optimistictyphoonhottub

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

“horns as an erogenous zone is like a sword as an erogenous zone” 1. that’s a good thing and 2. the more erogenous zones the better

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

This is a metaphor

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

future archaeologists will know you were (not) a boy

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

Nintendo just announced HD Rumble that will make Switch 2 joycons feel like they're twitching and leaking in your hand

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

That has to be the most humiliating way to describe one of Earth's most terrifyingly effective predators.

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

I’m really into internet discourse but only pointless and stupid internet discourse like how many holes there are in a straw (it’s 2)

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

enough about my guts

it’s time i rearrange his penis.!!!

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

i wanna talk about this shot

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

it must suck to do an assassinate and have everyone cheering you on and hyping you up cuz you can’t tell anyone you did it. you have to keep that information to yourself.

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

TIL that the reason lead levels in children’s blood have dropped 85% in the past thirty years is because of an unknown scientist who fought car companies to end leaded gasoline. He also removed it from paint, suggested its removal from pipes, and campaigned for the removal of lead solder from cans.

via ift.tt

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

Yeah. Bad news, buddy. But your battery's dead.

Do I have a battery?

Look around the white void, do you think car batteries would just fall out of thin air on my hair like a cartoon anvil?

[optimistictyphoonhottub]

reblog to drop a car battery on a post below