outofdeepwaters

[outofdeepwaters]

A Happy List

I was at a songwriting retreat last weekend and someone mentioned gratitude lists and I was like, WOW throwback to tumblr happy lists. And you know what? I haven't made one in a while, but I did undertake the rather morbid task of revising the lists of hymns/scriptures I'd like at my funeral if I die unexpectedly. After the fact, it struck me that that activity is not dissimilar from the making of a gratitude list: both require an intentional reflection on what has been good and meaningful in life, where it is that God has met me, in which things I find my hope, etc. Raising an ebenezer, if you will. And what better place to do it than here, where approximately two (2) people I know remain and I can effectively scream into the void in the companyof said people, while creating for myself an unlosable digital record of that which has brought joy to me in the summer of 2024. Those things are as follows:

Absolutely cracking up with B at the delivery of "I've got a WAND and a RABBIT" in "Red Wine Supernova" while stuck in post-firework traffic

A bikepacking trip with A, which comprised a blissful combo of riding in the heat, cooling off with lake swims, warming back up with food cooked on a camp stove, and good conversation. I did not plan the route well but that's ok.

Getting back into recording demos

Playing music with others

My counsellor and my pastor: two of the many women in my world who I find orienting as I continue to sail uncharted territory with varying levels of disgruntlement

Anticipating new books

Making progress at work

Watching the olympics and observing how people from different countries/cultures express disappointment and elation differently

Some classic Orla Gartland bops: right now it's "Flatline" and "Lonely People" in heavy rotation

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm obsessed.

Paddleboarding and songwriting alone in the middle of a lake. Incredible.

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"Always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive." - Sonny Franco

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Person-Environment Fit

I just had my second practice with a band I’d like to dive into head first. This time, I’m on bass, which (unless you count one somewhat unsuccessful weekend playing bass at a youth retreat in the year of our Lord: 2011) is a first for me. The bass parts are well written, and the longer I spend in these songs, the more I appreciate the complexity and variety of each of the parts. I spent some time, tonight, watching the two other guys (guitar and drums) do their thing, and noticing the complexity and skill behind it.

My first practice with them was good, and the guys were welcoming and warm, but I was definitely running a little high strung: anxious about my parts, and feeling socially awkward. I went in without having practiced, and while I warned the band of this and they were very laid back, it meant I spent the evening with my nose in my music sheets, quite detached from the vibe in the room.

TONIGHT, my friends, was a different story. I had more time this week to practice the songs, and dove into the more complicated ones first. My moderately-well-rehearsed state meant that I was able to focus more on grooving and enjoying the shared time. Also, because our rehearsal spot was busy/pretty fully booked, we ended up playing in one of the more (expensive and) beautiful rooms. Add up up a nice room, more familiarity with the songs, and the ability to settle into the social dynamic a bit better, and you get one hell of a good time. We even lingered after and chatted a while. I am excited to play every week with these guys. The musical chemistry that comes with having a little group that meets to play together week after week is its own magic; it’s something you can’t pull off in just a few rehearsals. This has been the main challenge with the larger Strange Tides gigs we’ve had: because only two of us were always in the band, we only had a few practices with everybody before each show, and so we went in still trying to keep track of everything. What I’m hoping for, here, is to know our parts and each other so well that we move through the songs without thinking, and can focus on musicality, stage presence, and joy. 

What can I say? It feels like a good fit.

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Happy List

QT with children

QT with dogs

Impromptu birthday gettogethers

Swimming

Evenings that grow old without my noticing

Bike shopping (ICBC did, in fact, cover the write-off)

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When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

Alexander Den Heijer (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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Unhappy List (just to mix it up)

Everything is expensive

My bicycle got written off

Will ICBC cover it? Who knows

There is a loud party happening in my building

Work has been too busy for too long

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In the morning, Lord We do look to you For the strength we need  Just to make it through Have mercy

In the evening, Lord We look back and say It was in your strength That we made our way

Have mercy

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It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.

David Jones (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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I’m sorry -- is there anybody who HASN’T cried because of math?!

ok wait, reblog if you’ve cried at least once because of math, doesn’t matter which grade i’m trying to prove something 

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I’d lift my head with each sunrise If I had a simple soul When I was weary, I’d close my eyes If I had a simple soul Not too complicated To shiver when I’m cold I’d make my home where I am bound If I had a simple soul

--

I say my prayers and hope to God I know he will know And I will take my daily bread When hunger starts to grow It doesn’t have to be that hard: If it hurts you, let it go What you say is what you are If you’ve got a simple soul

--

It might take an alchemist To turn your dust to gold But it only takes a child to see The diamonds in the coal It’s not so easy When a habit takes ahold I never knew it would be so hard To keep my simple soul

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‘Cause home Is where You hear the truth And they know you better Than you know yourself

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And what was said to the rose To make it unfold Was said to me, here, in my chest So be quiet, now

And rest.

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Find out what makes you kinder, what opens you up and brings out the most loving, generous and unafraid version of you - and go after those things as if nothing else matters. Because, actually, nothing else does.

George Saunders (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.

Rumi (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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