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pambradaza · 5 years

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Kung mas lalo kang humirap ngayon, sino ang sisisihin mo?

I’m not a fan of Filipino noon shows, but this episode really stuck with me. Vice Ganda here, rebukes Anne Curtis’ and a contestant’s argument that the poor remain poor because they are lazy. For him, especially as someone with the rags to riches narrative, his success does not discredit the hard work of farmers who are cheated by unfair pricing and monopoly in agribusiness. He also shared that in the past, he used to think the same way as well. However, he now realized that it is the people with leverage who are constraining others. Injustice and inequity is still prevalent as one can observe in the school setting, for example. The rich are typically labeled the brightest minds for they can afford private tutors and have access to the internet and academics materials. Although there is a right to education, many are still at a disadvantage due to the high cost of education.

WHAT. A. DRAG. I know, but I wanted to use this as an example in order for us to better understand the habitus of two different sides of the same coin. What has led me to my current disposition? What has led the Women of Buklod to theirs?

May naibinhi nga ba ang Binhi sa akin?

When I first signed up for LB01, I did not expect that I would be able to learn more than I already knew. Being a female, I have always thought that I’ve had a clear picture of the plight of women. I was, of course, proven wrong. One’s mere similarity with another does not immediately entail a clear understanding of another’s situation.

The women of Buklod ng Kababaihan were former sex workers in Olongapo. Sex tourism was prominent in their city, especially during the time of the U.S. military in the Subic Bay Naval Base. Its closure after the American Occupation, however, did not abolish the bars and clubs that have made their niche. Instead, only the clientele of the so-called Sin City changed.

Ate Jen (not real name), Ate Apple (not real name), to name a few, were strong women. Behind their smiles, however, are lingering stories of pain and abuse. Belonging mostly from the marginalized sectors, these women were the breadwinner in the family. Some of them were even sold by Mothers to the sex trafficking ring or were molested by their family members. Most of them, due to the violence and harassment experienced in their families, ran away. This is where the women were unfortunately reeled into sex work. Ate Apple, one of the oldest in the group, gave birth to a half-American who will never get to know his father. Ate Jen, the Buklod member I got to talk a lot with, shared that she made a round with all the abuses one could ever think about. Due to lacking educational attainment, Ate Jen and many others were unable to land on jobs that could satisfy the needs of everyone in the family. For Ate Jen, specifically, it meant going home and not being able to feed the mouths of her 6 children, her relatives, and her husband. Thus, she was pushed into the world of an “entertainer”. For some, however, sex work was a choice. It was a chance to explore their sexuality whilst earning income. Unfortunately, this entailed contracting sexually transmitted diseases, unfair treatment in the workplace, and abuse.

Raised by Catholic parents, Ate Jen was a devout Catholic. Thus, when she was finally able to liberate herself from the horrors of the growing sex industry, she vowed to give back to society. Along with many others, Ate Jen volunteers in the programs of Buklod ng Kababaihan in order to support sex workers and to help their families as well. Buklod ng Kababihan wants to highlight that there are other opportunities for women to earn money. At the same time, they understand the reasons for many to continue sex work. Thus, they want to protect the rights of sex workers as well. Roughly translated, I remember Ate Joy telling us that before she was aided by others, she lived a life in submission. Now, although barely scraping by, Ate Jen says she is the happiest she can ever be now that she spends her time with her children, works an honest job as a janitress, and helps other women through rallying and working for Buklod.

Pushed by their harsh environment to be tough and independent, these women are the epitome of true grit. They have learned their ways in order to survive. Cunning, bold, fearless – such words barely justify the strength of the women of Buklod. Seeing them laugh and stand proud, it makes one forget that once upon a time, these women felt that at a point in their lives, they were hopeless. With no authority figure to guide them and barely any support felt as a child, these women were forced into maturity at such a young age. This makes me ponder about the great class disparity here in the Philippines. Every night for nineteen years, I came home to loving parents and a hearty meal. Unknowingly, on the other side of the wall, there were families of a dozen sharing a cup of noodles to warm themselves as they slept at streets, with lampposts as their only light.

I have always labeled myself as belonging to the middle class or the comfortable living standard. I never appreciated what we had because I always thought that it was not enough. We weren’t rich. We just had enough to feed our mouths and pay our tuition. My parents grew up in poor families. My mom used to sell ice candy and banana cue when she was twelve. My father was a caretaker of houses every summer during his childhood to help his parents. Thus, I was shaped to think that I needed to work hard so that I may be able to repay my parents. Although my parents did a good job of alleviating our standard of living, some of my relatives weren’t fortunate enough. Thus, I was encouraged to study hard. Even my drive as a Management Engineering student is stirred by my hopes of a better future not only for my children but for my relatives as well. Although my parents grew up with parents of the working-class, perhaps the reason they have never raised a hand on my sister and I, or that they value education and hard worker, no matter what the cost, is attributed to their upbringing. Although I never got the chance to be close with my grandparents before their passing, I heard of their stories. They might be tough at times, but they worked hard for the future of my parents. Thus, I believe that my profound interest in socioeconomic issues or politics, in academics, and my self-direction and autonomy is a product of the structured and structuring structure of my habitus.

Although at some point, some women of Buklod shared the same story as my parents, my parents had different social capital. They were influenced by scholars in the family. My granddads were engineers and my grandma was a teacher. They were low in economic capital, yes, but the similarity in their demand and resource was offset by the great force backed by the environment. For my parents, they valued education and they wanted to be part of the corporate world or at least to move up from being blue-collared workers. Ate Jen and Ate Apple didn’t have that kind of support. In their respective fields, actors such as their families and friends played a role in their transformation, in the context of my parents, or preservation, in the situation of the sex workers, of their social hierarchy. Thus, my current disposition is brought about by the earned privilege I have as bestowed by my parents. For many others, however, the life they live today as a combination of the life they were born to and of the oppressive system of our society.

In the end, it all boils down to us as members of our society. Do we live for ourselves, or do we live for the greater good? If we all take our time to reflect and see the consequences of our actions, we will soon be able to realize that we are often clouded by notions of greed and thirst for greatness. When we soon stop ourselves from clinging to be the best among the rest, that is when we soon see that there need not be the best. What we need as a society is to be able to cater to each and every one. Perhaps, if we are open to such concept, then maybe the term marginalized will be nonexistent as well. In a documentary I have watched entitled “Walang Rape sa Bontoc”, I realized that if we are able to strengthen our ideals of equity and respect, then concepts such as the poor, violence, rape, abuse, discrimination, and many more, would never have been created or would have no use for at all. It is a long journey to such dream. Too idealistic would be a phrase for many. However, I do believe that no matter what the cost or no matter how long it takes, if we all see through our materialistic desires, we may be able to find ourselves as one with everybody else. This is what Binhi has made me see. I never thought that I’d ever quote Vice Ganda or use his philosophy for any circumstance at all, but truth be told, it is in our hands as people of privilege to help others to stand and grow as well.

#BinhiPaper #BuklodNgKababihan

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pambradaza · 5 years

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Pam, I am.

Although we have, in one way or another, conceptualized theories and deducted reasons as to why and how things happen and as to who and what we truly are, it will always be a never-ending question to answer: Who are we? What is our purpose? What has led us to be this way?

I have always thought that we lived in such a subjective world. Although sometimes, I tend to measure actions and situations in what I perceive as objective methods, I am still left with my incapacity as a human being to truly see the world in an omniscient and omnipotent manner. I realized, after months of lectures and lengthy readings, that I may only be able to understand my context in my environment. Judging one’s context would be impossible to perfect for one’s environment is phenomenologically experienced. Comparing this to my fascination with animals, it is impossible for us to truly explain today the intelligence of animals for it is apparent that we humans have continually compared and used our so-called intelligence in testing animal proficiency. If you’ve heard of the Mirror Test, where scientists place dots on the foreheads of animals to test whether they recognize themselves through their reflections, results show that animals such as the monkey have understood that their reflections are, in fact, themselves. However, does this say that dogs, who tend to be surprised upon seeing themselves in a mirror, are dumb? Dogs have way poorer eyesight than humans. However, their sense of smell is a lot stronger than ours. Thus, the mirror test fails to successfully capture the ability of all animals. Now, using such analogy in understanding different individuals, we are faced with the dilemma of genuinely understanding one’s complexity. We humans are often clouded by cognitive biases. Anger, joy, sadness, disgust, fear – even our emotions serve as uncontrollable variables. Although such aspects of our humanity have been proven to be helpful in our survival, will it be sufficient in reaching our goal of explaining the unexplained?

One’s complicated nature may be rooted in the intricate structures of society. Who could I have been if I were male? How different were things like when I was younger compared to today? How impactful are my peers and loved ones in my day-today living? What is the key role played by institutions such as the church or the government in my well-being? How do such interactions influence me? Chronosystem, Macrosystem, Exosystem, Mesosystem, Microsystem – these subsystems that comprise my network of relationships and beliefs have shaped me and if any one of these could be even any slightly different, it would mean a different story and a completely different person than who I am today. For instance, my demand and resource which could be completely similar to someone else’s could produce a different product due to differing forces. This explains how, for example, privileged people with the same personal characteristics and amount of resources could still differ in success. In the end, we still have something that’s inherently ours and with that, our future lies in our hands more than ever. Thus, despite the persistence of change in our lives, we adapt in order to combat perturbations in our daily routines. Unfortunately, such disequilibrium is sluggishly confronted. Thus, we may feel as if we are not good enough at times or that we are failures and disappointments. It is during such moments when I remind myself that change is necessary and inevitable. Ones lapses and shortcomings, however, should not be a measure for one’s capacity as we all adapt in our own paces.

Now, more than ever, I find the psychodynamic perspective an interesting way into seeing the structures of personality. I am often left to ponder about my ability to balance, and oftentimes, offset my Id, Ego, and Superego. What defense mechanisms do I use often? Is my whole personality a product of some metaphorical rug? I’m thrifty and spendthrift when I want to. What does that say about my toilet training as a child? As a teenager, approaching young adulthood, it is quite enthralling that I actually am experiencing identity confusion whilst stuck amidst the search of love and intimacy. Individuation, especially at a time such as the one my generation is facing, is generally erratic and, at times, constraining. Identity today, is such a big forlorn question to answer.

Furthermore, one big walking contradiction facing us is our globalizing world. As someone raised in the 21st century, in a developing country specifically, I am heavily vulnerable to the changes in culture and identity. As a teenager, I have developed a digital identity that has demarcated itself from my I-position offline. Such things like the “loob” are challenged as well especially with the growing burden of Filipinos stuck amidst a trafficked channel brought about by modernization and the constant push and pull of local culture. At times, it feels like I am burdened to play a performance for others, especially due to peer pressure and standards set by crowds in school that ostracize those who are different. As a straight female, such hardships do not stop there as we are continually under the mercy of a patriarchal society.

If I had one main takeaway from this semester, it would be that until now, there is no one way into understanding the self. We, humans, are deeply intertwined with complex histories and contexts that no one theory can totally define us. However, the measure of my progress from what I had learned in the beginning of the semester to my knowledge today, is not with my ability to concretely explain who I am and my upbringing. It is in the apparent expansion of my perspective and curiosity into who I am and in the complex society I am in today. Afterall, there is very much more to learn.

Thank you, Ms. Keh. Despite my course being far from Psychology, I have always been interested in the study of mind and behavior. I hope many others see the significance this subject plays for society. No matter how complicated and scientifically-convoluted the concepts get, it all boils down into the basic virtues that one upholds. We must all continue to better ourselves and to be kinder to others, for we, humans, like the saying goes, are not islands. Everything in this world is interdependent and reciprocally related. We only need to act with sincerity and kindness in order to make a change in this world, no matter how small.

#IntegrationPost

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pambradaza · 5 years

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CacoPHONY

I am Pam.

Ako ay isang Filipino.

Bisaya kong dako.

Ten years ago, if I were tasked to answer the question “Who are you?”, I would’ve simply answered with my rough Bisaya accent that “I am Pam, 9 years old, from Butuan City and I am a pure Filipino.” Since then, however, many things have changed. I have met people who have changed my life and I have been through situations and experiences that have opened my eyes to realities that are far beyond my grasp.

Coming from a small city in Mindanao, some reasonable proficiency in academics and curriculars labels one as gifted or excellent. Thus, as a child, I have been secluded in spaces with children such as I who are pressured and looked up to as the brightest and most talented minds. Placed in “top sections”, I have conformed with the notion that I must do my best and live up to the expectations of others. I became a driven, academic-conscious student. However, entering Senior High School and immersing in the independence and liberation as I studied in Davao City, a bigger and livelier city than mine, I was exposed to activities and people who have changed my mindset and hobbies. From the stuck-up student in class, I became more free-thinking. It’s not that I was slacking in class. Still,I performed well when needed. It’s just that now, I am able to provide space and time for leisure, one which I have never prioritized when I was younger. Perhaps it was the spur of the moment or teenage angst that I fell prey to vices and my very first romance. Cliché as it is, I found myself conflicted with my goals as an honors student and my aspirations as an explorative youth. Though difficult it may be, I have found common ground for both. Of course, I have to prioritize my studies. However, I have stopped being obsessively fastidious whilst allowing myself to commit mistakes and learn from them. I have learned that there requires a balance between liberation and duty, especially if one wants to take part in a significant change in society. It is important that one acknowledges their responsibilities and must be sensitive to one’s environment. However, such innocence and enjoyment that one can only experience when young should not be completely forgotten or disregarded.

Being someone who vies to understand socioeconomic issues, especially those plaguing my country, I am continually conflicted by my traditional beliefs as a Filipino and as a Roman Catholic with the progressive views that the West brings. For instance, typical debate topics such as abortion have always been trivial. Although as a debater, I have developed my own moral codes and ethical standards. However, despite disagreeing within conservative views, I reminisce such times when I, too, was a blind follower to such norms and practices. Even today, although I do not find myself in strong faith with religion anymore, I still find myself practicing Catholic deeds such as praying and praising the Lord. I have not decided upon a label for myself yet, but I’ve settled with the term irreligious. I have somewhat distanced myself from the church. However, due to its deep roots in my past and identity, I remain respectful to it. I try my best to understand deeply traditional views. Although I do try to engage in discourse with people of contradicting beliefs from I as I take responsibility, I am raising awareness and educating others for the common good, I am still conscious of the pedestal that many religious people float on. Thus, I try my best to involve myself in civil conversations only, with the aim to learn and teach, not to fight.

Today, ten years later, faced with the question “Who are you?”, my answer would be “I am Pam. I am a proud Filipino who, in the same time, immerses herself in the culture of other nations as an interest. I find it my obligation to be politically and environmentally aware. I hail from the city of Butuan, and I may speak English Fluently and pass the looks of a Filipino-Chinese, but my blood courses the veins of my Bisaya ancestors.”

I am Pam,

and I am who society has shaped me to be.

#HybdridIdentity

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pambradaza · 5 years

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The Phenomenon of the Internet’s Distorted Communication

Typically,

I am perceived as a level-headed person. For many, the way I deal with disagreements is through immediately settling them. However, it is inevitable at times that such words and thoughts omitted in real-time communication will end up lingering in your mind longer than usual. Taking pride in being kind, I assume the role of one who typically understands and concedes. This takes a toll, unfortunately, in my mental and emotional well being, and at times, will result in irrationality. Thus, with certain situations acting like mentos being dropped in a coca-cola bottle (which is me), I explode! Using twitter as a platform to indirectly channel my frustrations as I am still clouded by my fears of people thinking less of me when I confront them aggressively, I pour my emotions on the internet where only a few friends get to read my actual thoughts. Of course, I still choose to remain vague. However, I still see such trait as problematic for anyone to possess. Gratefully, I have been able to control such passive-aggressiveness and have been practicing effective and honest communication lately. Indeed the Internet and Social Media have become an avenue for a variety of identities. However, such demarcation may also entail the revelation of traits better left suppressed. Such masking and denying an aspect of yourself remains more taxing in the long run. This is the phenomenon of distorted communication brought about by the Internet.

Another meme to represent my contrasting personalities on and off the internet. In person, I am typically dettached. I don’t really like the concept of romance. Somehow, it feels as if something always goes wrong or feels wrong when I am face-to-face with a person. However, in the internet, standards seem to go low. We don’t think about what the person looks like, or who the person is. If we feel like this person understands us, we immediately feel attached. I feel like this says a lot about relationships nowadays. People easily fall for strangers. Luckily, I haven’t been that naive yet. Although it does help at times to feel “kilig”, one should be aware that there is always more than the facade we see in social media.

#OfflineAndOnlineIdentities

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pambradaza · 5 years

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My Other Half

Camille, 19, Davao

Marie Francesca Camille N. Talua has been my best friend (unknowingly) ever since I was Grade 1. Although we did not start acknowledging that until we were in Grade 9 as we belonged to different cliques, Camille and I have always shared a connection. Funny how we first met. I actually disliked her for she cut in line right in front of me as we enrolled for elementary school. Despite that, however, circumstances have brought us together. We were bullied together in 1st grade, went into choir and journalism, and we entered debate and student council together in high school. Of course, we had different interests as well. For Camille, she liked modeling and dancing. I, on the other hand, took studies seriously and was heavily immersed in community engagement. When we walked together in the hallways of our school, what others see are polar opposites, but we always saw ourselves as different sides of the same coin.

According to Charles Cooley, our self-concepts are formed as reflections of the responses and evaluations of others in our environment. From the activity, it could be observed that in one way or another, Camille and I have the same thoughts about our friendship and specifically, about me as a friend. This could be attributed to our open communication to each other. In the past, we have talked about our friendship and it helped us become more comfortable with each other. It could also be said that our attitudes as individuals are reflected in each other. For instance, my friendship with camille is a representation of my childish and innocent side. For people who have known me just recently, like in college or senior high school, my friendship with them reflects my academics-driven side or my liberated side. My knowing of others label me as well, such as past exchanges of Camille and I in the past, could have influenced my current actions. Since my friends treat me like I am a motherly figure who is responsible and humorous at times, I tend to adapt and configure my personality in accordance with what others perceive it to be. For me, the praise and expectations of my peers when I was younger, as I was supposed to take after my bright and kind sister, pushed me to take on a similar personality as hers as well. Although I was more loud and vulgar than my sister, I starts to pattern my activities with her. She was the reason why I joined math, journalism, and debate competitions when I was younger. One could also attribute the differences of Camille and I, or the differences in Camille’s perception of me and my own subjection perception of the social structure and efficacy-based self-esteem. For one, Camille and I share a lot of interests but because she was surrounded with opportunities or was at least pressured to dance and model, she ended up identifying herself with these activities. On the other hand, since I was longer in the Student Council and was a more active participant in debate and journalism, I was exposed to more opportunities in line with such fields. Hence, my growing interest and self-confidence when faced with similar activities. Additionally, it could also be seen that the difference in Camille’s perception of me and that of myself could be attributed to our distance. Since I studied at a different school and city for senior high school and college, she may hold beliefs linked to me that are specifically observed in our city or within our circle of friends. I could be a different person with other people or in another place. Since I wrote my hypothetical opinions of what she might think of me away from her and long after our last meet up, my perception of my friendship and my attitude towards her could have been changed as well. Thus, it is important for us to know that it is impossible for one to judge another with complete utter objectiveness. We also experience our own contexts at different paces and periods. We must remember this next time the voice in the back of our minds beg for us to scrutinize others.

#SocializationAndTheSelf

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pambradaza · 5 years

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The Daily Spectrum of Emotions

Everyday, we are exposed to people and events that stirr emotions in us. Happy, sad, angry, disgusted, or scared? Don’t be ashamed to feel such things. It is normal. Imagine having to live happy all your life, do you think you’ll actually recognize true happiness after so long? Perhaps we need these low moments so that we may be able to cherish the good memories more.

#BasicEmotions

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pambradaza · 5 years

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Altruism: The Art of Going Out of Your Way

An Essay about Increased Positive Affect and the Thoughts, Feelings, and Realizations of the Author regarding the task of Doing Good and their project entitled Keeping Tabs: Counting Kindness

Once, I was able to convince a friend out of suicide. Sometimes, when I think about that day, I recall the events prior to it and the infinite possibilities had the stars not aligned with my actions.

If I had not been brought by my Father to school, despite him already running late for work, would anyone have talked her out of it? If I had not been engorged with happiness from a hearty meal at home, with my Mother greeting me a beautiful morning, would I have come to school grumpy instead? Would I even bother to console my suicidal friend who everyone deemed as someone with no hope? If I had decided on skipping first day of classes, would summer have been my last time seeing her? Most of the time, however, I think about her, too.

If her mother did not condemn her relationship with her boyfriend that much, would she have been that upset? If her father was not an adulterer, would she have been happier? If her sisters were kinder, would she be safer? Indeed, it is hard to look through the lens of others. But it is not hard to be able to extend a helping hand to someone else, despite not fully understanding or knowing their situation.

Doing good has always been number one in the rule books. As kids, we were taught to do our homework. Help Mother wash the dishes. Help Dad mop the floor. Don’t say bad words. Always be polite. And the list goes on and on and on. Sayings like the Golden Rule of Confucius which goes "Do not impose on others what you do not wish for yourself,” or simplified by our kindergarten teachers as “Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you,” have served as guiding moral compasses for generations. However, if you think about it, the saying “Do good and good will come to you,” has a better ring to it. True to its words, doing good does do you good, just in unexpected ways!

Last week, my friends and I took part in a little activity. It was nothing out of the ordinary. The catch was, we had to write down all the random acts of kindness we have done. It was like counting your blessings, but in a way, WE were the blessing.

Throughout the course of the week, I had a stronger sense of mindfulness. In a way, I felt like there was a shift of perspective from my own little sheltered bubble. I became more aware of the good and bad in this world despite being able to witness such things in a day to day basis. Thus, I felt like I became more appreciative of others, of myself, and of the things that I have. In turn, I had developed a more positive outlook. Since then, I have dwelled less on mistakes. Instead, I exert more power on relishing the little things that feel right in my life.

Nowadays, I have noticed as well that I feel less stressed about things. I now give myself the ample space and allow myself to find the pace that fits me, instead of pushing myself to the point of exhaustion trying to keep up with others.

From observation and experience, it really is more difficult to do than say to keep looking at life with pure optimism. Indeed, there are many things to worry about. My grades. My allowance. My family. My social life. However, I realized that the more I did things for others, whether or not initially it was sincere, I ended up feeling a sense of relief and belongingness. In our very demanding world, we often are pushed to stay ragged around the edges so that in turn, we may deflect, instead of absorbing, the pain and difficulties brought to us by happenstance. Thus, we often feel alone, and this is where we are mostly wrong; for we may feel lonely but we are never alone.

Through this project, I was able to branch out to more people. People who I may never meet again. Strangers who will probably forget my face and our little exchange. Despite these melancholic thoughts of experiences becoming mere memories, I brighten up to the thought that in one way or another, in the continuum of time and events, I have played a role and acted as a string to the threads of one’s life. Better yet, from simple acts, I have fostered a deeper relationship with my friends. A reassuring gesture of belongingness pulling me away from isolation.

Greatest of all, kindness is like a carousel. It goes round and round! When we bring forth the good to others, we create an environment that hones positivity. We do not only create a memory bank of kindness for us to return to in times of sorrow. We also instill calm and peace within us and around us.

In our society today, we are expected to live on the edge. To deal with life through grit and survival instincts. We must remember, however, that it is not weak to put other people’s needs before our own or to be kind when the rest of the world sees it as a shortcoming. When we go beyond ourselves, per sé, critique an essay that a friend made, or teach math to your seatmate who finds it more difficult to solve problems, we create an awareness of the impact of our actions. Greater than our improved mood, self-esteem, and increased satisfaction is our increased drive towards kindness. Altruism should not be a rarity that the crowd applauds for one second and turns its back to right afterward. It must be a norm that is not practiced but internalized. Such art of going out of your way could actually be a means of leading others, and you, to the right path where you should’ve been all along.

This essay is dedicated to my best friend. May we live long enough to look back at our lives one day and see how beautiful it really is. To not regret living past our difficulties.

#CaringForTheSelfProject

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