paint-with-spirit-blog

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

anythingspossible-forapossible:

Kim couldn’t help the small, sad smile that appeared on her face as she gazed up into her girlfriend’s eyes, watercolor coating her cheek. She didn’t care about paint being on her, it was really better than any sort of hickey or mark of love she could get. It meant she was close enough to her girlfriend to be touched, to be well, in a way loved. Urs worshiped her canvas and thus Kim sort of felt the same pieces of devotion her masterpieces got.

The redhead bit her lip, frowning as Urs told her how much she’d hurt her by lying and it just sent a pang of guilt through her all over again. She never wanted her hurt, especially by her own doing. “I’m sorry… you know I never want to hurt you.” She spoke softly, quietly as if to try to keep this moment without crumbling it to bits with badly placed words.

She leaned up and softly pressed a kiss to the painters lips, her hand running through the loose strands of her girlfriend’s hair. She spoke just as softly as she pulled away, “I’ll be over in my usual spot, keep painting if you need to. I know it helps you. And if you can’t close off anymore, maybe you should let it rush into the canvas. You don’t have to tell me anything. Just let the painting speak for itself I guess.” The redhead got up off her position in front of the easel and ran her fingers through the painter’s hair one more time before walking over to her “usual spot” which was on the side of the bed she slept on and coincidentally had the best view of the mornings she found her girlfriend painting after a long night of keeping each other awake. She wanted her girlfriend close, of course, she wanted more than anything for her to be cuddled up next to her right now but she was going to give her time to decide things on her own. Process her emotions. She was going to be as patient with Ursula Yamada as she’d always been because Kim loved her. She just couldn’t bear to say it yet if they weren’t in a good place. She wouldn’t use it as a bargaining chip or leverage. It had to be perfect. Organic. It had to be perfectly them and then she’d say it. She’d know when it was time (or that’s at least what her mom had told her).

Kim curled up in her girlfriend’s bed and tugged the repeatedly torn sheets and blanket (which got restitched every so often and looked more like a quilt than anything else) around her as she sat in silence, watching and marveling at the girl she’d felt she’d come close to losing and what she’d never want to let go of.

This was the kind of shit that made Urs want to not be in relationships. Not that Kim had hurt her, she could handle that, but that Kim was upset that she had hurt her. See? This was complicated, dumb shit. And still, Urs sat there for a moment, staring at the spots of paint on the tile beneath her bare feet. She was upset that it had happened, upset that she had made it into something, upset that she still felt so shitty.

What little bit of a smile she could give, though, she did. She didn’t know how to navigate this serious relationship thing. She felt like there was so much riding on her- on either of them to not step out of line. One wrong move and trust crumbles and so spirals the good thing you once had. At least that was the way she’d always assumed it happened. Kim giving her space was the first time she’d ever thought twice about the way she’d always assumed relationships to work.

There was a green spot on the floor next to her toes. She smeared it, slowly, watching the pigment disperse across the white tile. That was the good part about watercolor: easy cleanup.

The painter thought long and hard about the next color she picked up. It was grey. It spread like smoke against the reds and oranges, like a wildfire too far-off to be particularly worried about its course. She molded it, directed the wafting smoke which way to go, and she did so slowly as to not make any silly mistakes. She supposed that that was what a relationship needed; maybe she and Kim simply needed to guide each other slowly, as to not make any silly mistakes.

There was a dirty joke there that she smirked at as she focused.

The shape took full form after a while. Where there once had been an angry sky stood a tree. It was tall, and strong, its leaves full, the ground beneath it solid. It was the first object she had painted in days.

Finally, she dropped the brush onto her palette. She’d clean it all up later. Silently, she moved to the edge of the bed and stood there, staring at Kim.

“I think that I might love you.”

Underneath It All || Octoclam

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

anythingspossible-forapossible:

Kim felt like the lowest, low to ever crawl from the pits of terrible. Ursula Yamada was crying in front of her and it honestly made her own tears well up in the corners of her eyes too. 

Ursula was right. It wasn’t fair to her. She wouldn’t have known. She would’ve thought the worst. That’s not how she’d ever want Urs to feel, but she also didn’t want to lose her. There wasn’t anything she could do though. The cat was out of the bag so the only logical step was to be honest and keep honest. Ursula wanted to be involved, despite the consequences, and Kim couldn’t just stop her. Kim knew that if it was the other way around she’d be just as adamant about knowing what was going on.

“I’ve never…” She tried to find the right words, “had someone I care so much about mixed up with this part of my life.” She sighed and shook her head, “I mean truthfully I was done. I really was Urs. I was going to live a normal life–well as normal a life as a girl with super strength could have–but I got sucked back in.” She looked down, wiping her eyes slightly, “I wouldn’t really be me if I didn’t try to do everything by myself would I?” She tried to joke about it a little bit. “I know I was being stupid, Urs. I just, I should’ve treated you more as a partner in all of this and I felt terrible every day I kept it from you. I just really thought I was doing the right thing. Doing the safe thing.”

She pushed her red strands of hair from her eyes and took up her girlfriend’s hand that wasn’t clutching at her palette. “I’ve never had a real crack in my armor. I mean sure, I have a slight shopping addiction and I keep stuffed animals in my room, but the girl who can do anything, the girl who can lift a car without another thought or one of her girlfriend’s ridiculous art installations that weighs like 400 pounds, if anything were to happen to you… I’d be torn from the inside out and that scares me. So I hid you to keep you safe, but all I was really doing was causing more damage so I don’t really know what the right answer is. All I know is that…” She struggled to keep the words threatening to come out down, but she couldn’t figure out what to replace them with. Her eyes just searched the painter’s a moment before sighing, “I’ve never felt the way I do around you before and I’d do anything to keep it as long as I possibly can. Really, I’d be super amped if I could, you know, keep you for like… a ridiculously long time.”

“That is if you don’t like break up with me for being an idiot…” Kim was getting a little rambley and nervous, Ursula kind of had that effect on her, like she was talking to her crush in the hallways of Middleton High all over again and couldn’t find anything intelligent to say that didn’t totally make her sound ridiculous. “Which you know that’s fine, I lied and well… no it’s not fine I mean I really don’t want you to break up with me who wants someone to break up with them I mean…” 

She was the crack in Kim’s armor.

Ursula knew that her girlfriend hadn’t meant it that way, but that was what it felt like. As long as Kim kept her away from the outside world, she’d be safe. Damn, this turned into a Kimmy Schmidt spin-off really quickly.

The painter wasn’t sure of what to say, wasn’t sure of what to think. She wasn’t going to break up with Kim, that was just... well, that wasn’t even an option. She also didn’t want to stay mad at the teary-eyed redhead in front of her. It hurt to see her cry, but damn it still...

She still didn’t feel good. She guessed that this was really the first time that someone else in a relationship of sorts had hurt her. She’d been hurt before, obviously, but only by people that she didn’t really trust. She trusted Kim with her life, which was why it hurt so much to be seen as the crack in her armor.

Urs would always just be Kim’s weakness.

Did that make her selfish for not turning away, for not telling Kim to go out in the world and help people without having someone like Urs holding her back? If it did, then she would just have to be selfish. At least for today.

She reached up and wiped at Kim’s cheek, the dried watercolor on her thumb mixing with the tear there and smudging a cloud of blue across her cheekbone. It made Urs smile. “I’m not going to break up with you.” Kim was, after all, the one who was settling for Urs. She’d be stupid to break up with a literal superhero. “I just... I need for you to know that it hurt. And that I don’t know how to deal with being hurt. Before now I would just close myself off, not let anyone in for a littl while but I don’t want to do that to you. I did it, mentally, for  while today, and it just... it didn’t feel right.”

Underneath It All || Octoclam

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

anythingspossible-forapossible:

Was she mad? Upset? Sad? Kim couldn’t tell at all. She just knew something wasn’t right and that it was so all her fault. Her pouting was not working at all so she was really in for it.

Kim’s heart sunk at the first sentence. First, it was the actual way her voice sounded. Sad, broken. Second, the actual words coming from her mouth crushed her. Her brows furrowed and she moved to step closer to her girlfriend. Or maybe soon to be ex girlfriend, who knew? But Urs was so so wrong about why Kim wanted to keep her away from all of this.

“Urs… I’m sorry.” She stared back into the sad, hurt eyes that looked at her so brokenly and she instantly hated herself and what she’d done. She’d convinced herself over and over again that it was thee right idea to keep Urs in the dark, but now she knew it had just made things worse as the darkness has crept between them. The former teen hero, now adult idiot, knelt down in front of her girlfriend, hands gently touching her legs as she looked up at her, “But I was doing it to protect you, not to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, never have, and I hate that I obviously have, babe…” 

The blush that coated her face at the words that were spilling from her mouth was so not coming at the right time. “I’ve never attempted to protect the people I care about, I never thought I really needed to, until you came along. I didn’t have a secret identity and my family suffered for it. Family members got roped into evil schemes and plots, I had to go on more rescue missions to save my parents and the tweebs than I can count.” Very true, usually her parents could stall long enough and the tweebs would cause enough havok for her to get there in time, but every close call just made her want to give up that life more. She bit her lip, glancing away before staring back up at her again, her voice soft, really the undertone of please don’t be mad and please don’t break up with me because I’m a giant stupid, loser, idiot who loves you.

She loved her. This wasn’t the time though. She wouldn’t use it as leverage to get out of the dog house, that wouldn’t be fair.

“If anything happened to you not even my 16 styles of kungfu could get me out of how much guilt I’d feel. I knew you’d be helpful, I knew you’d want to help, and just needed to keep you safe, because even if I got my ass kicked and my plans fell apart and everything went sideways, I couldn’t imagine not coming home to you.”

She let Kim talk without crying, which was an achievement in her book. The problem was that Kim was just so much smarter then Ursula was. She had a level head, where Urs was, well, a fucking artist.

She understood that she wanted to keep Urs safe, honestly, truly did, but that didn’t change the fact that Ursula had been just as worried about Kim. She hadn’t known where the hell Kim was this whole time. Kim had been putting herself in danger for a friend of a friend. What if something had happened to her? What if the guy that had taken Celia came back and took Kim?

Urs wouldn’t have known, and that would have broken her.

The painter was definitely not the kind to cling, not the kind to demand to know where someone was at all hours of the day, but she had never cared for someone as much as she cared for Kim.

What would she have done if Kim hadn’t come back? She’d have lost the only person she had ever really loved.

That was when she started to cry. It was slow, the tears hotter than normal because they carried more weight than they should. She felt like Wade was kind of her friend, too, on a surface level, but more importantly he was Kim’s friend. That meant that Urs would have done everything in her power to help him, simply because Kim cared about him.

She’d be lying if she said that she hadn’t doubted the whole thing at first, though. When Wade had started telling her this whole story, she’d thought “Wow, what fucking lengths will they go to to hide the fact that she’s just trying to get away from me without my causing a scene?” But, that had been shot down when Kim came in.

It still didn’t mean that she hadn’t been hurt by the absence, though.

“So then what happens,” she said, quickly wiping at one of the scaling tears that had slid onto her cheek, “if one day, for whatever reason, I’m the one that could save you? What happens if something horrible happens to you that I could have stopped? I know- I know it’s far fetched because I’m just the painter who’s got nothing other than you to lose, but what am I supposed to do? Just sit at home, wondering if maybe someone else that I care about has just decided to walk out on me like all the others have? Wondering if something horrible has happened to you and not know the answer until you text or call back two days later?”

Underneath It All || Octoclam

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

anythingspossible-forapossible:

Kim knew she’d messed everything up the minute Urs didn’t respond to her. She knew the girl’s body like the back of her hand and when she didn’t relax into her and she didn’t hear her voice soften like it normally would, it was a sign that she was in deep deep trouble. 

“Urs…” She had to dig her way out of this somehow. Seeing Urs hurt and closed off was the actual worst thing. “I’m sorry… You know I want to be around you as much as I possibly can. My schedule has just been crazy.” She ran her hands along the painters sides as she continued her painting, not even looking at her. Really she felt completely rotten keeping everything from her. How did superheros keep identities when a conscience was a thing? Totally not cool. This is why she didn’t do this, its why she didn’t keep her family life away from her as a teen. She didn’t know any better then either. But it put her in danger and Kim couldn’t do that.

She decided to take another approach. The redhead moved so instead she was propped up behind the easel, trying to find her girlfriend’s eyes and used the puppy dog pout she was so infamous for, “Please look at me?”

Urs sunk her teeth into her bottom lip. She didn’t want to look at Kim, not because she was all that mad (even though it would seem that way. Wild animals lash out when they’re hurt and afraid), and not because she didn’t miss her girlfriend’s face, but because she could already feel hot tears prickling her eyes. So she sighed deeply, dropped her brush into the mug filled with water on the floor beside the easel.

When she did look up, her teeth were still planted in her lip, and she was begging herself not to cry. What a wimp. Maybe that’s why Kim didn’t want her around for things like this. Maybe she was right for not including Urs. Maybe Urs was just being a selfish brat.

Even the pout didn’t make her crack.

“Wade stopped by.” It was all she could croak out at first, still gripping the palette of watercolors in her hand. “I asked him what was going on and he explained everything. You know, you could have just told me that I was getting in the way, or that I was complicating things, or that I wasn’t good enough to help at all, or whatever, I would’ve gotten it. 

Underneath It All || Octoclam

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

anythingspossible-forapossible:

Had Kim Possible been the world’s greatest girlfriend in the last few weeks? No. Not by a long shot. But she was trying. Everything had just gotten so complicated since they’d gotten together and although some phases they were in were still honeymoon level, the sitch was starting to get real and very real consequences could come to either one of them with all of this Wade drama that had come into town.

Kim had been trying to keep her life with Urs separate from her life with Wade and Celia and helping them out in their time of need. Kim had never had a double life as a teen. Her family was always involved in her jetting around the world and everyone knew who she was. There was no mask. No secret identity. And that got people she cared about in trouble. So, learning from her mistakes, she was trying to keep Urs as far away from the action as possible. 

The former teen hero needed to do some damage control, however, she’d been trying to keep up a charade and she could tell Urs wasn’t totally buying it. Kim wasn’t a spy. She wasn’t a good liar, and it made her feel super guilty to lie to her girlfriend. So she was trying to come over and mend the holes being poked tonight.

She slipped into the painter’s apartment, a place she knew all too well by now. A second home really. She saw her girlfriend crouched over her easel again, inspecting her work. Kim didn’t have to really go over there to know what the expression was on her face. She had this adorable concentration face when she was super into what she was doing so Kim tried to walk in as quietly as she could as to not disturb her and see the look for herself before the painter realized she was there. She came up behind her and wrapped her arms around the girl, sighing softly with a small smirk, “You’re so cute when you’re deep in thought, you know that?” 

@paint-with-spirit

Kimberly Ann Possible had been all but missing for weeks.

Well, it might not have been very many, but to Ursula it had felt like an eternity. To any little orphan kid (even when they weren’t such little kids anymore), anything that even resembled abandonment was earth-shattering. And what Urs had experienced in the days after Wade had arrived in Swynlake sure felt a lot like abandonment.

Which was fine, ya know? Whatever. Ursula didn’t need to be around Kim every moment of every day in order to function. There would be texts here and there, quick meetings with fleeting kisses before the once-teen-superhero flitted out her door again. And Urs would be left again in her cold apartment.

It wouldn’t have been so difficult if Kim would have just told her what was going on. But every time the painter asked why she couldn’t be involved, her girlfriend evaded the question.

That was until Wade had knocked on her door earlier that day.

See, Wade was the oblivious sort. He knew that, and it hadn’t taken long for Urs to know that, so it ended up being something that she used to her advantage. He’d come looking for Kim, since he hadn’t heard from her and had wondered if Ursula could tell him whether or not she was “watching at Maui’s” or if she had taken a break, because he wanted to bring her some lunch.

So, of course, Ursula had milked the poor guy for all of the information she could get out of him. It hadn’t taken much, since Wade had assumed that Kim wouldn’t mind her knowing (because Kim wasn’t the kind to keep secrets from the people she loved).

It had been all Ursula could think about all day. That her girlfriend hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her what was going on. That the mighty Kim Possible didn’t need her help. That was what stung the most, and it was silly, but Urs needed Kim. Even though Kim obviously didn’t need her.

She hadn’t heard the redhead come in, hadn’t even heard her as she walked right up behind her. The contact didn’t start her, nor did the voice, but it was obvious that she didn’t melt into Kim’s touch the way she normally would have. She simply continued painting.

“That’s nice, I guess.”

Underneath It All || Octoclam

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Signal Found || Octoclam Texts

Kim: Babe, you know "fine" isn't like the most reassuring answer

Kim: At least you're with them, that's good. Did you guys make it inside okay? Are you warm?

Urs: "Warm" that's so

Urs: Conditional

Urs: We did make it inside though so that's

Urs: Something

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Signal Found || Octoclam Texts

Kim: Urs?

Kim: Urs?

Kim: Is this working now? Wade finally managed to get me a good spot with a signal in this storm

Kim: Are you alright? I made it to the arcade but no one is here and there's kind of a blizzard outside so please answer me

Urs: Oh uh hi baby

Urs: Yeah we're

Urs: Fine

Urs: I'm with Ris and Van

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: Buncha rough and tough girls and Daddy, of course

Ris: Love you Urs. I'm glad you're happy and that I helped with your date stress

Urs: Can't forget him, course not

Urs: Love you too. Thank you.

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: Little bit

Ris: Sometimes I have weird dreams about serial killers from her other stuff but then I remind myself that its a dream and put flower crowns on their heads and suddenly they're not really scary anymore

Urs: That's really adorable, Ris

Urs: You shouldn't be worried about serial killers though, they'd have to get through me, then Van, then at least 3 out of 6 of your sisters

Urs: Point is they'd never make it to you

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: Because you were worth waiting for.

Ris: And you can't say you're not. Because its true. It was worth waiting 9 months because she got you in the end.

Ris: Proof

Ris: Evidence

Ris: closing statement

Ris: Case won

Ris: Sorry I've been watching a lot of Alana's crime tv shows lately with her

Urs: Too much Law and Order SVU, sweets?

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: No!

Ris: Yes...

Ris: IT WAS SUPER LONG I HAD TO KEEP A RECORD

Urs: That's... a long ass time why tf did she wait this long

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: I think you'll be great

Ris: It also helps that Kim really really really really really liked you already for like 9 months

Urs: Were you keeping count?

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: Yeah! totally! Sounds great!

Ris: See LOOK AT YOU. It's my turn to be proud

Urs: Aw thanks

Urs: Think I'll be any good at this? Honestly?

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: I like the way you're thinking

Ris: Yeah, turtles might be hard. Although I know he has two but painting is kinda like stuff you've done (from what you've told me about your paint war) already

Ris: Aw that's cute. She totally won't expect the car

Urs: Yeh I mean I could like

Urs: Properly pick her up and the whole nine yards

Urs: Drive for a bit before turning around and coming right back to Pixie bc lol where else would we go?

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: You don't need to know. It's how you feel and do not say you don't know how you feel because you can know what you feel but not like /what/ you feel

Ris: Everyone keeps telling me that a lot about the arcade dates

Ris: But there you go. You know the arcade. You know Hermes who has like Pixie ties and I dunno he's him. Uh, you know my sisters. You know the Garage and Stan over in the Dalmatian Plantation because you painted his turtle once. You know lots of people in town. I dunno it was just a thought

Ris: I think you're putting too much stress on yourself

Urs: Maybe Stan has more turtles that we could paint?

Urs: Bc fun fact ur not supposed to do that to wild turtles bc it makes their camouflage all fucked up so things can see and therefore eat them easier

Urs: Maybe Gadget would let me borrow her car? We could... go dancing and then like just go for a ride?

Urs: Idk I really like just driving and listening to music Gadget's done that a lot lately and it's been kind of fun

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: So that's a good thing?

Ris: That doesn't count. You weren't there "together" you met there

Ris: I dunno I mean like /FRIENDS/ have lunch dates too. I GO OUTSIDE WITH YOU

Ris: Wow, there's a lot of yelling and caps. Let's tone this back a little tiny bit

Ris: What do you want to show Kim via this date? Is kinda the real question like... do you wanna show her that you're fun in public too and like dance like a dork and wanna like dance with Kim stuff because then there's like Pixie and you could like maybe get food beforehand someplace. Or you just wanna like show her you can like do a traditional date then you like take her for dinner and like maybe a movie or maybe go hangout/makeout in the park I dunno Urs like options are all around us. Also you're friends with people you can like pull favors from places too to make things special

Urs: I wasn't yelling at you I'm just strESSin

Urs: I don't know man I don't know what I'm supposed to want to show her like how did I get here

Urs: Also not all of us can have adorable arcade dates every day Ris I don't know anyone that can pull strings

[paint-with-spirit-blog]

Yet Another SOS || Ursista

Ris: Was it? I'm sorry. But also you're proud so I'm not sorry? Am I supposed to say sorry not sorry now? Is that where that comes from?

Ris: You're so silly. Seriously, you guys must've like hung out at the park or like actually eaten some place public...

Ris: You didn't go out in public ever did you

Ris: How DO YOU EVEN DO THAT I DONT UNDERSTAND OUTSIDE IS SO NICE

Urs: Yes it is. But you don't have to be sorry about being shady with me, it shows that you're learning from me.

Urs: WE WENT OUT ONCE

Urs: Or, well, I met her outside. We made out for a sec in that alley

Urs: But I mean we weren't dating WHY WOULD WE GO OUT TOGETHER /WE/ WEREN'T TOGETHER