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When Do You Ovulate? Here’s How to Track Your Cycle

Menstrual cycles have been tracked for a long time to pinpoint your period. But what’s the best way to track when you’re ovulating?

These days, many prefer the ease of an app over the traditional calendar, but it’s the same idea: Knowing roughly when your ovary releases an egg can be pretty useful.   

Whether you’re trying to boost your odds of pregnancy or lower them, let’s break down eggsactly how to pinpoint when you’re ovulating.

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What is ovulation, anyway?

Ovulation happens when one of your ovaries releases a lil’ egg that travels from your fallopian tube to your uterus.

Around days 6 to 14 of your menstrual cycle, follicles in one of your ovaries begin to mature. By day 10 or 14, an egg develops from one of your follicles. The egg then continues on its mission around day 14.

When does ovulation happen?

Ovulation happens typically once a month if you have a uterus and are of childbearing age — usually around day 14 to 16 of a 28-day menstrual cycle (AKA, about 2 weeks after your period). In rarer cases, some people might release multiple eggs within 24 hours of each other.

Once an egg is released, your mature egg (aw, so grown up!) is ready to be fertilized. If sperm fertilize your egg, surprise, next comes conception and pregnancy.

Otherwise, your egg will dissolve within 12 to 24 hours. When fertilization doesn’t happen, Aunt Flo comes-a-marching: Your egg and uterine lining will shed in about 2 weeks.

Then, much like Groundhog Day, the whole thing starts over. And over.

When do you ovulate on birth control?

The pill typically prevents ovulation. For instance, combination birth control pills contain estrogen and progesterone, stopping your egg-formation process. These hormones also thicken up your cervical mucus, making it harder for sperm to wriggle into your uterus.

The progesterone-only pill, AKA the mini pill, also thickens your cervical mucus, thins your uterine lining, and suppresses ovulation. For maximum effectiveness, the pill should be taken at the same time every day.

According to the National Health Service, about 9 in 100 women on either pill have an accidental pregnancy each year. The pill’s effectiveness can vary based on the time you take it, other medications or supplements, and certain medical conditions.

If you’re concerned about an unplanned pregnancy, talk to your OB-GYN about how to play it as safe as possible.

In general, it’s best to use a backup barrier-form of birth control (condoms FTW!) for at least the first week on the pill. Ovulation can still happen until your bod acclimates to hormones.  

How long does ovulation last?

Ovulation only lasts for about 12 to 24 hours, but peak fertility lasts for quite a bit longer.

According to the University of California San Francisco, sperm can survive for up to 5 days in the female reproductive tract. So, there’s a pretty big window for fertilization to occur. This means that there’s about a 5 to 6-day window you can get pregnant (and you don’t even have to do the deed during ovulation).

Signs and symptoms of ovulation

Not everyone experiences symptoms of ovulation. Sometimes, though, people may notice some or all of the following signs:      

1. Ovulation bleeding

Bleeding doesn’t exclusively happen during your period — it can also occur during ovulation. Unlike most periods, though, ovulation bleeding is typically super light. Basically, some people notice some faint spotting that might require an underwear liner at the most.

The spotting is usually light pink or red in color, which is a sign that the blood’s mixed with cervical fluid. It should only last for 1 or 2 days or about 11 to 21 days after the first day of your last period.

Only about 3 percent of people have mid-cycle spotting, though. So, it’s not a super reliable way to check for ovulation.

2. Ovulation cramps

Chances are, you know a thing or two about period cramps. While much less discussed, ovulation pain can be a thing too. In fact, German speakers even have a name for it: mittelschmerz, which translates to “middle pain.”

Some describe these sensations like a ”twinge” or a ”pop” in either ovary, a mild burning sensation, or a feeling of heaviness in the lower abdomen. The discomfort is often quite subtle and short-lived.

3. Basal body temperature

Checking your temperature each morning when you wake up may lend clues to when you ovulate.

Your basal body temperature (BBT) is the temp you have when you first wake up — before you even check your emails or trudge your way to the French press. During ovulation, your BBT rises by about 1°F or less and stays that way until menstruation.

This slight increase happens due to the hormone progesterone, which helps your uterine lining become thick and spongy to prep for implantation.

4. Revved-up sex drive

If you’re more than ready to get down and dirty, you might be ovulating. No one’s sure exactly why some people get horny before their periods, but it could be due to a rise in estrogen and testosterone levels during ovulation.

5. Soft cervix

Your cervix (essentially the lower portion of your uterus) gets a little softer than usual, sits a little higher, and becomes more moist during ovulation. 

Earlier in your cycle, your cervix is firmer and closed. When you keep tabs on your cervix, you’ll start to notice the changes.

6. Egg-white discharge

Wait, what’s that stuff in your undies right now? If you notice an influx of different-looking discharge, ovulation may be the culprit.

Cervical mucus consists mostly of water. When estrogen levels surge during ovulation, this fluid becomes more voluminous, stretchy, and clear — almost like egg whites. Basically, it’s the wave that sperm ride to the egg.

During peak fertility, you might notice a lot more than usual. When it looks stringy and sticky, it could be a clue that you’re ovulating or close to it.

So, how do you know you’re ovulating? 

1. Track on an app or calendar

Since ovulation typically occurs around 10 to 16 days before your period starts, an app can be a helpful way to track when it happens. If you prefer the old-fashioned way, a calendar totally works too.

Here’s how to track it with regular-old pen and paper:

Record the start date and duration of your period for 8 to 12 months.

Take note of your longest and shortest cycle.

Subtract 18 days from your shortest cycle — that’s the first day of your fertile window.

Subtract 11 days for the duration of your longest cycle.

Your fertile window = the time between the 2 days you wrote down.

For best results, your menstrual cycle should be roughly regular each month. You can also improve your estimates by coupling it with other methods like checking your temperature and cervical mucus.  

2. Check your temp

Check your basal body temperature in the morning right when you wake up. Remember to check it while you’re still in bed, before you move around to ensure the reading’s as accurate as possible. If it’s about a degree higher than normal for several days, you might be ovulating.

You should use a thermometer specifically designed to measure BBT. These thermometers have extra features, like temp recall and accuracy of up to 1/100th of a degree.

This method might not be completely reliable, and a research review even concluded that the method is only 22 percent accurate in detecting ovulation. Make sure to combine taking your BBT with other methods for best results.

And, take note: A late night of drinking, traveling, or illness can also get your BBT out of whack.

3. Survey your cervical fluid

Keep your eyes on your cervical fluid for clues about ovulation. If it looks thick and clear like egg whites, you might be ovulating.

To check your fluid, simply check the residue in your undies or use a clean finger to survey the liquid. A stringy texture is a decent indicator that ovulation’s going on.

4. Scope out your cervix

To see if you’re ovulating, you can use clean fingers to reach inside your vagina and feel your cervix. If it feels firm (kind of like your nose cartilage), you’re prob not ovulating. If it feels soft and moist (more like your lips), then you might be ovulating.

This is obvs not an objective test, but it can lend a helpful hint.  

5. Use an ovulation predictor test

During ovulation, your bod starts making more luteinizing hormone (LH), causing the egg to be released. An ovulation predictor test can help detect the levels of LH in your body, which can help predict when ovulation goes down.

Also known as a luteinizing hormone (LH) test, the pee strip or digital test measures the amount of LH in your urine. You can pick one up at any drug store.

According to the American Association for Clinical Chemistry, these tests have varying accuracy levels and should not be used to definitively predict when ovulation occurs. Again, using a few methods can help you pinpoint ovulation with more accuracy.

How to prevent pregnancy during ovulation

Not on birth control, but want to prevent pregnancy during ovulation? Natural birth control tracking methods like fertility awareness methods (FAMs) can help you keep tabs on your menstrual cycle so you can predict ovulation and avoid pregnancy.

According to Planned Parenthood, when used correctly, FAMs are about 76 to 88 percent effective when used as birth control, meaning that about 12 to 24 out of 100 couples who rely on FAMs will become pregnant each year.

To use FAMs to predict ovulation, here’s what to do for the best results:

Combine several FAM methods. According to Planned Parenthood, you can track ovulation with the temperature method, the cervical mucus method, and the calendar method for best results. A fertility app and regular LH tests can also help you keep tabs on ovulation.

Use a barrier method or abstain during ovulation. During your estimated ovulation window + 3 days before and after, abstain from sex or use a barrier-form of birth control (like a condom) to prevent pregnancy.

Talk to a nurse, doctor, or counselor. Tracking your fertility takes a lot of time, patience, and expertise. If you’re committed to this method, you can also chat with a nurse, doctor, or counselor familiar with FAMs to help guide you through the process.    

How to get pregs during ovulation

Tracking ovulation is a tool to help increase the odds of pregnancy. If you’re hoping to have a baby, these tips might help:

Use several methods to track ovulation. Combining multiple predictive methods, like the calendar method, LH test, and BBT method, will help increase the accuracy of your ovulation window prediction. Being consistent definitely helps too.

Have sex before and after ovulation. You’re most likely to get pregnant 2 or 3 days before your ovary releases an egg, so be sure to hit the sack around this estimated time period.

Talk to a professional. Tracking your fertility can be exciting — it can also be overwhelming. For best results, talk to a doctor who specializes in fertility. They can offer the guidance you need.

The takeaway

Tracking when ovulation occurs is tricky and notoriously unreliable, but you can take steps to improve accuracy. Combining several methods (like the calendar, temperature, and cervical mucus methods) and chatting with a medical professional may improve results.

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Omega-3s: Which Types Do I Need and Where Can I Catch ‘Em?

You’ve probably heard over and over that omega-3 fatty acids are good for you, but have you ever wondered why? And also, which omega-3 is the best kind?

First, what’s an omega-3?

Omega-3 fatty acids are a type of essential polyunsaturated fat. Your body needs them to keep your heart healthy, boost your brain function, and keep inflammation at bay.

Here’s a quick rundown of the three main types — we’ll save the deep dive for later:

Alpha-linolenic acid (ALA). ALA is an omega 3 that’s found in some plant foods. Although it can be converted into EPA and DHA, this process is extremely insufficient, so it’s important to get EPA and DHA from other sources like seafood.

Eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) + Docosahexaenoic acid (DHA). These fatty acids are concentrated in seafood like fatty fish and shellfish and play important roles in regulating inflammation, cellular health, and fetal development.

Keep scrolling for the deets on how many omega-3s you need to thrive, which types matter, and how to catch ’em all in your daily diet.

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How much omega-3 do you need?

The National Institutes of Health recommend the following daily ALA intake based on how old you are and whether you were assigned male at birth (AMAB) or assigned female at birth (AFAB).

Recommended daily amount of ALA

Age AFAB AMAB 👶 to 12 months* 0.5 gram 0.5 gram 1–3 years 0.7 gram 0.7 gram 4–8 years 0.9 gram 0.9 gram 9–13 years 1 gram 1.2 grams 14 years and older 1.1 grams 1.6 grams

*The recommendation for li’l bebes is their total omega-3s. All other rows are just ALA.

What about EPA and DHA? A joint statement from the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations and the World Health Organization recommends that adults who are not pregnant or lactating should consume at least 0.25 grams of EPA and DHA daily.

PSA for the mamas

Growing a human is hard work! If you have a bun in the oven, aim for 1.4 grams of ALA and 0.2 grams of DHA and a bit of EPA per day. These fats are critical for fetal development.

Breastfeeding? Shoot for 1.3 grams of AL and at least 0.3 total grams of EPA and DHA per day too.

How to meet your daily goal

You can totally get your daily fill from healthy foods, but some people also take omega-3 supplements.

The most natural way to boost your levels is filling your plate with yummy seafood, nuts, seeds, and leafy greens (including algae!).

Some food manufacturers also fortify their products with added omega-3s (#bless). Check the labels of these frequently fortified noms:

milk

yogurt

eggs

soy drinks

juice

What about supplements?

Sure! Omega-3 supplement pills are widely available and generally safe.

You’ve got several types to choose from:

Fish oil. Made from fatty fish packed with EPA and DHA.

Krill oil. Made from krill (duh), a small crustacean that EPA and DHA.

Cod liver oil. Filled with EPA, DHA, and vitamins A and D.

Algal oil. Vegetarians, this one’s for you! Made from algae, it packs in the DHA — and sometimes EPA.

Flaxseed oil. Fills your ALA tank (also veggie!).

All the deets on ALA 

ALA is the most common omega-3 in the grocery store. You’ll find it in lots of plant foods like leafy greens, plant oils, seeds, and nuts. To maximize ALA’s health benefits, your body converts it into EPA and DHA. If it doesn’t get converted, it gets stored like any other fatty acid.

The next EPA-sode

Feeling a little achey and sore? There’s an omega-3 for that.

Science says your body uses EPAs — found in seafood — to help fight inflammation.

Research suggests that EPA could also help soothe depression and anxiety, though that doesn’t mean fish oil pills can replace a legit antidepressant.

A 2011 meta-analysis of research on omega-3 supplements and depression shows that supplements with greater than 60 percent EPA were effective at treating depression, while lower concentrations of EPA were not.

Consuming EPA = eating algae or fatty fish. But remember, your body can also get a teensy bit of EPA from ALA.

DHA lowdown

Say hey to DHA, the brain and vision booster!

EPA and DHA usually work hand in hand. Research indicates that they have several benefits when consumed together:

decreased risk of Alzheimer’s

a healthier heart

less risk of heart attack

weight management

healthy fetal development

Again, you can convert small amounts of ALA to DHA, but you need to get it through diet too.

Omega-3 conversions

Let’s pull back the curtain: ALA is the most common omega-3, but it’s not actually useful on its own.

So, what’s a human body to do? Convert those bad boys! Your liver works hard to turn ALA into EPA and DHA, but it’s not a very efficient process — a conversion rate of less about 5 to 8 percent.

tl;dr: Omega-3 conversion is a thing, but ingesting EPA and DHA through food and supplements is a much faster way to increase your levels.

All the omega-3 types

There are at least eight other omega-3 fatty acids, and they’re all tongue-twisters. (Thank goodness for acronyms!)

hexadecatrienoic acid (HTA)

stearidonic acid (SDA)

eicosatrienoic acid (ETE)

eicosatetraenoic acid (ETA)

heneicosapentaenoic acid (HPA)

docosapentaenoic acid (DPA)

tetracosapentaenoic acid

tetracosahexaenoic acid

Which foods have the most omega-3s?

There are sooo many omega-3 rich foods. Here’s a sampling.

For ALA…

canola, soybean, and flaxseed oils

walnuts

whole or ground flax seed

chia seeds

beans

Catch extra DHA and EPA in these fish-tastic options…

salmon

tuna

sardines

mackerel

herring

Could you be de-fish-ient? 

Serious omega-3 deficiency — pretty rare in the United States — has been linked to scaly skin, arthritis, itchiness, and inflammation.

But a lack of symptoms doesn’t mean you’re all clear in the omega-3 department. Medical experts suggest that many American adults don’t consume enough DHA and EPA to live their healthiest lives.

One study noted that though the American Heart Association recommends 2 servings of seafood per week for adequate omega-3 intake, most Americans don’t eat that much fatty fish.

Omega-3 demands on mamas is even higher. But research shows that pregnant people do not eat enough fish and seafood to get the EPA and DHA they need for their own health and for fetal development.

tl;dr? Chances are, a little boost of omega-3 rich foods could help you get your levels into the healthy zone.

What the health? Why you should care about omega-3s

Like any dietary fat, omega-3s give you energy — but they’re useful in other ways too!

Omega-<3s for heart health

You’ve probably heard that omega-3s are good for your heart. But why?

Here are all the ways it effects your heart health, according to a 2017 research summary:

It lowers healthy folks’ risk of a heart attack or heart failure.

It raises HDL levels (the good cholesterol, yay!), but *also* might raise LDL (the bad kind, boo!).

Omega-3s for expectant mamas (pregnancy)

DHA in pregnant mothers helps develop babies’ retinas and brains. Even some baby formula sold at the grocery store is fortified with DHA so the little munchkins get what they need.

If you’re pregnant or hoping to be, start beefing up your EPA and DHA intake stat. Recent research shows that higher levels of omega-3 during pregnancy are associated with these benefits:

lower risk of premature birth

fewer infants with low birth weight

fewer infants needing intensive care

lower infant death rate

lower fasting blood sugar in mothers with gestational diabetes

less risk of postpartum depression

Unfortunately, there just isn’t much scientific evidence to definitively link omega-3 prenatal vitamins with a baby’s overall health, so eat more seafood to see results.

Cancer prevention

Researchers are eager to prove omega-3s can reduce cancer risk, but evidence is still spotty.

A few studies suggest that omega-3s could specifically reduce your risk of breast cancer and colorectal cancer.

Boosting brainpower and aiding Alzheimer’s prevention

There’s some evidence that taking DHA along with vitamins E and B could help sharpen older adults’ memory and brainpower.

A 2016 analysis of 21 studies showed that eating more fish or DHA is associated with a lowered risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

Eye see you: reducing the risk of macular degeneration

Folks who eat a lot of omega-3-packed fatty fish tend to have a lower risk of age-related macular degeneration (AMD). In other words, they’ve got great vision.

One study of 2,275 people 65 and older found that the folks who ate fatty fish at least once a week had a 53 percent lower risk of AMD.

More vision virtues

It’s clear that there’s a connection between omega-3s and healthy eyes.

There’s mixed evidence that EPA and DHA supplements could also help treat dry eye disease. Basically, we need more research to prove (or disprove) it.

Taming arthritis

Research is still limited on the link between omega-3s and rheumatoid arthritis (RA).

Studies do show that people with RA who consume fish oil and long-chain fatty acids need less pain medication. There’s also evidence that omega-3s improve swelling, pain, and stiffness.

Other ailments that might benefit from omega-3s

Scientists see lots of potential for using omega-3 fatty acids to improve health. Check out the research:

Children with ADHD have lower levels of DHA and EPA, so supplementation may improve cognition and attention.

High fish consumption is associated with a 17 percent lower risk of depression.

According to a review of four studies, omega-3 supplements may improve lung function in people with cystic fibrosis.

What’s the harm in supplementing?

Side effects of taking omega-3 supplements tend to be mild. You could experience the following:

a bad taste

bad breath

smelly sweat

nausea

heartburn

upset stomach

diarrhea

headache

PSA: Keep your doctor in the loop

Always tell your doctor if you’re taking a supplement, especially if you’re also taking prescription medications. There’s always a possibility of interaction between your meds and supplements like fish oil.

For example, high doses of fish oil can interfere with clotting, which could be a big problem if you’re already taking an anticoagulant drug such as warfarin (Coumadin).

Bottom line

Omega-3s are an important nutrient for maintaining a healthy heart, lungs, and immune system. Your body can make some of the omega-3s, but you also need a good dietary supply of ALA, EPA, and DHA.

Research is mixed on how much omega-3 supplements impact health, but there’s good evidence that they improve heart health, lower inflammation, and help with ailments like rheumatoid arthritis and macular degeneration.

Remember to talk to your doctor before starting any new supplements.

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Want to Experience More Joy? Easy — Make Other People Happy

Is it presumptuous to say that everyone’s going to have an answer for where they were during the 2020 United States Election? Maybe. So, I have another question for you. It’s a question that’s more pointed and a little uncomfortable, especially if you hold certain privileges in the race, ethnicity, and wealth department. It’s a question that captures everything 2020 has tested the mettle of so far, and it’s this: If you got to vote, did you do so in the interest of progress for your community? 

Illustration by Brittany England

A better world means making sure everyone has their needs met

Earlier this year, I wrote about redistributing comforts and holding myself accountable when wanting to be selfish again. If you haven’t read them yet, bookmark them. For now, I’ll give you the tl;dr, which is: For a better world, we have to invest in the joy of others. An act that sounds so simple until you realize how much the pandemic, the very close elections, and racism have continuously taken away from us and others this year. 

In the midst of media chaos, it can be dizzying to have to pivot to a new focus every day. Especially if you can’t afford to stop doomscrolling. So, maybe this will help. Here are five questions I regularly ask myself, to keep my spirit and efforts in check.

How much more time would I have for listening to others, if I prioritized my relationship with them first? 

With the very close election results looming over my head, I found a lot of clarity in this piece about parasocial relationships by Kelly Yeo. It helped me understand not only why we hang our hopes on politicians and celebrities, but also when these relationships become so dangerous they override our ability to hold space for the real people in our lives.

If you suspect you might be in a parasocial relationship, Yeo gives us the lowdown on breaking up that one-sided love. 

How can I directly contribute so that other people are free to experience joy too?

With Thanksgiving also being famous for a time of volunteering, it seems pertinent to do what I can to (safely) make sure that as many people as possible can eat. And since COVID-19 has taken that opportunity for connection away, especially for adults 65 years and older, maybe this is the year we can consider stepping in?

If you haven’t checked out what your local food bank might need this holiday season, I highly recommend calling them as a place to start.

Doing your COVID-19 prevention part:

While we look at recovery rates and lowering death rates, we still have a lot to learn about long haulers and the long-term symptoms that linger and confuse the body, no matter your age. If, for the sake of accidentally creating more long haulers, you’re not going anywhere this holiday (or because home is not comforting), that’s valid.

And even if you’re alone, you don’t have to feel lonely. We’ve got you. From food to party ideas, gifts and decorations, we can make sure the investing part is celebratory and literally for yourself. 

How am I protecting my energy so that I don’t burn out from going through the motions? 

There’s a lot of misunderstanding about boundaries. Indigo Sage clarifies their purpose in a tip-based article. The idea that boundaries keep us away from each other is a myth. Boundaries are like instructions for a garden, and it’s following those instructions, by listening, respecting, and complying to each other’s needs, that allows for people to grow.

Do yourself a favor and freshen up on your boundary knowledge.

What if I stopped looking for one person to meet my needs and built a network of relationships instead? 

This essay, by Jennifer Murphy, gave me a lot of hope. It was like peeking into my future as a relationship anarchist. I’ve only been practicing relationship anarchy for (almost) a year now, and let me tell you: Investing time in building multiple strong relationships (instead of finding the one) not only brings more security, it also expands my capacity for sharing joy. And when you’re going through difficult times, having so many fruitful relationships is like being loved in succession.

If the term relationship anarchy is new to you, then you must read this piece. If you need to deconstruct the concept of traditional relationships even further, I highly recommend Gabrielle Smith’s primer on unpacking the relationship escalator.

Am I motivated to make my own life larger — or am I hoping others have the opportunity to live large too?

In modern day tradition, I’d like to bring up the 21st century parable of our former relatable fave Jennifer Lawrence. People Magazine reported that Lawrence made headlines for formerly voting Republican due to the fiscal benefits she’d get. I’d also like to bring up CEO Dan Price. Inc Magazine reported that he famously cut his own salary so that all his employees could earn a minimum of $70,000. 

Lawrence is probably doing well and good, but her choices back then only benefited her and people like her. The impact she had making lives better was minimal when it didn’t have to be. Price, on the other hand, who also cut his salary to $0 during COVID-19, has ensured the well-being of over 100 people and their families.

This comparison felt especially stark as I was refreshing the search term “election results” every day until Friday. With all the election anxiety going on, I felt desperate to find wins, and in the search, I realized that there are so many wins to celebrate. So many wins to motivate us to keep on fighting, no matter who the president is, for whichever year.

So to end this, in a metaphor that would make my mother proud, and in case you were skimming this: The moral of the story is to be more like Price, a person who has redistributed his comforts to make sure others can live, not just barely, but fully and joyfully. 

Christal Yuen is a senior editor at Greatist, covering all things beauty and wellness. Find her musing about therapy on Twitter.

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Why I Stopped Searching for “My Person” and Started Treasuring My People

Illustration by Maya Chastain

When I was 21, I signed up for doula training and started volunteering as a birth companion. I think I wanted to witness love — a different kind of love than what had consumed me the year prior. In a way, I saw the birthing process as the reversal of a doomed relationship. I found catharsis and healing in comforting a person through a process that (typically) started in pain and ended in joy.

Struggling with mental illness throughout my twenties showed me which relationships were steadfast and which were fragile. Due to trauma, nature, and bad luck, I’ve sometimes been what Bell Hooks refers to in Communion as a “truly despised female category: the woman who loves too much.” Yet in my darkest moments, the people I’d had romantic relationships with (namely, cishet men) were nowhere to be found. 

I realized at some point that the love I grew up believing would save me — romantic, cisheteronormative, exclusive love — was something I needed to challenge. And I soon discovered love doesn’t have to follow those rules.

Commitment and mutual affection show up in many different ways, and I wanted reciprocity. I wanted to give love to the people who had been there for me when I needed it most.

How relationship anarchy brought liberty into my life

Relationship anarchy, a term coined by Andie Nordgren, is the philosophy that relationships should not exist in hierarchies — that friendships, for example, shouldn’t automatically be seen as less important than romantic relationships.

As relationship coach Mel Cassidy told me, you don’t need to be non-monogamous to be a relationship anarchist, and those who choose monogamy can still learn a lot from these principles. “By stepping out of that inevitable ‘relationship escalator’ model, people can find so much diversity to explore in the ways they connect,” says Cassidy.

Learning more about RA has helped dissipate the feeling of urgency. Acceptance arrived in its place, and essentially, I’ve stopped searching for “my person.” 

Here’s why…

There is no “The One”

It might hurt to hear it, but your other half is probably not out there looking for you. The good news is that, hey! You’re actually whole just the way you are.

That’s not to say love from others is unimportant. It’s crucial. But prioritizing romance over other relationships, like friendships, can be damaging, to us and to the people we love.

Time is a valuable asset. When we pin our hopes and dreams to a single person and prioritize finding them or tending only to their needs, it can lead us to neglect our community. If we set aside our friendships to focus on a single “soulmate,” our community may not receive the time and energy it needs to thrive, and community is so important for our mental health.

As Cassidy says, “human beings are relational creatures: we didn’t evolve in dyadic units, we evolved in groups. In Western culture, the mythology of ‘the one’ has led to the notion that our partner should be able to meet all our needs all of the time.”

These expectations can be harmful to both our partners and ourselves, as bearing all that emotional weight is a lot of pressure. 

Unnecessary pain

Upholding hierarchical relationships as the default, as what is healthy or expected, is precarious. When we place all our little love eggs in such a fragile basket, we might be setting ourselves up for more heartache, whether it’s in one fell swoop or in a thousand little ways over the years.

For me, being in love under patriarchal ideals (i.e. finding a man to fulfill me) has always felt like opening up my chest and saying, “look inside, take whatever you want.” As someone who struggles with emotional dysregulation, it has sometimes felt like I’m missing a protective layer of flesh.

Being loved under those expectations felt like I was trapped, burrowing in the ground until my fingers bled, trying to get out from under the light of their gaze.

Once I went on a (fairly awkward) double date with a guy I loved and his grandparents. As his grandpa grilled me on all the classics I hadn’t read, I overheard his grandma compliment me. My first instinct was to catch his reaction. I needed him to confirm it before I accepted it, because I could only see myself as worthy through his eyes.

Prioritizing growth and transformation

Suffice it to say, that kind of love (which artist Florence Given might call “hetrifying” ) simply isn’t for me anymore. I believe I missed out on forging some incredibly loving, healing bonds because I was laser-focused on finding some guy to notice and love me, when I was already being noticed and loved by so many others.

Of course, there’s a space where these hopes used to be. A space once occupied with dreams of vows and permanence. Dreams of being scooped up and away from the bad things, the bad parts of other people, the bad parts of myself.

Cassidy told me feeling this empty space is normal to an extent, as these expectations of unconditional love are “so ingrained in us.” But they also said that “taking the time to consciously invest in non-romantic and non-sexual relationships is one way we can challenge the ideas of scarcity that keep many people in patriarchal monogamy. Actively nurturing the primary relationships in our lives — the ones we have with ourselves — is incredibly healing, nourishing, and transformative.”

Shifting my focus to my friends, my family, and myself in recent years, I’ve discovered I can let love in without it becoming all-consuming. I can allow simple moments and passing pleasures with those I care about — like a dip in the ocean, a crackly bonfire, sleeping next to the sound of rainfall — take priority over a fantasy that hurts more in the long run.

I’d love to get all Robert Frost on you, like “I took the road less travelled by, and that has made all the difference,” but the truth is, a lot of people will forever challenge whether this is my path, or simply the vestiges of what I’ve learned to live without.

And that’s okay.

I’m not certain other people’s opinion of my commitment matters 

Cherishing my people over one person means being fully present for my nieces and nephews, it means cultivating new friendships and continuing to foster old ones. It means developing a stronger sense of self, and a better foundation of self-respect. I’ve found people who are here to stay, and I’ve started to believe I am worthy of that level of commitment.

Romance is not excluded from that. It simply won’t take front and center, and I feel confident in that part of my story.

This is where I am. This is my journey. This is my life — for better or worse.

JK Murphy is a Halifax-based writer and photographer who is passionate about mental health and body politics. She loves the ocean and making people laugh. Follow her on Twitter.

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Hot Probs: I Feel Uncomfortable and Unsexy in My Quarantine Body

Design by Alexis Lira

Content note: This article contains descriptions of weight and body perception.

I’ve gained what I feel is a considerable amount of weight over the past year. I’m using the word “feel” because that’s the important word. But just like I’ve gone up a size in shirts and underwear due to my brand-new larger boobs and butt, I’ve started training myself to see my weight gain as nothing outside of how it makes me, personally, feel.

My weight gain isn’t something to worry about people noticing. And it’s not something to beat myself up about by sacrificing much needed leisure time, family time, or work time. I’m reminding myself daily that my new weight gain is just there.

It got there from my anxiety meds not working for me, lethargy, and eating processed snack foods. And now, I can either hate myself because of it or love the extra inches of my body just like I should try to love my whole body. Feeling OK with my body, and working towards feeling great about my body, is the goal that’s worth focusing on.

A quick scroll through my social media feed shows me that I’m not alone here. Whether it’s due to the nightmarish, rocky stretch of 2020 we’ve all been navigating, or another storm of personal stressors, many people are riding the weight roller coaster’s ups and downs and the emotional Olympics that go along with it.

Before I attempt to help out with body weight in Hot Probs #5, I’ll say this: If there are questions you’re grappling with that you’d like me to chime in on, you can ask me about them here. Don’t worry, it’s 100 percent anonymous, and there’s no question that I’ll look down on. And maybe I’ll help you, or maybe I’ll just give you that laugh you need to get through the rest of the day.

Either way, this is Hot Probs… here we go…

The Hot Prob:

“I gained a lot of weight over quarantine and I don’t feel sexy or confident anymore. I’m married, and my wife tells me that we need to make more time for each other, meaning that we need to have sex more often, but I avoid it at all cost because I’m just so uncomfortable in my new larger body.”

I want first to address your mentioning of not feeling sexy because of the weight you’ve gained. Highlighting the word “because,” let’s think about some different life scenarios that could be affected “because” of something.

If I had a sprained knee, I wouldn’t go jogging “because” of that knee. It would physically hurt to do so. If I had a migraine episode, I wouldn’t go out to my friend’s show (remember those) at a loud, packed venue “because” I’d most likely not feel my best during the event.

There are certain physical conditions that may prevent a person from doing various activities. But just like the physicality of cramps, or a migraine episode like to keep us away from activities, our brains sometimes cook up little nightmares that keep us from living healthy and stronger lives.

Your mind may be telling you that having sex with your wife is less than ideal right now because you’ve gained some weight. What if you just told your mind to take a hike and follow your body to the bone zone? The fact that your wife is saying that you two need to make time to be intimate with each other lets me know that she doesn’t mind the extra weight you’ve put on. It sounds like she’s fine with it, she loves you, and wants to be close to you.

Let’s get you on that same level about yourself.

As I mentioned, I also had to put a bit of work into loving the 2020 update of my body. Weight gain seems to happen all of a sudden. It feels like one day I looked one way, and the next day, something was different. Which I wasn’t comfortable with at first. I avoided sex and even bristled when my wife hugged me, fearing that she could feel my fanny pack — meaning the pouch of extra me that had seemingly strapped itself to my midsection. But in time, I arrived at an understanding.

A happy agreement between my body, and my mind

I decided that I like having sex with my wife and eating whatever the hell I want more than I like hating my body. I decided to try not to distance myself from the life I want to live. Yeah, I have a little more weight now. But I can lose weight if I want to and if I decide it’s important to me.

What I can’t do is risk losing my wife by pushing her away continuously. What I refuse to do is sacrifice my energy hating my body. It’s the only one I’ll ever have and it’s stuck by me since I was a baby and my mom helped me into a pair of jeans for the very first time.

I want you to be at peace and show yourselves the same level of kindness you’d show to anyone else. It can be easy to stress out over just about anything, including body image. Try to fight against that tendency. Try not to stress. And I’ll keep trying too.

Kelly McClure is a writer who has written for NY Magazine, GQ, The Hairpin, Rolling Stone, and more. Find more of her work here.

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Do You Have a Celeb BFF You've Never Met? You May Be in a Parasocial Relationship

If you’ve ever had the sense that a certain celebrity is your best friend or found yourself grieving the death of a public figure you’ve never met, you’re part of a one-sided bond known as a parasocial relationship.

Coined in 1956, the term predates the early-2000s rise of celebrity culture and the subsequent age of social media influencers. It describes the “seeming face-to-face relationship between spectator and performer.” 

Parasocial relationships, or PSRs, have in a way become the lifeblood of the modern media landscape, from entertainment to sports to politics. Public figures, influencers, and other content creators literally profit from a combination of being both irresistibly accessible and oh-so-relatable. 

When taken to extremes, parasocial relationships manifest in toxic celebrity stan culture or blind worship of a public figure. Figures with a cult of personality and a strong personal brand drive an almost unhealthy level of fixation.

But the overall outlook on PSRs shouldn’t be completely tainted. In a 2018 study, psychology researchers looked at whether PSRs could help people satisfy their need for belonging. They found that Twitter use could help those who “experience chronic ostracism” meet social needs.

Parasocial bonds affect us all, and how well we manage them has consequences for ourselves, our IRL relationships, and the world at large.

If you’re wondering how you can streamline your ties to public figures, here’s a licensed therapist-approved five-step guide to identifying PSRs and ending toxic ones.

Illustration by Brittany England

Examine your social media and content diet

Though it may sound daunting, KonMari-ing your PSRs might require you to do an audit of how you consume content.

Start your examination in these areas:

influencers you follow on social media

gamers you follow on streaming platforms like Twitch

celebrities and other public figures whose news coverage you follow

YouTubers and other video content creators you follow

athletes, artists, and performers whose careers you follow

podcasts you listen to 

self-help and inspirational coaches (yes, even Instagram therapists)

Even emotions evoked by the deaths of notable figures like Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg are considered parasocial interactions — micro PSR interactions that might give you pause during this self-examination.

“We know it’s possible to grieve people that we didn’t even know,” says licensed therapist Barbara Shabazz. “We spend so much time following them, we feel like we know them. We get invested in their journeys and stories. The psychological effects can really be the same [as in our real-life relationships].” 

Depending on who you are and how you spend your time, this process of accounting for your content consumption might look different.

Identify your key PSRs with introspective questions

Analysis of your content and social media consumption will likely start to reveal notable figures you gravitate toward. Shabazz recommends writing a list of qualities you can identify in them.

“Ask yourself, how do these people’s goals and values align with yours? Because so much of this is distraction,” she says. “We get lost in this rabbit hole that we go down. A lot of it involves comparison. When we’re being distracted we’re not focusing on working towards our values and our goals, which is huge in this.” 

Her advice, however, hangs on the notion that you’ve already begun examining yourself with the initial, lifelong question “Who am I?” In her work with clients, Shabazz primarily helps them discern their specific goals and values. She has found that people’s unhealthy social media-driven obsessions with others can distract them from their own mental health and personal growth journeys.

Natalie Jeung, a licensed therapist with Skylight Counseling in Chicago, says one of the first questions to ask yourself is “What does this relationship mean to me?” Jeung’s clients, many of whom are avid gamers, find themselves invested to the point of devastation when video game streamers they idolize are outed as perpetrators of crimes. 

As a follow-up, Jeung hypothetically asks, “What is this fulfilling? Are you infatuated with their life, or is this person a role model, or is there drama with this person? What is this relationship doing for you, and what is it about this person that you’re captivated by?”

Assess the health of your PSRs

To assess whether these parasocial bonds are healthy and beneficial, Jeung recommends further honest examination of how much time and emotional investment you’re putting into your PSRs. For example, she says, if your ability to do work is being impaired, that’s an obvious red flag. 

“One of the most unhealthy things we might experience with parasocial relationships is that we believe they’re our friends and we know them on a deep level,” Jeung says. “On social media, it’s easy to think we know every aspect of someone’s life. How much are you grounded in reality in that aspect?”

Questions to test your PSR health:

How much of my time am I pouring into this relationship, and what is the energy behind it?

Am I distraught when things happen to this person?

Do I get upset when others criticize this person?

What fantasies do I have about this relationship?

Once you’ve asked yourself these questions, some obvious red flags might appear immediately, or it might take time for these realizations to come to light.

Break up with your toxic PSRs

To successfully end a toxic PSR, Shabazz recommends first deciding how much you want to continue to engage with a figure and then building new boundaries. This could start with something as simple as setting screen time limits or deleting certain apps.

In general, she recommends reducing the overall amount of time spent focusing on other people’s lives — even when the urge to compare feels irresistible.

“With the comparison piece, of course we’re human and want to belong,” Shabazz says. “I always remind my clients when we do look to other people, we should look to them for inspiration and identification but not comparison.”

Jeung says the most tangible approach is to unfollow a person altogether, but not haphazardly. 

“It’s a good thing to check in with yourself, especially emotionally, as you begin the breaking-up process,” she notes. “I think it’s easy for us to cut someone off and never think about it again, but we end up finding those relationships in other people.”

Explicitly acknowledging how you’re feeling without this type of relationship in your life might be helpful in the grieving and acceptance process. PSRs mirror patterns of behavior in IRL relationships, and a person’s unacknowledged patterns are likely to emerge without direct self-awareness.

Continue the accountability process

After streamlining your PSRs, keep yourself accountable with regular check-ins, possibly on a biweekly or monthly basis.

“You have to decide how much of a balance you want,” says Shabazz. “You have to have enough information to understand what’s going on and be in reality, but you also don’t want to be consuming so much that it ends up being a point of angst, depression, and worry.”

“I like to say energy goes where intention flows. We have to be very mindful of what we’re focusing on. It’s easy to just get caught up. [By making something] bigger than we originally want it to be, we can kind of cheat ourselves out of our personal purpose.”

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Travel Constipation Got Your Vacay Backed Up? Here’s How to Find Relief

Getting away for a little vacation always feels good. Except, uh, to your gut where the literal crappiness of travel constipation can bring your good vibes to a halt.

It goes without saying that this kind of cloggage can seriously cramp your holiday. So what can you do about it? Here’s why skipping town always seems to plug up your pipes — and how to stop vacation constipation once and for all.

Paloma Rincon Studio/Getty Images

Why do you get constipated while traveling anyways?

Basically, your GI tract is sensitive to change. Lots of little things can throw your system out of sync, and traveling tends to involve a lot of them all at once. That can create a perfect storm for poop problems.

Case in point? All of these are common constipation culprits:

Not eating enough fiber. Like trading your usual oatmeal or smoothie for decadent brunch pastries or having a burger for lunch instead of your usual salad.

Not drinking enough water. It’s easy to forget to sip when you’re out and about. Both flying and drinking lots of alcohol can make you dehydrated too.

Changing up your schedule. A different daily routine or jetlag can both disrupt your usual bathroom timing.

Sitting for long periods or not getting enough exercise. Not moving around — like when you’re stuck in the car or on a plane or just vegging out by the pool for hours — can definitely gum up the works.

Putting off a trip to the bathroom when you do have to go. When you don’t feel like waiting in line for the airplane bathroom or trying to find a decent public restroom, your poop shute pays the price.

How to avoid constipation during travel (especially after flying)

Don’t worry, you’re not doomed to have constant constipation during travel. The key is taking preventive pro-poop measures, starting with your flight or long drive. Some smooth sailing (er, flying) strategies to try:

Pack fiber-rich foods

Fruits like berries, peaches, apricots, plums, and raisins are an especially good choice. In addition to fiber, they’ve got natural sugars like fructose to stimulate a BM. Plus they’re super portable.

Other high-fiber snacks that are travel-friendly: Nuts, seeds, granola, hummus with whole grain crackers, and popcorn. Just try not to overdo it by eating way more fiber than you usually do, since overloading your system can actually trigger constipation problems.

Drink plenty of water

Good ol’ H2O keeps digested food moving through your pipes to ensure a smooth, easy exit. Obv, you should be aiming to guzzle lots of liquid every day, but it’s especially important when you’re flying, since plane rides are major dehydrators.

Keep moving

Lack of exercise is a major plugger-upper. If you can’t get your usual workout in, at least try not to sit for too long. Stroll around the airport before your flight, take a few standing breaks while you’re in the air, and plan for a nice long walk after you land.

Try probiotics

Snack on yogurt containing live active cultures including Bifidobacterium, or pop a probiotic with the same good-for-you bugs. Some findings suggest these good bacteria can boost your bowel movements and make them easier to pass.

Limit the coffee and booze

Skip the in-flight java, wine, or cocktails. Both caffeine and alcohol can have a dehydrating effect, which you definitely don’t need when it comes to pooping.

Preventing jet lag constipation

Landing in a new time zone doesn’t just mess with your body’s sleep-wake cycle. It can also send your organs and digestive system into a tailspin and cause issues in the pooping department.

Taking some preventive steps to minimize jet lag means you’ll have more energy during the first few days of your trip — and are less likely to be plagued by “pipe” problems.

Start adjusting ahead of time. Move meals and sleep closer to your new time zone over the course of a few days. Bump bedtime up by half an hour or so each night if you’re traveling east; do the opposite if you’re traveling west.

Time your flight right and dive right into your new zone. Aim to arrive at your destination early in the evening and try to stay up until 10:00 p.m. If you get there earlier and are totally zonked, it’s ok to take a short nap. Just keep it under 2 hours.

Get some sunlight. Exposure to daylight will help regulate your body’s clock quicker, so spend time outdoors.

Skip the caffeine and alcohol near bedtime. Both will mess with your sleep and further exacerbate the jet lag.

Avoid exercising near bedtime. Again, it’s sometimes another thing that might make it harder to doze off when you need to.

Use earplugs and an eye mask to get some rest. They’ll block out noise and light when you need to sleep, so you can get the rest you need and get on schedule faster.

How to poop on vacation

Despite your best efforts to avoid travel constipation, you might still find yourself in a bowel battle while you’re traveling. You can still score a deuce if you play your cards right. Here’s your game plan.

Try to eat at your usual times

That whole thing about your GI tract having its own little schedule? Keeping to your typical mealtimes can support that and keep your system from getting stuck. You don’t have to be a total stickler, but if you usually eat dinner at 6:00 p.m., try not to plan a week’s worth of super late reservations.

Don’t indulge 24/7

Food’s part of the fun when you’re traveling, obviously, but try to keep some balance. Too much rich, fatty fare will clog you up, so try to stick with one treat meal or snack each day instead of going all out, all the time.

Have a warm drink when you wake up

Hot drinks seem to get things moving. Since caffeine can have the same effect, we’d def suggest making time for a cuppa joe first thing in the morning. (Just don’t overdo it on the coffee, since it can still be dehydrating, which could make constipation worse.)

Plan for bathroom breaks (and listen to your gut)

Sometimes a BM takes time, so even if you’ve got a busy schedule, make sure you’re giving yourself time to sit and go. And if the urge to poop strikes, find a bathroom ASAP. Holding it in only exacerbates the blockage problem.

Again, STAY HYDRATED

No matter what your plans are for the day, keep drinking plenty of water and go easy on the booze. When you drink, down a glass of water for every alcoholic beverage. (Bonus: This will also reduce your chance of getting a hangover.) 

Move it to lose it

Physical activity keeps those GI juices flowing, so make sure you’re getting some exercise every day. (Splashing in the pool, playing volleyball on the beach, and dancing til the wee hours all count.)

Don’t spend the whole time stressing 

Feeling anxious about pooping will only plug you up more, so try not to think about it too much. Your body will do its thing in due time. And if it seems like that’s not happening, you can bring in the big guns.

When it’s time to turn to travel laxatives

If all your constipation relief efforts aren’t cutting it, over-the-counter (OTC) laxatives can help. But since these poop producers can have side effects, it’s worth getting the green light from your doc before popping one. Depending on your situation, your doc might recommend:

Stimulant laxatives. Options like Ex-Lax cause the walls of your intestine to contract and make you poop. Oral ones work within 6 to 8 hours and suppositories work within an hour.

Osmotic laxatives, softners, and fiber supplements. Options like Milk of Magnesia, Miralax, Dulcolax, Benefiber, and Metamucil add extra water and bulk into your stool to make it easier to pass. They can take 12 hours to a few days to work, and you should drink a lot of water with them.

When should you see a doc about vacation constipation?

If your poop probs have gone on for more than 3 days or you’re super bloated, nauseous, or uncomfortable, check in with your doc to see what they recommend.

And definitely seek help for bigger red flags, like constipation with:

bloody stool

vomiting

fever

low back pain

unintended weight loss

inability to pass gas

The bottom line on a backed up behind

Traveling can create a perfect storm for constipation, especially when you’re flying to a new time zone. But you can beat the backup by prepping ahead of time and taking steps to keep up a healthy(ish) routine on your vacation.

And if the problem persists for more than 3 days, touch base with your doc. They may suggest laxatives or find that something else is going on in your bowels.

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A Simple Practice for Physical Self-Care

You’re here! That means it’s Monday, or it’s feeling like one. Don’t worry — Greatist has your back. Subscribe to our newsletter for direct access to Mondays with Minaa, a mental health column by our resident self-care expert, Minaa.

Design by Alexis Lira

Hi Greatist readers,

Happy Monday! It’s Minaa B., and I’m back to check in with you as we explore the topic of self-care. Last week was all about emotional self-care. How did you feel doing the daily emotional check-in with yourself? I encourage you to continue to commit to this practice.

This week is all about physical self-care, because our bodies need love and healing too!

Dimension #2: Physical self-care

One of the greatest analogies I ever heard about the mind-body-spirit connection is learning to look at the body and recognize that if you break your wrist, it affects the way your arm functions. In the same way, if you broke your foot, it would affect the way your leg functions. This is because the body is one, and if one part is hurting, the other part will ache.

So, what is your body telling you and how are you tending to its needs?

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Where do I feel the most tension in my body?

What part of my body do I find aches the most?

When I’m feeling heavy emotions, how does my body respond to those feelings?

And for the physical component this week, I’m going to ask you to commit to this one simple practice (if you are able to): Take a deep breath and stretch.

Consider this your weekly motivation as well as your weekly guide for sustaining your health, and then tune in next Monday as I talk about intellectual and spiritual self-care!

With love, Minaa B.

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Put Your Freshest Face Forward: 9 Best Paraben-Free Makeup Brands of 2020

Once upon a time, paraben-free makeup was like a needle in a haystack.

But an explosion of new beauty brands in the last decade has transformed makeup shopping from a hunt for the least orange foundation to a stroll through aisles of natural beauty products, hypoallergenic mascaras, and organic lippies.

In response to consumer demand, brands are stepping up with new arrays of paraben-free products.

These are a few of our favorite brands…

Burt’s Bees

Juice Beauty

100% Pure

Ilia Beauty

RMS Beauty

Alima Pure

Kosas

Tower 28 Beauty

PYT Beauty

So what’s the deal with parabens?

Parabens are a type of chemical preservative. They’re typically used in beauty and personal care products, but you’ll find them in some foods and drugs too.

Basically, parabens stave off bacteria and mold while your product sits on the store shelf or your bathroom counter. “Clean” beauty brands swap out parabens for gentler preservatives like caprylyl glycol and rosemary extract. The trade-off is a shorter shelf life.

There are two reasons some peeps are wary of parabens.

Some parabens mimic estrogen, disrupting your hormone balance — a red flag for breast cancer. But researchers say most cosmetics don’t include those specific parabens.

Parabens can build up and eventually seep into your skin layers. Some folks believe this makes them toxic, but there’s no evidence to support that assumption.

Common parabens in cosmetics

methylparaben

propylparaben

butylparaben

ethylparaben

Paraben-free picks: how we chose

We stuck to brands with products that are free of parabens, sulfates, and phthalates. And that goes for *all* their products, not just our top picks!

And we only included products with a 4-star rating (or higher) and at least 100 reviews on Sephora, Credo Beauty, or the brand’s website.

What are sulfates and phthalates?

Phthalates. These chemicals help dissolve and stabilize fragrances. Some people are concerned about how phthalates could be absorbed into the body, but there’s no consensus on what harm that would cause.

Sulfates. Sulfates are a type of salt that helps products (like shampoo) foam up and lather. Like salt, sulfates could irritate or dry out your skin, but research shows there’s no long-term harm caused.

9 Best paraben-, sulfate-, and phthalate-free makeup brands of 2020

Pricing guide

$ = under $10 $$ = $10–$30 $$$ = over $30

1. Burt’s Bees

Burt’s Bees is the OG clean beauty brand. They got famous for their beeswax lip and body products, but now they’ve expanded into all arenas of the cosmetics game. Bonus: They’re cruelty-free and use recyclable packaging.

Paraben alternative: citric acid

Best product: Lip Gloss with Avocado Oil

Price: $

Buy Burt’s Bees online.

2. Juice Beauty

Juice appeals to organic grocery diehards and skin care enthusiasts alike!

They work directly with organic farmers to source ingredients like grape, apple, and aloe leaf juice. Their makeup packs in skin care benefits for twice the glow-power.

Paraben alternatives: panethyl alcohol, ethylhexylglycerin, zinc oxide

Best product: Stem Cellular CC Cream

Price: $$$

Buy Juice Beauty products online.

3. 100% Pure

100% Pure has a delicious take on beauty. They use organic ingredients, never test on animals, and utilize fruits and veggies to pigment their products.

Their website is refreshingly transparent. If you’re ever unsure about an ingredient, click over to the glossary for all the deets.

Paraben alternatives: honey beeswax and rosemary extract

Best product: Fruit-Pigmented Ultra-Lengthening Mascara

Price: $$

Shop 100% Pure here.

4. Ilia Beauty

Ilia’s sleek, monochromatic aesthetic speaks to your inner cool-girl: matte, neutral packaging with sans-serif fonts will decorate your vanity while glowy balms decorate your face.

Gluten-sensitive people and those with celiac disease, rejoice! These products are also gluten-free.

Paraben alternatives: caprylyl glycol, tetrasodium glutamate, sodium diacetate

Best product: Super Serum Skin Tint SPF 40

Price: $$$

Buy Ilia Beauty online.

5. RMS Beauty

Craving a luxurious, department-store-feel? RMS Beauty’s recyclable, reusable packaging has a luxe weigh. Its creamy, multiuse products are silky and blendable.

Paraben alternatives: Rosemary extract

Best product: “Un” Cover Up Cream Concealer

Price: $$$

Buy RMS Beauty online.

6. Alima Pure

Alima Pure lavishes good things your skin *and* the planet. They’ve been carbon neutral for over a decade. Many of their products come in refillable packaging to minimize waste.

Clean beauty and inclusive shade ranges don’t always go hand in hand, so we love that their Satin Matte Foundation comes in 45 evenly distributed shades.

Paraben alternatives: zinc oxide

Best product: Satin Matte Foundation

Price: $$

Shop Alima Pure online.

7. Kosas

Kosas packs a vibrant punch in the muted world of natural beauty products. Sure, the brand is still easy-breezy and sleek, but with a little oomph. Think ultra-juicy lipgloss, one-and-done sparkly eyeshadow, and glowing cheeks.

Paraben alternatives: rosemary extract

Best product: Color and Light: Pressed Powder Blush and Highlight Duo

Price: $$$

Buy Kosas products online.

8. Tower 28 Beauty

It’s rare for a “clean” brand to feel as fabulously fun as Tower 28. Clear packaging, bright lettering, and shimmering, illuminating products give this brand a never-ending summer vibe.

Paraben alternatives: caprylyl glycol and ethylhexylglycerin

Best product: Bronzino Illuminating Bronzer

Price: $$

Shop Tower 28 Beauty online.

9. PYT Beauty

PYT Beauty’s formulations come in enough products to replace your old primers and makeup.

PYT covers your “day at the office” basics + glimmer and gleam for a night out (or, y’know, another Zoom happy hour).

Paraben alternative: phenoxyethanol

Best product: Day-to-Night Cool Eyeshadow Palette

Price: $$

Buy PYT Beauty online.

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Introducing the Relationship Escalator: What Is It and How to Get Off It

Design by Wenzdai Figueroa

Ever wonder why we’re supposed to move and act in certain ways? Why do we have so many traditions and rituals that determine rite of passage in life? Like… why does your mom always ask about grandkids? Or why does your aunt really need to know when you and your long-term partner are getting married? And why are couples “supposed” to live together?

After all, why isn’t it normal to pull a Frida and Diego and live separately, connected by a bridge? Sounds like less folks would be breaking up over dirty dishes.

Things are the way they are because society and culture dictate that they are so. As rising generations begin to unravel the harmful social norms thrust upon us, and subsequently be more accepting of “alternative” lifestyles, it’s time to look at what we expect out of our most intimate relationships.

Ever since I began my journey into ethical non-monogamy, the harm of these societal norms have become so obvious to me. Folks always ask me how I’d expect to raise children, or tell me that I’ll finally break and leave my married boyfriend because I cannot become his wife. It’s frustrating… because I’ve truly never been happier. I am surrounded by love and more security than I’ve ever known.

Yet, my lifestyle threatens the status quo, and thus, it’s subject to scrutiny. That’s because the relationship escalator is such a strong force in so many cultures. 

Maybe more of us should rethink what we’re being told we should do with our lives, and whether it’s actually what we want. Are we passively letting society tell us how our closest relationships should unfold? Or should we design our relationships of our own accord?

What is the relationship escalator?

The relationship escalator is a term coined by Amy Gahran. It refers to the collection of expected behaviors and choices and that must be followed in order for a relationship to be seen as legitimate. Most of us don’t realize this is a script set out for us— we just feel shame or failure when we cannot meet these goals as expected.

The relationship escalator expects “valid” relationships to follow this order:

dating

becoming sexually and emotionally monogamous

defining the relationship

moving in together 

getting married 

combining income/purchasing property

having children

dying together holding hands in rocking chairs on the porch

Okay. Maybe that last one isn’t ACTUALLY on the list but you get the idea!

The relationship escalator isn’t inherently bad

There’s no problem with pursuing monogamy, moving in together, marriage, or children. However, there is a problem with the constant pressure society puts on couples and singles to fit into the confines of this structure, in the order that it’s presented. Relationships — from how they progress to stabilize — don’t, and shouldn’t, look the same for everyone.

Where can the relationship escalator go wrong?

The relationship escalator is designed for cisgender heterosexual relationships and preferably those within a two-income, middle-class household. So many people fall outside of that demographic, and those that fall within still suffer from its pressure. Society makes you think it’s simple to get married, have children, or combine finances. But the reality for many is that it’s not possible or wise.

The relationship escalator also facilitates oppressive gender norms. Up until recently, women have faced insurmountable pressure to settle down and get married, despite what we actually may want. These changes likely stem from women advocating for themselves in the workplace and the media. Women also tend to extend more emotional labor in relationships with men. Despite the assumption that we live in an egalitarian society, women carry much of the burden in relationships.

On the other hand, men face pressure to financially provide for their families, whether or not that is economically viable. And, men still feel like they must be “in charge,” whether or not that’s the role that’s natural to them. These norms can lead to untold expectations between couples and frustration when they’re not fulfilled.

All of this is while marriage equality isn’t a real thing yet

Yes, same-sex marriage was legalized in the United States in 2015. Yet those who qualify for SSI benefits in the United States can risk losing their benefits if they get married. When faced with terminal or long-term illnesses, some couples choose to divorce in order to be eligible for Medicaid. Is this right? No. Is this a reality? Absolutely. Considering 26 percent of adults who report having some sort of disability in the U.S., we’re not talking about a small demographic.

When it comes to folks who practice some form of ethical non-monogamy or polyamory, marriage isn’t an option. While I’m sure my boyfriend would love to have two wives, the United States government doesn’t think that’s very cute. And since we’re not interested in moving to the African continent or the Middle East, where polygamy is legal, this leaves unmarried individuals without the same protections within these structures.

There’s also a precarity in having children in these situations. Few states allow children to have more than two parents. Many folks must jump through loopholes to have parental rights recognized. If you cannot afford a lawyer to aid you through the courts, where does that leave you?

One of the largest failings of the relationship escalator is that there is no descending it

Criticism is faced by those who deescalate or reorient their relationships, like those who decide to divorce, but still co-habitate and co-parent. After all, there’s still debate in wider circles if it’s okay to stay friends with your ex, as opposed to operating on a case by case basis with all of your relationships. Within relationships, couples may have trouble going back from combining income or becoming monogamous, all factors that cause conflict.

And honestly, some people just don’t want to follow the relationship escalator. You don’t need a valid reason to live your life the way you want to.

The unwanted scrutiny faced by those who do not follow “legitimate” relationship paths results in a lot of shame, second-guessing, and strife. Maybe you want to live with a platonic friend forever, and that suits you. Or maybe a history of mixing finances hasn’t worked well for you, and you promised yourself you wouldn’t do it again. This is all valid!

So how do we release ourselves from these expectations?

A lot of us are already doing it! Millennials are less likely to buy property, partner up, or have children than the generations before them. This comes with scrutiny, aka all the articles about millennials eating avocado toast instead of saving for retirement.

I’ve always lived my life openly, but not everyone is so lucky. My parents have accepted that they’re probably not going to get grandchildren from me. They have accepted that I’m queer and polyamorous. I never gave them the option otherwise. So how did I get here?

Accept who you are, and what your life path is. Once you do this, you begin living in your truth. You can be shameless, and loud about it. Or, if you want, you can be quiet about it. And if you don’t know what your life path is, that’s okay too! Just know that you designate it, and you alone.

Assert boundaries. Be calm, yet assertive with those who tell you how you must live your life. For example, if your mom keeps asking about grandchildren and it makes you uncomfortable, tell her to stop. If they continue to press and it becomes a problem, it may be time to reconsider how much you want to allow these folks into your life.

Surround yourself with like-minded folks. Community can be a balm. Create your own found family, so there are people who can validate your lifestyle choices. So long as you’re not hurting anyone or yourself, your options are always valid!

Once you release yourself from the idea of what your relationship should be like, the entire world opens up. So go out there and get the relationship that looks perfect for you!

Gabrielle Smith is a Brooklyn-based poet and writer. She writes about love/sex, mental illness, and intersectionality. You can keep up with her on Twitter and Instagram.

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Get Crazy in Love with Beyoncé and Peloton’s Collab

The days of the scared Peloton wife are officially over. The stationary bike giant Peloton has just launched a collab with its most requested artist and queen of female empowerment: Beyoncé.  

Cision PR Newswire reported that Peloton and Queen Bey just announced a broad, multi-year partnership that will celebrate music and social initiatives rooted in commemorating homecoming season and Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs).

With the Black Lives Matter movement and the COVID-19 pandemic on our minds every day, a workout that slaps might be just what we need right now.

Driely S. Carter

Homecoming returns, but make it fitness

You probably remember Beyoncé’s Netflix documentary, “Homecoming.” According to Nielsen, a data and market measurement firm, Forbes reported that the documentary broke streaming records. It was a gift to our ears before the whole 2020 debacle.

The doc’s iconic Coachella performance was, more importantly, a musical and visual tribute to HBCU homecoming culture, which Bey and Peloton are bringing back to your next sweat sesh.

Peloton’s nearly 3.6 million members will have access to a series of Homecoming themed workout experiences. And, it doesn’t matter if you have the Peloton Bike, Bike+, Tread+, or another compatible piece of hardware — you can be part of the Beyhive during any home workout via the Peloton app.

Workouts that give back

Beyoncé and Peloton are also giving away 2-year Peloton Digital memberships to students at 10 HBCUs by the end of November. Students will get access to the full Peloton fitness library — even if they don’t have equipment.

The stationary bike leader is also planning on creating more partnerships with these schools in the future, which is great news for those aspiring to have health and wellness careers.

So, what can you expect from Beyoncé x Peloton right now?

Log onto the Peloton App to stream or fire up your Peloton Bike, Bike+, or Tread+ and select instructors working the Beyoncé Artist Series. The special collab includes indoor cycling, running, strength, boot camp, yoga, and meditation, so you have no shortage of options to break a sweat.

Not ready to go team Peloton just yet or still mulling over your stationary bike options? You can still join Sasha Fierce on the Peloton App during a free workout via a 30-day trial.  

No matter your workout of choice, you can finally get that Beyoncé tude you need to power through your workout. Bow down, Peloton peeps.

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The Answer to Healing Stressful Situations? B-B-Boundaries

Design by Wenzdai Figueroa

Have you ever had that friend that you love spending time with until they started to do “just one thing” that ruined the mood? Or have you ever wanted to stay close to someone, but being together felt like a little bit of a struggle? I have.

The last several years have been full of change for me and for the people in my life. And when several of my relationships, that I value deeply, devolved into sites of stress, I found myself thinking about how to heal them, and how to prevent it from happening again. The answer? Boundaries and clear communication.

Boundaries are what allow us to *remain* close

The word “boundaries” feels rigid. Setting them might even feel rude, especially if you believe that boundaries herald the beginning of an end. But, when carefully created, they make space for joy and actually enhance our relationships. They allow us, and the relationships we’re in, to grow. They help us talk about the change without assumption, to avoid resentment, and to find a new template.

It isn’t easy to do, and takes time, but I’ve been able to shift my mindset and accept and set boundaries with more grace. The start? Embracing these thoughts:

1. Every person is a complete person

This may sound odd — or obvious — but I’ve often found myself falling into the trap of thinking about people solely through the lens of their relationship with me. Especially with family. But my aunt isn’t just my aunt and, similarly, your mom isn’t just your mom. They are entire people with lives outside of these roles.

Instead of lamenting what you think your relationship should look like, or perhaps how it has changed, realize that your experience with them is informed by their whole self. We can find joy in forming new, more authentic, bonds with a person’s entire being, rather than restricting them to only our experiences with them.

So, dig in, with yourself, and with them if possible. Ask:

What has made this person who they are?

How have they changed or adapted through their life?

What kinds of relationships do they seek now?

What is important to them — and why?

2. Meet people where they are

Every person has different lived experiences that shape why and how they show up the way they do. For those of us living with marginalized identities, this can be especially true. Anyone who is trying to heal from oppression will have different ways of communicating and expressing their needs.

They may have survival or coping mechanisms that make setting boundaries more difficult. Or they may be unsure what boundaries they need to thrive, having never had the opportunity to express them. This might mean boundaries are not clear, or that they shift or change quickly.

None of this contradicts them being a full person. Working through these fractures is part of their wholeness. It may feel like someone should know how pain makes them — or you — react but that’s rarely the case.

Instead of expecting a friend to know what you’re feeling or the impact of their behavior, be willing to have the conversation and share what this pain has done. By having open and clear communication about ourselves, we are able to more easily identify what activates us, and what boundaries will help us remain calm and connected.

And acknowledge that you can’t move them, only they can move themselves

Not everyone will be in the same place as us at the same time. When we acknowledge and accept this, we can find space for someone to be in our life as they are without sacrificing what we need to thrive, or the progress we have made in our own life. Remembering this — that all people are shaped by experiences from before we met them — allows us to form more empathetic and personal connections.

3. We have to be honest and direct

Many of us, especially the more marginalized we are, have been socialized to only hint at what we want and need. This is not a great way to communicate needs. We may even struggle with the belief that setting boundaries means someone loves, likes, or cares about you less. Or you might worry that you are communicating that you love, like, or care about them less. 

It’s the opposite.

People who love and want to be in relationship with you want to respect your boundaries. With clarity comes fewer miscommunications and interpretations of an experience. So the clearer we are, the less likely a boundary will be accidentally crossed, and the more unnecessary hurt we can avoid.

Bold, clear boundaries can reduce ambiguity and anxiety (once we get through setting them) and open us up to a more successful relationship. And to the the joy of witnessing growth to feeling seen and respected. 

4. Assume good intent

This is huge. Often people don’t have the language to express themselves clearly. When we begin to have these conversations about boundaries, setting and enforcing, there is room for miscommunication and hurt.

If we respond with defensiveness, we endanger the potential for growth. When we react with curiosity and assume that this person also wants to grow, usually we can find a way forward. You might have boundaries about how you communicate boundaries! And that is fantastic! But assuming good intent is a good place to start, from both sides.

5. Boundaries change, and that’s good!

Setting boundaries can be an opportunity for a relationship to shift, grow, and even blossom. As we change our relationships change. Communicating these changes allows us to stay close, even become closer, as life moves forward.

Take, for example, our relationships with our parents. As children we look to our parents to direct us and make decisions for us, as we grow the decisions become suggestions and advice. Setting a new parent boundary might begin with “Hi mom, thank you so much for caring about my health, but please don’t comment on my weight.” 

The same goes with childhood friends — maybe you shared all your crushes and milestones with a friend growing up, but as you move into more adult relationships you no longer feel comfortable sharing all parts of your relationship. Setting a boundary might look like “Hey Friend, I’m so glad you like my partner, but it makes me uncomfortable for you to comment on our sex life.”

Setting the boundary may feel like something is being taken away, and if it feels too stark you can add something that you do want to share, “…but I would love it if you would be willing to teach me the recipes from grandma” or “…I’m thinking of proposing, will you help me plan it.”

By letting those close to us know what we don’t want, we can invite what we do, and feel closer by not becoming irritated by what’s no longer serving the relationship.

This is far from an exhaustive list — in fact, yours might look a little different

These five thoughts were pivotal in helping me shift from looking at boundaries as something to be afraid of, to something to be embraced and celebrated. Once I started integrating this new perspective, while seeing the challenging conversations as expressions of love, my relationships improved.

I have confidence that the people I am in relationships with want to continue to share their time and energy with me, which eases so much of my anxiety. I have less fear about change, and more excitement about growing with the people in my life. There is joy in realizing people care about you enough to recognize your whole self, and there is joy when you recognize the wholeness of others. There is continual reciprocated joy when mutual needs are honored in order to help your relationships grow.

Indigo Sage is a sometimes writer, always over thinker, living, working, and daydreaming in Washington DC. You can follow her on Twitter @indigosage2.

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37 Fantastically Festive Advent Calendars to Fuel Your Holiday Cheer

Advent calendars are as synonymous with the holidays as a cookie exchange — and they’re a super fun way to keep the magic going all December long.

Whatever your festive style — whether you’re a wine-o, a chocolate lover, or a crafty parent — we’ve got a calendar to put a little jingle in your step.

Check out these 37 (yep, *37*) advent calendars that’ll feed your festive fire.

How we chose

We went all the way to the North Pole to find the most awesome advent calendars 😉. From traditional to over-the-top, there’s something for everyone! More merry news: We also made sure to include lots of options for all budgets.

Pricing guide

Advent calendars can be affordable, super expensive, and everything in between. Here’s a guide to help you pick the perfect one:

$ = under $20

$$ = $20–$40

$$$ = $41–$75

$$$$ = $76–$150

$$$$$ = over $150

Shopping PSA

When you spot the advent calendar you want, snap it up ASAP. Most advent calendars are made in limited quantities, and they can sell out fast.

Plus, you want to make abso-posi-lutely sure your calendar arrives by December 1.

The 37 best advent calendars of 2020

1. Advent calendar that’s just like the one you got as a kid: Vermont Christmas Company Snowman Celebration Chocolate Advent Calendar

Price: $

Looking to relive the nostalgic Decembers of your youth, when every day after dinner (or before breakfast — no judgment), you’d punch open a cardboard window and gobble up a piece of chocolate? Here’s a cheap, tasty trip down memory lane.

Buy the Vermont Christmas Company Snowman Celebration Chocolate Advent Calendar online.

2. Musical advent calendar: Uncommon Goods Holiday Favorites Advent Calendar Playlist

Price: $$

Here’s an advent calendar that’ll spruce up your holiday playlist with some fresh tuneage. Scratch off each day to reveal a QR code that’ll take you to a new cover of a holiday classic like “Silent Night” or “Feliz Navidad.” 

Buy the Uncommon Goods Holiday Favorites Advent Calendar Playlist online.

3. Advent calendar to support your winter self-care regimen: Lush 12 Days of Christmas

Price: $$$$

This festive reusable box is packed with seasonal self-care treats like Roasting Chestnuts on an Open Fire Shower Gel, a Winter Garden bath bomb, Golden Pear soap, and a Candy Cane bubble bar.

Treat yourself to 12 days of festive relaxation… or try them all at once for the most epic bath experience of all time.

Buy Lush 12 Days of Christmas online.

4. Holiday movie-themed advent calendar: Jakks Holiday Elf Advent Calendar

Price: $$

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is counting down the holiday with Buddy, Jovie, and all their North Pole pals! Each of the 24 windows is filled with a tiny figurine from the movie. Use the pop-up diorama pieces to create an “Elf”-inspired scene (while you watch the movie, obv).

Buy the Jakks Holiday Elf Advent Calendar online.

5. Super fancy chocolate advent calendar: Charbonel et Walker Chocolate and Truffles Advent Calendar

Price: $$$$

This fancy calendar from swanky British chocolatier Charbonel et Walker is filled with confections, each packed in its own gold box. With a classy look that’s straight out of a Wes Anderson movie, this is pretty much the definition of treat yo’self. 

Buy the Charbonel et Walker Chocolate and Truffles Advent Calendar online.

6. Advent calendar for art lovers: yellowpapers Advent Calendar Painting Gallery

Price: $

Behind every day’s door hides a famous work of art. Guessing them all will remind you what a great job you did in art history! Or it’ll serve as an art crash course if you skipped this class in high school. Either way, it’s fun.

FYI: It ships all the way from Germany, so you’ll want to order ASAP.

Buy the yellowpapers Advent Calendar Painting Gallery online.

7. Most magical advent calendar: Meri Meri Unicorn Stamp Advent Calendar Set

It’s supposedly for kids, but whatever. What adult wouldn’t be excited about having a new unicorn-themed stamp to open every day for 25 days straight plus three colorful inkpads, all in a pretty silver box?

Price: $$

Buy the Meri Meri Unicorn Stamp Advent Calendar Set online.

8. Advent calendar for puzzle people: New York Puzzle Company City Advent Calendar

Price: $

OK, it’s technically a jigsaw puzzle designed to look like an advent calendar. So instead of opening a little window, you can divvy up the pieces over the month and tackle a handful every day — maybe with a mug of hot cocoa while you’re cozied up in front of the Yule log.

Buy the New York City Puzzle Company City Advent Calendar online.

9. Advent calendar to help keep your spirits up during the weirdest Christmas season ever: Mantel Positivity Advent Calendar

Price: $ 

If Christmas cheer feels a little tougher to muster this year, this calendar can help you get into the holiday spirit. It has 24 thought prompts focused on themes like gratitude, motivation, knowledge, wellness, and kindness.

It ships from England, so order sooner rather than later.

Buy the Mantel Positivity Advent Calendar online.

10. Hygge-inspired advent calendar: Modo Creative A Mindful Advent Candle Set

Price: $$

This box comes with 25 handmade beeswax candles, one for lighting each day before Christmas. Each candle lasts for 20 minutes. That’s just enough time to bask in the glow and soak in the season.

This one also ships from England, so again, order early.

Buy the Modo Creative A Mindful Advent Candle Set online.

11. Advent calendar that can double as your Christmas tree: Rifle Paper Co. Advent Calendar

Price: $

Even though it’s not an actual tree, it’s total “O Tannenbaum” vibes. And unlike with a real tree, you don’t have to worry about water levels or needle shedding or your cat/dog/toddler knocking the whole thing over.

Buy the Rifle Paper Co. Advent Calendar online.

12. Heirloom-level advent calendar: Orvis Animated Advent Village

Price: $$$$

Maybe you’re looking for an advent calendar you can pull out year after year. That way you can fill it with your own special treats for generations to come. If so, this animated light-up advent village fits the bill.

Buy the Orvis Animated Advent Village online.

13. Beer lover’s advent calendar: City Brew Tours 12 Beers of Christmas Craft Beer Box

Price: $$$$

Self-explanatory but still awesome. This curated collection of 12 craft beers comes from breweries all across the country. From Belgian stouts to American IPAs, it has something for everyone.

Bonus: You can tune in to City Brew Tours’ livestream during the actual 12 days to hear beer experts talk about each beer. 🍻

Buy the City Brew Tours 12 Beers of Christmas Craft Beer Box online.

14. Boozy advent calendar: Flaviar Whiskies of the World Advent Calendar

Price: $$$$$

Christmas time is definitely brown spirit season. This box serves up 24 shot-size samples of premium whiskies from all around the globe. It even comes with a glass!

Buy the Flaviar Whiskies of the World Advent Calendar online.

15. Advent calendar to keep your brain busy: Coogam Metal Wire Puzzle Toys Advent Calendar

Price: $ 

If you need a distraction from your fam (or from the fact that you can’t be with them this year), these daily brain teasers can help get your mind off things for a few minutes. (Or maybe longer — some of them are hard!)

Buy the Coogam Metal Wire Puzzles Toy Advent Calendar online.

16. Advent calendar for toddlers and preschoolers: B bangcool DIY Felt Christmas Tree

Price: $

It’s not technically an advent calendar, but we guarantee the 2-year-old in your life won’t care. Hang the felt tree on the wall and let them decorate! They can add a new felt ornament each day until Christmas.

You can also give them the entire set at once while you work on the actual tree. It’s just as much fun!

Buy the B bangcool DIY Felt Christmas Tree online.

17. Fill-your-own advent calendar: Target Prize Punch Advent Calendar

Price: $

Personalized gifts are always the best. Featuring 12 pockets, this festive box is the perfect vessel. Fill each box with your Secret Santa’s favorite candies and treats.

Buy the Target Prize Punch Advent Calendar online.

18. Ultrasplurge advent calendar: Jo Malone Advent Calendar

Price: $$$$$

This luxe set serves up 25 tiny-but-totally-indulgent surprises from the high-end perfumer Jo Malone. It includes colognes, soaps, mini candles, and more. And as you’d expect, each one smells incredible.

FYI: This one sells out super fast. So buy it ASAP!

Buy the Jo Malone Advent Calendar online.

19. Advent calendar that might actually inspire you to send IRL Christmas cards: BIC Advent Calendar

Price: $$$

Over the month of December, you’ll get a collection of colorful felt-tipped pens, rich colored pencils, ball pens, and crayons. This calendar also includes glue and stickers, in case the mood to make a “Christmas 2020” scrapbook strikes.

Buy the BIC Advent Calendar online.

20. Advent calendar for accessorizing year-round: Meri Meri Enamel Pin Advent Calendar

Price: $$$

Unlike chocolate, you can enjoy the 12 enamel pins in this cheery advent calendar over and over. A few of the pins are winter-themed, but most (oh hey, lobster and cactus pins) are stylish all year long.

Buy the Meri Meri Enamel Pin Advent Calendar online.

21. Advent calendar that’s fun to do with a kid: Crayola Christmas Countdown Calendar

Price: $$

Each of the 24 numbered doors has a fun holiday craft suitable for kids ages 3 and up. Best of all, there’ll be plenty of leftover crayons, markers, paint, and modeling clay to use after Christmas too.

Buy the Crayola Christmas Countdown Calendar online.

22. Awesome advent calendar for bakers: Cookie Advent Cookbook

Price: $

If you’d rather DIY your holiday treats, here’s one for you. Each of the 24 flaps on the front of the book directs you to a fresh holiday recipe. Flip inside the book to find the full deets for making each baked good.

Buy the Cookie Advent Cookbook online.

23. Advent calendar for your cat: Purina Fancy Feast Limited Edition Feastivities Advent Calendar

Price: $$

Do you ever worry that your cat doesn’t have much to look forward to aside from watching birds from the window? This variety pack of 24 mouthwatering meals will def ease your guilt… at least until December 26.

Buy the Purina Fancy Feast Limited Edition Feastivities Advent Calendar online.

24. Throwback advent calendar: Nickelodeon 15 Days of Socks Calendar

Price: $

Flipping on Nickelodeon to watch back-to-back episodes of “SpongeBob SquarePants,” “The Ren & Stimpy Show,” “Hey Arnold!,” and “CatDog” might not be an option these days. But you can relive all your fave shows with a fresh pair of Nick-themed socks every day for 15 days leading up to Christmas, which is almost as good. 

Buy the Nickelodeon 15 Days of Socks Calendar online.

25. Advent calendar with an energy boost, but make it chill: DAVIDsTEA 24 Days of Matcha

Price: $$$

There are plenty of tea advent calendars out there, but you won’t find too many devoted to just matcha. This one’s loaded with tasty, surprising powdered green tea blends, like cherry blossom matcha, mango matcha, and yuzu matcha. You also get vegan matcha gummies and matcha honey.

Buy DAVIDsTEA 24 Days of Matcha online.

26. Advent calendar for folks who take facial hair seriously: The BeardedManCompany Christmas Beard Oil Advent Calendar

Price: $$$

Even if it’s under a mask, the beard still deserves some love. This calendar offers up 24 scented oils to keep it looking and smelling awesome all month long.

Buy TheBeardedManCompany Christmas Beard Oil Advent Calendar online.

27. Advent calendar for people who like to build things: Haynes Retro Radio Advent Calendar

Price: $$

This kit gives you 24 pieces you can put together, day by day, to build a working FM radio. Wowza! Have some AA batteries on hand for when you’re ready to hit the ON button on Christmas morning.

Buy the Haynes Retro Radio Advent Calendar online.

28. White chocolate advent calendar: Hotel Chocolat The Advent Calendar White

Price: $

This calendar is all about that white chocolate. Throughout December you get to taste 24 creamy, not-too-sweet white treats shaped like penguins, spruce trees, angels, and more. 

Buy the Hotel Chocolat The Advent Calendar White online.

29. Advent calendar packed with hair accessories: Papersource 12 Days of Scrunchies Advent Calendar

Price: $$

C’mon, you know you want a box filled with 12 new surprise scrunchies — especially colorful ones that are fluffy, velvety, and even mesh.

Buy the Papersource 12 Days of Scrunchies Advent Calendar online.

30. Hanukkah calendar: Sugarfina 8 Nights of Light Advent Calendar

Price: $$

Bust out this baby each night of Hanukkah for a surprise sweet treat like snow jellies, robin’s egg caramels, sugar cookies, blueberry jelly beans, and more. 

Buy the Sugarfina 8 Nights of Light Advent Calendar online.

31. Advent calendar that gives back: Penny Pincher Reverse Advent Calendar

Price: Cost varies, but kindness is worth the price!

Reverse advent calendars are all about giving back and spreading the holiday spirit. This one has a list of 24 nonperishable food items to add to a box over the course of December. Come Christmas Eve, you can donate your filled box to a local food bank or shelter.

See the Penny Pincher Reverse Advent Calendar online.

32. Advent calendar for the person who’s watched every “Friends” episode 30 times: Friends: The Official Advent Calendar

Price: $$

The one where you get 40 awesome “Friends”-themed keepsakes stuffed into 25 surprise pockets. That’s enough tchotchkes to make your apartment look as quirky as Monica and Rachel’s. 

Buy Friends: The Official Advent Calendar online.

33. Nail polish advent calendar: OPI Nail Lacquer Mini 25 Pack Advent Calendar

Price: $$$

Commit to 25 days of color with this nail polish advent calendar — or divvy up the polishes as mini stocking stuffers for your favorite elf friends. Your secret is safe with us.

Buy the OPI Nail Lacquer Mini 25 Pack Advent Calendar online.

34. Advent calendar that’s nicer than your current Christmas decor: World Market Wood Nordic Winter LED Light Up Countdown Calendar

Price: $$

Even looking at this elegant calendar will make you feel all warm and fuzzy. Its 24 tiny wood drawers are perfect for filling with trinkets and treats.

Buy the World Market Wood Nordic Winter LED Light Up Countdown Calendar online.

35. Advent calendar that’s so kawaii: Hello Kitty Chocolate Advent Calendar

Price: $

TBH, it’s overpriced and the chocolate probably isn’t the best ever. But the illustrations of HK, Keroppi, My Melody, and Badtz-Maru are too cute to pass up.

Buy the Hello Kitty Chocolate Advent Calendar online.

36. Advent calendar for lash lovers: Ardell 12 Days of Wispies Advent Calendar

Price: $$

The 12 sets of falsies are a fun way to keep it glam all season long. Even if you’re only getting decked out for a Zoom party.

Buy the Ardell 12 Days of Wispies Advent Calendar online.

37. Advent calendar for your sweet pup: Snif-Snax Happy Holiday Advent Calendar Salmon & Sweet Potato Dog Treats

Price: $

Your pupper definitely won’t mind that all 25 of the treats in this canine-friendly calendar are exactly the same. In fact, by day 3, your furbaby will know what’s good. They’ll come running over as soon as they see the box.

Buy Snif-Snax Happy Holiday Advent Calendar Salmon & Sweet Potato Dog Treats online.

tl;dr

Advent calendars are like holiday music: maybe a little cheesy but also super satisfying. With these 37 picks, there’s something for everyone on Santa’s “nice” list! Ho-ho-ho.

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Greatist Editorial Process

Trust is everything when it comes to your health — we get it. So we want to share how we go about creating content that’s 100 percent accurate, actionable, expert-backed, and thoroughly Greatist.

The Greatist difference

Health and wellness information is everywhere — the internet offers a virtual sea of advice on how to eat better, feel better, love better, live better. But too often, it’s more intimidating than illuminating, more confusing than constructive.

Greatist is out to change that. We follow facts, not trends. We translate science-y stuff into smart, simple language you can understand without a PhD, PsyD, or RDN.

We know that how much mileage you get out of wellness content depends on everything from expertise to experience. So we’ve made it our mission to include only the best and most accurate information in our content. Greatist breaks down the research and polishes all the relatable nuggets into diamonds for you, so you can spend less time fact-finding and more time shaping a version of health that works for you. 

Our goal

We want to help you feel good in ways large and small and live a happier, healthier life on your terms. Period.

What goes into our content

Whether you’re looking for a new workout to show your abs who’s boss, digging around to see if the claims behind a new food trend are fad or fact, struggling with depression, or trying to expand your boundaries (yes, even the bedroom kind), you’ll find applicable Greatist stories crafted with expertise, authority, and trust.

Each article you read goes through a capital-P Process — vetting, research, and an expert’s lens — to get you health information that lets you focus on what matters: you. 

We aim to help you get to the point without cutting corners. This means you can expect our content to be comprehensive, easy to read, and easy to apply to your life. We strive to be relevant, unravel biases, and stick to the highest journalistic standards. This means fact checking, sourcing primary documents, and evaluating writers and experts. 

Teaming up with the experts

To double down on what we do best, we’ve teamed up with the clinicians, doctors, and experts at Healthline. Their robust review process covers all our clinical and medical content, which includes everything from weight management to sexual health and from relationship guidance to chronic conditions.

Read more here about Healthline’s medical integrity network of midwives, pharmacists, registered dietitians, and more.

Only the best and forward-thinking writers

At Greatist, we work with top health and wellness writers. To maintain our goal of inclusivity and health equity across all our content, we recruit and train writers with personal experiences that are relevant to the health topics we cover. 

POVs: Sharing others’ stories

We also publish personal stories of health and wellness on Greatist. We respect individual perspectives and allow people to share their stories their way. In these instances, we balance freedom of expression with ethical writing practices. But because opinion is, well, opinion, we label it as such so it’s not confused with our expert-approved medical and health content.

Sticking to original references, sources, and citations

Our medical and health content is thoroughly researched, and sources are vetted to ensure they are recent, authoritative, and objective. Our strict sourcing guidelines focus on primary sources (peer-reviewed studies and interviews with experts) and trustworthy secondary sources (academic research institutions, government agencies, and medical associations). 

You can find a list of all sources used, including interviews, at the bottom of each article, under the Sources heading. (The sources are initially hidden, but they expand with a click — we truly find and use a lot!) 

We keep our words oiled and updated

Our editors and in-house experts continually monitor the health and wellness space. Our articles go through an update process whenever new information is available, but our content also follows a maintenance schedule to ensure we’re always providing safe and effective health information. 

We may update articles to reflect:

changes in standards of care

new clinical guidelines

drug approvals or recalls

major practice recommendations

Our voice and style

Our voice is inclusive, friendly, sincere, and easy to read. We love a good pun but we don’t shy away from tougher topics. We champion diversity and equity, meaning we cover difficult topics with nuance and seek to incorporate unheard voices. We use empathetic language to tell judgment-free stories, and we make intentional choices to remove stigma, stereotypes, and prejudices that often go unnoticed in the healthcare system.

As for grammar and style, we look to the Associated Press and our internal language team to inform our Style Guide. This helps us stay consistent, accurate, and respectful. As language evolves, so do we. 

Plagiarism 

We have a zero tolerance policy for plagiarism of any kind and utilize tools, along with a team of seasoned copy editors, to check content prior to publishing it.

The why behind our process: You. Always.

We can’t expect to be your partner in health unless we take your lead on what the picture of health looks like. That’s right: Our readers (you!) matter most, and we keep you at the forefront, so that Greatist can be a truly trusted resource that’s there for you when you need it.

This “you matter” approach guides everything we do at editorial. Think of Greatist as your friendly GPS provider — giving you the right tips and directions so all you have to focus on is pumping the gas pedal at the speed you wish.

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Highlight 2020: All the Ballot Wins, by State

Refresh… refresh… refresh… *checks internet connection* Refresh… refresh… refresh…

Oh, hi there. That was just a rundown of my life from election night until the Associated Press called the presidential election. OK, in reality, I had to work. But I’m sure I’m not alone when I say it was hard to concentrate during those days of uncertainty.

We’ve all been so focused on who will sit in the Oval Office in 2021. But we also have other 2020 general election victories to celebrate. Yeah, we do! I’m talking about the wins in your states and counties that champion inclusivity and reduce stigma — the wins that help communities come together and grow.

I channeled my nervous energy into making this list of victories from every state plus D.C. There’s a lot of big wins here for cannabis legalization, diverse representation, and anti-racist policies. And by no means is this an exhaustive list, of course. It’s just what I could find before deadline. After all, hope in our future sometimes needs to start small — like, local and district small.

Cactus Creative Studio/Stocksy

Alabama

Alabama voted to approve the removal of all racist language from its constitution. Not sure why this wasn’t done, like, way, way back, Alabama.

Alaska

Not much on the ballot front happened here.

Arizona

Time to stock up on those fancy grow lights. The Grand Canyon State legalized recreational cannabis for those 21 and up. And you can grow your own stash — up to 6 plants, or 12 if you live with another adult. 

Arkansas

Hmmm… Refresh… refresh… refresh…

California

The Golden State voted to restore voting rights to people with felony convictions who are on parole. The move gives more than 50,000 people the right to vote. 

Christy Holstege won reelection to the Palm Springs City Council, also becoming the nation’s first openly bisexual mayor. Palm Springs rotates the position of mayor among council members. 

Elected to the California Assembly, 25-year-old Alex Lee became the state’s youngest lawmaker. He is also the first California legislator to be openly bisexual.

Rep. Mark Takano won reelection to the U.S. House of Representatives. In 2012, Takano became the first openly gay person of color to be elected to Congress.

Colorado

Despite being targeted with anti-LGBTQ+ ads this year, state Rep. Brianna Titone won reelection. Titone became the state’s first openly transgender lawmaker in 2018.

David Ortiz, a military veteran, became the first person who uses a wheelchair to be elected to the Colorado House of Representatives. Ortiz is also Colorado’s first openly bisexual candidate to be elected to that office.

By winning election to the Colorado House, Iman Jodeh also made history as the state’s first Muslim legislator.

The Centennial State voted yes to Paid Family and Medical Leave for all Colorado employees. The state also voted to reintroduce gray wolves. #HowlCool

Connecticut

Borrow a cup of sugar from New York, will ya?

Delaware

Delaware has elected the first openly transgender senator in the nation to its state Senate.

Madinah Wilson-Anton became the first practicing Muslim elected to the Delaware General Assembly and the first Muslim woman in the state’s history to hold office. 

Florida

Florida voters approved a minimum-wage bump, voting to increase the amount from $8.56 to $15 per hour by 2026.

Christopher Benjamin became the first Muslim American elected to a statewide office in Florida after a successful campaign for the state House of Representatives.

The Sunshine State also elected Shevrin Jones to the state Senate, making him Florida’s first openly LGBTQ+ state senator.

And Michele Rayner-Goolsby just became the first queer Black woman elected to Florida’s House. 

Georgia

All eyes are totally on you, Georgia! While we wait for you to count ballots, let’s give a round of applause for Rep. Sam Park, who was reelected to the Georgia House of Representatives. In 2016, Park made history as the first gay man elected to the Georgia General Assembly. Now get back to counting ballots, and let’s hope the results are peachy.

Hawaii

Adrian Tam, newly elected to Hawaii’s House of Representatives, just beat out a Proud Boy chapter leader. (Bye, Nick Ochs!) Tam is currently the only out LGBTQ+ member of Hawaii’s House. Go, Tam! 

Idaho

Idaho? I dunno. (See Montana.)

Illinois

Jill Rose Quinn, elected as a Cook County Judge, is the first openly transgender elected official in the state and the fourth transgender judge in the United States. 

Indiana

Check another state that begins with “I.”

Iowa

Corn!

Kansas

Kansas elected Stephanie Byers, a retired Wichita public high school teacher, to its state legislature. Byers, a member of the Chickasaw Nation, is the state’s first transgender legislator. 

Rep. Sharice Davids was reelected to the U.S. House of Representatives for her second term. In 2018 Davids, a member of the Ho-Chunk Nation, became one of the first two Indigenous women elected to Congress. That year the former MMA fighter also became the first lesbian-identifying Native American member of Congress and the first openly LGBTQ+ member from Kansas. Whew! That’s a lot of firsts. 

Kentucky

Bourbon! Just pour yourself a glass, already.

Louisiana

Two public defenders won Orleans Criminal District Court judgeships, unseating incumbents — something that hasn’t happened in 40 years. The wins for Angel Harris and Nandi Campbell are wins for the “Flip the Bench” campaign to create justice reform in a state that’s known as the “incarceration capital.” Nice work! 

Maine

Voters in Portland, Maine, opted to boost the minimum wage from $12 to $15 per hour. In the same city, voters approved several tenant protections, including placing limits on rental increases and creating a rental board to mediate landlord-tenant disputes.

Maryland

Maryland legalized sports betting, which will raise money for public education. Now you can say your vice is for the kids.

Massachusetts

Massachusetts was focused on cars for some reason with its “right to repair” ballot measure. The change gives car owners and independent auto shops more access to vehicles’ computerized data for repair purposes. That way you have more freedom in where you take your car to get fixed. You bored yet? Yeah, me too. Read on.

Rep. Ayanna Pressley was reelected this year. Pressley made history as the first Black woman to represent Massachusetts in Congress after her election in 2018.

Michigan

Michigan, we’re just going to pause here a moment to give your beautiful mitten hand a high-five. Thank you to the poll workers for not stopping the count. Thank you for soldiering on despite the a-holes pounding on the windows. We love you.

Minnesota

Rep. Angie Craig again won her seat for the U.S. House of Representatives. In 2018, Craig became the first lesbian mom elected to Congress.

Rep. Ilhan Omar also won reelection. In 2018, Omar became one of the first Muslim women and the first Somali American elected to Congress. 

Mississippi

The Magnolia State finally decided to replace its racist, Confederate-themed flag with something that won’t make you vomit: a magnolia-themed flag. Oh, and the state voted to legalize medical cannabis. 

Missouri

Cori Bush just became the first Black woman to represent Missouri in Congress. 

Montana

Big Sky Country is about to get a little hazy! Montanans voted to legalize recreational cannabis use for those 21 and older.

Nebraska

From its constitution, Nebraska voted to remove slavery as a punishment for a crime. Yeah, apparently that was still in there. 

Nevada

Hey, Nevada! We don’t want to distract you while you’re counting ballots, but we do want to praise you for being a unicorn among the states. Nevada just became the first state to protect gay marriage in its constitution, y’all! XOXO!

New Hampshire

With their first wins in 2018, Rep. Gerri Cannon and Rep. Lisa Bunker became New Hampshire’s first openly transgender legislators. We’re happy to report their reelection.

Joshua Query came out as gender-nonconforming during their first term as a New Hampshire state legislator. With reelection, Query is now the first openly gender-nonconforming person elected to a state legislature. 

New Jersey

The Garden State voted in favor of legalizing recreational cannabis.

New Mexico

For the first time, New Mexico elected all women of color to the U.S. House of Representatives. Congratulations to Rep. Deb Haaland, Yvette Herrell, and Teresa Leger Fernandez! 

New York

Mondaire Jones and Ritchie Torres both won seats in the U.S. House of Representatives. By doing so, they have become the first Black LGBTQ+ members of Congress. Torres is also the first Afro-Latinx LGBTQ+ member of Congress.

Jabari Brisport, elected to the state Senate, became New York’s first LGBTQ+ legislator of color.

North Carolina

Allison Dahle just won reelection. She became one of the first out LGBTQ+ members of the North Carolina legislature when first elected in 2018. 

North Dakota

Uff da. (See South Dakota, Minnesota, or Montana.) 

Ohio

You’re round on both sides but hi in the middle. Yeah, I know the riddle.

Oklahoma

OK, Oklahoma! See what I did there? Mauree Turner has officially become the first Muslim elected to the Oklahoma legislature and the first nonbinary legislator in the nation. Woot!

Oregon

The Beaver State became the first state to decriminalize personal-use amounts of substances such as heroin. Instead of facing incarceration, those found with drugs in their possession will have the option of paying a small fine or attending a recovery program.

Oregonians also voted to legalize psilocybin, aka psychedelic mushrooms, for therapeutic use for conditions like depression and anxiety. 

Desi Nicodemus just became the first Black man elected to the Milwaukie, Oregon, City Council.

The residents of Multnomah County voted for free preschool for all (well, for the little ones ages 3 to 4, anyway).

Pennsylvania

Keep counting, Keystone State!

Rhode Island

Tiara Mack’s election makes her the first Black LGBTQ+ member of Rhode Island’s state legislature.

Rhode Island also voted to remove the shady phrase “And Providence Plantations” from the state’s official name. 

South Carolina

See the other Carolina.

South Dakota

South Dakotans voted all-in on the herb. They voted in favor of legalizing recreational and medical cannabis in a package deal. 

Tennessee

Torrey Harris and Eddie Mannis became the first out LGBTQ+ lawmakers elected to the Tennessee General Assembly. 

Texas

Ann Johnson, who is part of the LGBTQ+ community as a lesbian and an ally, secured a seat on the Texas House of Representatives. 

Utah

Utah is another state that had slavery as a punishment for a crime in its constitution. The state has now voted to make some serious revisions.

Vermont

The Green Mountain State elected 26-year-old Taylor Small, the first openly transgender member of the state’s legislature. 

Virginia

Virginia voted for a constitutional amendment that puts the responsibility of drawing redistricting maps in the hands of an independent commission rather than the state legislature. 

The state also voted to exempt veterans with disabilities from paying property taxes on one vehicle. 

Washington

The Evergreen State’s vote to elect Marilyn Strickland to the U.S. House of Representatives makes her the first Korean American woman elected to Congress and the first Black representative from Washington.

Washington, D.C. 

Washington, D.C., just voted in favor of decriminalizing psychedelic plants. That means enforcing laws that criminalize the possession of psychedelics will become the “lowest enforcement priority.” Yes, surely the cops have other things to do besides bother with your ’shrooms.

West Virginia

See the other Virginia.

Wisconsin

Samba Baldeh’s win makes him the first Muslim elected to the Wisconsin state legislature.

Wyoming

If you live in the Cowboy State, saddle up and see Colorado, Montana, or South Dakota.

Jennifer Chesak is a Nashville-based freelance book editor and writing instructor. She earned her Master of Science in journalism from Northwestern’s Medill and is working on her first fiction novel, set in her native state of North Dakota.

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Unpacking It: The Long-Term Symptoms of COVID-19

Aside from the rising death toll, one of the scarier things about this B-word of a pandemic is that the disease caused by a SARS-CoV-2 infection can have lasting effects on the body. And that can be true even for people who initially had mild symptoms or none at all.

Folks who experience this are called “long haulers.” For them, the aftermath of a COVID-19 infection becomes like a chronic illness.

“We need to stop thinking of COVID-19 as something like the flu,” says Natalie Lambert, PhD, associate research professor of medicine at Indiana University School of Medicine. “We have to start talking about this as a very serious virus that can cause extensive damage to the body, no matter what age you are or what your underlying health is.”

That all sounds next-level terrifying. But research is in the works and resources are cropping up to aid current long haulers out there. What are long-term COVID-19 symptoms? And where should you turn for help if you’re a long hauler? Let’s unpack it.

Most common long-hauler symptoms

If you develop COVID-19, keep in mind that you may need about 2 weeks to begin feeling like yourself again. So how do you know if you’re a long hauler?

“People who are still sick beyond the 2-week period that you would expect for a flu,” Lambert says, “that’s often the beginning of someone’s more long-haul-type situation.”

Any symptom you might have as a result of a SARS-CoV-2 infection might hang around for a while, kind of like that creep at the bar who can’t take a hint. If you need a refresher, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) lists 11 common symptoms of COVID-19. But you may also develop completely different symptoms as a result of lasting inflammation. Based on crowdsourced data, we compiled the top 15 symptoms long haulers report.

Top 15 reported long-hauler symptoms

anxiety

body aches or muscle or joint pain

brain fog, difficulty concentrating, or memory challenges

chest tightness, pressure, or pain

chills or sweats

cough

dizziness

diarrhea

elevated temperature

fatigue

headache

heart palpitations/tachycardia

inability to exercise

insomnia

shortness of breath or difficulty breathing

“The way that people experience COVID-19 can be very different person by person,” Lambert says. “Some people, in the first 2 weeks that they’re sick, they think it feels like a typical cold. And then 2 or 3 weeks later, they might start having heart problems. Other people will get blurry vision, and they’ll start losing their hair.”

As if they weren’t busy enough dealing with their new spate of health issues, long haulers out there have gotten together to help everyone else. We based our top 15 list on their hard work above. But there are so many more possible symptoms. For full lists, check out the resources below, especially if you feel anything wonky going on.

Lambert created a report by analyzing social media survey data from Survivor Corps, a grassroots movement that connects COVID-19 survivors. The survey includes responses from more than 1,500 people with long-term COVID-19. And Lambert’s report compiles 98 potential symptoms based on their answers.

Members from an online COVID-19 support group also conducted a survey of 640 people about their ongoing coronavirus ailments. The citizen researchers compiled their Patient-Led Research for COVID-19 data to form a list of 62 potential long-hauler symptoms.

3 themes of long-haul COVID-19

Although COVID-19 long-hauler symptoms can include any odd thing from scalp pain to an aching jaw, researchers are seeing some key themes.

1. Fatigue and brain fog

A lack of focus coupled with extreme exhaustion can make you feel like the COVID beast has chewed you up and spit you out. One of the most common post-COVID complications is what’s called brain fog.

Some COVID long haulers report trouble concentrating and having difficulty with memory. And in a study out of Italy, more than half (53.1 percent) of 179 patients reported lasting fatigue, even after their acute coronavirus symptoms, like a fever, subsided.

“The fatigue persists for months,” Lambert says. “Many people report if they get up and take a shower they’re pretty much done for the day. They can’t get out of bed after that.”

Researchers, including the esteemed Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, have compared these neurological long-hauler symptoms to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (CFS/ME). Similar debilitating symptoms also cropped up in some patients following the SARS outbreak nearly 2 decades ago.

New research out of UCLA suggests the brain fog could also partially be related to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A serious health emergency could certainly bring that on. “But at the same time,” Lambert says, “we know from scans of the brain that some people do get micro clots in their brain from COVID. And we know that the virus is specifically attacking the nervous system.”

2. Respiratory issues

The COVID beast can really knock the wind out of you too. Recent studies show that COVID-19 can cause long-term heart and lung damage, especially in severe cases. But the damage can improve over time.

A persistent cough as well as shortness of breath are two common concerns among long haulers. But they also report an inability to be active or exercise. That was one of the top five symptoms reported on the Survivor Corps survey. In the Patient-Led Research for COVID-19 survey, 68 percent of people reported being physically active before the onset of their symptoms. And 70 percent now report being mostly sedentary in their COVID aftermath.

And while certainly a bout of any nasty illness can make climbing the stairs to your apartment a little harder until you regain your strength, Lambert says that’s not necessarily what’s happening with long haulers. “With people who are having long-term COVID-19 impact,” she explains, “it’s not just that it takes a lot more time, people are feeling very ill for a very long time.”

3. Aches and pains

You may also feel like the COVID beast has played schoolyard bully with your body. The Survivor Corps survey results show that more than a quarter (26.5 percent) of reported long-hauler symptoms are associated with pain.

“Many people report a tingling or burning in their extremities, that they have pain in their joints, or they have pain in their feet,” Lambert says. “Sometimes it’s actual nerve pain. And other times it’s a type of inflammation that’s causing the pain.” Organ damage can cause major discomfort as well. Lower back pain, for example, could indicate an impact to the kidneys, Lambert adds.

Talking to your doctor

Seek emergency medical attention if you experience an emergency warning sign, whether early on in your COVID-19 infection or as a long hauler. The CDC lists 5 emergency warning signs.

Emergency warning signs

Call 911 or call ahead to your nearest emergency room if you experience the following:

trouble breathing

persistent pain or pressure in the chest

new confusion

inability to wake or stay awake

bluish lips or face

You should call your doctor at any time, however, if you’re having a severe symptom or concern. Dr. Ken Perry, FACEP, an emergency physician in Charleston, South Carolina, says to get your primary care doctor involved early if you have long-term symptoms that are getting in the way of your daily activities.

“There is always a concern that these symptoms are actually signs of damage to the heart or lungs or other organ system,” he says. “A primary care physician can determine if and when further specialists or testing is appropriate.”

Be aware that some long haulers report not being taken seriously about their concerns. Part of the issue is that some people may have had COVID-19 but don’t have a test result to prove it, especially if they contracted the virus in the earlier days of the pandemic when tests were in short supply.

“You might have to educate your doctor a little bit,” Lambert suggests. “You might be the first person that they’ve seen with these long-term symptoms.” She recommends downloading or printing info from the Survivor Corps website and taking it with you to your appointment.

“We are all going through this together and learning as we go,” Perry says. “As patients continue to seek assistance with new or changing symptoms, their doctors may not have much to add, which can leave both feeling helpless.”

Long-hauler clinics

If you’re experiencing long-haul COVID-19, it’s important to know that there are resources. “There are thousands of researchers and health experts around the world coming together to try to get solutions to these problems,” Lambert says.

Hospitals have designed clinics specifically for long haulers, and more are cropping up as the pandemic progresses.

Dr. Sarah Jolley, a pulmonary and critical care medicine specialist with UCHealth University of Colorado Hospital, was in the process of establishing an outpatient clinic for ICU survivors before the pandemic began. When COVID-19 hit, the clinic became a Post COVID ICU resource. But Jolley says an increasing number of COVID-19 survivors who weren’t in the ICU or who weren’t even hospitalized also needed help.

“We have started to put together a team of docs,” Jolley says, “from cardiology, neurology, physical medicine, and rehabilitation, and then myself from pulmonary, and likely some involvement from primary care, to streamline or more standardize what care these patients are getting.”

Jolley says the clinic is modeled after the Mount Sinai Center for Post COVID Care in New York City. “Our general approach,” she explains, “is to do an intake based on what symptoms they have, then put them in touch with the sub-specialists that are primarily seeing new post-COVID patients to then decide what additional testing needs to be done.”

Patients might see a neuro infectious disease doctor to treat any neurological effects of the virus, a cardiologist to treat any long-term heart issues, as well as physical medicine and rehabilitation specialists.

“I think what we’re hearing from a lot of people,” Jolley says, “even young, previously healthy people, is that they aren’t able to get back to their level of fitness that they were at before. And so we’re trying to figure out how we can try to optimize that recovery.” 

You may want to reach out to one of the many emerging post-COVID care clinics, rehabilitation facilities, and programs for telehealth services (if offered) or in-person appointments if you live nearby.

Here are a few to consider:

Mount Sinai Center for Post-COVID Care – New York City Area

University of Colorado Post COVID ICU Clinic – Aurora, Colorado

GW Medical Faculty Associates COVD-19 Recovery Clinic – Washington, D.C.

UCDavis Health Post-COVID Clinic – Sacramento, California

Mayo Clinic COVID Activity Rehabilitation Program (CARP) – Rochester, Minnesota

UIHC Respiratory Illness Follow-Up Clinic – Iowa City, Iowa

Penn Medicine’s Post-COVID Assessment and Recovery Clinic – 3 locations in Pennsylvania

Self-care and finding support

Unfortunately there’s no tried-and-true guidebook out there yet on self-care and recovery as a long hauler. “As research comes out,” Perry says, “we are trying to disseminate the information as quickly as possible.”

As a long hauler, you may have a new normal, at least for a while. “The reality is that we are very early in this process,” Perry says, “and what seems like permanent in the moment may resolve. If you are suffering a symptom now it may clear up in the future. It is very likely that this is going to be a mix of good days and bad days.”

And you’ll have to define what that new normal means for you — because it will be different from person to person. Don’t place pressure on yourself — or let others place pressure on you — to get back to pre-COVID-life.

“Each patient’s recovery seems to be pretty variable,” Jolley says. “And I don’t think we have enough understanding of why that’s the case or why some people get better quicker. I think we need more research to understand that.”

Remember, you’re not alone, and you can connect with others who have survived the coronavirus and learn where they’re at in their recovery process. You might also find it empowering to contribute to ongoing long-hauler research, studies, and surveys.

Long-hauler support

Survivor Corps. This not-for-profit grassroots movement has 110K+ members in its Facebook group.

Body Politic COVID-19 Support Group. This Slack group has 14K+ members, and more than 50 channels, including dedicated discussions for those who are 90 days or more into their coronavirus saga.

Follow the hashtags #LongHaulers and #LongCovid on social channels

Research and surveys

enroll in research and clinical trials

take the next Patient-Led Research survey

The outlook for COVID-19 long haulers

Until more research is done, we don’t know yet how long it will take long haulers to recover from lingering COVID-19 symptoms or health issues that rear up post infection. But for now, we can look at current stats and what they tell us.

A CDC survey study found that 35 percent of people who were not hospitalized for COVID-19 had not returned to their normal state of health 2 to 3 weeks out from their positive test results.

In the Patient-Led Research for COVID-19 conducted in May, 90 percent of the 640 respondents had not yet fully recovered from their symptoms. Of the 60 people who had recovered, the average timeframe for recovery was 27 days. The people who had not recovered said they’d been experiencing symptoms for an average of 40 days at the time of the survey.

Lambert, who studies the Survivor Corps data, says, “For the average long hauler, it’s many months that they’ve been sick.”

But don’t lose hope. Recovery can take a lot of time, but Lambert says she’s seeing people improve after months of illness. “There’s this great theme of people hiking up a mountain and posting a picture,” she adds. “It’s a rite of passage.”

What not to forget

The situation with long haulers and the pandemic in general is a waiting game. “We need doctors to learn as much as possible about the disease and to find ways to help people,” Lambert says. But in the meantime, she says we need to slow the spread of COVID-19 with the tools we already have.

“There’s a lot of fatigue for wearing masks and staying home, but it is worth it,” she adds. I think the worst possible thing that we could do is try to get herd immunity. There are lots of reasons why that won’t work, but we need to try to prevent as many people as possible from getting COVID-19.”

The bottom line is that the novel coronavirus is absolutely Not. Like. The. Flu. “Every single day, we’re learning more about how it damages the body,” Lambert says. “I have talked to and listened to thousands of people who are struggling to get back to any sense of being healthy again. It’s young people. It’s people who were marathon runners.”

The reality is that nearly 8 million people have contracted SARS-CoV-2 in the U.S. already, and the number of long haulers is growing. If you do join the ranks of this expanding group, Lambert encourages people to stay informed about developments, treatments, and resources by following websites like Survivor Corps.

Jennifer Chesak is a Nashville-based freelance book editor and writing instructor. She earned her Master of Science in journalism from Northwestern’s Medill and is working on her first fiction novel, set in her native state of North Dakota.

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