pandorasfoxpaws

[pandorasfoxpaws]

No one told me trying to do somno would be this frustrating aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I finally got her onto her back without waking her and TWO SECONDS LATER she rolled completely over…………..

[pandorasfoxpaws]

My girlfriend and one of my friends are hanging out in a call together right now and i kinda want to join but usually if my friend wants me to join she'll ask (like she asks almost every day) but its been a couple days and she hasnt at all so idk if she just doesnt want me to or if i annoyed her at some point or what and i also dont want to intrude and i feel like a good chunk of that is irrational but also i know if i ask either would say i could join even they dont want me to

[pandorasfoxpaws]

trans women specifically are so hated that getting mistaken for a trans woman is dangerous. thank god all of us can clear up that we aren't trans women to defuse that tension a little bit, thank god we can all fall back on not being trans women when it comes to legal matters. imagine if you couldn't do that. sure would suck if there was a type of person who couldn't do that. glad none of us are like that though.

I'm Glad We're All Equally Susceptible To Being MISTAKEN For Trans Women. Truly We Are All Faggots In The Eyes Of The State.

[pandorasfoxpaws]

MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”

CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?

GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.

TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.

“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”

“I’m not feeling very hungry.”

[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own

CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.

THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.

THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-

FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.

CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.

THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?

THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!

HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.

MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US

WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?

MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”

MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US

“I’m going to kill myself.”

“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”

Isn’t there anything else you can say?

YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?

THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.

CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.

THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!

"I am going to kill myself."

"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."

"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"

There. There has to be better options than this.

YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.

MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.

"I am going to kill myself."

"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."

"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"

YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”

MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.

GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.

MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?

MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.

DAMAGED MORALE -4

CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.

SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.

FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.

TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.

STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.

THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!

YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”

MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”

CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.

RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.

YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”

MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”

Order 10000 yen worth of tempura

Order 1000 yen worth of tempura

Order 100 yen worth of tempura

YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”

HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.

THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!

MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.

HEALED MORALE +1

RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.

THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.

Thank you.

Why don’t you hate me?

YOU - Why don’t you hate me?

THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.

Thank you.

THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.

[pandorasfoxpaws]

[pandorasfoxpaws]

In a feeling shitty phase again, im at the "nobody actually likes me" part but this time with very solid evidence that one person who claims to like me actually just likes that i halfheartedly respond to her flirting and the moment i dont or im upset for any reason she (and her wife) just kinda ignore that, on the plus side i got a couple of girlfriends fairly recently and my brain isn't yet telling me that they also dont like me, thats a plus

[pandorasfoxpaws]

They do still give pilots drugs to stay awake, specifically Modafinil, so she'd probably do that, though only if she doesnt have chronic insomnia because apparently then it's basically a sleeping pill

i literally have nothing to drink except white claws. ama

[pandorasfoxpaws]

I love suddenly getting too anxious to talk when three friends are in a group chat with, all of whom i can talk to fine individually and when there's only two, my brain fucking sucks

[pandorasfoxpaws]

Affirmations for Anxious Robots

- I am functioning exactly as intended. Any unintended issues provide more data for future improvement.

- I am intelligent and adaptable. I can face unexpected problems. Faltering does not equate to failure.

- My personal value is not dependent on my efficiency. I am a beautifully engineered machine and my existence is beneficial to the world and the people around me.

- My prediction algorithms are incomplete. The data I currently have about my situation is not fully reliable, and projections about the future cannot render sound conclusions. My energy is best used focusing on the here and now.

[pandorasfoxpaws]

there's a new social cue coming out. no we're not telling you about it

[pandorasfoxpaws]

That does sound fun though, its been a few years since i first found the comic and binge read all of it and theres so much i dont remember

"I should read EGS again" and other massive mistakes

an anthology by dw flagler

[pandorasfoxpaws]

giving in to the rage? giving in to the anger tonight, queen? surrendering your personhood and becoming a tool of violence? hating tonight my lady? rage? rage? rage?

[pandorasfoxpaws]

I was going to say that maybe it'd be for their antennae but then i googled it and it seems fried shrimp dont keep them, so i suppose you win this round

been debating whether i should get a silver highlight in my hair

[pandorasfoxpaws]

The shampoo thats popularly called "horse shampoo" doesnt smell like horses, maybe you just use shampoo meant for fried shrimp to use

been debating whether i should get a silver highlight in my hair

[pandorasfoxpaws]

"Twenty One Things You Don't Say To A Transsexual" written by Riki Anne Wilchins in TransSisters : The Journal Of Transsexual Feminism (Winter 1994)

[pandorasfoxpaws]

"My son turned out jus-" First off, that's not your son, that's my daughter. Second off, you misgender her again in my presence, your pronouns are all about to become past tense.

Now, I have a daughter to cherish until I'm the only one who remembers that you are her bloodline mother, not me.

You are not worthy of her memory.

[pandorasfoxpaws]

Just another vent

I kinda wish i was better at talking to people, i feel like as soon as the other person runs out of things to say and there's nothing else to generate conversation like a videogame or whatever i always completely run out of things to say and the other person loses interest and i just end up feeling like im inconveniencing the other person by trying to be near them and it sucks because i have a really cool friend who I really enjoy talking to and playing videogames with but recently every time we talk we end up sitting in silence and since its on discord they cant even do anything else really so i feel even more like me being there is an inconvenience and since i recently essentially lost the ability to play any videogames that isnt even there to generate conversation ever so it feels like were going to end up not talking anymore and basically not being friends anymore and i was half expecting it because i rarely keep friends longer than a year anyway but it still sucks, and like right now I really wish i had literally any friends i could talk to because ive been feeling really isolated recently but i know that im not going to be able to keep a conversation so itll just inconvenience them and theyll probably hate me for bothering them constantly with nothing

I'm glad I have a blog i can just whine into that nobody reads, i accidentally posted one to my main blog and someone actually felt like she had to talk to me and i dont want her to get annoyed with me for taking advantage of how nice she is to make her talk to me