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[openthevoid2]

You have to be nasty af AND mentally stimulating. I'm grown grown. I need both.

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I've been very enamored by the idea of pain as intimacy recently - helping someone feel a sensation that's pleasurable to them, the knowledge of each other and trust that it takes to come together into a space where pain and pleasure are intertwined, the mindful focus on body sensations in the here and now...

And pain feels even more intimate with feedism. It's giving food and nourishment and the pleasure of taste and fullness, and it's also a person asking you to put something in their body, which is just incredibly intimate in itself, but even more so when they want to be stuffed so full that they're in pain. It's not the kind of pain that disappears right away either: it takes a special kind of trust for the gradual flow and ebb of pleasure and pain through feeding that just isn't there with other kinds of pain play.

That's romance 💘

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— Frank Bidart, from “Half-light: Collected Poems 1965-2016; ‘In The Ruin’", published c. 2017.

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S’mores Bars with Homemade Vanilla Bean Marshmallow

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Hurt/Comfort Dialogue Prompts

“Just close your eyes. I will still be here when you open them again.”

“Sure, you can use me as a pillow.”

“I’d come for you. No matter what, when you need me, I will be there.”

“Can you walk? I’d be happy to carry you.”

“This is not who you are. I know you better than that.”

“I know, it hurts. I’m so sorry, but we have to get this out.”

“You can hold my hand.”

“The nightmares are just an illusion. I’m really here.”

“Tell me to stay and I will be here for as long as you’ll have me.”

“It’s okay to be afraid sometimes.”

“Just keep breathing. In and out. You’re doing great.”

“You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

“It’s alright. I’m not going to let go.”

“Show me where it hurts.”

“If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here.”

“You can go to sleep now. I will keep watch.”

“Hey, listen to me. You’re safe. Nothing is going to hurt you.”

“I want you to know that it’s okay to cry.”

“Take all the time you need.”

“If you feel safer with me being there, you know I will always be there.”

“Just look at me. Forget everything else.”

“They won’t take you away from me ever again.”

“You need to keep your eyes open. Just a little longer.”

“Don’t let your fears dictate your life.”

“I’m going to ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly.”

Part II

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What are some disadvantages of being a feedee

I’m going to spill some absolute tea, and it may not be what everyone wants to hear - but I am only going to give my absolute honestly.

I officially became a feedee when I was 18 years old, coming off my absolute lowest weight. I didn’t become a model until less than a year ago. I am speaking from experience as a skinny girl in the community, a model in the community, and a BBW in the community.

1. You’ll NEVER be fat enough for fetish people ;

This only applies to feedees who come online and enter the fetish community for support or seeking a feeder, but nonetheless it’s hard. Becoming a feedee you might think all the people encouraging you to gain, or just simply telling you “You’re not fat enough.”  will back off once you put on some pounds. . .But I’m telling you, you’ll never stop receiving those messages as long as you’re a feedee. To some this is a good thing because they want encouragement, but when you receive those messages constantly and aren’t recognized for the pounds you already packed on - it can be disheartening. You really need to be prepared to do your gain for yourself and yourself only, and avoid any comments. Especially seeing as that comments like “You’re not fat enough” will often digress into “Your belly isn’t big enough” “You should have a double chin right now” “Why haven’t your tits gotten bigger”. . .It can become hurtful after awhile unless you build up your own confidence. But, this is also something you’ll face whether you want to gain, lose, or maintain weight in general. People on the internet like to make other people feel shitty, fetish community or not.

In addition to never being fat enough, you’ll also never be fetishized enough. You don’t like a specific fetish? You don’t like gainer shakes? You HATE heavy cream? You want to take your gain slow instead of SUPER fast? You will be looked down on by some onlookers, but that’s just another thing you’ll learn to ignore and move on from.

2. Conventionally attractive feedees garner more attention than the non-conventional, which can hurt your brain too ;

We have an impressive community when it comes to diversity, but this point is very true and might make you feel discouraged. “Conventional attractiveness” is ever present here in the feedism community. No matter where you go on the internet the most “acceptable” people tend to be the smaller waist, big booty, big breasted, light/lighter skin, unblemished femme presenting people. This is true in the feedism community as well. I often see very dedicated feedees thrown to the wayside because they don’t fit that conventionally attractive mold. I’m not saying everyone is shallow, but as a person on the internet it is occasionally hard or hurtful to only see love toward the more conventionally attractive, when there are plenty of people outside that mold who are just as eager to share with the community. “Pretty Privilege” is everywhere. It’s difficult, but never ever let someone else’s appearance change how you feel about your gain, do this for fun, and do this for yourself.

In addition to this point, you’ll often see folks who have already gained a good amount go by the wayside because people get excited to watch a new, thinner person gain. . .This is something you’ll observe, but the fact that people prefer to fatten a thin person vs. an already gaining person will play into my next point. . .

3. Gaining is EXPENSIVE ;

I’m not saying all feedees need to be gainers, but a vast majority are - which is why I have this point. There is a misconception that people can just beg for stuffing funds and receive it here in the feedism community, but this is simply not true. It may be true for SOME people (see my last point), but it isn’t always, especially for men, those already gaining, or people who again, don’t fit a conventionally sexy mold. 

If you have followed my gain at all, I have been gaining for 3 years and didn’t get FAT until this past year. For the first two years, I was broke as HELL and tried my best to research fattening foods to fit into my budget. This simply did not work. I worked in financial advising and still couldn’t figure out a good cheap gaining budget that I actually gained weight on. My big gain didn’t come until I began doing modeling full time during quarantine. Obviously I can’t go anywhere, and my job is usually involving sitting. . .So the lack of activity helped with my gain a LOT. But even now as a semi successful model - I can only afford to do stuffings when I have a little surplus of cash from a video doing super well or something along those lines. I still have college tuition, a car bill, energy bill, rent, pets to feed, and I like to gain by eating foods I enjoy. I hate chugging cream, shakes or other high calorie foods just for the calorie density - I want to actually enjoy my gain which can be pricy.

Another thing that is super expensive is CLOTHES! While it is hot to outgrow clothes, it’s also irritating when you have a funeral to go to and your black dresses you bought two months ago don’t even remotely fit. You will outgrow your favorite clothes, you may even go up shoe sizes, you may outgrow bras, underwear, socks and this is expensive as HELL. I feel like I’m constantly outgrowing things, which may be the most expensive part of gaining. It’s also super taxing if you already are struggling to pay just to gain and can’t afford to dress yourself on top of it.

Needless to say, this is something you need to take into consideration. If you can’t afford to gain the way you want to - it’s okay to take breaks and not gain as fast as some people with more money. Your gaining experience is for you and no one else.

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gurgly guts on my mind

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@ sa.liine

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FULLY INTEGRATED HIGH CALIBER WEAPONRY CANNOT SAVE YOU

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swipe

more on my instagram @matialonsor

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The overflow is getting real y’all 🥵

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Marvel Studios’ Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness | Time

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Cmon now! Stop squirming 😡

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Sorry I went ghost for a bit!