onlytwentysixletters-blog

[onlytwentysixletters-blog]

Why Aren’t We Ever Enough

We ask and we ask about plans. We ask our kids what they want to be when they grow up. We ask what classes they like to take. We ask what part-time jobs they should be working. We ask what university they will be going to, and if they choose not to go we ask what they will do instead. We ask what kind of a career they want to have, how much money will they make, what kind of family they want to have, where they want to live, where they want to travel, when was their last relationship, why don’t they have their life together, why can’t you do it this way instead, why aren’t you working harder, what are you doing with your time, what are you doing with your life?

I understand the purpose of asking a question, I was raised on the idea that asking questions was what got your further in life it was what made you stand out, it was what made you think. When did questions become less about wanting to learn, and more about asking the question so you have an excuse to give an opinion? Did you read that book? Oh it was the best book you HAVE to read it.

Did you watch that video on instagram? Oh it was so funny you HAVE to watch it.

Did you try the new drink? You have to try it, here look at my snapchat. Doesn’t it look good?

Why do you want to take psychology? What are you going to do with it?

What do you do with your time? Here is what I did the other day.

I’m torn between wanting to encourage curiosity  and wanting to scream every time someone tries to tell me what to do with my life. I may look lost, and I may be lost but it is no ones responsibility to come and find me. If I am guided out of the forest, I will never learn how I got there in the first place and will inevitably find myself back where I started. Why aren’t I ever enough, why do people tell me there is plenty of time to figure out what I want to do but if I am not already doing it then my time must not be very significant. I’m running out of time. I’m running out of time.

I’m only 22,

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I see myself in 5 days, how am I supposed to think 5 years ahead when I don’t know who I will be by my next birthday?

I’m only 22.

Why don’t you have kids? Why do you not have a boyfriend? Do you want to have a family? You should try online dating, that’s where everyone meets people these days. *swipe, swipe, swipe*

I’m only 22.

What are you doing with your time? Tell me so I can decide whether your life is worth living right now or not. I’ll let you know what you can do to improve.

I’m only 22. Please I’m only 22. I can’t be the only one who feels this lost. I grew up too fast and I forgot to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life. Now everyone expects me to have all these answers.

Please. I’m only 22.

[onlytwentysixletters-blog]

If Men Had A Curfew

interesting prompt from rosewaterofficial

If men had a curfew.. 

I would leave my keys in my purse until I actually got to my car

I’d walk downtown by myself with my earphones in dancing to my own music

I would draw attention to myself; dance and sing and laugh with strangers

I could wear a dress without worrying about wearing shorts for decency

I wouldn’t worry about wearing a bra or underwear

I would leave my drink unattended at the bar when I wanted to dance, only to come back and drink the rest when I got thirsty

I would go swimming at 4am 

I think spend more time thinking about what makes me happy instead of what keeps me safe

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I’ve been told before my life is boring by men because I don’t have bizarre 2am stories. I drink, I go to the bar, I go home. 

I’m afraid to think of how my story would differ from theirs if it had been me as a girl walking down a railroad track at midnight instead of them as men. How many dangers they walked right by because they weren’t the right “target”. 

I’d rather have a life of happy uneventful nights than risk my own safety for the sake of a “good story”. 

[onlytwentysixletters-blog]

My Relationship With Sleep

There are days when I wake up in the morning already looking forward to going to bed that night. I daydream about taking a long shower, putting on clean pajamas, and crawling into bed at 9pm.

There are days when I dread going to bed because I am afraid of sleeping. Not because I am afraid of the dark (I have a Himalayan Salt Nightlight okay ?) I consider sleep to be a waste of my time and a waste of my life, fearing that I am missing an opportunity to be awake. 

There are days when I am bored of sleep. I do not fear it, I do not look forward to it, but I consider it to be daily task like brushing my teeth. I’m bored of the repetition and I’m bored of another dreamless sleep. 

[onlytwentysixletters-blog]

The Bleeding Heart Story

There’s a flower called a bleeding heart, and my uncle always told me a story that went along with the flower about a man who tried to woo a princess by giving her gifts (bunnies, slippers, diamond earrings) to win her love and when she refuses him he ends up killing himself. As a child I loved it, and I loved following along with the story by taking apart the flower to see the different “gifts” the man gave the princess. As an adult, I now see that this story is riddled with horrible messages to children about trying to buy love, suicide, and a boring princess. So I took it upon myself to modernize this story. 

(If you want to know the origin of this story, google has all the answers)

Enjoy? 

Chapter 1

Pink Bunnies

Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a great kingdom, although she was not just a princess. She was the King’s eldest child and heir to the throne. As such, she was referred to only by the title Crown Princess, one who would one day rule over the entire kingdom. The princess was given the birthright to the throne, but she worked hard throughout her life to earn the title for herself. She became known throughout the land for her beauty, of course. But she was also known for her strength, intelligence, and natural abilities with animals, excelling in all royal academia.

Although it was evident the Crown Princess would one day be a successful Queen, the King worried that she would never have her own successor as she had dedicated her life to the crown and neglected to make time to have a family. She was, after all, nearly twenty years old, and even though the doctors reassured the King that she had many child bearing years left he insisted that they must act immediately. The servants suspected he was just excited to become a grandfather, as he was constantly visiting all the children around the kingdom.

So the King arranged for suitors from all over the land to visit the Crown Princess, and once a week she was ordered to meet each and every suitor. Unfortunately, because of her great eligibility, she was sought after by many suitors and it took her weeks to make her way through the list. To stand out, every suitor brought a gift for the Crown Princess to remember them by, although every suitor was under the impression that she was going to be swept off her feet by the finer things in life. By the end of the first visit, she had a stack of the finest gold, mounds of diamonds, and pounds of the finest silver, of which took up every spare inch of space in the castle. The Crown Princess was nearly ready to give up for the day when the last suitor entered into the throne room. He walked up to the Crown Princess and said,

“Crown Princess, you may not know me, but I feel as though I know you and I love you. I have no title, I am not a prince or a duke, nor do I have any land to share with you. I have heard of your affection for animals and while I know you have herds of horses and packs of hunting dogs, you do not have any animals to bring you joy. I have brought with me two rare pink bunnies from our own forest to try and win your affection. With this gift I ask you, do you love me?”

The Crown Princess was gazed at the bunnies, and she found that she was touched by his unique gift. She looked up and said,

“Sir, I am grateful for your gift and touched by the sentiment. But do you not think it’s rather ridiculous to think I would fall in love with you over a gift? I am sorry, but I do not love you.”

The man bowed as she left the room. As she walked past him, he looked up and caught a glimpse of something peculiar. The Crown Princess was not wearing any shoes! While he was upset she did not yet love him, the man left with an idea and a plan to return the following week to try once again to woo the Crown Princess.

Chapter 2

Silk Slippers

A week had passed since the man met with the Crown Princess, and he felt that he was prepared to try once more to win her affection. Once again he stood in line with the suitors and waited anxiously for his turn. As he neared the front of the line, he peered through the archway to look at the Crown Princess and thankfully noticed she was still not wearing any shoes. This cheered the man, and he felt sure his plan would work.

When it was finally his turn, the man approached the throne. When she looked up a flash of familiarity crossed her face and she smiled.

“I know you.” she said, “You’re the man who gave me the two bunnies last week. I named them Rose and Cherry because of their beautiful colour.”

The man was thrilled she remembered him. This was off to a great start.

“Yes Crown Princess, that was I. I have returned once more to seek your affection. The last time we met I noticed you had no shoes on your feet, may I ask why?”

The Crown Princess laughed, “If you had to walk around in glass slippers all day I expect you would take every opportunity to walk barefoot as well. A princess who lives to the west insists that glass slippers are the proper fashion for all royalty, and she claims they are the most comfortable shoes she has ever worn. My dresser insists that as Crown Princess I must  dress fashionably so I am forced to wear these horrible glass slippers. They must have magical fairy godmothers in the west who can turn glass into a proper shoe, but the shoe makers in our land make them unbearable to wear!” At that the princess showed her foot to the man and he was shocked to see they were covered in blisters.

“Well that is not right for a Crown Princess to suffer so much just to walk around her castle. Luckily, I come today with a solution to your problem”

The man then revealed his gift to be two silk slippers, made of the finest silk in the kingdom. The Crown Princess grinned and put them on her feet,

“These are much more comfortable, and very soft. This was very thoughtful of you.”

The man beamed, this was it, he knew it. He worked up the courage and said,

“I am humbled, Crown Princess. I want nothing more than your happiness. I bring these slippers to you to once again express my admiration for you. Do you love me now?”

The Crown Princess frowned, and looked at the man.

“Sir, I am sorry to disappoint you once again, but I still do not love you because of the gifts you have given me. Thank you kindly for the bunnies and the slippers, but I will not marry you because of them.”

The man sighed, bowed, and excused himself from the room. How unbearable! Once again he had humiliated himself. The Crown Princess watched him as he left, disappointed that he was still trying to buy her love. She had hoped that someone would be able to see her as more than a royal princess, and she had a feeling out of all the suitors, this man might just be the one to make her fall in love.

Chapter 3

Diamond Earrings

Another week had passed since the man had last seen the Crown Princess, and he was running out of ideas. Pet bunnies had not worked, and the slippers had done nothing either. The man wondered what on earth a Crown Princess could want so badly. Luckily, it appeared as though the other suitors were not having much luck either.

Back at the castle, the Crown Princess was sulking in the throne room waiting for the next suitor to once again present her with another extravagant gift and halfhearted compliment. Did these men forget that she was a Crown Princess, and that all these jewels they give her she would buy for herself? She was not looking for someone who could give her the whole world, she wanted someone who thought of her as his whole world. The Crown Princess found herself thinking about the man who had given her the bunnies and the slippers. He was still trying to impress her with the gifts, but they were more thoughtful than any other gift she had received. Her thoughts were interrupted as the next suitor walked through the door with… oh another pair of earrings. At this rate she was going to have a different pair of earrings to wear every day for the rest of her life.

At the end of the line, the man once more stood with the other suitors with a final plan to woo the Crown Princess. While she had seemed grateful for the presents he had previously given her, he decided that perhaps she needed to know that he was not just thoughtful, but that he could also dazzle her. When he reached the front of the line, he entered the room which was beginning to feel very familiar to him.

“Well if it isn’t the man with the considerate gifts,” the Crown Princess said coyly. “What could you possibly have brought for me today?”

The man smiled, “Well your highness, today I bring you a gift that will stand out in its beauty compared to the others. This gift is not an animal, or a shoe, this gift will dazzle you with its beauty.” At this point, the man presented her with a pair of beautiful diamond earrings with gold beads dangling at the bottom. He had used all of his money to buy these for the Crown Princess, but he knew it was worth it if it earned her love. The man beamed at her and asked, “Crown Princess, this is the third time I have come to express my love for you, and I once again ask, do you love me?”

The Crown Princess looked down at the earrings in her hands. They were beautiful, but she was disappointed that this is what this man had thought would earn her love. She had grown to look forward to his visits, and perhaps there had even been the beginnings of what could have been love. But with this gift, her heart sank.

She regretfully looked at the man, “Please leave.”

He was shocked, “Your highness?”

“I said please leave. You have not earned my love, and clearly you do not know me at all. So take back these earrings, and leave.” At this the Crown Princess turned away from him. She waited a moment, and just as she began to reconsider her rash decision she turned back, and he was gone.

Chapter 4

a sword

The man ran from the castle with his heart shattered. How on earth could this not have worked? Did he really not know her at all? As he passed town square he noticed a crowd gathering around the town crier, so he followed to see what was going on. When a sufficient crowd had gathered the crier began to yell,

“HERE YE, HERE YE, WAR IS ON THE HORIZON. ENEMIES FROM THE NORTH HAVE BEGUN TO ADVANCE ON THE KINGDOM. SEEKING VOLUNTEERS FOR BATTLE.”

This was it, this was how the man was going to impress the Crown Princess. He was going to war. The man ran home and retrieved his gear, and his grandfathers old sword that he had kept in pristine condition in case there was ever need for it. Today was that day. The man ran back to the square and joined the rest of the soldiers. There were soldiers in a variety of costume, there were men like him who had inherited their armour, there were others who dressed in newer, modern robes designed to be lighter on the battlefield. Coming down the hill was the royal battalion dressed in gold and blue coming from the castle. As soon as everyone was gathered, they set off for battle. Messengers reported that the enemy was resting a three day march away. There was no need for the soldiers to march in order while they were travelling, so men from all ranks came together and talked to pass the time.

The man looked around and noticed a slightly smaller solider than the rest walking by himself at the edge of the group. He walked over and introduced himself. The smaller soldier looked up, and the man noticed that he had dirt all over his face. When he questioned the solider about it, he smiled and said in an oddly gruff voice said, “it’s a good way to blend in.” The man left it alone and they began to talk. They found they had a lot in common and soon became friends. They walked together during the day, and fell asleep next to each other laughing, and sharing stories. By the last night, the man and his new friend had grown very close. His friend turned to him and said,

“I am very glad I got to know you, and I am even more glad you wanted to know me.”

Finally, the day came when they neared the battlefield and the two friends were forced to join their separate battalions. The man looked regretfully at his new friend and sincerely hoped they would both survive the war.

As they stormed the battlefield the soldiers dispersed and the clash of metal soon became deafening. Although the man was not an experience solider, he held his own and soon began taking down the enemies. He was beginning to feel quite proud of himself when he felt the heel of a sword come down on his head, and he collapsed. He became dizzy and nauseous and could barely see two feet ahead of him when he looked up to see an enemy soldier standing over him with a sword, ready to deliver a fatal blow. The man braced himself for impact when he heard the clang of metal just inches from his head. He looked up and saw his friend from camp! He still had on his mud mask, but he was clearly an experienced fighter. With a just a few swipes of his sword he took outmaneuvered the enemy, and ticked him into exposing his sternum, plunging his sword right into his heart.

The enemy dropped to the ground, and the man gathered his senses and unsteadily rose to his feet. He nearly tipped over but his friend caught him and kept him steady. The man smiled, “You saved my life.”

The soldier smiled back and said in a familiar voice, “It is a good thing you brought me those silk slippers when you did, otherwise my feet would still be covered in blisters and I never would have gotten to you in time.”

The man gasped as he recognized the voice, “Crown Princess?”

The Crown Princess chuckled, and guided him off the battlefield. Their work as soldiers was finished, as their kingdom was quickly overpowering the enemy. When they reached safety the man had dozens of questions,

“Why are you here? Does the King know where you are? How did you learn to fight so well?”

She answered his questions as she looked over his injuries, “I am a Crown Princess, yes, but I am also a soldier. I asked the King years ago to let me train with our royal army in case I ever needed to defend myself or my kingdom. The King knows I travelled with the army, but I convinced the captain to leave out just how involved I was going to be in the war.”

The man looked down at his feet embarrassed, “You are more than a Crown Princess, that is what you were trying to tell me every time I visited you.”

“And you are more than you let on, Sir,” the Crown Princess countered, “You have shown me the past few days your generosity and kindness. You befriended a stranger who insisted on covering his face in mud for days.”

“I did think the mud was odd,” the man admitted, “but I thought of you as a true friend.”

As the man and the Crown Princess smiled at each other the man asked one last question, “So Crown Princess, do you love me now?”

She sighed, exasperated, and exclaimed, “Every princess I know gets married in three days, why don’t we at least wait until the end of the week?”

The man laughed, “I can wait.”

The End