padparadshas-blog

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shatteringwills:

Okay, there were good signs here now. Decent part of town, and while it’ll probably be small, that was to be expected, but she wasn’t homeless. Well, until he sees that her door is just open, and the locks are too. What on earth is going on with this woman. This is a mess. 

“Always be honest with me. Do you have anywhere else you sleep that has a roof over your head, that isn’t in the wilderness, that actually has a functioning door?” 

“No,” Kim answers, because she wouldn’t sleep at her parents if she had to do it to save her own life. Her mother would probably invite over about six ‘nice young men’ over the course of the night if she went back there. It’s this, or out where she’d finally found her destiny. “That’s it. I sleep in my car sometimes,” she suddenly says, because that technically fits the description, and the door is still perfectly fine. The hood isn’t; she punched it once, and punching it back out hadn’t gone as smoothly as she’d wanted it to.

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shatteringwills:

This woman is a giant pain in the ass, it’s official. Never before has he wanted to simply tell someone to just die so he can walk away. But no, something would be useful if he stuck around, right? 

“Fine. Take me to your apartment.” Though the rate this is going he expects it to be a hole in the ground that has a homeless person in it. 

Kim turns around, heading for her apartment instead. It’s in a decent part of town, but it’s small, one bedroom. Oddly, though, the doorknob is broken, as well as the locks - she’d forgotten her own strength one night, and hadn’t cared enough to call the landlord and make an excuse to have it fixed. As she’d thought previously, there was nothing that could hurt her, and she was so rarely there. She hadn’t seen the point of trying to come up with a lie as to how it got broken at the time. “Here it is.” It’s incredibly spartan in its furnishings at first glance, besides a portrait of a four-armed, three-eyed blue man on the wall. Predictably, he’s sitting under a bunch of marijuana leaves.

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shatteringwills:

It doesn’t take him long to wonder where in the hell she’s going, or why. Because he assumed in such a place, she wouldn’t be seemingly wandering towards the wilderness. Was she homeless? She did seem like a drug addict. Damn, this was becoming a mess. 

“Stop. Are you taking me to where you live? Be honest.” 

“No,” she replies. “You said home. Nothing in this town has felt like home since I was a child. Home is out there,” Kim adds, pointing towards a mountain in the distance. “I do sleep out there sometimes. Probably more than I sleep in my apartment. Define ‘living’ somewhere,” she says. 

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shatteringwills:

“You can be slightly less happy. Bring me to your home.” Well, if she was going to waste his time, he was going to mess with hers. Maybe make her life a mess, get her off whatever she’s on, and make her stop wasting so much of his time. Maybe he could get some kind of free food out of it. 

Kim starts walking towards her 'home’, unsteadily at first, but as time goes on, slowly she starts to even out and pick up the pace slightly. She’s still trembling, but not as severely, and her footing is more sure. She walks towards the edge of town, heading inland, towards the mountains. There’s no ‘house’ - not the small apartment her parents have paid for since she turned 18, not her parents’ house, not her friends’ places - that feel as much like home as the mountain where she first became a Power Ranger.

It’s going to be a very long walk.

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shatteringwills:

This is why he hated people on drugs. So much for her being useful. She’s basically a walking waste of space like this. “Relax.” Because otherwise, she was useless as she was. “Does happiness normally feel like dying for you? Because you’re acting like you’re dying.” 

She relaxes, but she still can’t stop trembling, because he didn’t tell her to stop being happy, and the serotonin has already flooded her central nervous system. "No? What? I’m not dying, I’m fine, I just, I just smoked too much, that’s all, sometimes that happens if I do that,” Kim insists, her head snapping to the side to watch a child on a bicycle ride by, distracted by the noise. “Not this bad, though, except that one time... I - there’s no way, I don’t know what’s... What’s happening.” She starts giggling, and she can’t stop, slightly delirious. “I need to go home. No, I need to sit down and wait this out and then I need to go home,” she gasps out. 

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shatteringwills:

At that, he actually laughs at her. How amusing that was. “That is my curse as well. It comes with being unable to die. But the benefits outweigh the problems. So, stop what you’re doing.” Time for fun. 

“Stand up. You’re thrilled to be around me. Your entire mind is filled with happy thoughts just thinking about me. You’re enthralled and you can’t believe you’ve never been this happy before; you’ll do anything I want because you just want to keep feeling this good.” Time to see what the greatest she ever felt makes her feel like. 

Kim stands, smiles. She is absolutely delighted to be here all of a sudden. She can’t remember ever quite being this delighted in her life, and it feels strange. Almost - nauseating. She just keeps smiling, smiling, smiling, until she starts trembling, slightly. She’s not actually sure who she even is right now. She almost stumbles into the table all of a sudden, overcorrecting her balance, sweating. She must have smoked too much, way too much; that’s all she can think in her confusion. “Wow, it got cold fast,” she says, delirious, blinking, still smiling.

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shatteringwills:

He moves so she can lick the bottoms of his shoes, because he’s not at all sympathetic to her plight at all. “You find this delicious. Tell me what punishment you deserve the most for how awful you are.” Really, he just wanted to see how truly fucked up she was towards herself. Maybe she’d be a good toadie or something for him. He always needed messengers. 

She doesn’t actually know. What does she deserve?

She almost says ‘to die’, but - her friends, her family, the world need her not to do that. They don’t deserve the harm that would do, so she cannot deserve that level of punishment. She said she would die for them that night - but she can’t, because the pain of losing Billy, however brief, was not something she could ever inflict on the rest of her team, so she just has -

“To keep living,” she answers. “It’s the greatest gift and the cruelest curse. It’s all any of us deserve, no matter what we do.”

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be that

can i get a rp partner that is just fuckin down. that changes shit up when we aren’t feeling it instead of straight dipping out or dropping or just straight says “i don’t fuck with u anymore”, cause that’s being real? that will pop into my ask box and demand plots n’ shit because you just decided we might vibe really well and even if we did the first plot you can find on some fuckin’ list it’d be dope caus’ we’re both just chill? or maybe a rp partner that straight acts like we’ve been chill and skips the procedures and questions and goes straight to the ideas? that if i don’t feel like writing back will still just catch the fuck up and be like yo, how are things? tell me about yourself, your name, how you’re doing. i give a shit. rp has been all so robotic, formal and meek. tell me what you want, be yourself. be real. 

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“Wait - what - okay? Sure?”

    “Quick, kiss me. I’ll explain later!”

@padparadshas || BANTERcall

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shatteringwills:

“You have to hate yourself.” Another statement, mostly just to see how she’d react. But really, people like her bugged him, if only because they had no imagination, no ability to think outside the box. As such, he looked down, and basically decided to go with the toilet idea, if only so she’d stop sounding, well, stoned. “Lick my shoes clean.” 

“For now, yeah. That’s how we learn to change. We despise what’s wrong about ourselves so we stop doing it,” she agrees, and then, only vaguely wondering why the hell she’s doing it, she kneels down at his feet and starts to lick at his shoes. This is like the time I was so stoned that a podcast told me to eat dirt and I almost did. Wild. Somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach she’s wildly uncomfortable. She chalks it up to paranoia.

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shatteringwills:

“So basically you’re a waste of space and energy. Not much use to anyone or anything. You hate yourself. You wish someone would punish you for being so useless and worthless. Isn’t that right?” It wasn’t a command; he was deliberately pushing her mind in one direction, because he already knew that she was going to bother the hell out of him otherwise. He supposed he could just leave her alone, but she’d already been talking his ear off. 

“You feel extremely guilty about how awful you are. Don’t you?” Another statement; he was going to cause her to eat herself alive mentally, and he was going to watch. 

“Yes?” she said; it was more of a question than a statement. “I mean, I never said there definitely weren’t gods, and maybe they know what they’re doing. Maybe we’re reborn all those times to become stronger for our suffering. Maybe this is what I need to learn right now. If I’m supposed to be being punished, I guess - but I just... don’t see how I can help what I’ve done in the past or what fate I was born into?” Kimberly said. She felt as though she should feel terrible. There were so many reasons to, but she couldn’t think of any. “I can do better if I try, but I’m not sure if there’s any point. I guess that’s a reason to hate myself, but... Well, all I’d have to do is do better, and I wouldn’t have that problem.” Stoner philosophy - keeping Kim calm in the face of crushing emotional turmoil since sophomore year of high school. “So sure, I hate myself, but I don’t have to.”

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shatteringwills:

“Good to know. Well, tell me about yourself in great detail, making yourself look as awful as possible.” That was the fun thing about his powers, he didn’t need to worry about people noticing that they were being compelled. It was simply easy to just make them do what he wanted, and right now he wanted to know if she was someone he’d keep around, or someone he was about to go make embarrass herself in a public place. 

“I don’t know if I believe in any gods,” she starts, “because if they do exist, what the fuck are they doing right now? If they do exist, they’re irresponsible pieces of shit. I think I am genuinely an awful person, but so is pretty much everyone else, so I’m a bitch to drive them away. I’d rather be mostly alone than constantly irritated. I once got a girl I liked to send me nudes so I could sent them to the guy she liked so he would think she was a slut,” Kim lists. “I wasted all my potential but it wasn’t really potential because potential in a small town doesn’t mean shit. I’m gonna end up some rich guy’s trophy wife at best, a chain-smoking forty year old waitress if I’m lucky.” She sits back, scoffing, because while she can’t quite comprehend where that came from, it’s nothing she hasn’t thought a thousand times.

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shatteringwills:

“I literally have no idea what that means. Tell me what that means. You want to do it and enjoy being able to inform me.” Nothing like forcing someone to do what he wanted, but he’d like to at least know what she’s talking about before he continues with her. If he didn’t just tell her to go lick a toilet bowl clean. 

Kim doesn’t even notice she’s being compelled, because even without the order, she loves being a bitch to people who deserve it. "Negging is when someone, usually a man, attempts to pursue a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman by insulting her to attempt to undermine her self-confidence, in the hopes she’ll conflate her drop in ego with an increase in his worth as a human being. What it actually does is just make him look like a giant asshole. And it was the second one,” she adds.

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darcholme:

she rolls her eyes . cute .

“ it’d be better than all that angst, how do you cope .” she takes a seat beside her, and steals a fry , eyes daring her to fight her on it .

“ i’m not your enemy . i come in peace, or whatever.” 

Kim shrugs. What’s one fry in the grand scheme of the universe?

“See, that’s the secret to life. By knowing it’s just a phase, and one day I will blossom into a beautiful butterfly of an adult,” she replies. It’s hard to tell whether or not she’s being sarcastic or not. “I figured the universe would want me to pass that onto you, considering you haven’t got the message yet. Good way to start off the whole coming in peace thing - with an insult. Ten out of ten would recommend you continue.”

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shatteringwills:

@padparadshas

“I can’t tell if you’re wasted potential or if you’re just high at the moment.” 

It’s one hundred percent the latter. As such, it takes her a moment to realize she’s been insulted by a man she’s never seen before in her life. “Are you negging me?” she finally asks slowly. “Because that doesn’t actually work, you know.”

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darcholme:

 “ nice outfit . did malibu barbie have an estate sale ?”

@padparadshas  // sc.

Kim sits back, stares at the woman, and picks up a fry, eating it nonchalantly. “Aren’t you a little old to be picking on teenagers? Trying to relive your glory days as a teen already? Your life must be miserable.”

“Remind me not to grow up as bitter as you.”

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Wanting to RP a ship but not having anyone to RP it with like