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Diet Drinks? Should You Smash or Maybe Pump the Breaks?

Who wants to read about rare medical issues coupled with unsolicited dietary advice?

“Actually we’ve had just about enough of...”

Cool!

So, just some background information: Tardive Dyskinesia is something that develops via the use of some psychiatric medications just in reference to the above graphic taken right off WebMD. Probably make sure you get an accurate diagnosis or you’re going to have quite a concern on your hands depending on what you took, also, should you experience an injury from a medical treatment keep in mind that the statute of limitations is unfortunately a thing. Wonderful for debt management and resolution. An enthusiastic thumbs down for injuries sustained and then not dealt with in a timely manner.

So, question of the day:

Is Drinking Too Much Diet Soda/Pop/Cola A Retarded Thing To Do?

Well, in rare instances, it actually causes that. See above.

“Hey, this is weird. Let’s say you take Topiramate for migraine relief and weight loss to see what happens?”

If you’re constantly trying out medications just to fucking see what happens you gotta cut that shit out and fire your doctor and address your issues at the source, however, depending on your history of weight loss medications and/or amphetamine abuse, you may see a side affect that diet drinks suddenly taste extremely chemical in nature so at least you rid yourself of that vice and then hey science people with that change in the brain you can actually taste phenylalanine, maybe an adjustment could be made on that at the production level?

“What if you only drink Diet Pepsi? Or Diet Coke? Or Diet Dr. Pepper? There’s water in those!”

Um you may experience some concerns given your personal situation.

Anyway, prevention is kind of an important thing. Prevention helps avoid dealing with major medical issues a lot of the time.

“Is this a thing where you’re going to come to the defense of chiropractic care?”

I did basically grow up in Davenport Iowa, home of Palmer Chiropractic School, so I could be biased, however it just seems like preventing an issue or correcting an issue that would otherwise require medication that would then cause more issues seems to make a lot of sense.

“Like what?”

Like a regular adjustment to allow you to exercise regularly to ward off obesity or their related health concerns?

“Always back to the fat jokes.”

Actually in no way is that a joke and in every way a loud hello in that obesity and the lifestyle and things that lead to obesity cause problems.

“Like chugging diet sodie pop because, hey, no calories!”

Exactly.

“You didn’t even need to go into ripping on diabetes this time!”

I’ll circle back around at some point because there’s a pretty major blood sugar thing there too.

“But there’s no sugar in it, you were talking about phenylketonuria!”

Correct!

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Oh here we go...

Are you a migraine person?

Me too!

Lots of people deal with migraines and they can be the absolute worst ever. I am not being sarcastic or belittling. I assure you! ...even though that’s how this probably comes off, that is just how I talk.

Prevention is a concept used, thankfully, more and more, across the board, in many, many, many areas of medicine. The reason why is because without prevention comes diseases and injuries and other medical concerns that then people have to deal with.

Total bummer!

You could argue that there is a huge industry there that deserves support employing millions of people worldwide so you could say that preventable concerns are actually needed, but I am going to argue that, hey, why can’t we all just move on from the past already and get into some new shit?

Vaccinations are a thing that exist so that people don’t have to go rooting around digging up old lost papers and documents and vials of things that someone totally threw out because “we aren’t gonna need this anymore” on how to cure things that people collectively dealt with already.

“But I simply can’t subject my child to that! They’ll become autistic and I can’t do that to them!”

Look, lady. If your child is going to be autistic, no amount of vaccine avoidance is going to prevent that in any way. What’s going on with you and your baby-daddy? Look at your environment and own genetic garbage. Have you done one of those mail-away ancestry kits? There could be some clues there. If you want to add ruebella to your kid’s autism diagnosis go right ahead but also add in home schooling because other people aren’t interested in putting their children at risk due to your stupidity and also you’ve already fucked your child pretty hard by denying them basic and needed medical care so by homeschooling them hopefully they’ll descend quickly into some kind of situation in which they can be rescued by competent people sooner than later and hopefully there’s not too much of an impact on anyone else.

Side Note: If I may continue on my vaccination tirade before getting back to my original point, if you’re a college student offered the opportunity to undergo a vaccination trial so you can pay for a drunken trip to New Orleans, that’s a little different, so really make sure you think that through. You’re an adult now!

Anyway.

Migraines.

Ouch!

If you’re considering the medication pictured in the photo above, why not give it a whirl?

“Nothing works for me. These migraines are debilitating. I’m willing to try anything.”

I get it. That’s unfortunately more common than you think. Here’s some info to consider:

I’m seeing some pretty big pluses and some pretty big minuses up there. Also, just with it being a new medication, maybe look up a little on withdrawal effects, however that is simply a suggestion and I am certain your doctor is on top of all of that.

Here’s the deal, listening to your body is a skill that actually helps a lot whenever you are dealing with any medical issue of any kind! Actually, just in general, that comes in pretty handy. The human body actually wants to work properly and our whole lives people just generally slowly fuck it up over time but if you’ll allow it, your body can give you clues on how to not be miserable.

Try taking note of when your headaches happen and what you’re doing at those times.

“Like a headache diary?”

Mmmmmm hmmmmmm.

“That’s a lot of effort, the pain is too much I have to get control of this.”

Then go take a handful of the brand new Trokendi XR™️.

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It’s New Year’s Eve, 2018!!! 🎉

Oh my fucking god a new year is about to begin!

Today is more than an arbitrary date to add some excitement, joy, and/or excelerant to the general let-down after the holidays depending on your mental state.

Figuring all that out is your deal, however, if you’re like me and you can’t wait to put your body to the test of champions this new year, or you’re just telling everyone that’s what you’ll be doing so they go mind their own business so you can carry about yours, below are some completely unverifiable and unsolicited medical, dietary, fitness, relationship, and mental health tips that you can definitely read and use but that’s totally your decision!

P. S. Recommended age of audience for this blog is 35+

Tip #1

I Gotta Lose Weight This Year For Real

That’s admirable as fuck. There’s a lot that goes into that, 78% of which being white, hot, blinding frustration, however you are actually not alone.

The secret to losing weight over time and keeping it off lies buried within the following blog:

https://quadcitycrossfitter.tumblr.com

You’re going to have to hunt for it.

“Honestly, better or worse than just getting a self help book. Like just as useless or???”

It depends on your patience level for creative grammar and your grasp on the use of sarcasm, however actual real, tested, proven (at least once), verifiable weight loss tips for gradual metabolic reset (What is that? Keep reading!) and maintaining a healthier BMI after overcoming morbid obesity is all up in those virtual pages so good luck to you.

Tip #2

I lost a ton of weight in 2018 and I’m saving up for plastic surgery this new year but it’s expensive, I’m just, like, really on the fence. How can I solve this debilitating preoccupation?!

Drink more water, get more restful sleep, be able to quickly identify anyone in your life that is exacerbating your preoccupation so you can limit their privilege of the use of your time, and learn the importance of stretching and body weight exercises.

“That’s seems like a lot of things.”

It’s 4-5 things.

“Also what are body weight exercises?”

Here’s some:

Tip #3

I’m single and I’m losing hope

Hey! Buck up, friend. You’re definitely not alone, depending on your personality. I totally get it! Dating is a little bit the worst, especially the older you get.

It seems like as people age they generally fall into one of two categories (of course there are exceptions):

A. The Lonely

and

B. The Annoyed

Do you know which one you are?

“Hahahahaha a little bit of A and a little bit of B. Just kidding A all the way hahahahaha, *sobbing*!!!!”

Guess what? Congratulations on being a normal human being with feelings. Also, maybe you’re more like 5% A and 95% B. Also cool, and wonderful, and what makes everyone so unique. Also, maybe you’re 150% B, which is totally cool also, just try not to be too much of a

C. The Asshole

ALSO: This is important. Maybe you think you are a B/C when you’re truly an A but you are concerned because you associate A with the most fucking annoying people on the planet and you kind of like a B or C and you don’t want to drive them away and blah, blah, blah. Who doesn’t relate to that? The only thing you can do is to be

D. Yourself

If people don’t like what you’ve got going on with your bad self, that’s their issue. Also, maybe you actually are the most fucking annoying person on the planet, that’s definitely your issue, however all you can be is yourself and then people can either deal or not and then, again, the issues ball is back in someone else’s hands where you don’t have to deal with it.

Some people would very much rather be single than in a garbage can of an abusive relationship. They understand life is too short and that life is meant to be lived to the fullest and all that hippy-dippy bullshit for real. That is a completely foreign concept in some areas of the country, however, that’s something you have to do some soul searching about to figure out and then you get to have whatever fun you can conjur up once you know that about yourself. You might actually someday meet someone who feels the same way and actually be in a happy and stable relationship.

If you are someone who must always be in a relationship or has a propensity for abusive relationships do not fuck with the type of person I’ve mentioned in the paragraph directly above this one.

You’re wasting everyone’s time, especially the person I’ve described in the paragraph directly above this one which might push the person you’re pursuing into 3,000% B (as described a little further up) territory which I don’t care how bad-ass you are, people that are too annoyed find pretty creative ways to not have to deal with whatever it is that is annoying/being too mean to them when it comes to actually being in a relationship with someone and there’s no need to start your 2019 off on a stupid note.

This is your year for love!

Why don’t you go take a basket weaving course or something?

Tip #4

You mentioned ‘Metabolic Reset’ earlier and I gotta tell you, my metabolism, like, HATES ME, tell me what’s up with that?

Honestly it’s strategic anorexia BUT only effective if you have a metabolic issue that you either created yourself from poor habits or maybe from a medication issue or maybe some sort of traumatic event or some hardly-plausible fucked up combonation of the three. This is getting into dangerous territory and they key lies within the power of your Google searching skills, whatever the cool mental illness is to tell everyone you have ends up being in 2019, and your ability to actually commit to forming and sticking to habits that you feel are important to you.

Also, maybe your metabolism should go fuck itself and you should find something else to fixate on because metabolic slowing is part of the normal aging process and you can definitely tamper with that if you want, but it’s a lot of effort and hello it’s cold outside. Consider going back to review ‘Tip #3’ and then keep your eyes peeled for someone who doesn’t give a shit about your metabolism and who you can cuddle (tee hee) and get drunk with you so you can watch your metabolisms crash and burn together.

I’m just kidding, ideally shoot for a balance between the two (in refrence to the paragraphs above).

But for real you can reset your metabolism but it’s pretty dangerous so go annoy a medical professional about all that.

If you talk to one that wants to fight me because of this please send them my way with just a courtesy head’s up on what kind of doctor they are so I know to what degree I will need to dumb down my defense.

Tip #5

I really feel like this new year will be my year, creatively. I’m ready to really embrace my expressive intuition and align my inner most...

Please do not hold back on sharing your Etsy page with friends and family in 2019. This very well could be your year!

Tip #6

I have a friend in need, I know I can make 2019 the year they accept Jesus as thier Lord and Savior

Hey, good for you for spreading the good word or whatever it is that you are doing but I’m just suggesting that maybe the lordiest thing you could do in this instance would be to maybe give that friend of yours some space. Maybe they already have a religion they both quasi-revere and ridicule mercilessly and your insistence on their need for whatever yours is exactly will just open up some sort of portal to anchient Vatican hell that no one wants to deal with. Also, sometimes people seem like they are in need depending on your inability to focus on yourself. There are totally plenty of people that need jesus though. Why don’t you consider taking a mission trip somewhere and see if you can find some people that way. If you get some sort of fucked up disease, parasite, or injury I unfortunately don’t have any unsolicited medical advice for any of that but may Jesus guide you quickly and comfortably into the light.

Tip #7

I have got to get control of my mental health this year!

Hey welcome to the club. It’s not that exclusive of a club because literally everyone is a member but you’re still totally unique and special. Maybe you need an emotional support. Have you considered a pet of some kind? Maybe you could look into your mind’s eye and materialize a spirit guide. People also make wonderful companions however if your mental health is truly that complex please make sure you widen your social network because catching and trapping just one emotional support actual person that you only need for your comfort and absolutely nothing else, especially if they are a B from ‘Tip 3’, is just a real waste of everyone’s time and resources. My real unsolicited advice is to go find a combo of an appropriate coping mechanism, counseling and/or therapy, and medication, however you gotta go figure all that out for yourself. Godspeed to you!

Anyway, have a wonderful 2019!!!

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*Disclaimer

To anyone actually reading this. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Read at your own risk. Was this blog written by a licensed medical professional? No. Obviously. Did you just read it? Hello?!

2. If you’ve read something on this blog that exacerbates your medical issue, bummer. See number 1.

3. Did something on this blog lead to your recovery or allow you to change your life in some way for the better? Super-duper! If the power of christ compels you to chalk that up to some kind of devine intervention, you do you. Please refrain from involving the writer of this blog in any of that. Thank you.