ovenroastedtwerkey

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

If tomorrow I won the lottery or some elderly billionare relative died and left me their fortune and I had a massive pile of cash, I would immediately buy a lot someplace more habitable and then build a next level Art Nouveau castle.

I see billionaire mansions or luxury houses and they're all so fucking boring. What's even the point. You have all this money and everything is white and looks like a dentist's office waiting room? The fuck is wrong with you. Install a two story stained glass window. Live a little.

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

playing this through a megaphone as i drive across the united states

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

it's always "immortals always lose the ones they love!" and never "this family has had this incredible, powerful, loving figure present through generations of their lineage, all because they are descended from someone the immortal loved long ago" and i think that's a shame!!

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

😛

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK HOT THAT'S THE DEVIL TALKING

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

what's a little piss between bros

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

if white women know one thing it's how to make a bathroom beach themed

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

“trans people in sports is such a complex issue” it really isn’t. make the sports skills-based instead of segregated by gender. “ohhh but so many people’s lives depend on their sports for scholarships” okay then let’s make university universally funded so people don’t have to worry about paying for it based on how well they can throw a ball. how are you not keeping up

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!  Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well. Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact Does not mean:  I’m ignoring you Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company. Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them Does not mean: I hate you! Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

can u imagine if other pieces of media were as scared of calling their monsters what they are as zombie media is about calling zombies zombies

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[ovenroastedtwerkey]

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

NASA released the clearest pictures yet of our neighbours in the solar system

Oh and of course us

Honourable mention

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

my spouse and i disagree

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

all public transport should be free unconditionally and I'm TIREDDD of pretending this is a radical idea