pacificryptid

[pacificryptid]

the sandwich price to minimum wage ratio is getting so fucked up

[pacificryptid]

-Spent all day yesterday over 10 hours cleaning, while partner slept all day

-Spent the evening setting up chicken broth to cook

-Ask partner to move car

-Wake up

-Partner has not moved car, doesn't want to go do it, and has unplugged my chicken broth for a dinner w friends at least 3 hours ago and not left me any note about it

-We have had over a dozen conversations about food he thinks is OK to leave out at temperature that I spend hours making and he fucking ruins

-Snap at him to at least move the car and he yells at me about how he has to do everything around here, the worst possible choice of words

-Expects me to be over it

[pacificryptid]

[pacificryptid]

today is my 4th anniversary of having long COVID. A sickiversary, if you will. We also happen to have recently entered another massive resurgence of COVID. So I have something I want to say:

I'm tired.

Physically, emotionally, metaphorically, literally. I am exhausted. I'm burnt out. I've told my story so many times that the words barely sound like words to me anymore. I've said "there's no cures or treatments for long COVID" so many times that I might as well tattoo that shit across my forehead. I've poured my heart out about losing everything to this disease, my dreams, my ability to hold a job, my independence, and every time I do it inhibits my ability to move on. I want so badly to quit, to say fuck everyone else and focus on my own healing, but I can't. I can't see people dying and look away. I can't go through what I've gone through and not try to keep other people from suffering. It constantly feels like I'm pulling people away from the edge of a cliff while they try to convince me it's just a gentle valley, and when I tell them to look with their own eyes they call me paranoid.

Not caring about COVID is a privilege and I want to take it away from everyone. I want to force everyone to care but I can't. All I can do is keep begging people to listen. Please beg with me. Please carry my story and the stories of other long COVID patients to places we can't reach. Please take some of the burden off of physically disabled people to save the world.

[pacificryptid]

i hope everything gets easier soon. or at least funnier.

[pacificryptid]

today is my 4th anniversary of having long COVID. A sickiversary, if you will. We also happen to have recently entered another massive resurgence of COVID. So I have something I want to say:

I'm tired.

Physically, emotionally, metaphorically, literally. I am exhausted. I'm burnt out. I've told my story so many times that the words barely sound like words to me anymore. I've said "there's no cures or treatments for long COVID" so many times that I might as well tattoo that shit across my forehead. I've poured my heart out about losing everything to this disease, my dreams, my ability to hold a job, my independence, and every time I do it inhibits my ability to move on. I want so badly to quit, to say fuck everyone else and focus on my own healing, but I can't. I can't see people dying and look away. I can't go through what I've gone through and not try to keep other people from suffering. It constantly feels like I'm pulling people away from the edge of a cliff while they try to convince me it's just a gentle valley, and when I tell them to look with their own eyes they call me paranoid.

Not caring about COVID is a privilege and I want to take it away from everyone. I want to force everyone to care but I can't. All I can do is keep begging people to listen. Please beg with me. Please carry my story and the stories of other long COVID patients to places we can't reach. Please take some of the burden off of physically disabled people to save the world.

[pacificryptid]

My little sister has covid and the flu - it's gotten really common apparently, they call it FluRona.

She's alright. Although with a wicked cough and back to work after only a week. But she lives w another sister & her bf and all my living grandparents (2 gmas and a grandfather) bc of homelessness and poverty. So not only are they at major risk right now. They're at major risk for the foreseeable future.

But the pandemic is over right

[pacificryptid]

Its been six days since I showered. Since my birthday.

Have you ever rubbed skin against skin until the top layer of grease and dead skin pills off in little rolls? I started doing that to my face this morning, and I couldn't stop. Something about the texture, the idea of making it cleaner. My face has burned since, like a scab picked off too soon.

I'm propped up by old pillow pets and a throw pillow that smells faintly like cat piss. My cat peed on it months ago, when we left a pile of clothes out in the particular way she considers litter box material, and it's been tossed around waiting to be washed since. I know I should toss it back out of the bed. I hate the smell of cat piss, however faint, and it can't be doing anything for the cleanliness of my face. But it's also the last thing I have of her now, besides a limp collar.

The bed is full of dirt and crumbs, random pieces of a stick the dogs were chewing on. My skin itches. Showering would require going in the house, and the cost is just too high right now.