paloaltoprincess-blog
sad & mad about it
asia // 20 // CA
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“There used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. We’d be hanging out somewhere and everything would just fit right and I would think ‘it will be okay if it can just be like this forever’ but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever”
- Nina LaCour, Hold Still
via @violentwavesofemotion
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“The Meek and The Mean” my tribute piece inspired by “Little Shop of Horrors” 1986 movie for the upcoming @Galleries1988 show
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“What’s French for, uh, ‘That’s not gonna be the name of the band’?”
Sing Street (2016) dir. John Carney
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blog #5: empty
thursday ‘morning’ 12:49 am 8/31/17
hello friend. this entry is not gonna be about who i am and what im about, but if you want to know about that, go ahead and check my about page.
exactly two months until halloween, so thats cool. I reiterate how i seem to only post when I'm at my lowest. usually this happens only once a year, but, lucky me, this is my second one this year. It doesn't seem to matter since no one reads these posts, however, its better than shit-posting on twitter. usually my depression ends by this point because i’d go back to school and everything would change. now i’m in community college with no one i know. my friends are now either in universities and don’t care enough to keep in touch or not good at being friends. also i’ve been at my job longer than any one else and they just gave my sort of ex my hours and a raise. I’m angry, i’m lost, i’m empty. I don’t enjoy anything any more and i don’t feel enough to cry about it. i feel so alone, though every acquaintance swears i’m not.
i know i’m an insensitive bitch because so many others are dealing with disasters and poverty yet, here i am, a college student complaining about the normal shit. to loosely quote fight club, “i have nothing to lose, you have everything to lose.” i could die right now, unfazed. sure there will be an uproar for a week or two, and longer from my family, i’d easily be forgotten. i feel forgotten. honestly, i’ve forgotten who i was. i feel like i don't even have a personality now because i’ve just been (hardly) existing. i’m just spewing nonsense at this point, but no one reads this except future depressed me, so whatever.
quirky (but sad) side note: i’ve been watching glee to try to fill the void, but i’m almost on the last season and i really don’t know what i’ll do with myself once it’s over. here’s to hoping for another text post. though i’d be depressed again, i’d at least be alive.
1:24 am
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blog entry #4: an update
tuesday morning 11:49 am 6/20/17
hello friend. this entry is not gonna be about who i am and what im about, but if you want to know about that, go ahead and check my about page.
it seems i’ve waited another year since posting. my life has changed almost entirely. I won’t get into it. i know i said this is an update, but I'm sure the 8 people who’ve followed me since 2015 are probably very inactive. but i go forth anyway. I’ve graduated. to some, an emotional and hard conquest, to me a tiring event. regarding my last post, i have not answered any of those questions. I am going to attend a community college to try and figure that stuff out. i am currently a part time employee at a pizza place and have been for over a year to this day and i have a freelance job editing videos for $50 an hour. i am lost and upset about it. I really am off the rails because at this point i just feel hopeless, not sure where to go.
funny how i post every summer, which coincidently just so happens to be the same time i get my summer depression. interesting. Im sure ill figure out what i want in life eventually. hopefully how i met your mother-esque.
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