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[ontologicalfemale]

Whenever I talk about abuse being something specific (behaviour that is physically or sexually violent, dominating, controlling, degrading, humiliating, or violating) people always say “What about emotional abuse?” And I have to ask these people to be more specific, and many of them get angry that I ask them to be more specific. Not all abuse is physical, that’s true. But that doesn’t mean that anything that hurts you or doesn’t meet your needs is abuse. When my ex partner told me I’m a disgusting slut who no one will ever love, that’s emotional abuse. When my ex partner stole my keys and my phone, that’s emotional abuse. When my ex partner insisted I keep the house spotless and exploded at me when I didn’t, that’s emotional abuse. But I had another partner at another time in my life who I was very unhappy with, who scrolled their phone while we were at dinner and flirted with other people online when we were monogamous and largely left me feeling sad and unwanted, and that, as much as it sucks, is not emotional abuse or abuse of any kind.

I am tired of tiptoeing around this and so I’m just going to come out and say it: the conversation on abuse prevention and supporting survivors is being dominated by people who are not survivors because the situations they are alluding to are not abusive. I have read entire ‘call outs’ that loudly proclaim a person is an ‘abuser’ who must be outed for community ‘safety’ and then go on to list things which are clearly conflicts, mismatched needs, and hurt feelings. I have watched people be humiliated, slandered, isolated, controlled, and robbed of everything meaningful in their life when what they are being accused of is not abuse, and what is happening to them is.

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imagine terfs being locked outside while it rains acid

[ontologicalfemale]

COMMON LIVES/LESBIAN LIVES

[ontologicalfemale]

The albatrosses in a same-sex partnership | Frozen Planet II - BBC

[ontologicalfemale]

I don’t love women the way men love women. I don’t want to tame them. I don’t want to own them. I don’t want to treat them like a trophy in a case. I just want to be close to them. It’s still hunger, but a different kind of hunger. I almost didn’t recognize it at first.

From She Is The Poem by June Bates

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National Geographic, 1906 (ph. George Shiras III) 

[ontologicalfemale]

Hélène de Montgeroult (1764-1836) - Piano Sonata No. 9 in f-sharp minor, Op. 5 No. 3, I. Allegro spiritoso. Performed by Edna Stern, 1860 Pleyel concert grand piano.

[ontologicalfemale]

Maddalena Casulana playing the lute

[ontologicalfemale]

being a girl and hitting puberty is so traumatic. you go from being a genderless little free thing to being hit with shaving and makeup and growing breasts and skincare and menstruation and suddenly being sexualised when like a few years ago you could take your shirt off to play in the stream and trade yugioh cards with the boys and come home covered in mud and not even think about it. and then you spend years hating being a girl and hating everything puberty did to you and wishing you could be a boy or be completely genderless again and it takes you Many years to come to terms with yourself Or you simply try to Lean In to everything and do makeup tutorials on YouTube and claim it’s for fun. like how can this be treated as normal

[ontologicalfemale]

Romaine Brooks, Chasseresse, 1920

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Miles Edgeworth epic feminist moment

[ontologicalfemale]

not sorry but i don’t think young men are vulnerable i don’t think they’re facing a mental health crisis i don’t think they’re having a crisis of masculinity i don’t feel sorry for them because they’ve ‘lost strong male role models’ or because they feel unfairly targeted when feminists talk about men as a collective i don’t feel sympathy when they go down alt right pipelines i don’t think young men on 4chan need help and guidance i don’t feel bad for boys or men with porn addictions who can’t see women as people. women haven’t created any of these problems. women and girls are always collateral damage to mens issues. and we’ve already taken responsibility for mens mental health and their rehabilitation for far too long and it’s gotten us nowhere. men have never cared about our problems or taken our mental health seriously. instead they make self harm jokes at teen girls, write articles about why girls with eating disorders make the best fucks, and discuss whether it’s ‘worth it’ to ‘bag a chick with borderline personality disorder’ on their shitty sexist podcast

[ontologicalfemale]

lesbians over 60, photographs by elana freedom, published in common lives/lesbian lives no. 15/16, june 1985