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With the drugs addling his entire being the younger Durin slipped in and out of sleep, not even half aware of what was going on around him. He'd been hungry earlier but now he wasn't sure what he was, he felt light but so heavy, tired but giddy and worse of all he wasn't sure if he was hot or cold. He sure as hell didn't want to eat right now. 

Clinging to Fili's shirt his grip loosened every time he dozed off, no doubt alerting the elder to what was happening, but he was fighting it like a petulant child. Not wanting to miss anything, but not really having the strength to force himself to listen to his mother and brother talk. 

Wiggling a bit, the blonde shifted to lay on his back and pulled his brother on top of him, ever mindful of the tubes and wires sticking out of the younger, and the fact that their mother was still in the room. One hand moved to rest on the small of the darker’s back, while the other went to his neck, fingers playing over the pale skin there.

Closing his eyes, he pressed his face into the dark curls, breathing in his brother’s scent that was still detectable, despite being almost overpowered by the scent of disinfectant and hospital. At this point in time, the only thing that was stopping Fili from going out and drinking himself stupid, was the fact that Kili was in said hospital.

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Gaze

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The younger made a bit of a squeaking sound when the grip on him was tightened, though it was an exaggeration and the blond hadn't actually caused him any discomfort, he thought it was hilarious. The whole position was a little strange because he was so much taller than his brother but he didn't care, he had the elder right where he wanted him and there was no way that he was letting him go now. 

Glazed brown eyes watched their mother from his place against Fili, his forehead tucked up against the side of his brother's neck, chewing on his thumb nail. Effectively silenced by the appearance of the matriarch of the Durin household. It wasn't that Kili was afraid of his mother, it was just that her being upset with the nurse had him in the mind set that she was upset with him too. 

Shifting he wrapped his arm around the blond and pressed his face into the crook of his neck. 

Fili choked on a laugh as Dis shooed the nurse from the room, shifting to wrap his arms more firmly around his brother. Gods but he just wanted this whole ordeal to be over so that he could take Kili home and love him in peace and quiet. But that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

His entire body sagged as he thought about their impending separation, squeezing the younger so tightly that he was probably cutting off his air and blood supplies but he barely noticed, his own body adopting a noticeable tremor.

What he needed right now, more than anything, was a drink.

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The elder was met with a dopey grin in return, the drugs hazing his mind too much to even, giggling through the kiss pressed to his lips making it take a messy turn. Fingers tightening in the fabric of the elder's shirt as if he'd vanish if the drugged younger let go even slightly. Tucking his head under the elder's chin he grinned even wider as their mother poked her head into the room, baring more food than any of them would ever eat. "I hope you're hungry" she chuckled lightly. 

"Mama" the younger giggled, reaching out a hand to him and acting very much like a small child. 

"Oh boy, what did you do now…?" she questioned 

"He was a potential harm to himself and a was disturbing the other patients" the nurse that still lingered checking the monitors that were hooked up to the youngest Durin. 

"And just how the hell was he doing that?"

"He was calling for your other son and making a scene" she stated, "We had to restrain him and sedate him so that he didn't hurt himself." 

"You did what?! All because he wanted his brother?!"

"It was for his own good…"

"I think you should leave now." 

The darker could just lay there and giggle through the whole scene, not bothering to do really much of anything when the restraints were removed from his limbs. Allowing the other to drag him into his arms he nuzzled and tucked his head into the crook of the elder’s neck, humming to himself contentedly. Wrapping himself around the older Durin, Kili made himself more than comfortable not really caring what people would possibly think if they were to happen on the pair. He set about mumbling stupid things to the other, most of it not making any sense to anyone but the younger, but there were ‘I love you’s and other nothings mixed in that the blond would understand. 

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The darker could just lay there and giggle through the whole scene, not bothering to do really much of anything when the restraints were removed from his limbs. Allowing the other to drag him into his arms he nuzzled and tucked his head into the crook of the elder's neck, humming to himself contentedly. Wrapping himself around the older Durin, Kili made himself more than comfortable not really caring what people would possibly think if they were to happen on the pair. He set about mumbling stupid things to the other, most of it not making any sense to anyone but the younger, but there were 'I love you's and other nothings mixed in that the blond would understand. 

Fili had almost made it to the cafeteria when a twinge in his stomach told him that something wasn’t right. Frowning, he abandoned his mission and headed back to Kili’s room, passing Dis on the way and asking her to find some food for the younger. Stepping back into the room, the blonde was stunned and angered to find his brother physically strapped to the bed.

“What’s the meaning of this!?” He snapped at the nurse, tempered fury blazing in his blue eyes.

“Well, sir, he was posing a danger to himself and we had to—” Her words were cut off when the eldest Durin held his hand up and glared at her.

“I don’t want your excuses. Release him.”

“Sir, I’m afraid we c—”

Fili snarled, taking a threatening step forward. “I. Said. Release. Him.” Squeaking, the nurse scuttled to the bed and pulled the straps free. Still growling, the blonde scrambled back into the bed and pulled the darker against his chest, his arms forming a shield around his brother. “I’m sorry,” He muttered, pressing his lips to the other’s forehead. “I shouldn’t have left you for even a minute.”

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Kili fidgeted when the other left, every part of him telling him that he wasn't coming back, that he'd left him and he wasn't going to see the blond ever again. Sitting there on the bed picking at the blanket and staring at the door it wasn't long before rational thought was thrown out the window and he began calling for his brother. Eventually he'd become loud enough to have a nurse come to ask him to be quite, only to have him argue with her that he needed his brother only to become agitated when she told him that he wasn't there. Pulling at the tubes and wires that were still connected to his arms and chest he claimed that he needed to go and find his brother, that he'd promised that he'd come back and he wasn't back yet. 

Having to call an orderly to come and restrain the youngest Durin, he was effectively strapped to the bed and given enough sedative to have him conscious and coherent but effectively subdued. Giggling a bit to himself, Kili pulled at the leather restraints pathetically only to give up and stare at the ceiling like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. 

Fili sighed, pressing his lips to his stupid brother’s forehead. He didn’t want to be away from Kili any more than Kili wanted him to leave the room, but he needed food and Fili was going to provide it. “Of course I’m coming back, idgit. But you’re going to stay right here and rest.” A hand cupped the younger’s cheek, blue eyes meeting brown. “I’m only going to the cafeteria.” Pressing their foreheads together, the elder ghosted his lips over the other set. “I love you. I promise that I’m coming back to you.” Briefly connecting their lips once more, the blonde pried his brother’s fingers from his wrist, stepping out of his reach before the other could stop him again. “Rest.” He ordered with a raised eyebrow, finally leaving the room to make his way downstairs.

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Kili was sufficiently distracted by the kisses for a moment or two, catching the other's wrist before he could get too far away. "You're... you're coming back right?" he wasn't sure why he was so nervous all of a sudden but he was. A paranoia setting in that Fili was going to vanish and he'd never see him again. "May-maybe I should come with you..." he was chewing on his lip at this point, watching his brother, he didn't really know what he wanted at this point in time. He didn't want to use a wheel chair, he wasn't allowed to walk, he didn't want Fili to leave him, but he was hungry so his brother would have to go anyway. Kili hated this with a passion. 

It relieved Fili to hear that his brother was hungry, because it meant that Kili was taking a step in the right direction to recovery. “Yeah? You think you can make it to the cafeteria, or do y’want me to go and get something and bring it back in here?” He questioned, nosing the top of the younger’s head. He didn’t really like the idea of leaving the other for even a few minutes, but it made him feel needed when he was able to do things for his brother.

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There was a silence that fell over them for a moment, "I don't know if I'm allowed to leave the room..." he muttered, he'd not really been given rules on what he was and wasn't allowed to do yet. "I don't wanna go if they're going to stick me in a wheel chair..." he added, he could walk just fine on his own, just because there was the small chance that he could have another drop seizure at any moment didn't mean that he couldn't want to the bloody cafeteria. 

“I love you too, chéri.” The blonde murmured, holding the other close and running his hands over the muscles on his back, at this point not caring who walked in and saw them. They were soon to be separated for God only knows how long, and the elder wasn’t about to sit around and keep his hands to himself just for the sake of decency.

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The younger clung to the blond like a lifeline, nose buried in Fili's neck, caring very little about who could walk in the door at any moment. Kili didn't know how the hell that he was supposed to survive this without his brother, without being able to just curl up with him when it got really bad, at the moment he didn't see how that was a possibility. "M'hungry..." he mumbled, surprised by it himself as he wasn't usually one to get hungry to the point of mentioning it and with the addition of the Xanax it was just that much more strange. 

“I love you too, chéri.” The blonde murmured, holding the other close and running his hands over the muscles on his back, at this point not caring who walked in and saw them. They were soon to be separated for God only knows how long, and the elder wasn’t about to sit around and keep his hands to himself just for the sake of decency.

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Kili wrapped his arms around the elder, clinging to him near desperately, his nose pressed hard into Fili's shoulder trying not to cry anymore. "I love you" he muttered against his brother's shoulder, he didn't want to talk about how long they'd been screwing each other over. They needed to let go of the past, he could see that now, the past was fucking them over. The past was telling them both that they were wrong with what they were feeling, that they couldn't deal with things properly. They needed to reset. Needed to learn how to deal with things all over again. 

Stroking his brother’s cheek with his thumb, Fili sighed and kissed his nose. “I was so scared back then… terrified that you would find out my true feelings and despise me for them. Terrified that you would run.” He laughed shortly. “Little did I know that if I hadn’t been such a coward, we could have saved each other years ago…” Wrapping his arms back around the younger, he buried his face against his neck, inhaling his scent greedily. “I’m so sorry I made you feel second best to that harlot. You’ve never been second best; you’ll always be my number one.” The elder’s voice was muffled against his brother’s skin, his own tears threatening to fall.

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Reluctantly brown eyes pulled open, red and watery, more tears threatening to fall at any moment it correctly provoked. He sniffed hard trying to pull himself back together, knowing that just like sitting there crying wasn't about to make anything better. Getting better was in his hands now and whether or not he embraced what the doctors were trying to help him with or sat there and did nothing was up to him. Completely. 

Kili wanted desperately to lean on Fili and have him behind him pushing him along the entire time but there was just no way that either of them were going to get to where they needed to be worrying more about the other than themselves. The darker nodded at the other's words, he knew that his brother was right, letting out a wet sigh he pressed his lips back to the blond's needing the contact to properly pull himself together. 

"M'sorry. I love you" he muttered against the other's lips, "M'sorry for everything… I've been a giant tawt the last few years, making things more difficult than they had to be. I…" he pulled in a shaky breath, "I felt you pulling away from me… and it hurt." A bit of a snort left him as he shook his head before looking up at him, "I… I had myself convinced that you were going to ditch me for Layla… I don't know why… she's just the one that you spend the most time with other than me so I guess I pushed off my fears of losing you onto her and then she became the problem. M'just sorry. I never meant to make things harder." 

“I’ve got you,” the blonde soothed, nosing at the top of the younger’s head. “Let it out, chéri.” Not knowing what else to do, Fili simply held his brother tight, rocking him slightly and humming quietly. “Je t’aime, Kili. Toujours et pour toujours.”

The elder knew that the only reason Kili had even lasted one night without him was because their mother had been there, the same way he knew that the only reason he’d made it through a night without his brother was because he’d simply been too exhausted to miss the other too much. The thought of being separated for a longer period of time during rehab terrified him. He had no idea how either of them were going to cope.