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Constantine’s apprentice

“Whose sidekick is this?” Barry asks.

Everyone in the watchtower turns to look at the skinny, black-haired teenager sitting patiently in the corner. He’s got big round blue eyes, and smiles and waves at the heroes when they look at him. He would be perfect bat-bait if he weren’t also the picture of innocence.

(Every Robin in existence has had an unmistakable aura of menace around them.)

That wide-eyed innocence is precisely why it’s such a surprise when the kid answers “I’m here with John Constantine”

“John Constantine?” Zattana asks, bewildered and worried all at once. She knows better than most how it feels to be burned by Constantine, and is instantly angry on the kid’s behalf.

“Someone call?” The man himself asks, as he steps into the room, bag of chips in hand.

“Why do you have an apprentice?” Zattana demands, accusatory.

John tsks and frowns, directing his next words towards the teen in question, “I told you no, kid.” Then he turns back to Zattana and the room at large, and says, “I’m dropping this kid off here. He’s being hunted by the US feds. Hole in the meta human rights bill. He is not,” John’s eyes slide back over to the kid, “my apprentice.”

The kid (and someone should really ask his name, sooner or later) frowns and crosses his arms. Now he looks more like a Robin.

“And why not?” He whines. “You’ve been teaching me just fine so far. I haven’t even been that annoying!”

“Son, no,” Hal Jordan speaks up from the back. “You’re lucky to have made it this far, you don’t want to spend any more time in Constantine’s company than necessary.”

Zattana nods and says, “he’s got a habit of sacrificing others. It’s usually for the greater good, but still… you don’t want to be the nearest convenient sacrifice.”

“Really feeling the love in here.” John mutters.

“Well… it’s true, isn’t it?” Dick shrugs apologetically.

“Not to mention you’re just a bad role model in general.” Hal tacks on with a shit-eating grin.

“Is that all?” The kid asks.

“Do you… need more?” Dick asks. “Betrayal in a life-or-death situation isn’t a small thing, kiddo.”

The kid (and really, someone needs to ask his name. And also get the report on that hole in the meta rights) just looks at John with a supremely unimpressed expression. “Y’know I haven’t been relying on you for my safety this whole time, right? We were always safe, I just stuck with you to learn magic.”

“Danny, what the hell,” John says.

Ah, so the increasingly-more-Robin-like kid’s name was Danny. Good to know.

Danny shrugs, and says with a smug smile, “the night before we left Amity Park, I contacted an omniscient time-god from another dimension and blackmailed them into giving me forewarning for any dangerous situations I might get into. I think the specific wording was ‘enough forewarning to be able to escape any situation resulting in my death, capture, torture, loss of powers, or sanity.’”

The watchtower is completely silent for a count of three.

Then Dick snorts.

“Did… did John Constantine get conned?” Barry asks with glee.

“God I hope so…” Zattana breathes.

“I really appreciate you taking me this whole way, though.” Danny says to John. “I definitely want to get a few autographs.” He says with an innocent smile.

It’s at this moment that it sinks in for the whole room that a kid tricked John Constantine into traipsing across some portion of America with him for no reason.

Hal doubles over laughing.

“You’ve been blackmailing a god this whole time?” John checks, face blank.

“Uh huh,”

“You were able to trick an omniscient being, and now have struck a deal for divine intervention any time you’re in danger?”

“Yup,” Danny pops the ‘p’

“You’ve been wheedling magic lessons out of me for weeks with the full knowledge that my only reason for sticking around — to safely get you to the watchtower — was a complete waste of my time because you are effectively safe for the rest of your life in every situation forever?”

“Uh, yes? To be clear, Clockwork won’t intervene in situations where I can handle it myself. But if I’m ever in over my head, then they’ll show me a solution.”

The room is filled with poorly concealed grins, and not-at-all concealed appraising looks. After a long moment, John finally throws his hands up in the air.

“Fine!” He says, exasperated. “I guess you’re my apprentice!”

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If it is too corny, may I offer “what the frickity frackity fuck” as an alternative?

of all the phrases we used to say in the 2010s era we need to bring back ‘what the hap is fuckening’ because honestly… what the hap is fuckening lately brother

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Touch

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can anyone tell me the watch order for every movie ever so i can understand all references and homages

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*baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws* *baps you with my paws*

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Danny gets a Pass

Ok here goes another kinda silly dp x dc prompt since ya'll liked the first.

It's simple really, Danny Fenton gets a pass. Not because of phantom or his powers but just because of everyday normal Danny being Danny. Maybe it's a hero maybe it's a villain but whatever the case is when they see it's Danny he gets passed.

Sorry can't arrest the kid, like sure he was hired as a goon but its Danny I totally owe him one, or hey yes we are 100% planning to steal all this money and blow up the building so we need hostages but not him.

The first one to see it happen was Duke. He was still learning compared to the others in the batfam so he hadn't questioned why Harley would let this kid go. Of course he was also dealing with a concussion and glitter so when she skipped glitter bombing some kid with nothing more than a hair ruffle and a cute top comment he was just happy she didn't bedazzle another civilian. To be fair it was a cool top given it was one of those rare vintage Ember band t-shirts so maybe she was just a fan of good music who was to question the slightly unhinged women when really it just meant less clean up for him.

Then it was Dick who had seen more than one cop turn away a criminal or two. This time was different though. They were supposed to be doing a bust. Stopping a group of workers who were loading crates onto the docks all filled with stolen goods. So when Dick turned and saw another officer undoing the hand cuffs to one of the dock workers he was pissed but not surprised. What surprised him when he got closer was just who the other cop was releasing. It wasn't the normal richer guy who could bribe his way, or shady leader to one of the criminal underbelly but rather a kid. At least they looked like a kid somewhere between 13 to 15 if he had to guess. He looked just as scared and confused as most kids would probably be. Maybe that's why Dicked stopped. He watched his teammate take the cuffs off, slide the kids a 20 and point to an alley. Once the kid was out of sight he turned back stepping next to dick and sharing a simple, "he's a good kid." And well Dick couldn't say if that was true or not but he had to turn a blind eye before so he could do it again. After all he did look like a good kid.

It was the next time he got passed up though that really sealed the deal and put him on the Gotham's radar. When it came to strange things happening in Gotham it was just another Tuesday. Buff Zombies taking over most of downtown was barely in the top 10 of anything crazy but seeing those buff zombies actually let some kid pass by them without a glance that was confusing. Even more confusing was when Bane caused the muscle zombies outbreak stopped mid rant to let the kid pass by when he said excuse me.

After when Batman had stopped the zombies, and had Bane contained, he had to ask who the kid was. Of course as Bane was taken away the only real answer he could get was "O, that's Danny, he gets a pass."

Thing is when Batman did track down to ask Danny himself why he got a pass he couldn't really tell the furry why. After all Danny was just being Danny he couldn't think of anything special on his end that he did.

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Harley wasn't going to attack her favorite/only pet sitter. Bud and Lou loved him after all.

Officer John couldn't arrest Danny when the kid volunteered at his Nana's nursing home. The kid was just short on cash and picked up a gig online he didn't know so the least he could do was buy the kid dinner and keep him out of trouble.

As for Bane well that's Danny his favorite food delivery boy. For Bane his only concern was that the kid was polite, always got there on time, and even started trying to learn some Spanish just to talk to Bane when he learned it was the man's first language. What sealed the deal though was when he stopped bane the first time they met to help him. Just stopped him in the middle of the street at night because he saw a crack. A small part of the venom container on his back was leaking from damage due to a fight and this kid didn't even think twice about running away from Bane. He stopped his bike and was fixing his tank and tubbing faster than Bane even noticed the problem. Then he drove off on his bike leaving to continue on his delivery. After that even Bane could see he was just a good kid and decided to give him a pass.

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what "no sugar added" should mean: the natural sugars of the other ingredients like fruit are the only source of sweetness in this product

what is actually means: we added a fuckton of artificial sweeteners

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Danny's been on this planet for ... okay, all his time shenanigans, along with natural time blindness, have kind of ruined his ability to tell. He's pretty sure it has been a while, though.

He's getting kind of bored, tbh. I mean, this underground alien fighting pit was pretty amusing for the first hundred or so fights, but they're starting to get monotonous. And he's pretty miffed at the fact that everyone fighting is kidnapped. And enslaved! Rude, honestly.

He hears the din above raise to an obscene level. Danny looks up as the new contender gets thrown into the pit. His eyes widen, and a feral grin spreads across his face.

The new fighter looks human. It's been so long since he's seen another human-esque person. Ooh, they even smell like earthling! And! Better yet! Simmering below their anger is ectoplasm.

Well, butter biscuits. He wants to fight the human. (Ghost rough house ftw!) But now he also just wants to bust outa this joint and take the human with him. Maybe get a drink. Have a latte, sip some chai tea. No time for a bubble bath, though.

His hand is to his chin, and he's rocking his head side to side in contemplation when the decision is made for him by a right hook to the jaw.

"So rude! I was making a decision!" He starts to duck and weave around the other fighter's fists.

"Sucks to be you. I'm not waitin' for ya to decide how yer gonna kick my ass."

Danny scoffs. "I was," he dodges a kick and the follow up fist it tried to hide, "deciding whether to fight or leave and we could," duck, duck, boop the nose, "go get a drink. I'm sure this planet has a bar or something."

The fighter makes an affronted noise at the boop. "What the fuck? Don't fuckin' lie. You killed all the other fighters you went up against!"

Danny smiles, "Did I?"

"Yes!"

"According to whom?" Danny was king. THE king. Of everything. He was OP af. Like he was going to kill his fight buddies! That's just bad manners! He got all his opponents free with liberal amounts of ectoplasm and creative use of portals.

Block, block, swipe kick. Ooooh, they've got moves. What was that flippy thing???

"OhMyAncients, you're so fun!!" Danny dodges another onslaught before dancing away to put distance between them. "Call me Barghest, he/him. What can I call you? Your pronouns? I need something more than 'new fighter' for my inner dialogue."

The other fighter pauses, looking thoroughly confused. "... Red Hood. He/him?? What is happening right now?"

"Now? I'm gonna tear this fuckin' place to the ground and you and I are getting a drink."

Hood scoffs. "I've seen you fight. You don't have the ability to tear this place down."

Danny glances at the alien ring. There are inhibitors and reinforced containments everywhere. The entire place is built to keep some of the most dangerous beings in the universe inside the pit to fight to the death.

This place was formidable, but it was meant for the living.

Danny shrugs. "I'm here on vacation."

"On vacation." Hood deadpans.

"Yup. I was bored. Thought only using my enhancement powers in a fighting pit would be a blast! And I was absolutely correct." He grins, letting his power flash his eyes green, then blue. "This was fun, but I'd rather chill with you now." He lets his power flash freeze all the containment contingencies around the pit, then lets his power shatter it all into dust accompanied by the lovely screams of the crowd. "I do have a few people I actually have to deal with first, but would you like to get outa here?"

Hood stares at his offered hand for a moment before giving a casual shrug. "Fuck it." Hood walks forward and reaches his hand out before pausing, "I gotta kill some people before we bounce, too."

Danny threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, I don't need to kill them. But I can respect the grind." He takes Hood's hand, and in the next breath, they're behind the owner of the underground ring, most of his upper lieutenants and about 30 alien goons.

Red Hood and Danny move in tandem, each taking a side and weaving their way through the group. They dodge, turn, disarm, and maneuver opponents into each others attacks in some of the most coordinated movement Danny has ever experienced. As if he knew exactly where Hood was going to be, going to strike, going to dip. It's amazing. His thoughts are static except for internal screaming. He stans this human so fucking hard.

As the leader finally fell to Hood's blade (where did those come from???) Danny turns to him with barely contained excitement. "Are we best friends? I think we just became best friends!"

"Uh..."

"Nope. Time's up. You're mine now. Besties forever." Danny opens his armory pocket dimension and pulls out some light body armor, a few blades, a couple of handguns, and an RPG. "New bestie, I bequeath unto thee protection! Let's go blow some shit up!"

Red Hoods smile finally matches his own. "I could be down for that."

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You all are the coolest people I vaguely know

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A wife?

Danny did sign something. While he thought he was signing a contract stating he was going to own a truck, it apparently was a marriage contract. Yup in a clear letter does it states that under the husband was his signature. The question is who the hell was his wife? Timothy Jackson Drake was what he read. Did he get married to a dragon?

Nope, apparently he is completely human. This contract was formed in order to retrieve a soul that has been lost in time. Good for him but bad news for Danny.

Ghosts are known for their emotions and are taken very seriously. Sooner or later his people will find out and demand to meet their queen? Haaa... could he just kidnap the dude? He did basically sold his soul to him. After all Ghost vowels are different from human ones and this contract was drafted based on the husband's custom.

But didn't that mean he doesn't get to do all of the paperwork? This is honestly a bad deal for his queen. Though he holds the title he doesn't get the power that comes with it till he can prove himself in front of their people. Danny really doesn't have the time to tell him about this so a letter will have to do.

"Dear Tim Drake, due to some unfortunate events you are now The Queen of The Infinity Realm. Though you hold this title you are not recognized as The Queen until you can prove you are worthy of such power you can hold. The reason you are Queen is because I King Phantom of The Infinity Realm accepted your purpose. Please note that the book attached will explain all you need to know for the basic. There is another book that goes into more of becoming The Queen if you wish to stand by my side. But if you chose not please note that we are forever tied based on ghost culture. The books should tell you everything you need to know. You should also note that this letter and book can only be read by Timothy Jackson Drake.

Best regards

King Phantom"

There that should do it. It wasn't a well written letter but on such short notice this was good. Now to send it and that will be one less problem for him. After all who would be crazy enough to accept such a deal?

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Well, folks, the numbers are in. We're in a committed relationShip with @ao3org, and it's called...drumroll...TagTeam! ao3blr was a VERY close second, so go ahead and use that tag too, ya crazy kids.

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there’s this extremely kind soul of a woman on instagram that makes accessible recipes that don’t require standing, chopping, or a stove and she might just have a permanent place in my heart

edit: here's her YouTube account, as well as her TikTok and Facebook :)

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Danny: Hey, thanks for parenting my kids! I’m impressed you managed to collect them all

Bruce: ????????

The Safety of the Royal Children

DP x DC Prompt

Danny has been the Ghost King for a while now, and he's had children other than Dani. His partner was ended by Vlad, and the Fruitloop is still trying to get the Ghost King title. Fearing that his children would be next, Danny had to send his children away to be reborn into humans. He will come for them when Vlad is dealt with.

Dani has been reborn as a girl who is the daughter of David Cain and Lady Shiva.

His oldest son has been reborn as the son of two acrobats in a traveling circus.

His second oldest son has been reborn as a street rat who is about to become the second Boy Wonder when he attempts to steal a specific set of tires.

His third and smartest son is reborn as a neglected son of two traveling rich people, always interested in relics rather than raising their son.

Finally, his youngest son was reborn as the son of the Bat and heir to the Demons Head.

Danny's reborn children will not he left defenseless. Danny had already gathered the soul fragments of the man known as John Constantine. Using the ownership over the man's soul, he ordered him to protect his children. Constantine would know who the Ghost King's reborn children were when they got close to him, as the Amulet he was given by the Ghost King would pulse with a green glow. Constantine was tasked with protecting them by any means necessary.

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Danny, while tinkering with a Fenton Tech device used to create a sonic frequency that deters ghosts, accidentally finds the frequency of Jimmy Olsen’s watch. He flinched back violently, leaning back on his chair too far and on a crash course of hitting the ground before he was stopped by the cause of his fright: Superman appearing in his bedroom.