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lying in front of the street cleaner

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if you can and want to, go to college when you’re 30. move out at 40. learn to drive at 50. life is short but it is also so long. it’s not too late to do new things.

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these screenshots taken from video fanfictions on youtube from 2009 will never not be funny to me

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Uncharismatic Fact of the Day

If you have poor eyesight, you have something in common with the kiwi! This species of bird is nocturnal, and they rely on other senses light smell and hearing to find their prey. As a result, most kiwis have extremely poor vision, and there's even small but healthy population of completely blind individuals. The best part? Scientists believe the gene responsible for the reduction in vision is the Sonic hedgehog gene.

(Image: A North Island brown kiwi (Apteryx mantelli) by Tui de Roy)

If you like what I do, consider leaving a tip or buying me a ko-fi!

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I FUCKING LOVE INFORMATION!!! I WANT TO LEARN EVERY THING AND KNOW EVERYTHING!!!!! I WANT TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND EVERYTHING!!!!!! I AM UTTERLY CONSUMED BY MY THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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i wish it was socially acceptable to let out the most agonizing scream from time to time like i know it wouldn’t fix anything but it would certainly make me feel better

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what if clams mooed like cows. the world would probably be a different place

we should make them do it, we have the power! the world will be a different place tomorrow anyways

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When I was younger and struggled with suicidal thoughts, I remember getting a whole lecture about how the hell I could be considering suicide and it was a way of running away from my problems. And, like, it really fucked me up to not receive any help or support from my parents at a time when I was experiencing suicidal thoughts and behaviors for the first time and fucking terrified. However, it does pop up in my head whenever I struggle with being suicidal and I think pure stubbornness has stopped more attempts than I can count.

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An idiot robin has built a nest on top of our garage door motor. The nest was constructed so the chain that drives the door is actually a part of the nest, and if we open or close the garage door, the whole thing is going to get torn apart. So I guess the garage door is staying open for as long as it takes for these eggs to hatch and these birds to leave the nest.

My wife has set up a camera to continuously monitor the situation.

Wife: Maybe we should set up some padding beneath where they'll fall out of the nest? Normally they fall onto grass, not concrete. Me: Seems like we're really coddling these birds. Wife: Well, yeah. Me: I just don't want you to get invested. Wife: Way, way too late for that. I'm all in.

So we're keeping the garage door open for a few weeks, I guess. Whenever I go to use the car, the robin flies away from the nest and watches me cautiously to see whether I'm going to kill her babies, and I can't help but find that a little bit rude of her.

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This is a reminder for those who handmake Christmas presents that now is not too early to start. It may in fact be a good time to start if you have a lot to make/your craft takes a long time. You should maybe start it now, whether that's brainstorming or actually doing the crafts!

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why does jimmy fallon look like a prehistoric turtle tho

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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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i want. a cicada on one arm and a crayfish on the other