onewomancitadel

[onewomancitadel]

"no one's going to like this..." OK and what about any of my interests indicate that anybody else shares them to begin with.

When I've been writing I just keep hearing that leaked audio of the self-styled Pork Barilaro bragging about pork barrelling - you can have it all! - and it's really sort of dark but quite funny too.

[onewomancitadel]

Every rendition of Only Skin has some slightly different texture to it so imagine if the most perfect song ever written could be enjoyed in new ways, almost endlessly. That's like crack to me.

In the reverse sense I was paralysed by the idea that I had specific ideas I like retreading and exploring in new dimensions, and suddenly it was like my creative font had vanished totally - really it was fucking terrible - and then I came to a recent realisation I was being stupid because people can spend their whole lives trying to find things that interest and preoccupy them creatively.

[onewomancitadel]

This was posted three weeks ago and only has 40 views so sharing for those who endeavour to watch every available performance Joanna Newsom ever did and will do. I think it's quite good quality too!

[onewomancitadel]

I've been sick amidst the moving process which is reaching its pressure point now and if there were even a small amount of wisdom I could impart it's that if your writing is blocked by practical circumstances of determination and not some warped psychological or philosophical torment (as I was) then I recommend finding far more painful things that are worse than writing to deal with and you will look forward to it merrily.

[onewomancitadel]

I had a dream that Jaune revealed he had been evil all along which was really wonderful except that's totally cribbed from Felix and a little bit gauche, isn't it. You can't do that twice.

[onewomancitadel]

I am as good as it gets now. They actually let me have a telehealth appointment after telling me I couldn't have one and I did the requisite useless test at home. Yippee

I appreciate all the nice people who silently like my posts, you all make my day and I am ever grateful...

I was thinking about how my writing has changed recently and one of the things in turn I was reflecting on is that I follow where my interests take me, and don't really distinguish between low or high art that way; I want to take everything seriously but I also want to always, at any expense, find (and discover new) archetypes that interest me. I think this is sort of how I can get away with writing very serious as well as sort of silly romantic fanfiction lol

I have just taken a painkiller for a very bad sickness and am trying to distract myself with Tumblr as I find out that despite the fact I cannot move from this fixed position I am expected to carry myself down, somehow, to a GP for them to prescribe medication I have already been prescribed in the past for which a test won't show what I've got anyway because the tests don't work and I don't even know why they use them. Misery.

[onewomancitadel]

Unicorn by Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Don Paterson

This is the animal that never was. Not knowing that, they loved it anyway; its bearing, its stride, its high, clear whinny, right down to the still light of its gaze.

It never was. And yet such was their love the beast arose, where they had cleared the space; and in the stable of its nothingness it shook its white mane out and stamped its hoof.

And so they fed it, not with hay or corn but with the chance that it might come to pass. All this gave the creature such a power

its brow put out a horn; one single horn. It grew inside a young girl’s looking glass, then one day walked out and passed into her.

[onewomancitadel]

I was thinking about how my writing has changed recently and one of the things in turn I was reflecting on is that I follow where my interests take me, and don't really distinguish between low or high art that way; I want to take everything seriously but I also want to always, at any expense, find (and discover new) archetypes that interest me. I think this is sort of how I can get away with writing very serious as well as sort of silly romantic fanfiction lol

I have just taken a painkiller for a very bad sickness and am trying to distract myself with Tumblr as I find out that despite the fact I cannot move from this fixed position I am expected to carry myself down, somehow, to a GP for them to prescribe medication I have already been prescribed in the past for which a test won't show what I've got anyway because the tests don't work and I don't even know why they use them. Misery.

[onewomancitadel]

things which make me think of Jaune because I have something wrong with me (Blood Meridian)

[onewomancitadel]

untitled, oil on canvas

[onewomancitadel]

Dark ending spoilers, which I'm still covering for reasons

I just really love that the reason the world was split into three, for Tannhaus to get his son and wife and grandchild back, is still saved in the end because of Jonas and Martha. Things aren't restored to what they were before the interruption of time; it is actually not thankless and he is not lessoned into being forced to lose his loved ones. Things are fundamentally transformed. The suffering is elevated. It meant something, after unending agony. Jonas and Martha are benevolent angels who were once the two lead villains responsible for the cycles, cleansed now in the healing rains.

And it's not an accident that Sonja is an anagram of Jonas (and there is some finagling to make Marek-Martha link, but I think it's obvious enough) so at multiple levels of the story the wound can only be healed by the weapon that dealt it. Yay!!!

And still there is hope - "Jonas is a beautiful name."

[onewomancitadel]

No the evil people in my computer are making up this "you have to stop using em-dashes because machine generators use them" nonsense. If em-dashes (the long '―') are overused by machine generators, it's at a minimum, based on what little comprises my knowledge base, probably because they're represented in the corpus in the first place which they're trained off (particularly American given en/em-dash dialectical differences) slash might be contrived and engineered as a way to sort of cheat a more "naturalistic" flow of thought.

Of course em-dash overuse is itself a problem with human-constructed writing as well. In this case I think it is less so the presence of the em-dash but the poor use of it being identified as some sort of "tell" (because ChatGPT does use it too much from what I've seen) and so is erroneously attributed to its presence at all because they don't actually know why it feels wrong.

Which is a little bit of sick vindication for me because I fucking loathe em-dash overuse and it used to be considered very cute and stylish.

[onewomancitadel]

Although I stand by my previous position that people will use what stories or folklore available to them to intellectualise the world whether it is seemingly imprudent or not or indeed embarrassing (e.g. Voldemort replacing invocations of Satan), I will say that sometimes you really cannot help it and it literally is just like Dune.

[onewomancitadel]

When you're a fic writer and you want the characters to make love you have to think long and hard about the appropriate verbiage to introduce but sometimes you get really lucky and canonically the character says "crazy pussy" and "dick swagger" which is so helpful, even though I'm not writing TD-related fic because Rust's got nobody, poor loveless thing, I still appreciate it. The effort is there, by God.

[onewomancitadel]

One of many reasons I am an unfunny sadsack is because I saw a meme that made light of Marty's infidelity plotline in respect to Rust's whole monomyth deal and I was immediately like well that's wrong because Marty has what Rust wants and he keeps fucking it up over and over and is a bad, flawed man, which is totally necessary to hold up the masculinist themes of the story. It can be ignored and joked about - rather displaced (honestly to begin with I don't actually care that someone made a meme since this is more of a springboard) - if you don't take the criticism of Marty's character as seriously as that of Rust's or think him like some sort of basic soap opera silly family man who cheats just a little bit (wink), which he can be, which is part of a persona he adopts much like Rust's undercover persona. There's a truth in the mask.

And like maybe I am so unfunny because the thing that really gets my goat is that Marty's misogyny registers as a joke or unintended effect of the text (for which I fully believe humanising stories about this idea can be written whilst also not consciously being a born again feminist). I guess because it can't be countenanced with the fact that he can rise to the occasion and he can do bad things - and the story isn't just about Rust's personal redemption.

Marty throws what Rust wants away. And it's very important to me that Rust is like a hungry sad dog about that begging for scraps. These are the quotidian things unimportant to a man who has it all and still wants for more and in the mysteries that Rust is swept up in only when finally forced into a cosmic journey at the very end can he even come to contemplate that which Rust has lost and the immensities of the dark.

[onewomancitadel]

I can't hear Joanna Newsom's Esme without thinking it the soundtrack to Omelas which makes it a really macabre sounding song to me lol... it's not intentional but I just think a product of it registering as quite unusually saccharine and not in a way that appeals to me. I still like it though