the moment James had walked into my life. Not since he walked up and introduced himself to Riley. Not after I let him get away knowing I owed him my life. I went as far as to turn into Riley to get his attention. I was the reason all of this had happened. I was the reason we were standing here about to say I Do not even three hours after saying I love you for the first time. But it wasn’t something I wanted to change. At all. It was something I was incredibly happy with. This was what I wanted for the rest of my life. There was an unpredictability with James that I needed. He was the ultimate thrill ride, and I wanted this. He may have a job in a very violent profession, but I knew he was anything but that with the people he cared about. He could be warm and loving. He could be the guy that held you no matter what. I didn’t hesitate longer than a second as I took a breath.~ I do. Charlotte: Now, y’all join hands with the knowledge that by the act of joining hands you take to yourself the relation of husband and wife, and solemnly promise to love, honor, comfort, and cherish each other so long as you both shall live. Therefore, in accordance with the law of the State of Texas and by the virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of Texas and The Universal Life Church, I pronounce you husband and wife. -It was taking all of my willpower to not mention all of the nieces and nephews I hoped these two would be giving me and Anne. They looked happy and in love and I was happy that I’d been able to be a part of this.- Y’all came here as two separate and single people and y’all leave here as a married couple, united to each other by the binding contract you’ve just entered. Everything-your cares, worries, pleasures, joys, and disappointments-you now must share with each other. I love the both of you and wish nothing but the best for the both of you. James, you may now kiss the bride. James: -I knew the circumstances were odd. I knew there was nothing normal about this relationship. We’d said our first I love you’s not long ago, I was responsible for her basically being an orphan. I’d taken her out of everything she knew more than once, shaken her world up to the point where nothing was the same. And here I was doing it again. And without apology. She could have easily said no. I don’t. I wouldn’t have blamed her for a moment, and contrary to what she believed, it wouldn’t have been the end of of her. It would have changed some plans. But what kind of assassin would I have been if I hadn’t been able to roll with a few changes. She didn’t, though. She’d said I do, and I believed with everything I had in me that she meant it. My arms wound around her waist to pull her into my chest, pressing my lips to hers in the customary kiss. It was different than the usual kisses we exchanged between bouts of yelling at each other or throwing things, even different than the one we’d shared this morning getting ready for all of this. It was the first kiss we shared as Mr. and Mrs. Dansby. She was mine, even more so than she had been before, and whether or not she understood it I was hers. I had been since the day I left her dripping wet, but alive in the bathroom of her parents’ penthouse. I’d stayed away as far as she knew, but I’d always been there, always been watching. I saw how she handled everything, how different she had been from the family she’d never fit into. And it drew me in closer, got my attention and kept it. I knew all about her. I saw everything, even the stupid decisions she made just to pull me back in to her, though she didn’t know I’d never gone far. I had a lot to make up for, and it was foreign territory for me to have someone I cared about enough to feel as if I owed them anything. I knew that I owed her. I owed her this and a whole hell of a lot more. It was impossible to put all of that into a kiss, but I could try. - Paisley: ~Officially, I was Mrs. Dansby. And with my lips against James’, I was slightly comforted. This was about James loving me. This wasn’t about me being alive because he saved me. This was him telling me that this was exactly what he wanted for the rest of our lives. Well, for the time being. The only thing I could do was melt into his embrace. I wanted to believe that this was for all the right reasons instead of all the wrong reasons. I had to pretend that this wasn’t about a cover or anything else. I needed this to be about me. About how he couldn’t survive without me. The years between him killing my family and returning for me were torture. There was so much anger and passion and resentment in those years. And even in the time that we had been together now. But this was different. I could feel it in the way he held me. I could feel it in the way his lips molded against mine. We weren’t yelling and screaming. We just were. It was something we hadn’t done much of together. But this was right. I couldn’t help the soft giggle that slid through my lips as my arms wound around James’ neck. Our life wasn’t perfect. Not by a long shot, but I knew that this was where I wanted to spend every night. I wanted to be wrapped up in this man’s arms. I wanted everything to be okay simply for that reason. And as much as he didn’t seem like the type, he would spoil me with everything he had simply because it could bring a smile to my face. I couldn’t stop from whispering the words against his lips again for the second time that day.~ I love you, Mr. Dansby. James: -I heard her whisper, though it was soft enough for even me to miss. I couldn’t miss the way her lips brushed against mine in the kiss or how her arms twined around my neck. She was laughing, and I loved the sound of it more than I could say. I didn’t know what this was going to bring, or how my life was going to change after today. But I knew that I was ready for whatever it brought. It was time for a change, and Paisley was the perfect reason for it. Maybe we just had this day to be something like normal before things went into the crazy sweep of life that was inevitable around me, before we got back into our pattern of love and hate, fight and fuck. I was selfish enough to take it, and make it last as long as I could. My fingers ran gently through her hair, arms tightening around her waist while I got lost to the point where I almost forgot Char was there. I let the grin on my face broaden as I pulled away enough to murmur- I love you too, Mrs. Dansby. #IDoButDoYou

[onenotsubtle-blog]

The Past Lives On Inside Your Brain (SL with @StalkYourDreams)

James: -When I promised someone I was going to do something, I like to live up to my word. I supposed that was all I had in the world I’d been a part of since I was seventeen. Since I’d left the relative safety of a farm in the middle of nowhere, filled with chickens and corn, and made my way out into the world to fend for myself. It was always a long story, and one I didn’t like to tell too often. I frankly tried not to think about it much, but I couldn’t help myself when I thought about Paisley. That was one person I hadn’t regretted giving my word to. She’d lived up to her end of the bargain, playing the grieving daughter well enough until the investigations had concluded. In the end, nothing could be pinned to any one person. The police knew well enough what Mr. Ward had been up to. They’d been trying to gather enough evidence to prosecute him since before I’d wandered off the farm and never looked back. This sort of tied up all their loose ends for them, so they were more than willing to write it off to a business deal gone bad, writing off Paisley’s absence at the dinner table as the reason she’d been the only one to walk out of that room unscathed. Maybe it was true. Maybe it had been because I’d seen the look in her eyes, the relief at being let out of what her life would inevitably become if they’d lived when I walked into that bathroom that I’d decided to let her live. Maybe it had been something else. I couldn’t quite explain it myself, but it was what it was. Whatever the reason, it had been years since I’d let her see me, though I made it a point to check in on her whenever I had occasion to be in New York, always from a distance, and never too conspicuously. When I couldn’t be in the city, I had my eyes and ears, people keeping a lookout for more than one person, but always one in particular. I knew her habits, who she hung out with, how she was doing in school, what she did in her free time, study habits, where she was living, everything down to her favorite places to shop and the food she ordered at the restaurants she frequented. I wasn’t leaving anything to chance with her. It wasn’t that she held my life in her hands anymore, because after the investigation was closed, she couldn’t bring forward what she knew without bringing suspicion on herself. Paisley was a smart girl; she knew that just as well as I did. Some part of me needed her not to become what she’d been fated to be before I intervened, not to be the socialite who walked in her mother’s footsteps, marrying for money and power, and not to be what her sister was destined for, the next Miss Ward, following in their father’s footsteps. I’d given her the chance to make something of her life on her own terms, and I intended to see her take advantage of it. She’d taken the first steps by dissolving her father’s business the first chance she got. So when I watched her becoming everything Riley had been, a business major at Columbia, hanging out with the same types of people, trust fund babies, those being groomed to take their parent’s places without so much as second thought, the ones who would do anything to get ahead in life no matter who they stepped on along the way, I knew it was time to step in. I didn’t even have to go to her to get her attention. I had my ways of getting her where I wanted her. She owed me her life, and I hoped she knew it. I was going to give her this chance to step out of the pattern she was falling into, give her a moment to remember what I’d done for her and step up to the promise she made me years ago. One quick text to her cell phone from a burner phone I kept, the number was untraceable back to me, but Paisley would know what the message meant. It put the ball in her court. A simple address to an apartment I’d rented back the middle of nowhere in Texas. It was empty, and it was going to stay that way, except for a couple of pieces of furniture for the time being. But it was where I was going to wait for her to respond to my text. If she showed up alone, then we’d take the next steps in my plan. If she came with backup or didn’t show at all, I’d finish the job I’d started when I walked into the coffee shop that day. Everything was settled in my head before I ever pushed the button to send the message, leaning back in the simple chair I’d placed against the wall to clean the gun sitting across my lap as I heard the tone that told me the message was sent- Paisley: *I hated what I had become. I never wanted to be Riley. But that was exactly who I was. But there was a reason for it. Three years had gone by, and I was still alone. There wasn’t a day I wasn’t glad to be free of the family that wanted nothing but my misery. I was the youngest child that didn’t do what they were told. I wasn’t spoiled, I was a rebel. I had no desire to be Miss Ward. I didn’t want to move up in the social circles. I wanted to just be me. I wanted to be known for teaching children. I didn’t want that life. So when James walked into the bathroom and pointed a gun at my head, I was relieved. I didn’t have to be the perfect little angel. I was never going to have to be the black sheep. I wasn’t going to have to walk in Riley’s shadow. I just had to keep everything a secret. I was spared because I didn’t want that life. I knew that. I knew that I owed him everything I had. I also knew that he was going to call me. I was going to have to do something, and that was the moment I’d jump. I wasn’t ever going to run from him. I couldn’t run. I wasn’t stupid. James had killed everyone in my family. He did it without anyone being suspicious. But I wasn’t sure if that was because he was just that good, or if it was because my family was just that stupid. There was never a doubt in my mind that he would kill me if I ran. I knew he had eyes on me. I may not have known who they were, but I wasn’t stupid. And in the wierdest way, they were a comfort. A group of bodyguards of some kind. If I got in trouble, nothing was going to stop him from exacting revenge. And that would be the end of it. But after a year of being in New York, I felt the loneliness that came with being the only survivor of a mass murder. It wasn’t that I missed my family. I was just on my own. I was alone in the world when I didn’t have to be. So I changed my major from early childhood education to business. I started wearing the suits. I became the powerhouse that was synonymous with the last name Ward. I was exactly what Riley had been. It was the only way I could get his attention. The major change wasn’t enough, though. I waited a year. I waited for a call, a text, someone to just pull me in a car and take me. None of it came. I was still alone. I knew I needed to make more of an impact for James to finally start to pay attention. I flaunted my money. I made friends with the trust fund kids. I put myself in the same social circles I wanted to run away from. I cried myself to sleep every night when I was alone. The nights I wasn’t out at some party or some event. The nights where I was alone in the dark. The nights where I was reminded that I owed a killer my life. I almost didn’t believe it when the text came through my phone. I could have ignored the chime, but there was something in my gut that made me think twice. The only thing there was an apartment in Texas. I knew I had finally gotten the one thing I wanted. Within hours, I had the paperwork filled out to drop out of Columbia. I didn’t care about anything else. I owned the townhouse I had been staying in, so no one was going to freak if I just up and ran. I was in San Antonio by the end of the day. It was still a five hour drive to Monahans. I wasn’t stupid, though. I hailed a cab to the middle of San Antonio where my dad had a garage. I didn’t want to know why he kept a place down here, but it was what it was. I jumped in the car and started the insanely long drive to the other side of the state. With the sky dark as ink, I found the apartment complex I had been looking for. It was exactly what I had imagined. It didn’t call attention to itself. It was maintained, but it wasn’t the best fucking apartment ever. I didn’t bother to grab my bags, I just started up the stairs. I hesitated as I brought my hand to the wood door. I could knock, but I was expected. It wasn’t worth it. With my hand on the knob, I twisted then pushed the door open. My eyes immediately fell on the man that was sitting in the middle of the room. There was little to no furniture. Just a couple of chairs. Shaking my head, I walked until I was standing in front of the chair and sat. I didn’t say a word as I folded my arms across my chest.* James: -I could see the petulant expression on her face as she plopped down in the chair opposite me, ginger hair falling over her shoulders with the gravity that pulled her down into the chair before she folded her arms across her chest, looking for the world like a child about to get scolded by their father, but scolding wasn’t on my agenda for tonight. She’d shown up. I hadn’t even known if I’d get that much out of her when I’d walked away and left her in that bathroom dripping wet to climb out onto the roof of the building. I hadn’t known if I’d get that much when I saw her for myself, decked out in a black pin-stripped suit, looking for the world exactly like the photograph of Riley I’d had in the file I kept back in my office at home. She was here though, and earlier than expected. I’d been sitting here in the dark counting down the hours, listening to the sounds change in the world outside from people walking down the street and cars passing by to the sound of crickets as the sky blazed orange and the sun set. Now the frogs reigned, singing to the stars for everything they were worth. All that time, I’d been thinking. I thought about a lot of things, but mostly what I was going to do when and if she actually came through. What I was going to do if she didn’t was pretty damn clear. Leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees as I moved in closer to her, eyes locking with hers.- It’s been a long time, Paisley. -threading my fingers together as I wait for her response. I have no idea what she’s going to say or exactly how much she hates me, but the fact that she does hate me is written clearly across her face- Paisley: Three years, James. I kept my mouth shut for three years. It took me turning into Riley for you to call. Is that what I should have done from the beginning? Become Riley? *I let my eyes close as I tried to reign in the anger. I knew it wasn’t that simple. If I ran off to join him immediately, there would be heat. And it would have turned into me and James being lovers and wanting to run away together, so he killed my parents so we could. I knew that was something we needed to not have. We needed to have the right situation. We needed the right amount of time to go by. But did it have to be three years? I knew I was being petulant. It was probably the last thing James wanted from me in this moment, but it was either give him this, or be the pissed off redhead I knew I could be. I just wasn’t entirely ready for that side of me to come out.* I’m so glad you decided that now was the perfect time to text me. James: -I couldn’t stop the gentle smirk that crawled its way across my face at her words. Leaning my chin on my hand as I rested my elbow against my knee, I almost chuckled, but I reined it in at the last moment. She was angry; that much was obvious, but the way it came out was more like a child who hadn’t gotten her way than the woman that she was. Did she want me to melt down? Get as angry as she seemed to be? I was quickly figuring out that the whole thing had been a ruse to get my attention, all that posturing and posing, becoming the thing that she knew I hated the most about her family. I shouldn’t have underestimated her, but I knew she knew full well that there was no way I could have pulled her from her life in the months after her family had died. There would have been far too much suspicion from that. She wasn’t stupid. I knew her better than that, even if she didn’t really know me at all. I clearly held the upper hand here, so there was no need for me to even react to the attitude that was coming off of her in waves.- Well, Paisley. It’s good to see you too. -My words careful and measured, keeping any emotion out of my voice- I thought you would have enjoyed the time to live your life free of all those expectations. Free of Daddy dearest and the whole Ward dynasty hanging over your head. But I suppose you were far too much like all the rest of them for your own good. -I knew I was goading her, poking at old wounds, but I wanted some kind of reaction out of her, something other than the spoiled child who was sitting in front of me- Paisley: *The snark in his voice was all I needed to hear to set me off. I could feel my nails digging into my palm as I tried to keep my voice even.* If I was anything like them, you’d have put a bullet into my head without hesitating. Don’t even try to tell me I’m perfect enough to fit into the “Ward Dynasty”. Time, I understood. I knew I needed to give you time. I was fine for the first year, James. The heat had died down. I dissolved the company. I was in New York on my own. You could have come for me any time after that first year. But you didn’t. You left me alone. Oh, I know. I was never actually on my own. There were eyes and ears on me at all times. I’m not stupid. I knew you were watching. Why the fuck do you think I tried to get your attention? Why do you think I turned into Riley?! While you assumed I wanted to live my life, I just didn’t want to be alone. *The last part of my tirade was enough to break me. It had been a long day of changing my life. And it was nearly midnight. Add in the time difference, and it was one am. I couldn’t have stopped the tears if I wanted. I knew the breakdown was coming, but I never imagined it would happen in front of him.* James: -I could hear the way she fought to hold onto her composure until it broke and left her practically yelling at me, the tears that were brimming over the edges of her eyes giving up their fight as well and putting that tell-tale little waver in her voice. That was what I wanted to hear, not this spoiled-child rampage she’d been on since she walked into the door. I needed to know all of that had been an act, needed to see what was really going on inside that pretty little head of hers. I knew her better than to think that being Riley’s double was what she wanted, but I also knew I needed to see what the wheels inside her brain were doing before I was certain about any of this. She was broken, completely and totally, and I hated to see it. But part of it was necessary. The other part of it was my stubborn desire to let her choose another life if it was really what she wanted. I wasn’t going to let her turn into her father or her sister, but if she’d decided to sneak off and teach preschool in some suburb and live a quiet life, I wasn’t going to stop her. So I’d left her to her own devices, let her get a taste of what life could be like away from her family and without me before I drug her down into my world, because once I drug her down into it there was no way she was ever resurfacing to a quiet life again. When the tears really came, I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. I knew she needed to get this out, but dealing with emotions was never my forte. I was much better with ballistics and figuring out the exact trajectory of a bullet than I would ever be at comforting a crying woman, and Paisley was definitely sobbing. I didn’t know whether I should wrap her up in my arms and gather her into my chest or just leave her to cry. I was honestly pretty sure she would punch me if I tried to touch her at the moment, but some part of me wanted to try it anyway. So, I settled for reaching out and laying a hand on her shoulder as I leaned in closer to her- Trust me, Paisley. You got my attention, loud and clear. Maybe I should apologize for leaving you so long, but I’m not going to. You needed a chance to live your life before I took that option away from you, but I can see now you’ve chosen this. Don’t think I won’t remind you of that choice when things get hard. -my eyes flicked away from where she’d held them captive for a moment, a little uncomfortable from having held her gaze that long. I wasn’t used to other people being around for more than a night or two. This was going to be an adjustment, but it was one I wanted to make.- You can have the bed in the other room. I’ll sleep on the floor. I know you’re tired… - I trailed off, not sure what to say next, my hand falling back to my side as I sat up and returned my attention to the gun that lay across my lap- I don’t need to tell you that you can’t leave without me knowing about it, I’m sure. Paisley: *I wasn’t sure if it was because I was exhausted. I didn’t know if I had lost my mind. Carefully taking the gun from James’ lap, I set it on the floor next to him before straddling his lap. I wasn’t sure where I was going with this. I felt my hair fall over my shoulder as I let the tip of my nose run over the skin of his jaw. The skin was softer than I had been expecting, but there was a definite stubble along his jaw. As I stopped thinking about everything that had happened in the past three years, I gently bit down on his jaw. My words were soft against the skin as I tried to figure out what the next move was with the two of us.* What’s the plan, James? I know you have one. Train me to be an assassin? Marry me to hide your activities? Give yourself a new option for an alibi? *I didn’t give him a chance to answer before my lips were against his. I needed to lose the girl I had turned into to get his attention. I needed to bring the real Paisley back. I had to be spontaneous. Throwing caution to the wind was what I did best. It was something I hadn’t done in three years, but it was natural. Being the rebel I once was was the only way to get me back to normal.* James: -my eyes met hers as she settled into my lap, when her teeth grazed across the skin at the edge of my jaw, hands going to her waist half out of instinct and half out of me just going with the flow of the situation. I'd have been a liar if I said I wasn't enjoying this. Watching her act out of the character she'd created for herself was fucking nice to see, and when her lips found mine I wasn't shocked. This was the Paisley I'd seen that day in the coffee shop, the one who couldn't wait to get as far away from Los Angeles as she could to just be her own person and do her own thing, the one who I had left behind in that bathroom with a combined expression of relief and resignation written all over her face three years ago. Maybe I’d left her on her own for too long, but there was fuck all I could do about it now. When her lips hit mine, my brain short circuited for a moment, but the questions she’d asked me in the seconds before hung in the air, echoing between my ears while my hands moved to her back to pull her into my chest. I had no damn idea what I was doing, but it felt right, and though I knew her suggestions were made sarcastically, they fit. It’s not like I was married already, and I /had/ planned on training her to be an assassin, though I wasn’t sure that was what she wanted. Hearing it come from her own lips was thing that cemented it in my mind. I let her continue with the kiss for as long as she wanted, savoring the taste of her and the way her scent filled my senses until she pulled away, fingers tangling in her red locks as she leaned back.- Is that what you want, Paisley? To be an assassin? -I didn’t bring up the marriage thing for the moment. I needed to know if this was the life she wanted first. I wasn’t giving her much choice, but some part of me wanted her to choose this more than I wanted to just throw it on her- Paisley: *My brain was a little fuzzy as I pulled away from James. I could feel every inch of him pressed against me, and I had to focus on what he was saying. I could feel the gentle pull on my hair as he kept me close to him. Taking a few quick breaths, I nodded my head.* I figured that was the only way to keep our secret safe. You call me back here, I’d end up being trained to do something. *Wrapping my arms around James’ shoulders, I brought my forehead against his. I wasn’t entirely sure what the hell was going on with me, but I knew I needed to let him know that I was serious about this. That I was serious about being here.* I want to learn, James. I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to handle a gun after you pointed one at my head, but I’m willing to try. I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to. You’ve watched me for three years. Even in the two years I was being Riley, you had to have known that I would come when called. It was that or die. I knew my choices. And I’d be right here if I had to make that decision 100 more times. James: -I let my fingers toy in the curls that hung between her shoulder blades, listening to her words as she leaned in closer, resting her forehead against mine in the dark room. She’d had a long day, and I wasn’t sure she knew what she was agreeing to, until she ended with the confirmation that she would make the same decision again if asked. I pulled in a deep breath, claiming her lips again with my own in a long kiss, this one slower and less fevered than the last, though there was more behind it. It had been a long time since I’d had someone as part of my life on a daily basis. True, I had a family, I had sisters and a nephew back where I’d grown up. Well, one sister. The other was traipsing around whatever city she’d found her way to, sunshine eternally splaying in her wake. My sisters were family, the last of the family I had, and I loved them both, but there was no way I was going to involve either of them in my life and the choices I had made any more than necessary. Alone was a way of life. Something about this was different. At least for me… I wanted Paisley in my life, needed her there in a way I didn’t know how to explain. Some part of me wanted to let her go, give her a chance to be free from everything that my life offered, everything that came with it. She would find out soon enough. Shooting a gun was the thing she claimed to be afraid of, but really and truly being willing to take someone’s life when it came down to it was something you didn’t know was part of you until you were in that moment. And it killed something good inside of you along with the target every time you pulled the trigger until you weren’t certain that there was anything human left. Paisley, from the first time I’d really spoken to her standing outside the shower doors, dripping wet and shocked, but seemingly unafraid, she’d reminded me of the part of me that was still human. Pulling away just enough to speak, my lips still brushing against hers as they moved to mumble soft words into her mouth- And if I gave you the choice to live on your own or be here with me? What would you choose then, Paisley? Paisley: *I was exhausted. There was no doubt about it. I wanted to go on a rant about being alone for the past three years. If I wanted to be alone, I could have stayed myself. I didn’t have to do everything I did to get James’ attention. But the truth was that I was broken. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing these days. I just knew that I needed the man I was straddling. It might have been selfish, but I needed him in a way I hadn’t ever needed anyone. It was something that should have scared me. I should have been afraid of him the moment he held a gun at my head. I should have run the other way. But I never had. The icy blue eyes that belonged to the man that constantly threatened murder betrayed the words. There was a warmness to them that I could only assume was reserved for me. But I couldn’t assume. I shouldn’t. It was something that I couldn’t afford to do. I wasn’t even sure what the hell I was doing here. Taking a breath, I took my gaze away from James. I couldn’t let him see me like this. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to see me vulnerable again. The last time he did, I ended up owing him a favor. But I had to be honest with him. Honesty, with James, had given me my life.* I was alone for three years, James. The only thing I wanted was for you to get me. There was nothing I was more desperate for. I came to you. I didn’t run away. I didn’t even beg for death when you could have killed me. Do I want to be with you or be on my own? I want to be with you. But it’s not something I would ever force on you. If you want me to be on my own, I will figure out how to do it. I’ll never force you to put up with me, James. James: -groaning at her words, my hands move to knot in her hair, using the ginger locks to pull her back into my lips and cut her off before she can begin again. I didn't know how to tell her I wanted her here. I wasn’t used to wanting people around, and I could feel myself balk immediately at the idea of telling her to leave. I’d spent maybe a total of half an hour in her actual presence, even if it felt like longer. I’d been part of her life for years, and I knew far more about her than she would be able to know about me. I couldn’t blame her for any of her reactions, but I wasn’t just putting up with her. I wanted this for all my own selfish reasons, even if I couldn’t articulate it at the moment. I could have shot her in the bathroom that day and just walked away, but I’d never regretted that I hadn’t done that, not even when I watched her slowly becoming everything she claimed to hate. But words weren’t my thing, they never had been. I was always better with action. People talked a lot, but the truth was in their behavior. I could tell Paisley I wanted her here a million times; I could even make an attempt to explain what I was thinking to the both of us, but in the end, it all came down to what I did. May as well circumvent all that and show her. My mouth pulling away from hers for just a moment, as I mutter against her lips- Shut up, Paisley. If I didn’t want you here you’d be dead. -before my lips smash into hers again- Paisley: *I hardly had the chance to catch my breath before James was kissing me again. Was I insane for this? Probably. But I stopped questioning things the moment I got the text beckoning me to west bumblefuck Texas. All I knew was that this was where I was supposed to be. With him confirming that he wanted me here. That I wasn’t just supposed to be the only survivor. I was tethered to this man in a way I wasn’t sure I was ready to explain. But I was also exhausted. Being awake for close to twenty four hours did that. Especially when you took the time zones into account. I knew what I was doing, but didn’t all at the same time. It all came back to me being done with the questions. When I questioned everything, I turned into Riley. I became the Ward I was destined to be. I became everything I didn’t want to be. Everything I was groomed to be. James was the perfect reminder that I didn’t have to be that person anymore. That I never was that person. Pulling my lips away from his, I did everything I could to untangle myself from him. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I wanted to be pressed up against him. I wanted his hands in my hair. I also knew that I needed to sleep. It was something I was going to be able to do for the first time in three years. I was going to be able to rest and not worry about anything. I had a feeling James would watch over me if I asked. He’d be my warped version of a guardian angel. But that wasn’t what I wanted tonight. Standing from his lap, I let my hand curl around his as I gently pulled him so that he was following me into the bedroom. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I knew I wasn’t alone.^ #ThePastLivesOnInsideYourBrain

[onenotsubtle-blog]

Your're The Part Of Me That I Don't Want To See (SL with @StalkYourDreams)

:{Flashback, Los Angeles, 3 years ago} James: -I’d been sitting in the tiny empty apartment across the street from my target for the better part of a week, just watching, tracking and tracing and trying to keep up with the actions of the family in the penthouse across the street as best I could. This contract was a pricey one, for the whole damn family, but it was going to take some work to pull off seamlessly, to avoid taking them out one at a time or having the cops come barreling down on my ass like a freight train. I needed to get an in, to have them invite me in the front door like one of the family before I walked out of it, leaving them all behind me. I had their file sitting in my lap as I studied over the pictures in it. The father was the head of a company that did importing and exporting, but he got way in over his head with the wrong people, lost a shipment that was worth more than his head. He wasn’t a good guy, even if he looked like he was a good dad. His wife was responsible for cooking the books and making all the money he had coming in look legitimate. Drugs, guns, even people weren’t out of the realm of what they could move, but he kept his hands clean from up here t the top of his ivory tower of a penthouse. I didn’t have a problem with these two, but the daughters bothered me a little more. Riley was 21, getting out of college in the spring with a business degree, and planning to fall right into her Daddy’s footsteps. Paisley though… She was 18, just barely out of high school and going to Columbia in the fall. At the moment, it was summer, and the girls were home and carefree. They were my in. The way I was going to walk in and out of their front door with impunity. The building had security, but not surveillance, which was Mr. Ward’s first mistake. As long as the doorman couldn’t put a finger on me, then I was in good shape. I wasn’t from L.A., and as far as anyone knew I wasn’t even in the city. I was back at home in Louisiana where I’d left a friend house sitting and using my cell phone for the week for an alibi. Flipping back and forth between the pictures of Paisley and Riley, I weighed my options. Riley was closer to my age, single, and smart. She appeared to have her life on track, everything going just the right way to leave her ready to take the reins of Ward’s company when he was ready to head out to pasture. The ideal first child, Dean’s list, the right sororities, the right parties, the right people. Everything was just right. Paisley on the other hand was more of a wild card. She was still just a kid, but she’d been in trouble a few times -- underage drinking, traffic tickets, got busted at a few parties, simple possession -- all things her Daddy had managed to get swept under the rug with a high powered attorney and a few donations to the Fraternal Order of Police. She reminded me of myself growing up without the money part. Not that it was that long ago for me, but being a teenager back in Texas seemed like a long time ago in my mind. I was in a different world these days. Dropping the files, once I’d settled my mind, Riley was the safer bet, the more predictable one, and the one I was going to set my sights on. If I couldn’t manage to get her to go out with me enough to introduce me to Mommy and Daddy. I could at least make friends and get invited over for dinner. I knew where she’d be this time of day. It was time for her weekly trip to the library. I’d watched her long enough to know her schedule by now. She’d be stopping at a little deli on the way for a cup of coffee, sipping it on her walk there. And I intended to be there to quite literally bump into her on this trip. Pocketing my tiny handgun and checking the knife stowed in the top of my shoe before I made my way out into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time in order to be there before her, I checked what I was wearing, jeans and a button down shirt. I looked like any other college age guy, even if I was a little old for it at 25. I could pull it off well enough. UCLA wasn’t far from here, and the book tucked under my arm was a good enough cover. James the college student. My mama would have been proud if she was still alive. It was a quick walk to the deli, settling into a table near the door, book up to keep my face covered, but eyes peeled for my target to walk in the door.- Paisley: *I was used to how Riley rolled. She was Daddy’s little angel. No surprise there. She did everything he ever asked of her. She was learning to take over the business. I was on my way to Columbia to get the hell out of dodge. Riles had stayed close to home. She learned what Daddy did. I didn’t care. I didn’t want anything to do with it. I wanted to be free. I needed the chance to make my own decisions. If I stayed anywhere near California, I was going to be suckered into letting them make the rules. For Riley, being a Ward was easy. Get your degree in business. Groom to take over the company. While learning what Daddy does, you work on getting your master’s degree. But me? I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I knew I was a handful. I knew Mom was done with putting up with me. I was the disgrace of the family. The one that shouldn’t exist. The one that everyone knows will only bring a black cloud. So I lived up to those expectations. Drinking at the age of 16. I had been popped for drugs a few times. Nothing major. A little bit of dust never hurt anyone. But the thing was, I kept my grades up. I didn’t risk my education. It was the only way I was going to be able to get out of here without being completely written off. At least if I was going to school, I was doing something productive with my life. Even if they didn’t see education as a viable option. It was business or nothing. But college was still two months away. I wanted to spend time with my big sister before I was on the opposite side of the country. But she was so into her routine that I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I could just go along with her. The library was always one of the first stops of the day. I wasn’t sure what she was doing, but I usually just grabbed a book and curled up in the chair next to her and read. But it was the guy in the corner that had my attention. The ice blue eyes were checking my sister out, and I couldn’t help but laugh softly. Riles never noticed guys. I couldn’t remember her dating at all when she was in high school. For all I knew, she was still a virgin. But just because I didn’t hear about it, didn’t mean it didn’t exist. I felt my eyes close slightly before I took a breath. As my eyes came up, I noticed Riley’s eyes were on the guy that had been eyeing her. Good for her. She needed someone in her life to make her laugh. It wasn’t all about being serious Riley all the time. And she needed to get through this summer with a fling. One last hurrah before she became the Miss Ward everyone would fear.* James: -When Riley walked in with Paisley in tow it shook up my plans just a little, but I’d gotten where I was by adapting and changing with the situation. I wasn’t going to stop that now just because an 18 year old girl had tagged along with her sister on her morning routine. They both made their way up to the counter, Riley ordering her usual, a coffee black with two sugars, probably an odd drink for a 21 year old girl, but it was the way her father took it. Riley was a Daddy’s girl to the core. I didn’t hide the fact that I was watching her, not in the slightest, and when she turned around from the counter with her coffee cup in hand, her eye caught mine. I could see Pais out of the corner of my vision almost laughing when she saw her sister freeze. I put on my brightest smile, dropping the book on the table top to push up to stand, walking over to the pair with my hands in my pockets and trying my best to seem like a sheepish college kid- Sorry for staring, but… -glancing between the sisters for a moment before I focus my attention on Riley- I couldn’t help myself. -offering my a hand drawn from my pocket for her to shake- I’m James. -I used my real name, at least my real first name, though if surnames came up, I’d pull up some pseudonym or another. If I was going to pull this off, keeping my story as real as possible with the omission and tweaking of only a few key details was important, just the few things that would lead them to my real identity. Not that it mattered. If things went as planned, they would all be dead, my real or fake name a long forgotten detail in the hurricane that would follow- And you’re just going to have to excuse me for being rude and just barging up on you in public like this, but I couldn’t not say hello. -the look on Riley’s face was priceless and a little stunned when she took my hand, stammering out her own name in reply- Paisley: *I could only roll my eyes as Riles was doing the eyes. She had these huge doe eyes that everyone always fell for. And this guy was falling for them hook, line, and sinker. As she turned her eyes to me, I nodded my head and moved to a different table. I knew what she wanted. What she was begging me for. Time alone with a stranger. I was all for it. Well, almost always for it. Today was supposed to be about the two of us. But James had sparkling blue eyes that made Riley immediately focus on him. She was a sucker for blue eyes. I didn’t blame her. We all had our weaknesses. I just kept mine a lot closer to my chest. Going back to the counter, I ordered myself a caramel macchiato and a croissant. As I sat down at a table on the other side of the shop, I picked at the pastry. I had long since gotten used to being forgotten by my parents and Riley. They were always more focused on the business. I wanted to get the fuck out of town. I didn’t care about anything. But with the next two months looming over me, I couldn’t help but feel slightly territorial over spending time with Riley.* James: -I let Riley follow me back to the table I’d been waiting at as Paisley moved off on her own to the other side of the shop, and I could see the anger boiling behind those pretty green eyes of hers. I settled in so that Riley’s back was to her sister, because for some reason I felt like I needed to keep my eye on that one because if anyone was going to figure out I wasn’t exactly who I seemed to be, it was that one. Riley Ward was so predictable I could guess what was coming out of her mouth before she actually said it. It was almost boring, and the need to keep up a facade of being interested in her was tedious. I couldn’t help myself but to keep glancing at her younger sister across the room from time to time, if only to keep an eye on her location. There was more there than what her files could tell me, though. Riley was everything she looked like on paper, Daddy’s girl through and through. There was more to Paisley than met the eye though, I could see it in her posture and the way she drank her coffee, picking at the crumbs of the pastry on the table in front of her between sips. She was smart, smart but angry. Maybe, I was barking up the wrong tree. Perhaps I could have used the rebellion that seethed off her in waves to my advantage. I couldn’t help but steer the conversation towards Riley’s plans for the rest of the day, insinuating myself into them as best I could manage by making a show of needing to return my own book at the library I knew she would be heading to next. I was going to be a third wheel today, but it suited my purposes well enough. Even if I could just get myself into a friendship with one or the other or both girls, it would be enough to accomplish what I needed to do.- Paisley: *I didn’t know what was going on with Riley and James. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know at this point. I was bored. There was a lot I could do. I could throw a fit and demand she spend time with me. It would make me seem like I was about ten. Yeah, I was spoiled. I wasn’t that spoiled. I also hated throwing tantrums. Especially if I was throwing a fit in public. There were few people that could bring that out in me. I pulled my phone from my pocket and looked down at it with a frown. I could text Riles and tell her I was leaving. Let her go about her day with James. Give her the last shot at freedom that she was ever going to get before Dad took over her life. I could see the look in their eyes as Riles started in on the flirting. If he wasn’t eating out of the palm of her hand, she was going to kick herself. Really, I only had one option. I wasn’t going to play third wheel. I was just going to give Riles what she needed. My fingers worked over the keyboard of my phone before I hesitated pressing send. I felt my eyes well with tears as I hit it, though. This was supposed to be the perfect day. The two of us hanging out. Her spending time with me before I left for the East Coast. But not now. This was my gift to her. I was out of my seat and out the door as I heard her phone chime with a text message. I didn’t turn around, and I flipped my phone to silent before shoving it into my pocket. She was just going to argue with me over staying. I needed to get lost. Literally and figuratively.* James: -Riley’s phone went off and she took a moment to answer it, obviously making every attempt to flirt that she could manage. It was a little boring at this point, like shooting fish in a barrel. I almost felt like I was playing with my dinner, but just when Riley picked up her phone to read the text notification on the screen, I saw Paisley slip out the door. Fair enough, I only needed one of them, and while Paisley might have been the one I found far more intriguing, Riley was by far the much softer target. I was already insinuating myself into her day with a promise to accompany her to the library and walk her home now that her sister had flaked out on her. It wouldn't be difficult to parlay that into a dinner invitation after a little more attention on my part. The bells on the door clanged noisily behind us as I escorted Riley out onto the street, headed for the library all the while making myself as friendly and non-threatening as possible. I couldn't help but wonder where Paisley had gotten off to, though, my thoughts drifting to her at different points through the day. My contract was for the whole family, a price on each of their heads so that the entire Ward dynasty would end there with them. The daughters had the least expensive bounties, while Mr. Ward’s was the highest. And if I hadn't taken the contract someone else would have. At least I knew I would get all over with quickly, unlike most of the other sadistic bastard who did this job.- Paisley: *I had wandered for a while. Trying to decide what to do before I fell into the skating rink. It was something no one knew about. I had kept it from my parents. They would have tried to make me the perfect skater. “You can’t be a Ward if you’re not the best, Paisley.” I had heard it so many times as a child. But the truth of the matter was, I didn’t want to be a Ward. I didn’t want to have to deal with all the pressure that came with that life. So I didn’t tell my parents I wanted to skate. I didn’t tell Riley, either. It was the one place I had that she didn’t dare go. I wasn’t sure why that was. I just knew that she avoided it at all costs. The skating club was practically empty as I walked in. I took a breath and held it for a second. The cold burning my lungs with a sweet tinge. This was what I enjoyed doing. This was the one thing I could have that no one could take. As I walked to the counter, I saw the three guys stop and stare. I was used to it. The red hair was always a show stopper, and I couldn’t avoid it. Pulling the bands from my wrist, I threw it up in a messy bun before going to rent a pair of skates. Everyone told me I should buy my own, but it all came back to me keeping something for me. I didn’t want to have any evidence of something I enjoyed just for me. As I slide my skates onto my feet, I felt my body start to tremble. The excitement was almost too much. This was the way I dealt with stress. I went to the rink and thought about everything. I made all of my decisions here. And with each pass around the ice, I was more settled on what I had done. Did I feel bad about leaving Riley with James? Nope. It was what she wanted. She was a big girl. She could handle herself better than anyone else. But as the time slipped by, I knew I was going to have to get home. It wasn’t somewhere I wanted to go. I wanted to stay here. Or go to New York. I didn’t want to be in LA anymore. I was done with this life. I was done with the family. The next couple of months couldn’t come fast enough. I just wanted to be gone.* James: -the day passed slowly. It was boring as hell to follow a girl like Riley around on her daily routine and still seem interesting, to keep up the facade of being interested in her and the kind of guy she’d be interested in, even if it was easy. Maybe because it was easy. I like a good game, most days, and this was like playing Candyland with my one-year old nephew. The library, and then lunch, an afternoon in the park, just talking. It was probably some twenty-something year old girl’s idea of the best day ever, like something out of a romantic comedy or a Nicholas Sparks novel. I supposed if she knew the real motivation behind me being here, she wouldn’t have been nearly so infatuated. I offered to walk her back to her apartment building, feigning like I didn’t know the address by heart, hanging around outside to “say goodbye” all the while fishing for an invitation to dinner. It took about as much effort as catching a fish. She was hooked and all that was left to do was reel her in. I followed her in the building, through a mercifully empty lobby. No one saw my face as we made our way to the bank of elevators and up to the floor where their penthouse sat, the only one on the entire floor. It was a quick matter of popping her head into the kitchen to let their personal chef know that there was another person for dinner before she showed me to the living room, and I perched on the couch, taking in the apartment around me, calculating the best escape routes, the best way to catch them all at once, who I was going to have to take out and who was going to live. The chef probably wasn’t going to make it out of this alive, granted he was going to see my face, or at least hear a ruckus. He hadn’t seen me yet, but that was probably just a matter of time. Mostly, it was just a lot of waiting for Daddy and Mommy dearest to appear in the foyer of the apartment before the rest of the plan I had clicking away between my ears to kick into gear- Paisley: *Getting home hadn’t been an issue. I wasn’t too far from the apartment when I stood in front of the doors with a sigh. I had to go upstairs. If I didn’t, it was going to be a huge thing about a Ward Girl going missing. But it was still something I thought about on a daily basis. I wanted to go missing. I didn’t want to stay in Los Angeles. I wanted to be on the east coast. I wanted to be away from every rumor about my family. I wanted to make it on my own. Even if that meant changing my name and becoming a whole new person. But that was still a step too far in the future. I had to think about the here and now. I didn’t have time to think. I felt my phone start to vibrate as I walked into the lobby of the building. I didn’t want to deal with her, but I knew I had to. Without checking my phone, I brought it up to my ear.* I’m in the lobby. I’ll be up in a second. Then we can go back to pretending we’re a happy fucking family. *The voice on the other end shocked me more than I thought possible. Instead of my mother, I was greeted by the gruff rumblings that belonged to my father. “I don’t care what you want, Paisley. Be as miserable as you want, but you will be respectful. Riley brought someone home for dinner. I expect you up here and properly dressed in ten minutes.” I closed my eyes as I stepped into the elevator. I could feel the tears in my eyes as I rode up to the penthouse. Most people prayed to live in a place like this. This was my cage. I didn’t want to be a caged bird anymore. I wanted to run. I’d be caught before I got three steps out of the hotel. But that didn’t change the theory. As soon as I stepped out of the elevator and into the apartment, there was a body next to me asking why I looked the way I did. I didn’t know how to answer. I wanted that to be between me, myself and I. No one needed to know about the rink. Shrugging away from my mother, I caught a glimpse of Riley and her guest. Of course it was the same guy she had run into this morning. Good. She deserved to be happy. In a matter of seconds, I was out of the room and into my bedroom with a stack of clean clothes in my hand before walking into my bathroom. Turning the water up to full blast, I set my iPod in the doc and turned it up as loud as possible. I didn’t want to hear anything from the outside world. I just wanted to be in solitude for a while.* James: -Paisley walked through the penthouse without a word to anyone, stalking off into what must have been her room before disappearing behind a half slammed door. Not that it mattered. I didn’t need her present for the remainder of what needed to happen tonight. I’d finally reached the point where the entire family was in one house. It was just a quick moment to excuse myself, head into the nearest bathroom and take out the pistol I’d had pressed against my back for the entire day, just one last check to make sure it was fully loaded and ready to go, one quick flick of the wrist to twist the silencer fully into place before I stepped out into the room with my hand at my back. The family was distracted, busying themselves with the domestic things that usually accompanied getting ready for dinner or occupied by the screen of the phone they had in front of them. I made a mental note of where everyone was in the room, knowing that I needed to take Mr. Ward out first, then Mrs. Ward, they were the two most dangerous targets in the room. The chef was stowed away in the kitchen. He would likely show his face at some point, and it would be the last time he made a bad decision like that. Riley would go before she could get the chance to scream, and that only left me with Paisley, shut away in her room with some heavy music thudding against the walls to deal with once all was said and done, tying up all the loose ends. There was no one else in the penthouse. I’d made sure to casually question Riley about that before I started setting anything into motion. The scene played itself out in my mind before I ever took a step forward, all in the one half second before I drew the gun and pulled the trigger, leaving two bullets strafing through the air on a straight path into Mr. Ward’s skull with only the slightest sound from the barrel of the pistol. A quick spin on my heels left me turning to meet Mrs. Ward as she moved towards her husband, watching him collapse towards the floor. I had to lead her by a few inches to make up for the movement, but it was all second nature by this point in my life. Two more bullets whizzed through the air on a collision course with her temple. Riley was the last one in the room. Before the strangled scream that threatened to escape her parted lips was more than a soft reverberation in her throat, I had two more bullets on their way towards her. The red blood blossoming at the point where they entered her forehead before she crumpled to the floor. Not a sound echoed around the room after her body thumped against the hardwood, though I held my breath to see if I’d attracted anyone’s attention. The sounds of cooking from the kitchen and the music that still thumped from Paisley’s room were the only things I could make out. Time to tie up a few loose ends. The kitchen was next, one bullet straight for the back of the cook’s head that sent him crumpling over the stove in front of him in a heap. I frankly didn’t care if the entire place caught on fire when I was done with all of this, the pot he landed on boiling over to sizzle and steam on the stove in front of him. A few long strides had me in front of her door, twisting the handle to find her in the shower singing along to the music that blasted from the phone dock on the countertop of the steam filled room. It was the sound of the shower knob squeaking as she turned off the water that sent me to a pause just before she opened the shower door.- Paisley: *I had heard the door open and shut, but wasn’t surprised. It was normal for Riley to come in if I was taking a while. But I felt like I had taken a relatively short shower. I had only wanted to wash the sweat off. Reaching out of the shower, I grabbed the towel hanging by the door, and wrapped it around my body. Taking a breath, I slowly pushed the door open and was shocked by what I saw. It wasn’t Riley. But a gun. The man who had been hanging out with my sister all day was standing in front of me pointing a gun at my head. And the only thing I could feel was relief. I felt my eyes shut before I slowly let them open again as I focused on the blue eyes of the man in front of me.* You killed them? All of them? James: -Her expression was what puzzled me the most. Here I was with a gun pointed at Paisley Ward’s head, and she looked like she was fucking relieved. I wasn’t quite sure how to process that. Her question just had me even more flabbergasted, but I wasn’t one for beating around the bush- I did. All of them. -staring down the barrel of the pistol in front of me as I debated just pulling the trigger and ending the conversation now or letting her talk. I kind of wanted to let her talk. I needed to know what was going on in that head of hers- Paisley: *I just nodded my head as he answered my question. Was it wrong that I felt calm in all of this? I was looking at the end of my life. I knew what was about to happen. All he had to do was pull the trigger of the gun and I was dead. He’d have nothing to worry about. He would be safe. But I could see it in his eyes. There was something holding him back. Maybe it was because I was so calm, maybe it was because he wanted something more from me. Right this second, it didn’t exactly matter. Two words slipped past my lips as I focused on the barrel of the gun.* Thank you. James: -I narrowed my eyes, brows knitting together at the next thing I heard come out of her mouth. She was standing there dripping wet, in nothing but a towel, staring down the barrel of a gun and all she could do was thank me. I wasn’t sure if she was suicidal, just stupid or maybe a little crazy, but for some reason, I couldn’t pull the trigger. I let the gun fall to my side, eyes drifting over the eighteen year old girl in front of me as I took her in. I knew she was a rebel, everything the rest of the Ward family wasn’t. She’d grown up here, with all of this around her for so long that she must have been tired of it all. She and I had a lot more in common that she probably knew. Maybe it hadn’t been a penthouse I’d been trying to escape from, but it was a cattle ranch in the middle of nowhere. She was actually happy I’d taken them out. I knew she was rebelling against Daddy, but I had no idea how far it actually went. I stood there, letting the water drip off her body into a pool around her feet on the tiled floor, and weighed my options. I never let anyone walk away from a scene who saw my face, but something was different here- I’ll make you a deal, Paisley. -keeping my voice flat as I moved forward, one hand moving to cup her chin despite the water streaming down her cheeks from the hair that was plastered to her body and hung around her in a heavy, dripping curtain- I’ll let you walk away from this all, but you’re going to owe me. When the cops get here, you’re going to tell them you didn’t see or hear a damn thing. You were in the shower the whole time with the music blaring. -tracing the path of a stray drop of water down the curve of her throat, I couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth- You’re going to play a good little grief stricken girl, and then, when all the dust has settled, I’m going to tell you where you can come and find me. Because I promise you, I always cash in my favors and you owe me quite a few. -Running through the possibilities in my head with a half smirk, I wanted this one for myself for some reason. I saw something in her that reminded me of me, but also made up for the things I was lacking. She would make an excellent assassin, but she’d have to pass this one little test first.- I’ll be watching and listening, so don’t think you’re going to get by with something. Breathe one word of the fact that I even exist to the cops, and you’re not going to have a chance to wish you hadn’t. Got me, Paisley? Paisley: *I could feel the tears start to well in my eyes. I wasn’t sure what the cause was though. Relief? Possibly. Fear? No. It wasn’t fear I felt. I wasn’t afraid of the man in front of me. There was no doubt in my mind that he was an assassin. He was too good at his job. He had gotten in here without anyone second guessing his motives. And honestly? To me, it didn’t matter what he was doing here. I didn’t care about the ins and outs of the Wards. I cared about getting away. The problem very quickly became that I owed him everything. I had no doubt in my mind that he would collect on that promise, though. I knew I wasn’t going to run. I couldn’t. I trusted in his words. He was going to watch me. I wasn’t sure how or why, but he was going to keep an eye on me. I felt the words slip through my lips as I tried to keep the panic at bay for the time being. The next few words that slipped from my lips were going to reveal every inch of my hand. It was going to tarnish the image of the perfect little girl. But there was a part of me that knew James saw through every inch of it.* There’s a false wall in my room. The back wall where my desk is. You can pick my desk up and move it without scraping the wood floor. It’s a hallway that leads up to the roof. From the roof you can get out without being seen. I’ve been using it since I was 13. No one knows it’s there. And if you don’t push the desk, no one will know it’s there. It’s one of my best kept secrets. *I knew the panic was good. I needed to hold on to it. I had a list of things I was running through as I thought about how long I had after James walked out of this bathroom. I knew I wasn’t going to hear anything once he went into my bedroom, and I couldn’t risk following him in there. I knew I didn’t have the opportunity to clean up after myself after he was gone. We were already taking up so much time standing here talking. Taking another breath, I looked at the man standing in front of me.* I’ll find you, James. I swear. And I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but I swear I will come to you when you call. Just go. James: -I didn’t say anything, just backed out of the room. I knew she had the chance to lead me into a trap right then and there; I wasn’t stupid enough to trust her whole-heartedly without any reservation, but I needed to give her the chance. If she stabbed me in the back right now, that’s how it was going to go, and we could just end this now. If she had my back instead, then maybe we would be able to work something out in the future. She wasn’t old enough now, even though I’d barely been older when I fell into this life. Only eighteen. I took a deep breath and cleared my thoughts as I pulled the desk away from the wall. She had to live a little more, lose those last illusions that the world was anything like a fair or just place to live, lose the last shreds of anything that tied her to a normal life before I was going to take that from her prematurely. I had a feeling it was going to happen eventually, but it wouldn’t be at my hand, at least not any more than it already had been. I knew what kind of scene lay just beyond her bedroom door and what she was going to have to step into sooner or later. I could see her standing there, frozen in the bathroom just beyond the open door as I spied the panel just barely concealed behind it, pushing it back to reveal the hall way that sloped up towards the roof at a fairly gentle pace. One last look at her and I disappeared into the wall, closing the panel behind me and taking her at her word for the moment as I quickly emerged onto the roof, and took the fire escape down to the alley behind the hotel. It was just a quick walk until I blended into the crowds on the sidewalk at the edge of the alley, walking far out of my way to approach the empty apartment I’d been hiding in from an entirely different angle. I was going to get out of this place, leave not a piece of dust behind before I was gone and quicker than one would have believed, disappear like a ghost. It’s what I was good at. Paisley was going to have to deal with the aftermath of my actions for now while I blended back into the background. I had no doubt that I would come and find her again some day. In fact, I had every intention of keeping tabs on her whatever happened next, for good or for evil, but for the time being my work here was completely done. Other than the need to hover around the periphery of the city, blend into the vast stretches of the urban sprawl that surrounded Los Angeles until I was certain she’d kept her word.- Paisley: *There wasn’t much I could do except take a breath. I knew what was going to happen. I was going to be a huge suspect. Why leave me alive? I knew where this was going. My past problems weren’t going to be a help, either. But there wasn’t much I could do. Throwing my hair up into a messy bun, I made sure I was completely dry before throwing on the pair of yoga pants and a tank top. With a pair of ankle socks on my feet, I made my way to the bedroom to make sure the panel was back in place before I moved the desk back into place. I had to take one more breath before I walked the halls of my now empty house. I had no fucking clue what was about to happen, but I knew I wasn’t coming back here. Even if it wasn’t a crime scene. I was turning my back on this place after today. I felt myself let out a loud scream as I made my way into the kitchen. The area was a disaster. Not in the fact that there was blood everywhere. There was blood, but it wasn’t as horrific as I wanted to think. I felt my breath come in shorter pants as I let myself fall victim to the panic attack that needed to happen. I could feel myself checking out as I brought my phone to my ear as I dialed the one number I had always been told not to call. “9-1-1 What is your emergency?” My voice was almost broken as the reality of my situation came crashing down around me.* My entire family has been murdered. #YoureThePartOfMeThatIDontWantToSee