pagetoscreensaga

[pagetoscreensaga]

“I like roses best. But they bloom in all four seasons. I wonder if people who like roses best have to die four times over again.” ― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

[pagetoscreensaga]

I'm only HUMAN

Hey there! I am a 20 year old who is an anime fanatic(popularly known as otaku). Watching anime is my solace. I also enjoy reading novels. Preferably the dystopian, mystery, thriller and tragic or angsty novels. I wanted to share my thoughts and also hear out the thoughts of others.

For the first post, I wanted to share how an anime led me to read a novel. The novel that I recently read was No Longer Human by Dazai Osamu. Yes, you read that right! Bungo Stray Dogs was the reason which made me want to read the book! For those who don't know, the anime revolves around Nakajima Atsushi who is expelled from the orphanage and is taken in by the Armed Detective Agency (ADA) which is composed of individuals with superhuman abilities. The show takes us through Atsushi's journey of self-discovery, overcoming his trauma and his life as a member of ADA. The most intriguing thing about this anime is how every character is named after a popular author and how their ability is associated with the most popular work of the respective authors.

Dazai Osamu is a character that stood out to me. His ability in the anime is No Longer Human. This ability enables him to nullify the powers of the other ability users. No Longer Human also happens to be one of the most notable works of the author. Dazai Osamu was a prominent Japanese author who depicted the complexities of human nature through his writings. He died by committing double suicide in 1948 by jumping into a reservoir in Tokyo. He had made multiple attempts at suicide, the first one being at the age of nineteen. He was also involved in a lovers suicide with one of his mistresses. However, he survived the suicide. Dazai in the anime, is also depicted as a suicide fanatic who is obsessed with the idea of committing a lovers suicide. Often fatuously joking around, there were instances when he seemed like an empty shell. His numbness and nihilistic perception comes from his lack of understanding of the purpose of life. This can be witnessed by viewers when he says- "Is there really any value to this thing we call living?" He seems to be desperately seeking to associate his life with some goal, indicating his paradoxical thought process. He seeks to attach meaning to life while also wanting to die.

No Longer Human is a brutally honest and vulnerable soliloquy of Yozo who is dreaded of human beings and feels like a social outcast and how his fear governed his actions in life. The experiences of Yozo are based on author Dazai's life himself. Yozo's internal conflict shows that how complex humans are and how their differences in perception contribute to their very self. He lived in the constant fear of being stripped of his farcical mask and also being treated as a social outcast. Over the time, he accustoms himself to societal settings and interactions. However, he feels alienated and struggles in building interpersonal relationships.

Every human being is an existence in themselves. Yozo's reason for building a farcical image was being allowed to live despite not feeling "Human". However, I believe it was also a subconscious attempt on his part to feel accepted. Dazai in the anime is also known for clowning around and lighting up the mood. However, behind the mask lies a heart brooding in inexplicable despair over the real reason for continuing the suffering of living.

Reading the book made me introspect if I were also putting up a facade to keep others from knowing the "Real" me. It made me think how disappointed others would be in me. There was also a feeling of guilt that came gushing in for deceiving others. It made me rethink, if I decided to stop being the way I am, would I still be loved and accepted? How long will I be able to put up the image of a jovial person? Would it be okay for me to share the emptiness I feel from within? It made me realise how I am shallow deep within; how I have accustomed myself to act in "socially accepted" ways and also behave and do things the way I am "expected"to do; Oh, how I fear being my facade seen through, but desperately seek to be heard and understood. It made feel like I have been losing sense of self.

Humans can be self-contradictory on multiple ocassions. It is important for us to feel and also process our thoughts. It is important to let ourselves experience the emotions. For I believe, experiencing emotions is also what makes us "HUMAN". Classic Japanese literature delves into complex human emotions by depicting them in fictional settings and how the characters cope with such emotions. Watching Bungo Stray Dogs was one of the best decisions for it allowed to explore classic literature. There are a lot of anime out there with stories of different characters and how they deal with their shortcomings which can be thought provoking, heart-rending and inspiring.

This would be the end of my first blog. I would be more than happy to know your thoughts and experiences :) Thank you for reading!

P. S. - May seem out of the blue, but the song "space" by Audrey Nuna is simply ETHEREAL. Do give it a listen :)