onyxofborg - Tumblr blog

[onyxofborg]

Do you think Jesus ever got many carpenter requests after he started preaching? Like did anyone ever go up to him and be like; "My Lord! My Lord!" And the disciples are all: "The Master won't do anymore miracles today." But obviously Jesus is like; "Yes, my child?" And they just ask what his basic rate is to fix their door.

[onyxofborg]

My future self has probably forgotten this memory. Hi future self! :P

Your future self is watching you through your memories

[onyxofborg]

At the age of 45, I now realize that I’ve probably already forgotten the funniest joke I’ll ever hear.

The funniest joke you will ever hear - WTF fun facts

[onyxofborg]

If there’s one thing being young taught me, it’s that I should never underestimate my own capacity for doing stupid shit.

[onyxofborg]

...ok but now I feel like there needs to be a game where you play an eldritch abomination trying to pretend to be human. So like, a very dumbed down version of Sims except you have a ftagn meter that fills up every time you encounter other humans being human, and if it gets full you end up losing control and ripping your face off at the dinner table or something. :P

[onyxofborg]

Shoutout to all the people born on 9/11 who never get to celebrate their birthday properly because everyone's always reminiscing about the tragedy and all the TV stations keep playing shows about it. Yes it's an important day that those of us who lived through it should never forget. But if we can't also use that day to celebrate the things that need celebrating, then the terrorists have won.

[onyxofborg]

This will go down in the annals (or perhaps anals) of internet history.

Sorry if it’s a little cramped- had to make this all fit in ten photos. Hope you guys like it….. and again…. sorry Andrew

Follow me on Webtoons

[onyxofborg]

Well, they had enough of a relationship to get married at some point, and other plot things depended on that fact, so it's canon to me. Even if it's canon I don't happen to LIKE. :P

The thing that bothered me about Worf/Troi was that it just seemed kinda tacked on, like the writers went "gee we need to ship someone, who can we put together?" It honestly just seemed so random and out of the blue. If they'd had a little buildup and shown WHY they were suited for each other, it might've been a bit more believable. But as it is, it just seems kinda like a 1 night stand that overstayed its welcome.

About Picard’s return to Trek

I’m pretty sure yall are as excited as I am, but I also know that some people are kinda nervous about this new “chapter in Picard’s life” (that’s how cbs put it, i believe. or was it star trek’s official instagram? idk anymore)

Anyway. So yes, we’re all excited and we’re all nervous. And there are so many “what ifs” floating about. So how about we all sit together and share our hopes, expectations and worst fears? Send me asks, anon or not, everyone is welcome! Let’s share our excitement and apprehensions!

[onyxofborg]

[onyxofborg]

Me, looking over the architecture plans for my evil organization’s base: “Hmm. Looks good, but there’s just one one problem. The vents need to be bigger. Make those air ducts easily accessible and large and strong enough for a well-muscled adult man to crawl through them.”

Henchman: “Isn’t that a security risk?”

Me: “What? No. Also, make sure they form an unbroken connection between all the most important rooms in my lair.”

[onyxofborg]

ok, i’m built like a noble ox. like i am 6′1 and i am sturdy lady. like thighs for days. if you try to move me. you will be moved. body images aside (lol, i am self conscious about my size, yeah it’s life) 

so like, i am very used to girls standing next to me in public places. i end up acquiring a pack of ladies. just because women are like, that lady is a lady men stay away from. i am jerk kryptonite (usually, i get my fair share of creeps, such is life) but most men have self preservation that this 6′1 ox will break them. and i will

so usually i am in my own phone and look up to another lady standing next to me. and i will immediately look up and make eye contact and nod. like, you know, that nod. i see you and you can talk if there is something wrong. i end up on a reg basis being a defacto bodyguard to these young ladies and small women while waiting for buses and in the metro. 

i am a large oak tree. i protect the other birds. 

ladies, we all got roles. find tree in the wild. we’re always happy to provide shelter from the creeps.

i’ve regularly said, “move on, she doesn’t want to be your friend”

[onyxofborg]

Ok I don't really ship Picard and Q but ugh I hope they find a way to get rid of the Picard/Crusher thing. I know it's canon and all but I do NOT ship it. That show was notoriously bad at doing relationships that made SENSE (Worf/Troi, anyone???)

About Picard’s return to Trek

I’m pretty sure yall are as excited as I am, but I also know that some people are kinda nervous about this new “chapter in Picard’s life” (that’s how cbs put it, i believe. or was it star trek’s official instagram? idk anymore)

Anyway. So yes, we’re all excited and we’re all nervous. And there are so many “what ifs” floating about. So how about we all sit together and share our hopes, expectations and worst fears? Send me asks, anon or not, everyone is welcome! Let’s share our excitement and apprehensions!

[onyxofborg]

I don't want an alpha male.

I don't want a beta male.

I'm holding out for the stable release.

[onyxofborg]

Not to critique evolution, but I would think orange and black stripes wouldn’t be as good for camouflage in a forest as, say, green and black would.

[onyxofborg]

Person A: *describes sexuality* and this is why I identify as bi.

Person B: *describes sexuality in exactly the same way* and this is why I identify as pan.

Me, a straight person: I am so confused.

Me to me: It doesn't have to make sense, people are allowed to define their own sexuality however the hell they want.

[onyxofborg]

OK but if I was gonna use this there'd be a caveat that at some point when Jim is around, someone HAS to say "he's dead, Jim." It's just too perfect to pass up.

Stupid D&D magic items #137: ring of Jim summoning (rare, requires attunement).

As an action, the wearer may summon Jim. Jim is bound to grant the wearer’s wishes, and serves both loyally and enthusiastically, but has no magic powers as such. Treat Jim as a human with a rating of 12 in all ability scores, proficiency with all skill and tools, and a +2 proficiency bonus; this allows Jim to attempt any roll with a flat +3 modifier. Any attempt to harm or mistreat Jim hurts Jim’s feelings, banishing Jim and rendering the ring of Jim summoning inoperative for 24 hours.

[onyxofborg]

Every time someone says "abortion is murder!" I wanna look at them like "yeah maybe technically but so is the death penalty and you're fine with that."