oorvchelv

[oorvchelv]

I am not a minor :)

[oorvchelv]

the way i would murder to see you happy.

[oorvchelv]

hey. i hope you can see this some how. hear it. read it. idk really. i know we weren’t close there at the end but i just wanted to get it off my chest that i miss you and i feel your absence from this world. and i just hope that you are good where ever you are. we both read in a book by in middle school that humans are energy and energy can never leave just change form and i believe your energy is in all the nice things. like the trees and the sun raise. i’ll think of you sometimes. when the sun hits me in the same way that it did on summer days in our home town. i’ll hold on to those moments. thank you for them.

[oorvchelv]

how do you know you’re falling out of love?

because i stopped feeling compelled to call you.

you stopping being the first thing i think of when i wake up.

and the last thought before bed.

i forget to text you.

i never used to forget.

you’re t shirts are just t-shirt’s now.

it took years and a couple hundred miles but i’m finally beginning to get over you.

and i’m not sure if it’s what i necessarily thought it would be.

i thought it would never happen.

i’d be forever in love with you because i never actually had you.

there was never moment where we had to spilt up.

the falling in love part was loud and crashing and fast.

the falling out was quiet.

uneventful.

the love was just gone.

[oorvchelv]

the first time i ever flew in a plane i was flying too you.

did you know i used to fall asleep counting the airplanes that flew over my bedroom?

that i always loved the sound of the engines roaring over my head and vibrating the windows?

the first time i ever flew on an airplane i was flying to you.

did you know it was the best three hours of my life?

that i made my friend switch seats so i could look down at the mountains below us?

did you know i had never seen a mountain before?

the second time i flew on an airplane was when i was leaving you.

did you know i stared out the window at the black sky for three hours on they way home?

that i couldn’t sleep on a red eye flight because i knew i wasn’t gonna see you for a while?

the second time i flew on an airplane i had to leave you.

did you noticed we didn’t speak for weeks before i flew across the country to you?

or that you didn’t ask me about my flight when i landed?

did you know that the sound of planes taking off keeps me up at night?

or that when i flew on a plane the second time all i could think about is how much you never think about me?

i flew on an airplane to you and now every time i hear one all i can thing about is you.

[oorvchelv]

while i was admiring your flaws

and building you up in my mind.

you were analyzing mine

to use to your advantage.

[oorvchelv]

some time ago we had a conversation

you ask what my biggest fear was

and i couldn’t come up with one.

but you did.

not for yourself,

but for me.

you sat there and pointed out that i did have a fear,

and that you knew it was losing people.

why did you think that?

how could you possibly guess such a private thing.

i never thought much of it really,

until now,

because now you’re leaving,

and i can’t help but try to hold on tight.

[oorvchelv]

“why don’t you kiss me?”

“what?”

“why don’t you kiss me?

“you didn’t ask.”

“i shouldn’t have too.”

[oorvchelv]

22 things that keep me up at night the honest truth.

1. i don’t get to see my brother as much as i wish.

2. keeping a sustainable income.

3. hating my dad for making me feel like i shouldn’t miss him.

4. my moms mental health constantly changing.

5. wasting years of my life falling for someone who can’t even bother to give me the time of day anymore.

6. i feel like my roommate of four years is starting to hate my personality

7. i don’t know what my personality even is.

8. knowing that i don’t have the energy to keep the people i care for happy anymore.

9. my father creating a whole new family and ignoring us four children’s existence.

10. knowing that the woman that raised me and my sibling, when no one else wanted too, has a limited amount of time left with us.

11. the earth is deadass dying.

12. feeling like because i’m a woman i should want kids, when i don’t know if i would make a good parent.

13. my confusing sexuality.

14. car crashes.

15. i miss my best friend more than anything else.

16. feeling guilty that i miss her more than my own family sometimes.

17. they way i ended my last relationship.

18. car problems.

19. my cat.

20. thinking about what my little siblings had to get through after i moved away.

21. my constant identity crisis.

22. knowing that anyone in my life now or previously can read this.

[oorvchelv]

so easily pleased

[oorvchelv]

[oorvchelv]

sad you left,

but happy,

bc now i know who i am

without you around

[oorvchelv]

i wish you’d forget me.

i wish you’d turn around and never look back,

leave for good.

it would make my life so much easier.

because when you remember me you end up calling.

and i end up picking up.

because i can’t forget you either.

[oorvchelv]

21 years old

in 2 days..

how did 3 years go by that fast?

i was just 18 and so in love it brought me pain,

i’m 21 now and somehow in the same place but

now with someone who barely looks my way,

and the pain has turned to a very dull numb feeling..

how’s it a different year,

for the last 21 fucking years,

but in every single one

i end up loving someone who can never love me

the way i need them too…

[oorvchelv]

[oorvchelv]

will we always resent each other for what we couldn’t do for each other?

[oorvchelv]