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i believe that every person has an attribute and a talent that makes them smart in some justification. some people are book-smart, they exceed academically and they retain info good. some people are smart in terms of common sense and applications to the real world, the ones who are charming. some people are physically malleable and adaptive, etc etc. but at the same time, like with a duality of this world: there are many people with an attribute of stupidity to them. and everyone is "stupid" in some form; we always don't have access to every piece of knowledge about everything, we aren't always equipped to occupy with every situation, and so on and so forth therefore we are restricted. but honestly, i'd like to indulge in the fact that these two types of stupidity genuinely fuck up the world and it's what not only fuels hate but fuels the pockets of the very people that exploit them. the first has to be the most common-spread one, which is the mis-informed and the unknowing. they actually just don't know any better and they're only stuck to what they are used to. they're typically materialistic, but they are inevitably loyal and subservient if you manage to persuade them with more materialistic pleasures and just straight hedonism, but they mostly don't think about comprehending that, "hey, there's more to life than this!", and if we exclude the number of impoverished people by fate, it's typically them (the less educated) who are in this margin. but that isn't their fault whatsoever. they have been stripped away of the privilege to learn, and to truly learn how the world affects and exploits you or the basic foundations of philosophy are only hidden behind paywalls upon paywalls of colleges and courses, or only rarely found within people who actually have the heart to give some good advice away. other than that, the uneducated seeks to thrive off of this comfort, and the ones who know better want to keep them in it. but the second one is dangerous, because they aren't willingly stupid, they have all the opportunities they want to be advantageous, but to also be a nicer person. to also not exploit the commonwealth out of their money, or their emotions. these people are also fueled by an exorbitant amount of hatred, and it's an allude to well — the right wing and the rising conservatism in america. criticize me for making this analogy but it's true. some of them are so quick to hate and bluff on someone else's wrongdoings yet they do the same, reskinned in a different skin tone and tradition. it all boils down to be the same predatory behavior that they criticize, and it's saddening to see this lack of spatial awareness. these are the same people who actually DO no better, like know that every person is individualistic and not every statistic will apply to one person, and know that they're still upholding this hierarchy and policing people because there's one thing they need to justify and maintain — control. but, really? you try maintaining control while still being an idiot because you do the exact same things the people you hate do? when in fight with your opponent, you actually need to have more semblance and rationale than your opponent, which many of them fail to do. you aren't above them as you claim you are, you are in the same line as them. lastly, the second type of stupid people who are ignorant convert the first type of stupid people who are simply uneducated, and that's a maelstrom for the brewing hate in countries recently. idk what else to say i kinda blanked out but yeah if you're tired of me whining about my ex boyfriend here's a pretty radical take of me.

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we are not friends, w___. we are not friends and we never will be. there's already a charged energy coming from me, and tension in between our words.

i still hate some of the shit you do. why do you insist on following some of these girls who won't give you the time of day? i'm slaving away every moment, bed rotting but indefinitely being in love with you. i think about you every single day, i want you every single time. do you know how tiring it is to look at your instagram every once in a while, to see your follower count rise up and i see a new bitch everyday?

and the fact that you're not straight either, seeing a guy or a girl, or anyone for the matter. it genuinely angers me. i hate you for keeping me on my toes, leading me into an empty promise filled with my heart and my head's lies. i hate you for sending me those dumb fucking occasional reels but choosing to not talk to me or actually ignore me when i'm trying to ask something. i hate being so infuriated and so fucking tired all the time. I HATE IT, W___. I HATE IT SO MUCH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. you literally never will because you're genuinely fucking INEPT to understand anything.

may you never find anyone else's love but mine in your life time. you hurt me so bad and i don't care if i'm feeding my delusions or overthinking into it, i genuinely don't give a single shit, w___. i want you and i wanted you for so many months and almost another year, give me a chance. i don't care how you feel, i want you to myself.

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6/7/2025.

it was the day i sent that break up text to r__ and i received a reply back.

i can claim that with my many, many attributes and problems that i messed up in the relationship as well. i hurt him, i leaked an albeit simple and harmless, but private roleplay between his friends to j_______ and g___, and his friends might frankly not like me because i destroyed his trust and in all honesty, i did contribute to a certain part of his insecurity. he did want to end things mutually as well, we were drifting.

even in the arrays of my faults and the constants of his, there's one thing i shouldn't have been reprimanded for, a fault which wasn't even addressed in his friends' mouths.

sure, blame me all you want for my shortcomings but how come nobody cares about him saying the n-word numerous times? at least i have some modicum to not blast a fucking slur, but sure... your dumbass roleplay is the breaking point.

and guess what? in my apology, i wasn't keen on using my backstory on how i'm so "broken" and everything, and i just went onto apologizing.

but i'm glad we're out of each other's lives. i couldn't bare a second with you anyway.

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how can i change myself physically, and even emotionally and mentally so i can have you again? why is my competition every guy and girl in the world now?

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altogether.

you keep avoiding me and keeping your distance; i am becoming distant with myself with you. now i regret myself. tired of fighting for you only for you to push me away into obscurity, stop lying to me and saying that if you hated me that you'd cut contact with me. i know you still hate me. i'm not going to let months and months of internal torture and pain go into this fuck up that you expect me to just forget ever again. i love you and i will take time for you no matter what but i wish you weren't an evil bitch and understood me. you know who you are. i'm not letting you go. i've always been there with you but you don't give me the time to listen to you. i'm so distraught what do you mean you find her really attractive. did me loving you meant nothing to you? the only person who i had eyes for is you and you pushed me away and then you call these other people attractive but i'm the first one who was not "within your preferences". what? WHAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I WASN'T GOOD LOOKING ENOUGH FOR YOU? FIRST IT WAS MY DOUBTS ON MY GENDER BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY VIEW ME AS A WOMAN BUT I KNEW IT. I KNEW YOU FOUND ME UGLY AND THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT ME. I HAVE NEVER HAD A MOMENT OF PEACE AND SANCTITY AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME. i used to put effort and rigor and pain myself in the process but now i do nothing but cry about it lmao. this isn't about one single scenario but every goal and aspiration in my life. i genuinely wish i had motivation, energy, and no depression so i could get out of my ass and do the things i consider a chore today. i feel nauseated so much and i feel like i know why but i don't. and one of the why's is you, of-course.

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my own friends are fucking tired of me because of how much i used to talk about you or still sometimes slip in you in conversations (all in good faith) of course. and now i know that well, you're gay. i don't know if you were specific on you being gay or bisexual but it hurts me even more because i'm not cisgender, not at all but i've been embarrassed to say that and before last year, i actually wanted to come out to you during that time but it was already kind of too late. i know i dress up feminine and whatnot, but please ____, don't consider me a woman. don't consider me a woman if i have to know the fact that you are into men as well, and don't ever see me as one. i genuinely wish that i was born a man, even more than i used to because of the slight chance of being someone you consider being attractive again. i’'m sorry for putting this all onto you, and all of this will probably deviate us from friendship because it's so awkward admitting your continued feelings for your friend whom you've previously dated but it is affecting my life emotionally and mentally, and how i deal with relationships haha. lastly, but i probably have way more to say but the whole relationship has impacted on my relationship with other people. with ___, the biggest factor on why i don't want to be with him anymore isn't just his actions or hate, or really much, but it's the fact that he's not you. i resented him because he didn't have the appearance of just like cleanliness, nor did he have some humility and humbleness, and just less of an ego in general. even with me being into _____ for a short while, he probably fucking hates me and was already into another girl to begin with. even with my efforts with them, it didn't work out because us breaking up really changed my perception of relationships. but even during and before us, i rejected the guys who wanted to pursue me because i wanted to save up for you, and i wanted to save up for you for a total of three years. i was planning on asking you out during this year in january before we ever dated because i wanted to know you more and maintain a good friendship with you. but you consider ____ and ____ to be higher in value. which is fine, but i wish you knew that i really love and appreciate you, and i don't want my efforts to be in vain anymore. i love you a lot but you have hurt me in one of the most unimaginable ways possible, because i haven't felt like this at all until i met you.

____, i know that this message might be a really big deal-breaker for us right now because i feel like it can really change how you feel about me and how i felt about you, but it's genuinely hurting me to keep this inside of me for almost two years of knowing you now. look, ever since you broke up with me on july of last year, it genuinely changed me. it has been the biggest aspect of what i think about every single day, and it hurt me to such an insane level that i think i might have changed some of my habits and ways of thoughts about it. i know it sounds very dramatic coming from me but this isn't me exaggerating anything to manipulate you or gaslight you into anything, but you breaking up with me and then us continuing to speak fucks with me to a psychological level, i'm sorry. i don't want to mess up what we have right now because it's really the closest that i could get to speaking with you and bonding over you, and as much as we're friends; we're exes at the end of the day and it's not something i can forget. i understand that the whole thing about your mother and brother pressuring you to kind of confess to me was a bit forced, but i wouldn't have minded at all if you still did like me to an extent and you either wanted to take things slow, but i wish you didn't want to date immediately because ever since you broke up with me, i have to constantly question myself on what exactly i did wrong in the relationship. it sounds desperate of me but even with whatever we had before and whatever is going on after, i still very much love you. i genuinely love you, ____. there hasn't been a day where i haven't thought about you ever since i saw you the first time, and i care for you a lot no matter what i say that might sound "insulting", but i'm too mentally exhausted and physically tired to even do anything or try to redouble my efforts to be with you again, because at this point it's not worth it. i'm not asking for a relationship again, but i want to tell you everything i've felt over these days but also just a culmination of how i've felt over the months anyway. i've yearned, i've been really frustrated, and i have cried countless times over you and it's just really humbling to see that something i've strived for 7 months and still honestly strive for die down eventually. i wish i could lose feelings over you so i wouldn't have to have problems with myself mentally, but it did not work out at all like my feelings with _____ and ___. and i want to include something; everytime i say that "it's okay", "you're fine", "it's cool" when it's anything regarding our past relationship, i'm not. i'm absolutely not. you literally have the ability to change my entire route of emotions based off of just a simple conversation alone, that's how obsessed i am with you. but no, it's not okay nor is it fine that you chose to break up with me instead of either wanting to take it slow, or have a consideration that i have spent two or almost three years of doing nothing but thinking about you, wasting my time, energy, and resources onto you for so long.

[openingcomb]

____, i know that this message might be a really big deal-breaker for us right now because i feel like it can really change how you feel about me and how i felt about you, but it's genuinely hurting me to keep this inside of me for almost two years of knowing you now. look, ever since you broke up with me on july of last year, it genuinely changed me. it has been the biggest aspect of what i think about every single day, and it hurt me to such an insane level that i think i might have changed some of my habits and ways of thoughts about it. i know it sounds very dramatic coming from me but this isn't me exaggerating anything to manipulate you or gaslight you into anything, but you breaking up with me and then us continuing to speak fucks with me to a psychological level, i'm sorry. i don't want to mess up what we have right now because it's really the closest that i could get to speaking with you and bonding over you, and as much as we're friends; we're exes at the end of the day and it's not something i can forget. i understand that the whole thing about your mother and brother pressuring you to kind of confess to me was a bit forced, but i wouldn't have minded at all if you still did like me to an extent and you either wanted to take things slow, but i wish you didn't want to date immediately because ever since you broke up with me, i have to constantly question myself on what exactly i did wrong in the relationship. it sounds desperate of me but even with whatever we had before and whatever is going on after, i still very much love you. i genuinely love you, ____. there hasn't been a day where i haven't thought about you ever since i saw you the first time, and i care for you a lot no matter what i say that might sound "insulting", but i'm too mentally exhausted and physically tired to even do anything or try to redouble my efforts to be with you again, because at this point it's not worth it. i'm not asking for a relationship again, but i want to tell you everything i've felt over these days but also just a culmination of how i've felt over the months anyway. i've yearned, i've been really frustrated, and i have cried countless times over you and it's just really humbling to see that something i've strived for 7 months and still honestly strive for die down eventually. i wish i could lose feelings over you so i wouldn't have to have problems with myself mentally, but it did not work out at all like my feelings with _____ and ___. and i want to include something; everytime i say that "it's okay", "you're fine", "it's cool" when it's anything regarding our past relationship, i'm not. i'm absolutely not. you literally have the ability to change my entire route of emotions based off of just a simple conversation alone, that's how obsessed i am with you. but no, it's not okay nor is it fine that you chose to break up with me instead of either wanting to take it slow, or have a consideration that i have spent two or almost three years of doing nothing but thinking about you, wasting my time, energy, and resources onto you for so long.

[openingcomb]

"I am sorry about that, and not just breaking up with you, but dating in the first place, because I don't think I was ready for it."

"That's what I was gonna do, but my mom and brother were like "you gotta tell her if you like her or not" and were just being really persistent with that."

why do you intend on killing me.

why do you intending on hurting me in the most devastating way possible.

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it's been days.

since you have left me on read again.

probably four or five, i don't know.

i don't know why i keep going back to you in a way again.

time and time again.

and barely a response even though we spoke yesterday, in real life.

i had to be the one to approach you, like i always do.

you look so cute when you smile.

i hate the fact that some of my friends hate you or don't care about you.

i have so much to tell them about you, always teeming to make a reference about you.

how was your day, where you've been, what this reminds me of,

what do you want from me?

how will i change myself so you can want me again?

do you intend on hurting me, or do you know that i'll hurt myself by delusion and the mere fact that i can't just let go.

that i can't let go of july 17th.

that i can't let go of february 21st.

i can't let go of september either.

i can never let go of september, it's something we share after all.

we share so many things but you refuse to acknowledge them all. you refuse to acknowledge my love and that i'll always be there for you, when your aforementioned "friends" will never be.

so what if he invites you over and is free to hang out with you? you think he's the friend your age who can truly understand you, but who are you to him?

he has a girlfriend. he has a friendgroup that he only worries about.

all i have is you. if i'm not busy being distant in the talk of what my friends are up to, or busy trying to avoid the ugly gaze of ___, i'm thinking about you.

but i'm thinking about you, every day and every moment of it.

i hate everyone and everything and i especially hate him, but i don't hate you. i don't hate you at all.

but when you bring up your sexuality, or him, or his brother, or any other stupid joke that reminds me of how much i can't have you, it feels like you're truly the only person i hate the most.

i don't understand why i don't get to see it all, to see every side of you when i'm irrevocably in love with you.

i'm in love with you. and i always will be. never move my love from me. never push away my love for you, from me.

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i love you so much that i want to be you.

everytime you complain about your body, albeit your body fat; i want to develop into your figure no matter what.

i will never understand how you can be so insecure about so many parts of your body except for one, you know? your lower regions.

but i want you to be insecure about nothing, because you deserve it. and i want some of it too. i want your body, whether it's carnal or just to touch.

you're the only person i just feel comfortable with being held, and it's all i want.

i just want the feeling of being into your arms again and you lovingly look into me with your beautiful, argent eyes and it's something i've desired since my inception of you. a moment i have replayed over and over again but i always end it on a comedic and cliffhanger note because i refuse to give myself the advantage of having a loving and budding relationship.

even with you, it feels foreign to me but you're the only person i could lend you my entire body.

but i have to stay celibate, right? i'm really trying to condition myself that i need to marry first, and intercourse is too much of a rollercoaster of emotions and bonds to give it up.

but if i could give it up to you, i would be complete.

do i like the idea of you only? i don't want to be into the idea of you. i want to be attracted to you wholeheartedly for who you are, and i hate pretending that i'm not because i love you, truly. i love you in every aspect possible, you don't know.

i wish you knew.

please listen to me.

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i don't CARE IF YOU'RE GAY. I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE MEN. I DON'T CARE AT ALL. BE ATTRACTED TO ME. BE ATTRACTED TO ME AGAIN. BE ATTRACTED TO ME AND LOVE ME ROMANTICALLY. DESIRE TO BE WITH ME. TAKE ME OUT OF THIS SHITHOLE AND CONFESS YOUR LOVE TO ME AGAIN. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. WE CAN MAKE IT WORK BECAUSE I'M NOT EVEN A WOMAN, RIGHT? DO YOU STILL VIEW ME AS A WOMAN? HOW MASCULINE OR BOYISH DO I HAVE TO BE TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT YOU DON'T GIVE AN OUNCE OF A FUCK TO BE WITH ME. HOW MUCH OF MY IDENTITY DO I HAVE TO CHANGE FOR YOU TO START LOVING ME AGAIN AND GETTING YOUR ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS ME?

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today.

today was the first time in practically months that i have gotten to speak to you in person. i went into your classroom, which was noticeably the auditorium to work on my assignment to interview our shared teacher and a friend. but i saw you.

i'm enthralled by your beauty, seriously. the meek photos you post to me or others for fun does not do you justice; you're not a great photographer when you take a picture of yourself, yet my eyes see beyond that and truly appreciate your beauty. the camera is just a mere imitation of how truly beautiful you are and how much i want to examine every bit of your face since from that angle alone, even if far that i couldn't withstand without trying to have a look at you or glance at your face, wanting to memorize every feature and crevice. you look amazing with longer hair. you always did. i'm so glad you have spoken to me today, even if barely. it doesn't bother me that we spoke barely because in the midst of all the chaos from the musical preparations and my own group-mate's chatter, i have gotten to hear a semblance of your voice. you are just so adorable.

however, i can't deny that i feel rage and genuine anguish because of it. your dry and unenthusiastic responses in text even with the twinge of some "fucked up" things you say which are honestly really funny. why don't you give me a piece of a moment's time? i know we're only limited to friends but i can't help it. i can't help myself and help you neither but by god i love you so much yet i am absolutely infuriated by every brush and dismissal that is caused by you. i don't know if you're capable of the mental rollercoaster i've either put myself through with my own faults or the series of events that you made in which all of them revolves around you, but how are you still so nonchalant about things? in general? it angers me. you focus on the wrong things while the person who loves you and adores you with all their heart is toiling away mentally and needing a drop of your respect and love.

i can't even say that i hate you because i don't know if that's in my heart or interests to do so. i miss you greatly and there's no obstacles to prove me otherwise no matter how distracted i am. hate me for it, hurt me for it, or call authorities on me for it. i won't act on much but i still love you from the bottom of my heart. you're still etched.

[openingcomb]

if you ever find me, hello. i know who you are clearly and undoubtedly by the gesture of my hand posts but also; it’s just you.

i’m sure you’ll know who i am soon enough by you reading these posts. just put two and two together.

if you wonder why i write like this, imagine the culmination of our short-lived relationship mixed with the instability of my mental health. your mentality is objectively bad enough due to your struggle with depression and anxiety and other issues, but mine is bordering on this sort of mania. i’m never keen on diagnosing myself and i will never stoop down low to exclaim myself as something i’m not, but it’s an issue that tackles my obsession and utter devotion for you these past months. maybe it’ll end when i’m out of school. maybe it never will.

i don’t know. only time will tell when these feelings will evaporate something into normalcy but i don’t think i’m capable of that when it’s depending on a person like you. i’m sorry, bear me with me.

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i love him, i care for him, i long for him, and i need him. there is nothing in my mind that can move me from thinking otherwise because even with past discrepancies and disgusts, those were of me taking shit for granted. i was too immature to realize his grateful i should’ve been to even come close and contact him like that. i thought i was only privileged, not a miracle. but when it’s stripped away like my right to live, im losing hope in humanity and my chance of survival. no other relationship has made me feel this way but him. no other person has made me feel this way but him, no matter who came first. everyone else is a disgrace to me when i see him, when im around him. s____ doesn’t compare. r__ is the size of a quark when considering his greatness, nobody understands how much he’s important to me. nobody gets it. i can’t parade around with pleasantries and dimming myself about him. i want to shine with expression and fervor in his name. i will speak about him and every single thing will be connected to that man of my dreams until the end of time. his name is etched into my body, literally and figuratively. i don’t care if it was cursed, or a “soul-binding” technique i unintentionally put upon myself. atleast i did it. it gave me purpose. he gives me purpose.

i said “his grateful” but i don’t know what the fuck that means lmao.

these are from drafts but my feelings are still unchanged.

i’m not saying that i’m an overachiever or i’ve done anything substancial or accumulated good grades throughout my years or high school; i have not. quite the opposite. yet, i still have a small ambition to exemplify my abilities and what traits i have as time goes on. i have constant desires from time to time of me being into ucf, of fsu of being a business, accounting, and finance major along with minors. but i’m worried about the cost. i have dreams. desolate dreams. i have fantasies of leaving every single individual behind no matter how much i lie to them and say that “i’m not gonna cut contact with you.” i will. and i plan on wholeheartedly. however, the proximity of jacksonville is no joke, maybe i’ll meet someone i haven’t expected to. but we all know the only individual who i’d want to meet years after my isolation. 

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this is so stupid for a teenager, and more pathetic when you realize that this teenager has a series of mental complications. but i’m a girl, so just go ahead and lump me with the borderline personality disorder girls who do more or less same. but they’re not me. i don’t have the disorder but they can never be like me where my obsession and all encompassing love for him just extends beyond my body. i want to know him. i want to be him. i want to capture his soul and his body and just merge it within myself. if i lived through his eyes one day, i would look at each and every single opportune moment in his life and i would take every single chance. i would be unstoppable if i either got to meet him again, got to love him again, or just to be in his shoes for once. i want to know his brain, what he thinks of, what he thinks of me. i want to know everything from his direct words and his thoughts. maybe i don’t even need diction, because his mind and the intricate details of it are probably more complex than what he can express, which happens to everyone. i want to know it. his truest and rawest form. i envy e____ e_______ and r__ v_______, even if i am dating him which i reject the notion in my mind and behavior altruistically. he doesn’t understand how miraculous it is for an ex to talk to you again, to give you the light of day and speak in prose to you and want you back whether it be with friendship or more. she’s forgiving and she’s willing to change herself for him. i would leap into his hands and forget everything that happened beyond last year’s altercation if that moment ever came up to me. i shouldn’t have messaged e____ and ruined her chances of getting to reconnect with an ex, i should have encouraged it more than expected. maybe when we break up i’ll really push onto that, because all i want is him. 

these are from drafts but my feelings are still unchanged.

i’m not saying that i’m an overachiever or i’ve done anything substancial or accumulated good grades throughout my years or high school; i have not. quite the opposite. yet, i still have a small ambition to exemplify my abilities and what traits i have as time goes on. i have constant desires from time to time of me being into ucf, of fsu of being a business, accounting, and finance major along with minors. but i’m worried about the cost. i have dreams. desolate dreams. i have fantasies of leaving every single individual behind no matter how much i lie to them and say that “i’m not gonna cut contact with you.” i will. and i plan on wholeheartedly. however, the proximity of jacksonville is no joke, maybe i’ll meet someone i haven’t expected to. but we all know the only individual who i’d want to meet years after my isolation. 

[openingcomb]

either way, with my prolonged isolation, suicide would be inevitable. maybe even a natural death would be too if i keep being saddened all the time. it’s not like i’d stay sedentary. i want to look presentable in a way, like how i still fixate on my hair and face all the time when to others i either look more or less the same, or to the camera i look wobblier than i perceive myself in the mirror. i want to look like that so it’s not an immediate gateway to how i feel constantly and all the time. it’s too complicated to explain anyway to a normal person. but, i wish i saw him in the future. it’s the only individual i would bear to see and it would fill be with heartache to watch him spring off with another woman that he actually loves, rather than loving me or thinking about me which i fantasize about in online scriptures or when he did date me. i don’t know what i’d do with myself, or how i would react to even seeing him in the future, or a possibility of doing so. i wish i could, but it’s too unrealistic and with every circumstance right now, i’m feening for nothing. i’m yearning for a moment which is slim, no matter how the odds are. i could willingly go up to him now and talk to him, but im too scared of him. i’m scared of his judgement, his dulled eyes with a tinge of blue and a speck of green plastered to make an indistinguishable color and shrinked pupils to look at my basic-ass brown ones. i can’t explain anything that i’m even feeling right now. is it heartache? sadness? despair? numbness? the exhaustive feeling of never trusting anything im gonna go through? i don’t know.

these are from drafts but my feelings are still unchanged.

i’m not saying that i’m an overachiever or i’ve done anything substancial or accumulated good grades throughout my years or high school; i have not. quite the opposite. yet, i still have a small ambition to exemplify my abilities and what traits i have as time goes on. i have constant desires from time to time of me being into ucf, of fsu of being a business, accounting, and finance major along with minors. but i’m worried about the cost. i have dreams. desolate dreams. i have fantasies of leaving every single individual behind no matter how much i lie to them and say that “i’m not gonna cut contact with you.” i will. and i plan on wholeheartedly. however, the proximity of jacksonville is no joke, maybe i’ll meet someone i haven’t expected to. but we all know the only individual who i’d want to meet years after my isolation.