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[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8: Day 31

Day 31

As well as being the last day of No Waitrose October, and also Halloween, today was the second full day of my mum’s visit.

The weather forecast was similar to the previous day, ie, rain showers all day, clearing up later. We had Halloween plans in the evening (more of which later), so we just needed to find something to fill the day that didn’t involve being outside very much. My mum was itching to buy the five year old I live with some clothes, so I suggested a trip to a big supermarket with a clothes section, as we needed a load of food as well. Having already shopped the clothes section at Sainsburys a few days earlier, I wasn’t keen to head back there. The next nearest supermarket with a decent clothes section is Morrisons in Worthing, so I made an executive decision that we would go there.

My mum is funny about Morrisons, always has been. We never shopped there when I was growing up, mainly because the Morrisons in Halifax was right over the other side of town from where we lived and we didn’t have a car. So I came relatively late in life to the wonders of Morrisons.

Apropos of Morrisons, here is a list of my Top 5 Morrisons.

1.       Boroughbridge Morrisons

2.       Stamford Morrisons

3.       Chadderton Morrisons

4.       Byker Morrisons

5.       Seaford Morrisons

Very England-centric, I know, apologies.

Even though Worthing Morrisons may not make my top five, it’s still a fine shop, and we had a wonderful time browsing the Nutmeg range for some clothes for the five year old I live with. They didn’t have everything we were after (hence no top five slot), but we still got most of it, plus some pizzas for lunch, as it was going to be lunchtime by the time we got home.

I drove back along the coast for a short stretch, through Lancing and Shoreham, basically so my mum could see the sea. She doesn’t get to see the sea as often as I do, and everyone likes to see the sea, don’t they? I thought she might want to stop and get out for a walk on the beach, but it was blowing a gale and we were hungry, so it didn’t seem like the right play.

Back at home I shoved the pizzas we’d just bought in the oven as soon as we got in and made a quick bit of salad. I’d bought two pizzas; a margherita for the five year old I live with and some kind of fancy spicy meat affair featuring ‘nduja and salami for the person I live with and I. I assumed that my mum would have the margherita as well, because never in my life has my mum eaten spicy meat pizza.

When I served it up, however, my mum took a slice of the spicy meat pizza. I was a bit surprised by this, but decided she was just trying to be polite, and wouldn’t take any more as she doesn’t like spicy meat pizza. However, when she’d finished her first piece, she then went back for a second slice. I almost fell over. I can’t express to you how unexpected this was. My mum DOES NOT LIKE SPICY MEAT PIZZA. That is a truth universally acknowledged. So to see her eating a spicy meat pizza was like seeing a fish walking down the street, or a piano falling out of the sky. It simply could not be real. I actually couldn’t believe it. However, I didn’t want to bring any attention to what was happening, so I just switched to margherita instead and felt bitterly resentful that my mum was eating my fancy pizza.

Afterwards I WhatsApped my sister about what had just happened; she was similarly agog. I still haven’t had an explanation for what went on. Further investigations are needed, I’ll let you know more next year, if I can be bothered doing this again next year.

After lunch we turned our attention to Halloween. I knew from the street WhatsApp that there was a plan to take younglings out trick or treating at 5pm, so we started slowly whirring towards Halloween readiness all afternoon. I’d got a massive tub of sweets a few weeks back, which I thought would be enough on the treat side, but then I lost confidence in the massive tub and baked some chocolate chip cookies. I also wanted to bake the cookies because they’re really nice cookies and I want to get a reputation on the street for baking really nice cookies.

With the cookies cooling, we got round to dressing up. The five year old I live with was dressed up in a witch’s costume and looked very witchy. The person I live with was dressed all in black and claimed she was a witch, but looked decidedly less witchy. I put on some sequinned trousers, a jacket and bow tie and claimed I was a vampire. The person I live with did some rudimentary face painting, so I ended up with a white face and a smeared red mouth, which gave a mildly unsettling effect, and then we headed out.

It turned out that with everybody out trick or treating at the same time, no one was actually at home to hand out sweets, so everybody had just left sweets on their doorstep for people to take. I put our big tub of sweets and the container of cookies out on the doorstep, lit by a pumpkin and a scented candle from Aldi, so people could see what they were getting.

One of our neighbours had rigged up their bin with a skeleton inside that popped out and made spooky groaning noises. It was amazing. I could tell that a number of other people on the street were very jealous and were already planning how they could go one better next year.

Another of our neighbours had set up a mini stage on their driveway, with speakers and lights and drums and guitars, and they started doing a concert, singing some songs about Halloween. Unfortunately someone’s Ocado delivery turned up across the street, so there was a big van with its hazards on obstructing our view through the first couple of numbers. Then after the van left it started raining, so we had to go and take shelter and the concert ended. I felt quite sorry for them. That’s showbusiness, I guess.

We got back to our house just as some older youths from another street were ransacking our doorstep for treats.

“Get one of them cookies!”, one of them urged.

“Nah, it’s not wrapped, it’ll dry out, innit”, came the reply.

I made a mental note to remember to individually wrap the cookies next year. A rookie error.

We got in out of the rain and cold and it emerged that the five year old I live with had amassed a great haul of sweets and chocolate from up and down the street, she was very pleased with herself. We somehow persuaded her to not eat it all immediately and that it was time for a bath and then bed, which it was.

I made roast lamb for tea, as I know my mum likes lamb. The person I live with doesn’t really like lamb, but I just about got away with it. I did some mash with it, which I made by mashing some potatoes I’d baked earlier in the day. I thought it might be a new exciting way to make mash, but for some reason they just ended up really gluey, which was a shame.

Usually on the last night of No Waitrose October I have a chat with the person I live with about how it’s the end of No Waitrose October, but because my mum was there we didn’t have the chat this year. I’ve told my mum about No Waitrose October before, but she isn’t interested. It’s fair enough really. There is a remote possibility that she is a secret reader of No Waitrose October, and if that’s the case then I have this to say: Since when did you like spicy meat pizza?

Also, I didn’t need to chat to the person I live with about the end of No Waitrose October because I already knew what she’d thought of it this year. She’s hated it. She really doesn’t like Tesco’s muesli.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8: Day 30

Day 30

Saturday, and the first full day of my mum's visit. I checked the weather forecast and it was due to be rain showers most of the day, but brightening up in the afternoon.

Therefore I decided to book a slot at Sheffield Park in the afternoon to go and see the autumn colour.

All we had to do was find a way to pass a rainy morning. I decided one good thing to do would be to buy some time in the evening by making a start on tea in the morning. We had some chicken left over from the previous night that felt like it needed to be put into a curry. I got some sliced onions going in a pan for about 20 minutes until properly soft and melting, then chucked in some garlic, ginger, coriander, cumin, salt, sugar and tomatoes to make a sort of masala base. I didn’t have any chillies, so I squeezed in a bit of some “dragon strength” sriracha I got from the Thai shop in town last month. It’s vicious.

At some point I got even more carried away, as instead of making just one curry I turned the masala bases into two curries; a chicken tikka masala type thing with cream in it and a vegetable curry with cauliflower and green beans and plenty of butter in it.

By that point my mum was bouncing off the walls, she was desperate to go out, even though it was raining. There was a short break in the rain so we went up to the park. While we were at the park we recorded a happy birthday video for my nephew, whose birthday it was. Then it started raining, so we came home. On the way home it absolutely lashed it down, and we all got soaked.

Back at home we dried off a bit and I made cheese on toast and cucumber for lunch. I got to use some chutney I made back in May. I thought I’d messed up when I put it in the jars and it was all going to be rancid, but it isn’t, and I’m actually pretty pleased with it.

After lunch we played a few card games until it was time to drive up to Sheffield Park.

Regular readers will remember that I went up to Sheffield Park with the five year old I live with earlier in the in the month. However, we realised it was the first time the person I live with had been to Sheffield Park in about two years, which seems like a long time not to go to Sheffield Park considering how close we live to it.

We got up there and I scraped the underside of the car on the speed bumps on the way in as usual and the sun was out and the colours were absolutely amazing.

We went and had a hot chocolate halfway round and talked about the monarchy, prompted by the fact that the Queen isn’t very well at the minute. I pointed out that we don’t know yet what Charles is going to be called when he’s the king. I think most people assume he’s going to be Charles III, but I have a sneaking suspicion he’s going to decide to be George VII. He’s Charles Philip Arthur George after all, he could pick any of those names. And his grandad was called Bertie by the family but reigned as George VI. Part of me hopes Charles banters us off the park and decides to be King Arthur. I’d think about liking him if he did that.

Constitutional chat over, we went and had a look at the giant redwoods and made our way down to the cricket pitch at the far end, before wandering back up to the car park past the lake.

It was my plan to go to the fancy winery next to the gates on the way home to get a couple of nice bottles of wine. It’s a separate business, one that sells good plants and good wine, it’s absolutely up my alley. They’re proper wine people, or at least they seem like proper wine people to non-wine people like me. I last went over the summer and picked up a honeysuckle and a couple of Picpouls.

However, the fancy wine shop was closed for the evening by the time we got there, so we had to head home instead. I played Skimbleshanks from Cats very loud on the stereo to keep the five year old I live with awake in the back, then we got home and she had her tea.

While she ate it I resumed my efforts to get some nice wine. I nipped out to the fancy wine shop in town to pick up a couple of bottles. The fancy wine shop in town does beer as well, so I picked out some beer and had a chat with the man in the shop about beer and cricket. I had a lovely time chatting on and spent far more than I intended to, but didn’t really mind.

On the way back to the car I thought we might need some snacks, so I picked up some Pringles from the newsagents. When I got back everyone was playing card games and the five year old I live with was going a bit mad with tiredness. She ate a lot of Pringles and went to bed, while I put the finishing touches to the curries I’d started earlier. They were pretty good, I’m not ashamed to say. We ate the curries with the wine from the fancy wine shop and went to bed.

Didn't go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8: Days 28-29

Day 28

I woke up in Bedfordshire at 6.30am slightly hungover, so I got up, filled my face at the breakfast buffet and set off home.

The idea was to be nice and early so I could avoid the traffic around the M25. I drove along a funny road I can’t remember the name of and joined the M11 at Cambridge.

I headed down the M11 while listening to Rishi Sunak defend his budget on the Today programme, reminded me a lot of Tony Blair. I arrived at the M25 to be confronted by no one with their faces glued to the road, sailed across the Dartford bridge and round the bottom to the M23, the A23, the A27 and home.

Actually, before I got home I realised it was still only 9.30am and I faced a day of looking after the five year old I live with while not feeling exactly great, so I decided to gather some supplies at M&S Food in Hollingbury. I got a chicken, some milk, some reduced Stilton and a fish and chips meal for one, which I intended to give to the five year old I live with for her tea.

I arrived back at home about 10am, at which point the person I live with went into work. My mum was coming to visit the next day, so I knew I had to make a vague attempt to tidy the house, which I did, albeit in a very tired and rotten-feeling sort of a way.

While I'd been away, the person I live with had had some vegans come to visit and there was lots of vegan food in the house. So I ate some of that, plus some non-vegan pizza I discovered in the fridge that I heated up for lunch.

The five year old I live with and I went to town in the afternoon on the pretence of getting some Halloween things, but we didn’t really find any Halloween things, just some felt and pipe cleaners that we made spiders from back at home. The M&S fish and chips meal for one went down very well for tea, by the way.

When the person I live with arrived back from work at five o'clock I went upstairs and had a nap for an hour, before reading a story and then coming down and having some tea. Think we had chicken, I was too tired to notice.

Didn't go to Waitrose.

Day 29

My mum came down to visit today.

In the morning the person I live with went off to work, leaving me and the five year old I live with at home to entertain ourselves.

The only thing I had to do was a big Zoom meeting that I had to go to at one o'clock. It then turned out that my mum was going to arrive at the train station at one o'clock. This meant I was unable to meet her off the train, like I usually would. We live about a 15 minute walk from the train station, which for most people would be a case of looking up a route on Google maps on your phone. My mum doesn’t use mobile data or acknowledge the existence of Google maps, so I had dictated some directions on how to get from the train station to my house the previous evening.

Before the big Zoom meeting, I wanted to go to town to get some nice things to eat for while my mum was visiting. We would have usually gone to Waitrose for these things, as this would have been quicker, but obviously this route was not available to us so we went to a lot of independent retailers and paid a lot of money for some nice things. I went to the cheese shop and bought some fancy cheddar and Wensleydale, because my mum isn’t the most adventurous of cheese eaters and I thought she might eat those ones. I also got some fancy beer for me and some fancy prosecco for everyone, before going to get some unfancy sausage rolls in the bakery that the five year old I live with and I ate for our lunch on the way home from town.

I got the five year old I live with watching Netflix while I did my big Zoom meeting (10/10 parenting) and then rang my mum to find out where on earth she’d ended up. It turned out she was quite close to the house, so the five year old I live with and I put our coats and shoes on and went out to find her. She was standing looking at a path deciding whether it was the right one. Our arrival confirmed that it was, so we said hello and went back home.

We played a lot of card games (Uno, Dobble and something called Sapiens) and had a nice afternoon. The person I live with got back from work quite late, the five year old I live with went to bed and I made roast chicken for tea.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8: Days 25-27

Day 25

Monday - the first day of half term.

The person I live with went into work for the day, which left the five year old I live with and I to occupy ourselves for the day. It was just like old times. I had a work meeting in the morning during which the five year old I lived with drew a picture of a scary face that she wanted to carve into the pumpkin that we bought the previous day at West Hove Sainsbury's.

She drew a really amazing scary face and I somehow had to transfer it onto a pumpkin

First of all, I had to empty the pumpkin of flesh and seeds. This was harder and took longer than I had imagined. It also took longer as the five year old I live with decided that she wanted to plant all of the pumpkin seeds that came out of the middle of the pumpkin, so kept running into the garden to find plant pots.

When it came to the actual carving part, the five year old I live with wasn't really interested so I just got on with it myself. She was impressed when it was finished, unless she was just humouring me, which is equally possible.

My main task for the morning was to tidy up downstairs ready for people coming later in the week, but I also took the opportunity to put up some pictures and a hook that I've been meaning to put on the back of the door for a long time. And I also repotted a salvia and started trying to propagate some pelargoniums and felt like I’d vaguely achieved something.

We then had some lunch. I made pasta and peas and cheese for the five year old I live with and heated a tin of lentil soup and fried up some croutons for myself.

After lunch we went into town to buy all the things at the haberdashery that we'd be meaning to buy the previous day, when we'd ended up in West Hove Sainsbury's instead.

The woman in the haberdashery was rushed off her feet. She said she hadn't had any breakfast or lunch, and it was two o'clock by that point. I tried to offer her some of the oatcakes I was carrying in the bag, but she wouldn't have them. It made me sad to see a hungry haberdasher.

We bought some fabric paint, some fabric glue and some Christmas decorations as well. They were little wooden shapes like reindeer and snowflakes and ice skates that kind of thing. I thought the five year old I live with would enjoy painting them when we got home. You've got to do something over half term.

On the way home we were going to call in at the library. I felt like that would fill an hour or two quite nicely, but then it turned out that the library closes at 2pm on a Monday, much to everyone's disappointment.

However, just outside the library there's a little row of abandoned seating, the benches are all rotting wood, and it's like a little stage in a corner tucked away that no one really goes to. The five year old I live with loved it and it was still quite sunny, so she took the opportunity to dance on the stage and do lots of performances and sing.

She made me do some performances and sing as well. And it occurred to me halfway through that we were right outside a one way window into the library and there was a strong chance that there was someone on the other side watching us singing and dancing. Hopefully they enjoyed it.

By the time we'd finished dancing it was tea time, so we went to Fuego Lounge as a special half term treat. Although to be honest, we just go to Fuego Lounge for our tea at least once a week at the moment. I think it's the novelty of not having been to a cafe for so long, we’re making the most of it while we can.

The five year old I live with tried to have macaroni cheese, but there wasn't any, so she settled for sausage, chips and beans instead. She wanted to have an ice cream as well, like we had last week, but I said that that was only a special occasions thing, which she accepted.

I had a cup of tea and some chicken wings; a strange combination, and not an unenjoyable one.

Walking home we coincided with the person I live with arriving back at Lewes train station. When we got home she was a bit disappointed in the tidying that we'd managed to do, which I imagined she would be. I decided to let her discover the other things I’d done like the pictures and the hook and the pelargoniums in her own time.

For tea, I’d bought some haddock in Sainsbury’s the previous day and had been planning to make a fish pie, but time ran away with me as I was catching up on work. In the end I only had time to make some very quick fried fish and potato wedges and green veg. Still pretty nice though.

Didn't go to Waitrose.

Day 26

I had to go to Bedfordshire for a work thing for a couple of days. I had to be there at 10 o'clock in the morning, which meant driving around the M25. So to make sure that I was up early enough and on time I got up at five and set off just before 6am to avoid all the traffic. I successfully managed it, but was very tired for the rest of the day.

Didn't go to Waitrose.

Day 27

Spent the whole day at the work thing in Bedfordshire. I’d toyed with the idea of driving home at 11pm after it finished, but decided stay the night and get drunk instead.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Days 22-23

Day 22

My bike arrived today. It was due to arrive between 3pm and 5pm. 3pm is when I collect the five year old I live with from school. I decided that if I got all my work done by 2:45pm, went and collected the five year old I live with from school, and came back for as soon after 3pm as possible, I should be okay. After all, no one ever turns up at the earliest part of the time slot do they?

This plan was completely shot to bits when the bike delivery people turned up at 2:45pm, just as I was about to set off for school. The man delivering the bike asked if I wanted him to set up my bike for me. I could see in the back of the van that the bike didn’t have any pedals on it. I’m no cyclist, but I understand that pedals are an important part of the bike-riding experience.

I told him I would love for him to set up my bike, but he only had five minutes, as I had to go and collect my daughter from school. He was excited at being set a challenge to prove how good at bikes he was, and managed to get the bike set up in about three minutes flat.

We even got to have some exciting bike chat. Apparently a lot of people are ordering bikes at the moment. The bike company are ordering an extra van to do deliveries with, that's how many people are ordering bikes at the moment.

I told him about how I was only buying a bike because the person I live with and the five year old I live with have both got bikes and I didn't want to be left out. I added that I haven't ridden a bike in 20 years.

“Well, you probably haven’t forgotten,” he said. “It's just like riding a bike.”

A fair point. I shoved the bike in the house and ran off to collect the five year old I live with from school for half term. She was excited. There was also a cake sale in the playground, and we ended up with a cupcake.

On the way home I realised that because the bike had been delivered early there was now room for us to go and do something between 3pm and 5pm, so I suggested going to the garden centre.

I wanted to go and buy some ferns, cyclamen and ivy, the ones that Gardener’s World magazine said would look good in a big pot at the garden over winter. I knew I could persuade the five year old I live with to go to the garden centre if I suggested that we go to the cafe. She agreed, and we got in the car and drove off to the garden centre.

We had to go to the cafe first, obviously. Well, after we looked at all the Christmas decorations. She was very taken with an animatronic polar bear. I said we couldn't have an animatronic polar bear, although I was tempted.

In the cafe, I persuaded the five year old I live with that she wanted spaghetti bolognese for tea, as I noticed that for a pound extra I could add chips on the side, and I quite fancied some chips. I imagined that the chips would come in a bowl on the side as no one would ever put spaghetti bolognese and chips and garlic bread all on the same plate.

When it came out, they had put spaghetti bolognese and chips and garlic bread all on the same plate. There was also a little pot of cheese. The five year old I live with was delighted with her carbohydrate feast, and a bit confused about why I had bought her chips. She made short work of the meal, with a little bit of help from me.

Afterwards I was allowed five minutes to run around the outside bit at the garden centre to find  the ferns, cyclamen and ivy that I wanted, which I duly did, and we drove home.

I then put the ferns, cyclamen and ivy in the big pot in the back garden. They look very nice, I am officially pleased with them.

In the evening, the person I live with returned from work and I made a pork green curry out of some odds and ends. I had a bit of green curry paste in the fridge, and some veg, and some pork steaks that I'd cooked the day before. I didn't have any coconut milk, but I ended up using some normal milk, and put some ground almonds in it, and that seemed to work just as well, authenticity be damned.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 23

Today we went to London by accident.

It all happened because I woke up with the words “While greasy Joan doth keel the pot” in my head.

The five year old I live with has a big book of poetry that I sometimes read to her at night, and there’s a Shakespeare poem in there that includes the refrain “While greasy Joan doth keel the pot”, and I had it in my head. I decided the best way to banish it from my head was to say it to the person I live with.

“While greasy Joan doth keel the pot”, I said.

“What?”

“I’ve got it stuck in my head, it’s Shakespeare. I’m not sure where it’s from.”

The person I live with took this as a challenge, and thanks to the powers of modern technology, within moments was able to tell me it was from Love’s Labours Lost.

While she had her phone out she discovered some new messages on her family WhatsApp. It was her brother’s birthday and it turned out that most of her family were going to be in London celebrating. So we decided to go up to London and join them.

(Admittedly, this turn of events would probably have happened whether or not I’d woken up with the words “While greasy Joan doth keel the pot” in my head, so my claim at the outset of today’s blog, while not entirely bogus, is built on some particularly unstable foundations.)

The celebration was due to be outside a cafe in Russell Square at half past two. So we pottered about in the morning and then set off to catch the 1227 train from Lewes station, which we decided would be quieter, as fewer people would be likely to be travelling on a Saturday lunchtime. It did mean we’d probably have to have lunch on the train.

The people I live with, as noted on many occasions, do not like cold food. I sped off ahead to Caccia and Tails, the fancy Italian deli next to the station (where I got the fancy doughnut a couple of weeks ago) to pick up some warm food for the train.

After a short queue I ordered a macaroni cheese for the five year old I live with and some stuffed focaccia for the person I live with and I. I had to stop myself from buying a can of negroni and a bottle of Aperol spritz for the train. I did end up buying a chocolate brownie as well, as it was set to be a long day for the five year old I live with and it’s always handy to have a chocolate brownie to deploy should it be needed.

Having sourced food, I went and found the person I live with and the five year old I live with at the station. We bought a ticket and got on the train, which was indeed quite empty considering it was a Saturday.

I got the macaroni cheese out for the five year old I live with. She was bouncing off the walls, she was extremely excited about finally being on a train again for the first time in about two years. She was hungry though, so she started to eat. And then after a few mouthfuls, she announced she was full.

This usually means that she doesn't like it. I got her to admit that she didn't like it. She said it wasn't as nice as the school macaroni cheese, because that macaroni cheese has broccoli in it. I ought to have been pleased that she wanted veg, but to be honest I was just confused by her poor judgment. It was one of the nicest macaroni cheeses I've ever had. The stuffed focaccia was delicious too, I ate it all. However, this meant that I’d had two lunches and the five year old I live with had had next to no lunch.

I ended up deploying the emergency chocolate brownie much earlier in the day than I had ever intended, just to fill her up. She ate it with some gusto. There were some suspicions that she’d pretended not to like the macaroni cheese just to access the emergency chocolate brownie. She hadn’t known about the brownie, but she’s probably cottoned on to the fact that I usually have cakes and sweet things about my person at any given moment. Might have to rethink that policy, I’m being outmanoeuvred.

When we got up to London we got the tube over to Russell Square, which involved changing at Green Park, which had forgotten how much I hate. We arrived at Russell Square bang on time (the person I live with would tell you we were too early, but if she wants to tell you that she can do so in her own blog) and met up with the person I live with’s family.

There were about a dozen or so of us sitting around a table in the park next to the cafe, having pizza and chips and Peroni and panini. It was all very pleasant. After about two hours we realised it was a little bit cold and getting dark and we should start getting a train back.

We realised it was a bit of an unrepresentative trip to London, going to Russell Square to sit outside a cafe. So we decided to bring the five year old we live with back to London on another occasion quite soon.

On the way back to Victoria Station, the tube we were on broke down at Piccadilly Circus, so we had to get out there and walk to Green Park. It meant we didn’t have to change at Green Park at least.

We saw the statue of Eros at Piccadilly Circus, and there was a big protest in support of Julian Assange, and the five year old I live with was going mad with tiredness and excitement. It was really nice to show her a bit of London, even if it was just one street. We walked past Fortnum and Mason and the rates, and eventually ended up at Green Park tube where we got a tube down to Victoria, and the train home.

Back at home, I got some Christmas gyoza out of the freezer that I’d got from Waitrose about a month ago and made a stir fry. Turkey, bacon and cranberry gyoza they were, by Itsu. Afterwards I told the person I live with that they were Christmas gyoza and she admitted she would have probably not wanted to eat them had she known they were Christmas gyoza, but in the end they turned out to be nice. Note to Itsu – you should market your Christmas gyoza as normal gyoza.

Didn't go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Days 20-21

Day 20

I genuinely can't remember what I did on Day 20. It was a Wednesday, so I must have worked during the day and then come back to the five year old from school at 3pm. Other than that, it's gone. Sorry.

I can tell you one thing that probably happened on Day 20; I imagine the person I live with complained about me not going to Waitrose. Three weeks in and she’s really feeling it. It’s mainly because I have been going to Tesco as my main Waitrose replacement, rather than Sainsbury’s, and the food is noticeably worse. I have been told never to buy Tesco own brand muesli ever again.

Didn't go to Waitrose.

Day 21

I woke up at half past four this morning, which I’ve never found to be a good start to the day. The person I live with had woken up and was fiddling about with the Velux window in our bedroom, which woke me up.

Let me paint you a picture. Our bedroom is in the loft, a converted loft, and we sleep under a sloping roof with a couple of Velux windows in it. You will remember earlier in the month we bought a heated clothes drier, called the Dry Soon 3000 or something. It is currently in our bedroom rather than the spare room, where it ought to be.

For reasons too long and Winnie-the-Pooh related to go into, we have taken to calling the Dry Soon 3000 the Backson. The Backson has a cover over it which is meant to prevent condensation forming in the room it is in. The Backson’s cover does not prevent condensation forming in our bedroom, and at half past four in the morning condensation formed on the Velux window above the person I live with and dripped down onto her, thus waking her up, which in turn woke me up.

I couldn't get back to sleep properly after that, which wasn’t great, especially as I had a big work meeting at 10am. The five year old I live with got up and went to school and the person I live with got up and went to work, and I got ready for the big meeting. The big meeting lasted for two hours. Afterwards, thanks to being up since half past four, I was completely shattered.

I tried to work in the afternoon after lunch. but it was a bit of a lost cause. I realised I needed to go to the supermarket. So I decided to clear my head by going for a drive down to Newhaven Sainsbury's. It's a really nice road down to Newhaven from Lewes, even if Newhaven isn’t the greatest place in the world, nor is its Sainsbury’s all that great either. I was keen to head to a Sainsbury’s though, mainly to see if they sold any muesli that would be acceptable to the person I live with.

It was a bright clear afternoon when I jumped in the car and started driving, through Kingston, past the garden centre, through Rodmell where Virginia Woolf used to live, past the Telscombe turn-off and almost into Newhaven when I came across a man standing in front of a road closed sign. I stopped and wound down the window.

“Road’s closed mate,” he said. “There's been a landslide around the corner.”

Bugger. I tried to think of an alternative route to Newhaven, but there really isn’t one that doesn’t involve going back to Lewes. Look it up, you’ll see. It was then that I realised I was having one of those days where nothing quite goes to plan. And there was nothing to be done but to go to the big Tesco, I couldn’t avoid it.

I drove back the way I’d came and went and parked at the big Tesco and wandered into town to Superdrug to buy a few bits that we needed; toothpaste, shampoo, Metatone, paracetamol, that kind of thing. I also picked up some skate from the fishmongers for our tea. I've been reading a Rick Stein recipe book, English Seafood Cookery, I got it in Lyme Regis this summer at an RNLI book sale during Lifeboat Week. In it, Ricky boy says that skate with black butter is one of his favourite recipes, and it looked fairly simple, so I decided to give it a go.

After that I went back to my car dropped off the stuff that had bought, and went into the big Tesco as I felt bad about using their car park and not using the shop. I bought a couple of bits and pieces that we needed, including the ingredients for black butter (red wine vinegar, parsley, butter, capers).

Back at home I unpacked the shopping and realised I was completely shattered. So instead of working for the rest of the afternoon until school pick-up, I decided to lie on the bed and read Gardener’s World magazine. I came across a good idea for a winter pot, involving ferns, cyclamen and ivy, that I decided to try to remember to try, if I got chance to go to the garden centre.

I picked up the five year old I live with from school and we decided to go to the library. We got to the library and I started choosing a book while she sat in the children's section. Suddenly there was a shout and she ran over and announced that she'd wet herself. I didn't have a change of clothes for her because she doesn't really wet herself very often anymore, but it did mean that we immediately had to go home, without any new books.

All in all, the day was a bit of a write off. But the skate in black butter that I made for tea turned out to be very nice, I can recommend giving it a go.

Didn't go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Day 19

Day 19

Tuesday; I worked in the morning, as usual.

Mondays and Tuesdays have turned out to be the main day where I get most of my work done in the week, because the five year old I live with is at after school club on those days. I try to get a good chunk of my work out of the way on Mondays and Tuesdays and then it just makes things a bit easier in the second half of the week, when there’s less (no) childcare.

However, today, we also needed some shopping doing so I decided at lunchtime to fit in a quick trip to Aldi.

I also went over to Screwfix to collect a thing that I had ordered; I'd ordered some compressed air. You know, the kind of thing you’d use to clean computer keyboards with. (Well not you, but the underpaid and unseen person who cleans your office. Vote Tory.) I wanted to clean out the charging port of my mobile phone. I've noticed that all of my mobile phones tend to break because the charging port gets full of dust and sand and crap in my pocket.

In the past I've tried cleaning it out with a needle or something like that, but all that tends to do is scratch the metal and ends up breaking my mobile phone. So I decided to stop doing that and try out some compressed air as a non contact way of cleaning it out.

While I was on the Screwfix website I also noticed that they have some special cleaning spray for electronic bits. So I bought some of that too.

I had an appraisal at 2pm, so at half past 12 I jumped in my car, drove over to Aldi and picked up some bits there. One thing I needed was some children's toothpaste, but they didn't have any of that in Aldi, frustratingly. That’s the thing with Aldi, you can get loads of good stuff, but you can’t reliably get all the stuff you need. I did get a couple of bottles of wine and some beers, though, because as everybody knows, the beer and wine in Aldi is very good. Love me a Rheinbacher, I do.

I was especially pleased in Aldi because I kept up with the woman on the till. As we all know, in Aldi they claim to keep prices low by chucking stuff at you as fast as possible when you pay for it. I'd taken two huge bags and only bought a small amount of stuff, so I was able to put it straight into the bags in the trolley, without any delay. It was some exemplary packing.

I often wonder whether the people on the tills at supermarket judge shoppers on their packing. I mean, I bet they judge people who pack slowly and badly, that’s surely happening. But what about good packing, do they notice that? Are they ever looking at me thinking “this guy is doing some particularly fine packing today, I’m impressed”? I bet they are.

Feeling very pleased with myself, I put my shopping in the car and then nipped around the corner to Screwfix to pick up my compressed air items. When I got them home. I tried cleaning out the charging point on my mobile phone with the plain compressed air, but it didn't seem to do much. Then I tried out the specialist electronic cleaning compressed air and that seemed to have a much better result. My mobile phone seems to be charging properly, anyway, which is what I wanted from the whole enterprise in the first place.

Then I had my appraisal, which was fine, and then I worked in the afternoon, and went to collect the five year old I live with from school. Ate something (chicken and noodles?) for tea, went to bed.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Day 18

Day 18

I woke up in an absolutely foul mood this morning, it was bad. It took me all day to figure out what it was. And, well…

Actually, there needs to be a bit of an explanation here, here goes. Also, as a content warning, I’m about to talk about death quite a lot.

Basically, my sister Beth died in November last year. Some of you will already know this. For those that don't, here is a news story that was published at the time, saves me having to run through the specifics. I’m not a big fan of running through the specifics, I’ll level with you.

It was an unusual thing for her to do, all told. It wasn't really very Beth. She liked musicals and singing and maths and flowery dresses and the colour purple and McFly and pink wine and lots of other things, too many to mention, and none of it miserable. She’d have hated how miserable we’ve all been for the last year.

I can't recommend it really, having a sibling die. It's too sad and too weird. Grief is a very odd thing, let me tell you. It creeps up on you, shifts about. Like this morning, for instance, when I was in an absolutely foul mood, and it took all day for me to realise it was bloody grief.

Apologies for the dramatic shift in tone from knockabout supermarket chat today. I probably could have made it all the way through the blog this month without mentioning Beth’s death, but that would have felt dishonest, because she’s always there. I think about her every day.

I also thought I should mention her because Beth was an avid reader of No Waitrose October. She told me once that she used to save up the blogs and read them out loud to her husband in bed at night, and they'd laugh at me and the person I live with. She said she imagined us to be like David Mitchell and Victoria Coren, a comparison I found and continue to find unnecessary and upsetting.

Regular readers may remember that last year I was obsessed with the latest Nigella book, Cook Eat Repeat. In it there was a recipe for roast chicken and crisps, which I became particularly enthralled by. You put a bag of crisps in a bowl (I’m imagining Kettle Chips type crisps here, not Wotsits. Not that there’s anything wrong with Wotsits) and then you put pieces of freshly roast chicken on top, so that the warm chicken juices soak into the crisps, and OH MY GOD it sounds amazing. Beth thought so too, she messaged me after reading that blog last year to say that the next time we were all together as a family we had to have roast chicken and crisps.

Unfortunately, the next time we were all together as a family was for her funeral. It was peak Covid, so we were only allowed 30 people in the crematorium and no wake or anything afterwards. That was completely miserable. That was also the only time I saw my mum in 2020. It’s so strange looking back, it’s like a fever dream.

At the time we all said we’d have a proper celebration of Beth’s life when restrictions allow. I’m not sure what’s happening about that, I need to do some investigating. I’ve no idea what form it will take but I’m fairly sure it needs to involve roast chicken and crisps. It’s what she would have wanted, I have incontestable proof.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Days 16-17

Day 16

The person I live with was at a work thing all day - on a Saturday! – so that left me and the five year old I live with free to do as we please for the day.

Somehow, I convinced the five year old I live with that she really wanted to go to see the autumn colour at Sheffield Park, a National Trust property 15 minutes north from us. It’s best in the autumn, the colours are incredible.

As we approached, scraping over the vicious speedbumps on the road in, I spotted a sign saying that we needed to have the booking reference for our timed arrival ready for inspection at the gates. I’d forgotten that the autumn colour at Sheffield Park makes for boring things like pre-booking and timed arrivals. Gah. Oh well, we didn’t have a booking, but I was sure we could get in anyway. It’s only a bunch of trees.

At the entry desk I showed my National Trust card, and confirmed that no, I hadn’t prebooked, and the person at the desk pursed their lips and said that we could go in on this occasion, but if we were to visit again at any point during the autumn colour season, we really ought to prebook, as it really is their busiest time of year. Bunch. Of. Trees.

We wandered around the paths for a bit admiring the autumn colour and so forth, and then the five year old I live with announced she was hungry. It was only 11.20am, but I thought, what the hey, if we go and get lunch out of the way early we can avoid the crowds in the café and have a nice afternoon admiring the autumn colour.

The café at Sheffield Park is out of the main entrance and through the car park, so we had to go back past the officious person at the gate, who pursed their lips at us again, god knows why.

We reached the café at 11.30am and I ordered two jacket potatoes and the girl behind the till said that they weren’t doing jacket potatoes until 12. Gah. I’d forgotten about this farce. They don’t do hot food until 12, so you can’t go and have a cheeky early lunch to avoid the crowds. I couldn’t help but think that given we’re in the middle of a pandemic that is spreading thanks to people gathering in crowds that maybe they’d want to avoid anything that results in people gathering in crowds and might have thought to start doing jacket potatoes a bit earlier, then I realised I was sounding a bit like a Daily Mail reader so I stopped thinking that.

Luckily the café at Sheffield Park has a second hand bookshop attached to it, so we hung out there for half an hour reading a Dorling Kindersley guide to elephants.

At 12 noon we joined the stampede for jacket potatoes, for which the café staff seemed completely unprepared. There’s a complicated ordering system where you order food and you get a spoon with a number on and then you have to wait for your hot drinks, but the hot drinks were backed up due to a confusion over a flat white, and somehow our jacket potatoes ended up being ready before my large Americano, and then my coffee was finally ready, and the man carrying our food asked me where we wanted to sit, at which point the five year old I live with announced she wanted to choose the table, so she led the potato conga through the packed dining room until she spotted a dog lying in her way and stopped short because she’s scared of dogs, causing the potato conga to come grinding to a halt. I wasn’t having fun. I shoved her past the dog, claimed a free table and sat down. The man put our potatoes in front of us and I thanked him for his patience.

“GET THAT OFF MY PLATE DADDY, I DON’T WANT SALAD AND THAT OTHER STUFF ON MY PLATE, GET RID OF IT, I DON’T LIKE IT.”

Ah, the familiar refrain. I scraped the unwanted salad and coleslaw from a National Trust jacket potato onto my plate for the first time in almost two years. It felt good.

After lunch we went round the gardens some more, the five year old I live with hid in lots of bushes, I found her, we went over the bridge over the waterfall, up to the cricket pitch and back round past the Giant Redwoods. They’re my favourite thing about Sheffield Park, they’re blooming massive, and their huge trunks are covered in soft spongey bark that’s fun to prod. It’s nice to prod a massive tree.

We bought some expensive biscuits from the shop and ate them on the drive back to Lewes, where we stopped off at the big Tesco to get some nice oranges. The five year old I lived with had complained that the oranges I sent in her snack bag to school last week weren’t very nice, so we got some Finest* ones, which I hoped would be up to snuff.

I got some fish for tea as well, some cod fillets that I served up with artichokes and peas and chive mash when the person I live with got back from work that evening. It was an unexpectedly fancy tea, always a nice surprise.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 17

I’ve been reading a rude book, I forgot to tell you. When we joined the library the other day before the Glow Disco, I went looking at what they had in and discovered a book called Paul takes the form of a mortal girl by Andrea Lawlor, which I had coincidentally been reading about on the internet earlier in the day. I took it as a sign and borrowed it. Its rudeness stems mainly from the large amount of sex that happens, and it is also a very readable and good book. It’s one of those books that you want to start reading again as soon as you wake up, so when the five year old I live with came and woke us up at 7am I got up with her and made us some breakfast and we sat on the sofa together, one of us ensconced in Netflix, and the other ensconced in a rude book.

It’s nice to have a book to devour, I haven’t found much fiction I’ve wanted to read for a while. Over the last year or so I’ve read a lot of Ursula Le Guin, but since finishing the Earthsea novels I’ve been stuck waiting for something to turn up and grab me. Maybe I’ll ask at the library if they have any more rude books I can read. Might have to work on the wording of the question though.

I was very organised this morning actually and decided that it would be good to have pizza for lunch, so I chucked some dough together in the mixer. I got a Kenwood mixer for Christmas, it’s rose gold and makes breadmaking a piece of piss, I love it. I make most of the bread we eat these days. I’ve stopped measuring ingredients, that’s how advanced I’ve got. My white loaf is pretty reliable, still working on my wholemeal, I’ll get there.

While the pizza dough was proving, I stuck a tin of tomatoes in a pan with some sugar and salt to reduce for the pizza sauce. Then I read my book some more.

The person I live with got up and we played a game of Happy Families, except it’s not Happy Families it’s called Sapiens, but it’s basically Happy Families. Whatever it’s called, I’m not great at it. The person I live with is delighted, as she has apparently been searching for years to find a game I am not great at and is very pleased to have found one. She and the five year old I live with beat me comprehensively and taunted me about it.

After that it was lunchtime, so I made pizza. Since moving house my pizza has improved immeasurably, simply because the oven in our new house goes hotter than the one in the old flat. It still doesn’t go hot enough to make amazing pizza, but it gets up to 250C, which makes for a passable pizza. I made two pizzas, both margherita, with some crappy block mozzarella I had stashed in the fridge. It keeps for ages, it’s useful to have in just in case you fancy a pizza on a Sunday lunchtime.

After lunch it became clear it was a nice day, so we wandered out for a walk. I lured the five year old out with the promise of a Freddo at some point. We did the same walk that I detailed on Day 11, over to Kingston and back.

When we got back I used the leftover tomato sauce from the pizza as a pasta sauce for the five year old I live with’s tea. Pizza and pasta on the same day is probably a bit samey, but she didn’t complain. Who would?

Later on I roasted a chicken and some potatoes for the person I live with and I to have for tea. I can’t imagine ever getting bored of roasting chickens, it’s the most rewarding use of an hour and a bit I can think of.

After tea we went to bed and I almost finished my book. I’ve got about 20 pages left, I want to make sure I read them properly, give them the attention they deserve. It’s always strange, that moment when you’re about to finish a book, I often start to worry that something’s going to interrupt me and ruin my enjoyment of the ending. It never does though.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Days 13-14

Days 13-14

I skipped Days 13-14 so I could write about the Glow Disco on Day 15, and now I can’t remember what happened on Days 13-14. Nothing as exciting as the Glow Disco, I can tell you that much. I’m still reeling.

One thing that happened was after school on Day 13 or 14, can’t remember which, when I took the five year old I live with to Grange Gardens for a run about. I sat on a bench opposite the mulberry tree and kept an eye on her while she ran about.

The mulberry tree is about 350 years old and has a railing around it to stop people going near it and climbing it and breaking it, as it is very old and fragile and probably has a Tree Preservation Order on it.

(Incidentally, have you ever eaten a mulberry? I stole a mulberry off the mulberry tree at Great Dixter last month and it was the single greatest piece of fruit I have eaten in the last five years. They’re like a sweeter, larger, plumper raspberry, extremely fragile and completely heavy with juice. The juice stains like ink, something I only discovered after I got it all over my white shirt, thus displaying my crime for all to see. Didn’t even care, it was worth it.)

Anyway, I was sitting on the bench opposite the mulberry tree and keeping an eye on the five year old I live with and I thought I’d give my sister a ring. So we were chatting and she was telling me a story, when suddenly I noticed a group of children had scaled the railings around the mulberry tree and were inside the compound, circling the tree. A real-life version of Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush.

“Oooof!” I exclaimed, interrupting my sister in mid-flow.

“What?”, she asked, mildly concerned.

“Some children have climbed over the railings by the mulberry tree and are running around it,” I said. “That tree’s 350 years old and I’m fairly sure it’s got a Tree Preservation Order on it, it’s pretty shocking.”

Then I realised how different my concerns are these days.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Day 15

Day 15 (Yes, I know I haven’t done 13-14 yet, deal with it)

A completely thrilling day today, I’ll skip right to the good bit.

It was the day of the Glow Disco, an event the five year old I live with was unfathomably excited about. (A Glow Disco is a disco lit by blacklight so everything white and fluorescent shows up glowing. I’d never heard of one either.) 

We were going to the second sitting of the disco at 7pm, as we’d been late buying tickets, so we’d missed out on the 5.30pm slot, which would have been much better in terms of bedtime. I picked the five year old I live with up from school at 3pm, meaning we had four hours to fill before the Glow Disco. Luckily I had a plan.

The first part of my plan was to go to the park for an hour. This was scuppered when the five year old I live with announced that she didn’t want to go to the park today, she wanted to skip straight to the second part of the plan and go and buy some disco clothes. Fair enough, really. The dress code for the Glow Disco was white or fluorescent clothing. I’d found some white clothes for her to wear, but thought we could pick up some fluorescent items at M&Co in town.

We went into M&Co in town and it became immediately apparent that it was a fluorescent free zone.

The five year old I live with tugged on my jacket. “Ask where the fluorescent clothes are, Daddy.”

I hate asking people in shops where stuff is, but I didn’t want the five year old I live with to think I hadn’t exhausted all possibilities, so I went and asked.

“Ah, you’re not the first asking for fluorescent clothes. We don’t have any, you want to try Tizz’s.”

I knew about Tizz’s; we had walked past it the previous week and I had noted to the person I live with that Tizz’s would inevitably be part of our future. It’s one of those shops that sells beads and fancy dress and incense and jewellery and shiny things and is almost entirely populated by 12 year old girls. We walked up the hill to Tizz’s and it was clear this was the right place for Glow Disco paraphernalia. The five year old I live with loved it, I think it made her feel very grown up. It made me feel very old. We got some fluorescent yellow leg warmers, some hot pink sunglasses and some pink glow-in-the-dark body paint.

At this point I realised we still had quite a lot of time to fill before 7pm and we needed to do something less exciting, or we were going to peak too soon. So we went and did something I’d been meaning to do for months: we joined the library. I used to take the five year old I live with to the library in Brighton all the time, but what with the pandemic and all, we hadn’t been to a library in two years. Luckily, she still had some residual memory of libraries being fun places, so when we reached Lewes library she bounded into the children’s section, found a book and curled up in a little reading hidey hole for a good hour. It was very successful. I checked my phone and saw an MP had been murdered and wished I hadn’t checked my phone, then I got us some library cards and we borrowed some books and went off to Fuego Lounge for some tea, which was the penultimate part of the plan.

Fuego Lounge is part of the Lounge chain of restaurants, I have no idea how famous this chain is but it’s pretty good; it caters extremely well for middle class people of all shapes and sizes. It’s got booze, and a children’s menu, and a vegan menu and fancy salads and burgers and hot dogs. I thought it was a Sussex-only operation for a long time, then we accidentally went to Orpington a couple of years ago and there was one there, so who knows how far its tentacles have spread. (I could look it up I guess, but I find that looking companies up quite often results in me boycotting that company after I discover something awful about its owners or its working practices, and I DO NOT want to have to boycott Fuego Lounge, so I’m going to stay ignorant about it thank you.)

Fuego Lounge was one of the first restaurants we ventured to after the great reopening this summer, as you could sit outside and order on your phone, which seemed pretty Covid-secure. However, the five year old I live with grew tired of that very quickly, and has been demanding to sit inside Fuego Lounge for a good while. Obviously with it being an October evening I wasn’t going to make her sit outside, plus considering we were going to an actual disco later it seemed illogical to be too concerned about sitting inside in a café. So there was great joy when we actually sat inside in Fuego Lounge.

The five year old I live with had the macaroni cheese and garlic bread, which is her standard Fuego Lounge order, and I had some onion rings and a pint of lager, as I didn’t want to attend the Glow Disco either hungry or sober. Once all that had been and gone it was about half five. The person I live with was due to arrive at the train station at about half six. The train station was a five minute walk away. We still had to get changed into our disco clothes in the toilets, which I calculated would take 10 minutes, tops. That left 45 minutes to fill and a rapidly tiring five year old to keep awake.

Taking all these factors into account, I did the only thing that the situation would allow; I went to the bar and ordered another pint of lager and the biggest ice cream sundae on the menu. This was a very popular move indeed. 45 minutes later we emerged into the night air delirious with excitement, full of dairy and sugar, one of us wearing fluorescent leg warmers and hot pink sunglasses. We walked round to the train station to meet the person I live with, who was surprised to see our get-up, then wandered over to the school for the main event.

The disco itself was an absolute triumph. The school gym was blacklit with fairy lights and strobes going off all over. Around the edge were trestle tables well-stocked with booze and sweets. At the far end of the gym were some decks and a tall DJ dressed in black, who was MC-ing over Who Let The Dogs Out to a horde of bouncing primary schoolers. I bought a beer (bottle of Harvey’s Best, much higher standard of beer than I’d been expecting from a school event) and a plastic tumbler of prosecco and we ushered the five year old we live with into the rampage. She was a little hesitant at first, but soon enough she was chucking herself about with undue care and attention with the best of them. It was quite thrilling and weirdly moving.

It was also weird to hear what songs they play at school discos these days. Big hits: Old Town Road, Uptown Funk, Shotgun by George Ezra. Galway Girl by Ed Sheeran cleared the floor, which was surprising, but nice to see. At one point the DJ got a limbo set out and all the children and a couple of parents (eesh) did limbo. Then he told everyone to pretend to be zombies and played Monster by The Automatic, a song I hadn’t expected still to be hearing in the year of our Lord 2021.

The DJ was just getting stuck into a Queen medley as I was getting stuck into a second pint and observing that while I have tired of Don’t Stop Me Now thanks to overexposure, it remains one of the most exciting noises ever committed to record and it was nice to see a lot of people who haven’t tired of it enjoying it, and it was while I was mansplaining Queen to myself that the five year old I live with came over and announced she was tired and wanted to go home and go to bed. So we did.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8: Days 11-12

Day 11

Woke up shattered on Monday morning, always a fantastic start to the week. Realised I’d been kind to myself and scheduled two important things back to back from 9.30am. No idea why I would have done that.

The person I live with was also working from home today, and as it was a bright warm day, we decided to go for a walk at lunchtime. We live in the South Downs National Park these days and can be up on a hill in about 10 minutes, if you’re brisk. We did a round walk that has become a bit of a regular walk since we moved here in January; up to Juggs Road, over to Kingston Ridge, back through Kingston village, across the field and along the road and back home. Takes about an hour and a half, it’s very pleasant. In summer, one of the houses on Kingston Ridge puts chocolate brownies and San Pellegrino out in a glass fronted cabinet with an honesty box. We were both slightly disappointed to see that they’re not doing it now it’s autumn. There were still quite a few people with tables of plants out for sale, but I managed to restrain myself.

The honesty box shop thing is very common round by us, you see people selling plants and veg and that all over the countryside. Some people we’ve had to visit have expressed surprise at it though, so I don’t know how common it is elsewhere. I feel like it’s worth some further investigation. It made me think that maybe I could start selling something outside our house, then I realised it only really works if you live by a popular footpath. I’d just end up annoying the neighbours by having a trestle table full of withered plants on permanent display.

We got back from our walk and did some more work and then it was time to collect the five year old we live with from after school club. She’d had a good time, she’d been playing something called Cone Wars with all the other children. I wanted to know how to play, but describing the rules of a game is not the five year old I live with’s forte.

Back at home I made chicken stir fry with some leftover chicken and veg and rice from the freezer, a fairly standard weeknight tea round these parts.

We watched University Challenge and our local pride swelled as Sussex University were on, but they ended up only getting about 10 points and it was pretty embarrassing. University Challenge is the only programme I’ve consistently made the effort to watch for a long time now. I looked it up, and Paxman started presenting it in 1994. I would have been 9 or 10, I’m not sure if I watched it right from the start of his reign, but I’ve been watching it pretty much every Monday for coming up to 25 years. Probably missed a fair few episodes while I was at university, ironically, but other than that it’s been a constant presence.

Here’s a thing that the person I live with complains about with University Challenge. When there’s a maths question, you have to do some actual maths, like a sum or some algebra or something. When there’s an English question, it’s always a trivia question, like “Who wrote such and such” or whatever. Why can’t there be an English question where they have to do some actual English? Give them a passage and tell them to analyse it from a post-Structuralist viewpoint or something. Get Paxman to mark it, he’d love that.

They’re never going to do that, are they.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 12

Another busy day at work, my work is just busy all the time these days. I barely have time to write this pointless blog, it’s quite frustrating.

I suppose I could just do a day where I just say “Didn’t go to Waitrose” and that’s it. Maybe I will, what are you going to do about it?

Actually, there was something vaguely interesting that happened today; I went to the butchers. There’s a butchers up the hill from the school where the five year old I live with goes, so a couple of times I’ve gone the long way home from school drop off and picked up some stuff. Today I got four chicken thighs, a smoked gammon shank and a little bottle of cream. The butcher was up for a chat, he told me he’d been swimming in the sea the day before. We had a halting conversation, convivial but slightly awkward, I reckon it’ll be better the next time I go in.

I walked home via the cemetery, which is a more circuitous route but you get some lovely views out towards the sea and the hills, so it’s always worth doing. There’s a rumour that some semi-distant relative of the person I live with is buried in the cemetery, I keep meaning to get in touch with the council and look them up properly. In the meantime, every time I wander through the cemetery I go a different route and keep a bit of a lookout. No luck yet.

Back at home I put the gammon shank in the slow cooker and got on with some work. In the afternoon I did some tidying, as we had our neighbours coming round for a cup of tea later. It was a big moment, as we haven’t had any of our neighbours in the house since moving in, because of Covid and stuff. Well, just because of Covid. I went and bought two packets of biscuits from the shop specially.

The person I live with and the five year old I live with arrived home just in time to tell me my tidying up was sub-par, then the neighbours arrived. They’d been to the shop and bought exactly the same two packets of biscuits, so we had a lot of biscuits. We had a nice chat as well, and it was nice to have actual people in the house.

After they left we were all shattered, so we had some tea from the freezer and went to bed.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 – Days 8-10

Day 8: aka The Day I Got To Wear My Bow Tie.

There’s not too much to tell you about Day 8 really, because I was at a work thing in London all day and you’ve probably noticed I’m a bit squeamish about talking about work stuff. Even though only about three people read this blog, there’s still the chance that someone from work might stumble across it and, well, I’d rather not get into trouble with work for talking about work stuff on a weird blog.

Here’s what I can tell you about Day 8: I got to wear my bow tie and new suit and no one cared that they were blue rather than black.

Oh, actually, here’s an interesting thing that happened, I was wandering around Battersea Park killing time before the work thing started, so I rang Granny for a chat. Granny is 99 now, she doesn’t really go out very much what with the pandemic and all, so I try to ring her if I’m anywhere vaguely interesting and tell her about it. I told her about the work thing and then said I was in Battersea Park, because she lived in London until the mid-1950s, so I thought she might have been there. She told me how she’d taken my Uncle Steve to a fair-type thing they’d had in Battersea Park when he was a baby. I just looked it up and it seems like she was talking about the Festival Pleasure Gardens, which were part of the Festival of Britain in 1951. It’s exciting talking to Granny about this stuff, there aren’t many people who you can chat to who can say “Oh yeah, I went there 70 years ago” and it be true.

Anyway, after that I went to the work thing and it went well and I stayed up until 2am.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 9

I woke up at 7am in my hotel in London, which considering I’d only got to sleep at 2am, was a little too early for my liking. However, I was also a little too in London for my liking, so I got up, checked out and went to get a train home. The train turned into a bus at Three Bridges, which would have been horrendous except for the fact that I bumped into one of my work colleagues on the bus and we had a natter about the work thing all the way down the A23.

When I was nearly back in Lewes, I gave the person I live with a ring to see what she was up to. It turned out she was on her way to Priory Park with the five year old I live with, and her sister and niece who were visiting. I said I’d come and find them in the park. 

Priory Park is great; it’s got the remains of a medieval priory in it, one of them what got biffed by Henry VIII when he biffed all them buildings. It’s also got a playground in it, which is why the five year old I live with likes it.

The park is pretty big, and overlooked by a weird mound, which looks like the site of a motte and bailey castle. You can see the whole of the park from the top, so I told the person I live with that I’d go to the top of the mound and look for them and wave. I was hungover and tired and this made sense to me as the best way to find them. I was right, because when I got to the top of the mound I could see the whole park, and I saw all four of them and waved at them and they saw me.

I walked down the mound and went and said hello and the person I lived with said she’d been surprised to see me at the top of the mound, as she thought I’d been joking. The five year old I live with thought it was hilarious when I appeared waving at the top of the mound, which was my main aim, so despite the naysayers it was a successful appearance at the top of a mound.

After that we went to get some lunch in town, we went to a bakery called Bake Out and bought sausage rolls and pasties and that sort of thing and ate them in Railway Land, which is a nature reserve two minutes from the main street in Lewes.

Our visitors were staying for tea, so I went to the butchers and bought a chicken, which is far and away the easiest way to feed a crowd in my experience. I needed some potatoes and some wine as well, which I thought we could pick up on the way home, there were a few options.

On the way home the person I live with also noted that we needed some wine, and suggested nipping into Waitrose to get some. It was at this point that I realised the person I live with had forgotten about No Waitrose October.

“How am I going to go into Waitrose?”

“What?”

“I can’t go into Waitrose, can I? I’m not going in Waitrose.”

The penny dropped.

“Oh god. Can’t you just go in? I want some nice wine.”

I’m not sure why the person I live with keeps forgetting about No Waitrose October. Also, our visitors didn’t know about No Waitrose October either, and I think both the person I live with and I were keen not to mention it in front of them lest we have to explain it, because it is weird.

Thankfully, we were almost at a fancy cheese and wine shop, so I pointed out we could get wine there and we didn’t have to go to Waitrose. Having bought some fancy cheese and wine (Gruyere and Picpoul) and a cheeky tin of beer (Pilsner) we made our way home. I’d failed to find any potatoes on the way home, so had to go to the shop near our house. It’s a proper local shop, sells low grade meats, lots of crisps, basic booze, newspapers, tins, bog roll etc etc. You can get potatoes, but they’re not great.

Because the potatoes weren’t great I decided to zhuzh them up a bit by parboiling them first and then roasting them in olive oil, you know, the full treatment. When it came time to eating them later on the person I live with said they tasted like chips. I don’t think it was meant as a compliment, but I took it as one.

After that we ate the wine and drank the booze and stayed up too late chatting, it was nice.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 10

We had a lazy morning and a late breakfast of bacon and poached eggs. I was pleased, I managed to poach four eggs at the same time quite successfully, not sure I’ve done that before.

After that we went to the park so that the five year old I live with could show off her bike-riding skills. We bought her a bike over summer, a proper one with pedals, and she can just about ride it. I have to walk along holding her under her armpits while she pedals, which is one of the most exhausting things imaginable. I keep letting go of her and she goes for a bit perfectly well until she realises what I’ve done and stops and tells me off for letting go of her. 

We did some cycling for a bit and then went home and our guests went home and we had a lazy afternoon, until at about half past three the person I live with said that we urgently needed some handwashing laundry liquid. I realised that the big Tesco was still open and I could make it if I dashed, so I jumped in the car and got there just before closing at 4pm.

I hate the big Tesco. There’s never any nice stuff, and the shop layout is all wrong: the fresh meat and fridges are at the end, not directly after the fruit and veg. Plus I don’t really like the meat in Tesco anyway, it’s a bit boring. Like, I wanted something for slow cooking, but they only have skinless boneless lean boring stuff, which is rubbish for slow cooking. I found the laundry liquid and vowed not to go there again. I will, of course, but the intention is there. No Tesco Ever is a lot harder than No Waitrose October.

Back at home I made jacket potatoes, salmon, and spinach and avocado salad for tea. Fish, potatoes and green veg is one of my favourite teas; it always feels healthy and nourishing, like it’s doing you good.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October: Days 5-7

Day 5

Bow tie day today! A quick reminder for those at the back: I am going to a black tie do on Day 8 and have ordered a bow tie from a bow tie shop in Lewes. I tried to collect it on Day 3 but the bow tie shop was not open.

What I didn’t tell you was that on Day 4 I had a text from the bow tie shop owner asking me when I wanted to collect my bow tie, and I arranged to collect it at 2pm today. So today was bow tie day.

Before the excitement of the bow tie collection, the people I live with went off to school and work and I stayed at home and did a load of work. Work is very busy at the moment; I started at 8.30am and then looked up and it was lunchtime.

Lunch was quite exciting, I made blue cheese gnocchi. I put a pan on low with a big lump of dolcelatte from Morrisons and some Elmlea in it, to make a creamy blue cheese sauce. Then I cooked the gnocchi, put them in the sauce and finished it off under the grill. I only had a small bowlful as it was an afternoon nap-inducing lunch if ever there was one.

After that I walked into town to go and get my bow tie. I picked it up, and the woman who’d made it asked if I knew how to tie it. I admitted I hadn’t got a clue, so she said she’d forward me a YouTube instruction video. I hate YouTube instructions videos, but I didn’t mention that, I thanked her for her kindness.

It turned into a little shopping trip after that, as the person I live with had requested some muesli, some shampoo and some of those interdental brushes. Usually I’d just go to the nearest supermarket to get all of them, but the nearest supermarket was Waitrose, so I ended up going to two different, more expensive shops, ie a pharmacy and a mini-market.  

I decided to reward myself with a cup of coffee from an Italian deli called Caccia and Tails that has recently opened. I only intended to get a cup of coffee, but they had some ludicrous-looking doughnuts in the window and I suddenly felt compelled to support this local business event further. I’m not usually into doughnuts, they’re usually stale and stolid. However, a freshly-made doughnut full of custardy cream is a thing of real wonder, which is exactly what this was. I ate it on a bench in Grange Gardens and got completely drenched in sugar and mild shame.

Walking through the 16th century gardens, full of artisan refreshments and carrying a bag containing a bow tie and a kilo of muesli, I was struck by the fear I might be a middle class idiot. I put this out of my head and continued home. Incidentally, to get home I had to cross the Greenwich Meridian. In fact, the five year old I live with can say that she lives in the western hemisphere and goes to school in the eastern hemisphere. It thrills me a little bit every time, that imaginary line.

Back at home I did a bit more work, then spent an hour practising putting on my bow tie. At first I refused to watch the YouTube instruction video, trying to rely solely on some confusing illustrations that came up on Google. After 20 minutes of confusion, I relented and put the video on. It was all quite straightforward up to the final bit of the knot, where you have to push the bow through a hole in a certain way and I couldn’t quite do it. I realised I needed more practice to beat it, like the boss on a video game. I haven’t played video games in years – who needs video games when there’s bow ties to tie?

Once I’d admitted bow tie defeat for the day, I went to collect the five year old I live with from after school club. She goes there on a Monday and Tuesday so that the person I live with and I can get a bit more work done. She seems to enjoy it so far. They give her her tea as well, which seems to be sandwiches every day. Well, wraps actually. I think there’s a choice of wraps, and the five year old I live with chooses cheese every time. Cheese is the only sandwich filling she will countenance, which seems like a missed opportunity.

We came home, then the person I live with came home and we had tea (roast chicken) and were all so tired we went to bed.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 6-7

Confession time – I’m writing this on Day 8, and I can’t actually remember what I did over the past two days. Wednesday happened, then Thursday happened. The five year old I live with went to school, the person I live with went to work, and I worked from home. That’s been our routine for about a month now. The weeks fly by in a bit of a whir. It’s a bit of a worry I can’t remember what happened two days ago though. Maybe I’ve got Covid brain fog.

Yesterday afternoon there was a party after school, I can tell you that much. A girl in the five year old I live with’s class was also turning five and so her mum invited all the other people in the class to the park after school for cake and sweets. It was nice and informal, a bunch of four and five year olds ate a load of sugar and ran around with balloons, what’s not to like?

I’ll tell you what’s not good though – parents’ WhatsApp groups. It’s another one of those things that modern technology has conjured up that looks on the surface like it will be good and helpful but is in fact just a source of endless anxiety and party invitations. I’ve muted the conversation, but it’s not enough.

The party ended just as the person I live with arrived from work, we ambled home and I made red pasta for the five year old I live with. During the day I’d made sausage pasta for the person I live with and I to have for tea, which we duly did, and then we watched the last episode of the BBC2 sitcom Ghosts.

The person I live with and I hate most comedy programmes, so it has been a surprise and something approaching a joy to find one that we think is funny. Except we’ve watched all of it in the last month, and now we have nothing to watch again. I imagine there’ll be a Mary Berry series we can hatewatch on soon enough, we’ll be ok.

I know what else happened in the last two days - we got a new drier! It’s a heated drier from Lakeland, you plug it in and it dries your clothes in winter without putting the heating on. Runs for 6p per hour, apparently. What with the rising gas prices we’re going to want to put the heating on less over winter, I think, so this is our solution. Well, the person I live with’s solution, it was her idea. She bought the bundle that comes with a cover, as the cover stops condensation and is more efficient or something. The cover arrived on Day 6 and the drier arrived on Day 7. When the man dropped off the drier he told me it was the sixth one he’d delivered that day, and he was intrigued to know whether it would actually run for 6p per hour. I felt both disappointed that we’d bought something everyone else was buying, and also excited to be part of a clothes-drying revolution sweeping the country.

It’s on now, a big beige monolith in the middle of the room, drying away. It’s called the Dry Soon, but I’d like to think of a better name for it. I’m in no rush though, we’ve got all winter.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Days 3-4

Day 3

The great plan for Day 3 was to go swimming in the afternoon. Regular readers will remember that that was the great plan for Day 2 as well, but no matter. We spent the morning pottering about in anticipation of the execution of the great plan, doing, well, I can’t really remember what. Sunday morning things.

At about 11.15am, the five year old I live with announced that she was hungry, so I started making some lunch. I thought we’d have some pasta, that seemed like a good pre-swim meal. It was a bit early for lunch, so I wasn’t in any particular hurry to get the food on the table. I was ambling around sorting stuff out in the kitchen when I heard some shouting from the sofa, so I went to investigate what the problem was.

“DADDY ARE YOU MAKING LUNCH?”

“Yes, I’m making some pasta. Do you want red pasta or plain pasta?”

“DADDY I’M SO HUNGRY THAT IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME SOME LUNCH RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO PICK MY NOSE AND EAT THE BOGIES.”

Righty ho. I put a little bowl of mozzarella cheese in the microwave and melted it, and that served to stave off the nosepicking threat. I also picked up the pace a bit and about 10 minutes later we had spaghetti in tomato sauce on the table, with some grated mozzarella cheese and broccoli. It was that tenderstem broccoli, the big long florets, they’re fun to eat for five year olds it turns out.

After lunch it was time to go swimming, and this time we managed to gain access to the pool and had a nice hour or so splashing about in the family bit. It was the first time I’d been in a swimming pool in about two years, so I was more amenable to it than usual. I’m generally of the opinion that being half blind, half deaf and half naked in a public place is no way to spend one’s spare time, but the five year old I live with was so excited to be in a swimming pool again that I forgot to have a bad time.

Energised by the successful swimming trip, I threw caution to the wind and suggested a trip to the garden centre to buy some daffodils. I’ve got into gardening since we moved to a house with a garden. We have all the usual spring things out the front - crocuses, bluebells, daffodils, tulips – but none out the back, which seems a shame. Last week I decided to remedy this by planting a load of crocuses and mini alliums in the lawn, a task that turned out to be a lot harder than I had imagined, mainly because I snapped my trowel. Undeterred by this setback, I then decided that I wanted to stick a load of daffodils in there as well, hence the trip to the garden centre.

I filled a paper bag with daffodil bulbs for a fiver, and also got some muscari bulbs and a bulb planter and a pot, because I always buy extra stuff I don’t need at the garden centre.

We then went home and after the swimming pool and the garden centre I decided to ramp up the Sunday vibes even further by doing some roast beef, as it was the five year old I live with’s teatime. I had a topside joint I’d defrosted the day before with this in mind, so it had an hour’s blast in the oven and I knocked up a Yorkshire pudding, peas and gravy to go alongside.

After years of making crap Yorkshire puddings, I have in the last year found one that works. It’s based on volume; you just whisk together the same volume of eggs, flour and milk and pour that into the hot fat. So, say you have two eggs, that’s about 100ml, then you pour flour into the measuring jug up to the same level, and then the milk. I make my Yorkshire puddings in a cast iron frying pan, I get it blisteringly hot on the hob, pour in the batter and then stick it straight into a really hot oven for 15 minutes. It works for me, anyway.

The roast went down well, and then it was time for baths and bed and all that.

In the evening we watched the rest of the film we started on Day 2, The Green Knight. It’s good, it’s worth a look I think. It’s based on a medieval thing, so it’s got a good plot. There’s a quest, you get told at the beginning what’s going to happen, then it happens. I like that kind of plot.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 4

Woke up feeling pretty low level ill, nothing major, just run down and weary and bleurgh it’s Monday. Upon speaking to my colleagues in the 10am Teams meeting it became clear they all felt the same. We speculated as to whether we had all given each other Covid the previous week, but then decided we were just knackered.

Did a bit of work and then lunched on some eggy mushroom scramble on bagel, a chucked together not much in the fridge sort of a lunch, before heading into Brighton to pick up a suit I bought last week. On Day 8 I will be wearing a suit at a work thing. It’s a black tie event, and I usually hire a suit, but this year I decided to buy a suit instead.

Part of the reason I wanted to buy a suit was that my grandad died a month or so ago, and he left me a bit of money. He was someone who looked good in a suit and liked getting dressed up, so I thought a fancy suit would be an appropriate way to spend some of the money he left me.

I’ve been buying lots of clothes recently, actually. I’ve got into the idea of spending a bit more money on something that’s going to last a long time. Recently I needed some trousers, so instead of getting some H&M jeans in the sale like I usually do, I went looking around and found some work trousers from a company called Carrier Clothing in Norfolk that claimed to be tough, hardwearing, built to last and improve with age. I’ve worn them non-stop for about three weeks now, they’re wonderful. Just what I need to withstand all the hard manual labour that I do. I have a work jacket from the same company made from the same thick cotton. A few days ago I put the jacket and the trousers on at the same time and the person I live with said I looked like Chairman Mao.

The black tie suit that I bought for the black tie do is slightly less redolent of communism. It isn’t actually black though, it’s very very very dark blue. When I was in the shop, the salesman persuaded me that it would be fine for a black tie do, but in the days since I’ve grown less sure. I was keen to see it again to check if it was fit for purpose.

Wearing my Mao get up, I drove into Brighton and parked in the multi storey behind the Brighton Centre. It was only on the way out I noticed it was £6 an hour. Six quid! Still, I’d only be an hour, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I rang the person I live with as I knew there were some children’s wellies she’d bought that I had to collect from Next and I’d need the email confirmation. She sent it over, and it turned out that the wellies wouldn’t be available until 3pm, which was more than an hour away. Six more quid right there. Bastards.

I had an hour to kill, so I went to Morrisons in Kemp Town. It was a favourite haunt from before the five year old I live with was born, but its location and lack of car parking facilities have made it pretty inaccessible for the last five years. It was exciting to be back, they had a special deal on salmon. You could get a whole salmon, head and all, chopped up and wrapped in clingfilm, for about £20. It looked quite frightening. I considered my freezer space and got some pork mince instead.

Then I went and picked up my suit, tried it on, and it fit. I think I should be able to get away with it at a black tie do. Not much choice now, anyway, I’m not buying another one.

After that I went to Next in Churchill Square shopping centre to pick up the children’s wellies. The man on the till couldn’t find my order, so he looked at the email I had and told me I was in the wrong place, and had to go next door to Victoria’s Secret. Now, I don’t want to come across as someone who is flustered by going in a lingerie shop, but if I’d known I was going in Victoria’s Secret I wouldn’t have dressed as Chairman Mao. It’s not what anyone wants. Thankfully the wellies were there and the weird ordeal was soon over.

The five year old I live with goes to after school club on a Monday, so I had time to nip into Lewes Road Sainsburys for a few bits. I can tell you the exact date that I was last in Lewes Road Sainsburys – Friday 15 January 2021. It was the day we moved house. We left our flat in Hove for the last time, had a sausage roll, and drove to Lewes to collect the keys to our new house. On the way though, we had to drop into Argos at Lewes Road Sainsburys to collect some plug in nightlights that we had ordered. We wanted to put them on the stairs in the new house. An hour later we discovered that our new house didn’t have any plug sockets on the stairs, so the whole nightlights kerfuffle had been a total waste of time. Apologies for telling you about it now.

This visit to Lewes Road Sainsburys was slightly more fruitful, I picked up some fruit and reduced price meat items, before heading off to collect the people I live with from work and school respectively.

I made stir fry for tea out of last night’s beef, two nights ago’s rice and a bit of veg. It was good, mainly thanks to some fancy teriyaki sauce I got from the yellow sticker bin in Waitrose last month. Then we watched University Challenge and a documentary about New Labour. I’d taken my Mao off by then.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Days 1-2

No Waitrose October 8 - Day 1

My biggest challenge yet. An abstinence test like no other. Hell on wheels… on wheels. That’s how I’d describe this year’s No Waitrose October if I was lying. Truth be told it’s going to be dead easy, like it always is.

Things have changed a bit in No Waitrose Octoberland, as the people I live with and I have moved house. We moved from Hove to Lewes in January (in the middle of lockdown, can’t recommend moving house in lockdown). Instead of living in a one bed flat in the middle of a medium-sized city, we now live in a three bed semi on the edge of a small town. We’ve got a garden and neighbours and space to park the car. It’s in the national park. It’s all sickeningly pleasant.

One of the worst things about moving from Hove to Lewes is that no one knows where Lewes is. If you live in Hove, you can just tell people you live in Brighton and everyone gets it. Tell people you live in Lewes and generally people haven’t heard of it. It’s annoying, because it has increased the time I have to spend on small talk with people by about 10 seconds. If you’re one of the people that doesn’t know what Lewes is let me save you the bother of going to Wikipedia:

“Lewes (/ˈluːɪs/) is the county town of East Sussex, England. A traditional market town and centre of communications, in 1264 it was the site of the Battle of Lewes. The town's landmarks include Lewes Castle, Lewes Priory, Bull House (the former home of Thomas Paine), Southover Grange and public gardens, and a 16th-century timber-framed Wealden hall house known as Anne of Cleves House. Other notable features of the area include the Glyndebourne festival, the Lewes Bonfire celebrations and the Lewes Pound.”

Other than the Lewes Pound, which I have never seen hide nor hair of, this is a good general overview of what Lewes is famous for. Also, it is pronounced Lewis, not Loos. (Locals like to illustrate the pronunciation with this simple rhyme: “Sidekick of Morse, not toilets, of course.”)

One of the things that Wikipedia fails to mention about Lewes is its supermarket provision, so I will have to do that bit. The main supermarket in the centre of town is a normal-sized Waitrose, and there is a retail park on the edge of the town centre that is home to a big Tesco and a normal-sized Aldi. Tesco and Aldi are the other side of town from where we live, so our nearest supermarket, and the one where I have been doing all the food shopping since we moved here, is Waitrose. So actually, it will be a bit of a pain to have to not go there for a month.

Another thing that has changed is that my office is no longer in East Grinstead. Regular readers will know I used to go to East Grinstead Waitrose almost every day; as it stands I haven’t been to East Grinstead in more than a year - and may never go there again.

Anyway, back to Day 1. I woke up on Day 1 of No Waitrose October in the Ibis London Excel Docklands, in what was my first hotel stay since February last year. I was at a trade show at London Excel for work, and given that I was rushed off my feet all day and there isn’t a Waitrose within striking distance of London Excel, it was a very easy start to my endeavours.

I was stupidly busy at the show all day, and then when the show had finished I went to get the train home. On the way home I nipped into WHSmith at Victoria station and bought a couple of novels by CJ Sansom, they’re detective novels set in Sussex during the Reformation, one of my colleagues recommended them to me. I knew the person I live with would be appalled by them, but I bought them anyway.

I got home and had some pasta for tea, which the person I live with’s dad had made. The person I live with’s parents came to stay at our house while I was away, as the five year-old I live with needed someone to collect her from school. She has just started school, that’s another new thing.

It was pretty late and everyone was pretty tired, so we all went to bed. We’d given our visitors our bed, so the person I live with and I were on an airbed in the spare room. The spare room is currently laid out in such a way that the airbed fits perfectly into the available space, only you can’t really open the door to get in and out. You have to squeeze through an unpleasantly narrow gap to get in the room, then once you’re in you have to get ready for bed standing on the airbed as there’s no other floorspace. I’m not sure why I mention this, other than that it’s not really what you want to be doing at the end of a long day.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 2

Saturday! We were all pretty exhausted from the previous week’s travails, so we didn’t do very much. The five year old I live with was excited to see me after two days away, which was nice. She was also excited to watch television at 6.45am, which was less nice. She watched all the available episodes of a new CBeebies programme called Biff and Chip (yes, it’s based on the reading books), and then everyone else got up and we breakfasted on sausages and scrambled eggs.

The person I live with’s parents went home after that, and we watched The Railway Children, which I had discovered was on the iPlayer. What a film. Afterwards, the five year old I live with asked to go swimming. We hadn’t been swimming since early 2020, but it seemed like an ok thing to do, so I checked the timetable at Lewes Leisure Centre and we got in the car and went off for a swim.

Unfortunately I had misread the timetable at Lewes Leisure Centre and it wasn’t open for us to go swimming at that point. The woman at the till said we could go back at 1pm the next day, but it was still a very disappointing result for the five year old I live with. I tried to think of something we could do instead that would make up for it even slightly. It was chucking it down at that point, so we couldn’t just go to the park. Then I remembered that I had a bow tie I needed to pick up from the bow tie shop in town, as – spoiler alert - I will be wearing a bow tie on Day 8 of No Waitrose October.

The five year old I live with was mildly interested in the bow tie suggestion, so we drove to the bow tie shop and I tried to run in quickly to collect my bow tie. However, the bow tie shop was closed.

Aware that the afternoon was in danger of becoming a bit of a farce, I realised I had to turn it around somehow, so I suggested going to Aldi to get some milk and a treat, which went down well. On the way there, the person I live with questioned why we were going to Aldi and not Waitrose.

“Why do you think we’re not going to Waitrose?”

“What?”

It was at this point that I realised that the person I live with might not have remembered about No Waitrose October.

“Think about what month it is.”

“What?”

It was at this point that I realised that the person I live with definitely hadn’t remembered about No Waitrose October.

“Think about why I wouldn’t be able to go to Waitrose in October.”

It was at this point that the person I live with remembered about No Waitrose October.

“Oh Jesus Christ.”

We went to Aldi, where a ukulele orchestra was getting soaked to the bone playing Up On The Roof. I went in on my own and picked up some milk, some bits for tea, and some chocolate coins as a treat for the five year old I live with. These went down very well.

Back at home we played the card game Happy Families and I lost, and I made some tea for everyone. The five year old I live with eats earlier than us, so I roasted some chicken thighs and some leftover potatoes and made a sort of impromptu roast for her. The rest of the chicken thighs went into a sort of stew thing for us with butternut squash and red peppers and crème fraiche, it was a made up on the spot thing that turned out quite nice when we ate it later with rice.

After that we watched the first half of the new film The Green Knight, which seems quite good. We have to watch films in two goes these days, we’re old.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 7: Days 30-31

Day 30

Friday – and the penultimate day of No Waitrose October. Also my nephew’s birthday, so when the four year-old I live with got up she was bundled in front of my phone to record a happy birthday video message. She’s done so many of these that she’s become an accomplished singer of Happy Birthday; I sent it to the family WhatsApp and my younger sister complimented her dramatic pauses and use of vibrato.

I’d bought my nephew some Minecraft Lego (Minecraft is one of those things where I’m not too sure what it is but we’re past the point where I feel comfortable asking. This is not a plea for anyone to tell me what Minecraft is, by the way), and I also wanted to get him something stupid and annoying, because he’s eight, so I got him a voice changer shaped like a mini red megaphone.

A couple of weeks back when I was buying all this on the internet I had thought it would be amusing to get him a retail-size box of chocolate bars, like 24 Bountys or something. He very nearly got 20 white chocolate Lion bars, but then I realised that maybe he didn’t even like white chocolate Lion bars, so I bought him a big Cadbury’s selection box type thing. I still maintain that a box of 20 white chocolate Lion bars is a fantastic present, I’m going to definitely buy one for someone for Christmas.

After the happy birthday message I did the nursery run and came home and did a load of work, had last night’s Sichuan pork dumpling filling noodles for lunch, more work, nursery run, and a nip into M&S Food on the way home.

You’ve probably noticed this month that I have been going to M&S Food quite a lot, and from the outside it might look like I’ve just replaced Waitrose with M&S Food and carried on as usual. However, this isn’t quite right. I will regularly do a big main shop in Waitrose, whereas I can’t bring myself to do that in M&S Food, which remains solely for “bits”. I bought some milk and something for tea, which turned out to be some trout in watercress sauce that was down from six quid to 90 pence. I knew the person I live with would tell me off later for giving her a ready meal for tea, but with a saving of more than a fiver I couldn’t leave it there.

By the time we got home my nephew had received his birthday message and presents and there was even a video of him using the voice changer thingy, which did seem to be as stupid and annoying as I’d hoped. This reminds me – the voice changer present was vaguely inspired by the book Angelica Sprocket’s Pockets by Quentin Blake. The title character has a range of unlikely items in her pockets, like trees and elephants and a kitchen sink and so forth. Spoiler alert: that’s the entire plot of the book. One of the things she has in her pockets is a selection of motor horns that go PAR-HURR and BEEEP BEEP, and I realised that a motor horn that goes PAR-HURR and BEEEP BEEP would be a fantastic thing to receive as a present. However, I chickened out of buying one for my nephew and scaled it down to the mini-megaphone voice changer. Maybe when he’s older.

I roasted some potatoes, courgettes, onions and a yellow pepper in chicken stock to go with the trout, I used a lot of stock and the vegetables ended up a soft, tasty mess, I was very pleased with them. As predicted, the person I live with expressed disapproval of the trout, saying that while it tasted nice she’d rather not eat a bought sauce. I know what she means; it may have been a cheap and tasty option, but I need to protect my brand better.

Just as we were going to bed I went to post a link to a previous blog on Twitter and noticed that the government had leaked news about a new national lockdown to the papers. I flicked through a few tweets and everyone was furious with the government for doing this, and I ended up furious as well. Then I wished I hadn’t looked at Twitter, as I was having a nice evening and all of a sudden I was furious.

It made me think, actually, that the government must be really pleased with the whole Twitter situation. Because really, they do abhorrent stuff, everyone on Twitter gets furious and then literally nothing happens. Boris Johnson is not quaking in his boots because a 90s comedian has got 33,000 retweets, no matter how incisive the skewering. He doesn’t even know it’s happened. Dominic Cummings is not rushing about going “Twitter is furious, what can we DO?”. He’s perfectly happy that he’s upset a bunch of lefties and they’re sitting about frothing in their own anger and doing absolutely nothing meaningful about it. No one is rustling up an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches, no one’s even writing to their MP. You want to change stuff, you’ve got to get up and do stuff; it’s the only way. Not me though, I’m too busy.

After that I calmed down and went to bed.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 31

As ever, Halloween marks the final day of No Waitrose October. I’m fairly sure I complain about Halloween every year, so I won’t bore you with it again, just know that I still don’t like anything about it.

The four year-old I live with and I got up and had breakfast while the other person I live with stayed in bed. After a while I took the person I live with through a cup of tea and complained about the new lockdown. The person I live with hadn’t checked Twitter last night and didn’t know about it, so I then felt a bit bad for waking her up with miserable news.

The weather was miserable too, not much hope of going out for a walk or anything, so we stayed in and pottered about all morning doing weird bits of tidying and video calls with family and stuff.

We made the unicorn Angel Delight that we bought in the week. I had to whip up three different bowls of gloop and assemble them accordingly, it was quite time-consuming. They did look amazing though, the kind of dessert that you see on fairytale tables laden with goodies. I put a picture of them on Instagram and we put them in the fridge for later.

For lunch I made fishcakes, peas and oven chips and somehow managed to mess up the oven chips. I don’t know what I did wrong, they all stuck to the tray for some reason. Still ate them, obviously. Then we had the unicorn Angel Delight for afters. I don’t know if Angel Delight has changed, or I have changed, or both, but it was pretty terrible. Just the kind of food that isn’t worth eating. None of us ate much of it, hopefully we’ll never have to bother with it again.

After lunch there was a break in the weather and the four year-old I live with was persuaded out of the house on the promise of going to Slimetown. Thankfully this was quickly forgotten and so we just went down to the sea, where the light was amazing but it was a bit windy, so we headed back inland. On the way back we went past City Books, Hove’s liveliest independent bookshop apparently. It reminded me that I wanted to buy Nigella Lawson’s new book, and then I realised that with the lockdown coming I wanted to buy it at an independent bookshop rather than online, support local businesses and all that. I had a look in and thankfully it wasn’t particularly lively inside, or we wouldn’t have gone in. I bought the new Nigella and I also bought a book for the four year-old I live with as a pre-lockdown treat, something called Shark in the Park.

Back at home I started reading the new Nigella, and it appears to be exactly what I want from Nigella right now; a text-heavy cookbook with loads of recipes and ideas. You may have noticed that I’ve been banging on about Nigella a lot this month, well that’s because I think she’s brilliant. People tend to think of her slightly daft tv persona, flouncing about in her big London townhouse eating cheesecake in her dressing gown at midnight or whatever, but when you read her books you realise that’s all for show. She’s actually someone who’s properly obsessed with making and eating delicious food, which is where her interests align with mine. And she’s not precious about it; there is a recipe in her new book - not even a recipe really – for roast chicken served on crisps. Literally, you roast a chicken, cut it up into pieces and serve it on top of a large bowl of crisps. The chicken juices soak into some of the crisps, the ones round the edge stay, well, crisp. I think I actually punched the air when I read this recipe, because really, you know that that is going to be absolutely sodding delicious. Roast chicken and crisps are among my top five foodstuffs of all time, so why on earth had I never thought to combine them before? That’s the genius of Nigella. She’s like Eric Cantona or someone, seeing passes that no one else on the pitch can see. You’d probably need a green salad with it, mind.

I showed the roast chicken and crisps photo to the person I live with and she expressed some reservations. Not sure I’ll get away with roast chicken and crisps any time soon.

After more reading and pottering and bed-changing and tidying it turned out to be bedtime. I’d had the song Memory from the musical Cats in my head all day, so I put the Barbra Streisand version on for the four year-old I live with on my phone. She didn’t take to it, so I put a related video on, which turned out to be Taylor Swift singing Macavity the Mystery Cat from the ill-fated film adaptation from last year. We have a storybook version of Macavity the Mystery Cat that we read a lot, so the four year-old I live with knows it really well and was very excited to see a video of it.

It hardly needs saying, as everyone said it at the time, but that version of Cats from last year really is very strange indeed, isn’t it? We watched a few videos from it, and it hardly seems credible that anyone thought it was ok to release into the public domain. Somehow it had a magical effect on the four year-old I live with, who fell asleep to Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer or something.

For tea I had made sausage, pumpkin and brussel sprout pasta, all baked in a creamy cheesy sauce, a proper ribsticker of a meal. The pumpkin was a nod to Halloween, even though I hate it (Halloween, not pumpkin).

After tea we watched a film on Netflix called The Trial of the Chicago 7, which we quite enjoyed, a solid 7/10. 

Then we got angry about the government. This new lockdown doesn’t seem like it’s going to be that big a deal for us, we weren’t going to pubs and restaurants anyway. I would like to know if the man coming to fix the hole in the ceiling next Thursday is still allowed to come, and whether the surveyor can still go round to do a report on the house we’re buying, but we’ll just have to wait and see I suppose. Then we went to bed. Another year over.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.