originalkid-basement
I'm the prettiest canary in this mine
jasper - he/she - 18
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I feel a little guilty that I hate sharing stuff that I make but idk. It makes me nervous
#i usually only draw and write stuff for other people anyways#and i love doing that#but idk#the nicer people are the worse i feel#is this too complainy#im like kind of kicking myself for posting that fic lmao#i keep looking at at and i want to rip my hair out#i had so much fun writing it and i love it but i feel like its not really that great and people just wont tell me that#i dont want people to try to preserve my feelings and my ego#im already convinced that everyone doesnt think its that good and they all hate it#so like whats the point
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People saying "I love you" was such a foreign thing to me until like two years ago. Not once had one of my friends ever told me that they loved me until then and then suddenly people started saying it all the time over like the littlest things. Seriously the first time one of my friends told me that they loved me I freaked out because I thought something was wrong or they were dying
#very strange to hear non family members say i love you#not unpleasant!! just unusual#to me#and now people say it all the time#which is great its just confusing#bc i havent really done anything for them when they say it i could literally just be sitting next to them
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Sometimes I think a little too hard and I remember that I could die at any moment and I really don't want to be the kid that everyone knows somehow that died in highschool so I just like. Don't leave my house for a few days
#but then i have to look at myself and go “you are regressing get the fuck outside”#maybe this is a little too vulnerable for the internet#um#hm#im doing great this hasnt happened recently#i just remembered why i dont like to think too hard about my future#bc its absolutely not guaranteed and i live in a state with a lot of car crashes and shootings#so#any day now
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I THOUGHT IT WAS MONDAY FOR A TERRIBLE FIVE SECONDS
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Not to give people tmi but I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm freaking out about it because I HATE the doctor and it's first thing in the morning. They draw some blood and it makes me feel like crap and then four weeks later they say they can't find anything and just. Whatever I hate going
#the reason why isnt even that big of a deal#you can live without a period#im pretty happy without it#but NO i just have to have it#everyone wants me to be as miserable as they are when they get theirs#i mean i GET my period#once a year#so#thats normal enough for me#thats one too many times actually#“but joel youll never be able to have kids. youre basically infertile rn”#GOOD#do i seem like i would be a good parent#no#look at the bright side#i have a 99% chance of beating teen pregnancy 🎉#think of the positives
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I wish I could go back in time and tell the me from 4 months ago to stand up
#i listened to a song i havent heard since then and i remembered#being hung up on someone is so embarrassing in hindsight#and i had to make it everyones problem
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I so desperately need people to stop telling me I have a mustache. I KNOW!! THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!! IT GROWS BACK TOO FAST!!
#i know im not supposed to be able go grow one#i know youre jealous of my bomb ass mustache#i know that youve never seen a more fem presenting person with a mustache irl before#but i wish you would keep it to yourself#because i cant do jack shit about it
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I think that I shouldn't draw stuff bc any time I do ANYTHING I get like on the verge of an anxiety attack all of the next day
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I forgot that people can tell where you live by how you speak
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OH MY GOD I JUST HAD A DREAM THAT I USED A PAINTBRUSH AND CLEANING BLEACH TO MELT HALF OF MY EYEBROW OFF I THOUGHT THAT WAS REAL
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The people are charmed by my intriguing cowardice and my jaw dropping beauty
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Can you still get into an ok college if you haven't done anything interesting or notable ever in your life
#because i havent#done anything interesting or notable#ok well thats not true#i was a really good dancer ten years ago#like a multi competition winning dancer#but i havent done anything since#probably because i used to hide for days at a time bc i was so worried that someone was going to kill me#so i just never went outside LMAO#you dont get much done if youre busy hiding from everything instead of going out
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I feel like I have such a hard time understanding what poses and facial expressions to choose when I'm drawing, and I have a hard time being able to convey the tone I want when I'm writing. I always think that that's a problem with me being autistic but then I realize that hey, all of these other autistic people can do these things, so maybe it's not so much a problem with autism and more a problem with just me. Maybe I just suck at being creative
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I forgot you're not supposed to eat dairy stuff while you have a cold but I just ate half of my bowl of ice cream and I don't want to waste it. I'm already going to get sicker anyways why not go all out and eat the whole thing, right?
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I just payed a mortgage!!
#no i didnt im lying#“why do you always say the most fuckass untrue stuff what is wrong with you” -Joel 2024#hes sitting right next to me looking like i just ate shit with my hands in front of him
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Hey funny question, actually funniest of questions, when you get a therapist do they listen to you and try to help you or do they send you away the moment you say "hey I'm actually not doing so great right now" because I need to know how honest and realistic I'm allowed to be without being sent to a ward or something
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