pantsusnifferr

[pantsusnifferr]

2021 best of post!

I procrastinated so hard last year when i was about to do my 2021 reflection! Now that i am thinking back on it, my memory’s a mess and im starting to confuse things that have happened in 2020 with those that happened in 2021. I will to the best of my ability, try to remember the biggest highlights of 2021 while writing my reflection of 2022 in a seperate post. Highlights of 2021 1. Went out of my way to watch fireworks with my sister on Jan 1 even though i didn’t feel like it. I remember i wanted to have less regrets and i definately felt like that was one step worth taking. 2. Went out of my comfort zone and decided to go out with a couple of people i met online! Definately not an unpleasant experience for sure, but i still feel like i have a lot of grow, it was something i felt like i needed and something i never thought i’d ever have the patience to do. 3. Continued HEMA and made my first sparring montage and entered my first tournament! HEMA has became such a big part of my life back in 2021, I am so glad i started it back during the end of 2020, i remember the social anxiety i felt and the apprehension before i stepped through the doors of Bastion. But I am so glad i did! It was exciting, it was something that i look forward to every week of the day, it was my obssession and something i love. I remember going to different clubs, eventually finding Oriflamme and learning italian longsword. And i concluded that year with Bashfest! My first tournament where i absolutely got wrecked haha. (But i didn’t come in last.)

4. Made geniune friends with people from HEMA, maybe E was right, perhaps i am not giving people enough chances back then. But I was glad i did, it started with going out to eat at that okonomiyaki place at the new year’s eve. And we became close and fast friends ever since. It is sad that circumstances have changed and we’ve all drifted apart, but it gives me a little hope that i’m still able to form meaningful friendships with people if i were to give them a chance.

5. Managed to diffuse a situation with a difficult and crazy business relation. I never want to deal with someone like that again, the length of time we spent on him and the amount of stress we’ve got just isn’t worth it. I was so close to quitting the entire thing but thankfully we managed to resolve everything amiciably. And the dude moved on to selling other plants, he’s someone else’s problem now. 6. Sold my switch and got an OLED switch! Isn’t really a highlight but i actually started playing it a lot more! Turns out having the ability to dock it to my PC is something i sorely needed! 7. Received my full hema kit! Too bad the jacket couldn’t fit me properly though. 8. Upgraded my PC! 9. Painted many fencing masks for myseld and my clubmates! 10. Acheived a 4.0 for my GPA. I got no idea if this is the start of me taking my studies more seriously or the start of all my unecessary stress, i still have to thank my friends who helped me out with my studies and exams though! 11. I got my vtuber model fully rigged and animated! I wasn’t satisfied with it fully so i continued to sit on it for almost 6 months before i did anything with it in 2022. A few people were essential to this step of mine, i was excited and really happy that i might actually get a chance to scratch this creative itch of mine. Too bad i fell out with one of my ‘teachers’ though. 12. bought a VR headset! 13. made a lot of shorterform videos for the company 14. was deep into fitness and diet, i managed to consistently exercise and be slightly healthier during this period. 15. Did our first live zoom workshop with gardens by the bay! managed to intergrate my streaming techniques and equipement for work! I am glad i am able to apply some of my interests to work this way. 16. Reconnected with El and RK from my AirForce days, glad to know that these guys always got my back. 17. started trying to put myself out there. 18. started investing...with mixed success.. 19. Got my feder and my rapier this year! 20. Reservist lmao, useless stay home do nothing, but i did have a nice long chat with people i used to know back during my time in service.

[pantsusnifferr]

I’m gonna be hella honest here, 2020 wasn’t the drastic life changing year i had hoped it’ll be.

Now its a tradition, well maybe, not really. Who knows...

Let’s start with the goals which ive accomplished in 2020 yeah?

Have less regrets Live more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone Be hardworking, be brave Work hard for the company Rekindle ties to the ones important to me Start working on my YouTube channel for company Study hard Be more confident, be more social Be a nicer and kinder person

Yes i definitely have had lesser regrets overall, i learnt that listening to that gnawing feeling in my gut is one of the few things that will lead me to get less regrets. Perhaps that’s an indication of something that you really want on the inside. Many times this year i just took a leap of faith and made decisions on the fly, going out of my way many times just to do the things i wanted to do. The me a year ago would never have done any of these things, let alone spend any money or time into such ‘frivolous’ activities.

Lets go through some of the highlights for my accomplished goals.

1. Bought Airshow tickets on impulse and rented camera lenses just because i had a shot i wanna get. 

Ended up getting that money shot and feeling pretty accomplished. It was nice to meet up and connect with fellow aviation enthusiasts and friends from my Air Force days, but i still felt like i didn’t fit in. Oh well, i didn’t regret anything. I set my mind to a thing i thought would be fun and challenging and i did it!

2. Trespassing into the green corridor for an assignment during the circuit breaker 

haha...Definitely isn’t worth the trouble in the end due to shitty unusable footage and total lack of input when it comes to the editing process. BUT STILL, the feeling of walking through thick jungle and jumping over construction barricades and barriers in the middle fo some goddamn forest just to get some footage is an experience nonetheless! Shitty teammates, good thing we managed to pull through and made some friends along the way. Wasn’t worth it, but i didn’t regret the experience one bit.

3. Got into more active activities with an open mind. 

Went to the gym with friends a lot more and tried to lead a healthier lifestyle, cycling, hema classes (more about that in a bit) The me from a couple of years ago would definately never give this idea a shot. Running at least once a week, keeping track of my health, all these made me feel a lot better. I should really get into it more though.

4. Hema classes
. 

Never thought swinging swords around can be that much fun! And i almost didn’t want to show up because i had a sudden surge of social anxiety in the morning before. Glad i powered through that to get to that class that october aternoon. I was mostly on autopilot, depressed and wanting more...but for the last few months of the year, hema classes gave me something to look forward to, and this really changed up my entire outlook then. I suppose having a newfound hobby you never knew you liked changes people for the better.

5. Going out of my way many many times just to help out a friend. Or just to hang out. 

I remember being too lazy to go out and have fun. Too lazy to wanna get up to get something done even with friends. Installing internet access points, cleaning up rooms, setting up laptops etc. Perhaps its the large amount of FOMO i’ve started to develop, or maybe its just me sick of being a sad loney wreck. Who knows, all i know is its a blessing to have friends and i am so glad that they’re willing to give me their time of the day as well.

6. Making videos for work. 

I didn’t HAVE to do this. Autopilot at work is a scary thing, its my own company and i could’ve done so much more... but i didn’t... or rather i couldn’t. I don’t remember what came over me and how i manage to find the willpower to shoot the videos then edit them over a few days. And i have no idea how i managed to actually follow through with it and get the damn thing edited. Not my proudest work, but damn am i proud of myself for actually doing the thing!

7. Keeping at it for school and not giving up.

Statistics, the killer module. Logistics, another killer one. I studied so so hard for it, i thought i was going to fuck it up like how i fucked up my assignments. But I am so so so glad that it paid off. Taking days of work to study is the correct move and i am so glad i had the discilpine to stick with it. Haha discilpline i said, more like letting the panic set in untill i find myself studying as if my life depended on it. But still, an A and a B+ feels really great though. My first A, that’s still something to celebrate for! Thanks for helping, you know who you are!

8. Giving more of a shit for my company

Im a little undecided about whether i should put this under the part about having no regrets. I am happy with the money and growth we’ve got in our company, alongside the many happy customers ive got, I still somehow felt that i have struggled so much and had a lot more anxiety and stress as compared to the previous years. Perhaps i just need to chill. Although i don’t doubt the fact that taking more responsibility does indeed make things less mundane. Appreciate the increase in pay and bonuses though.

9. Spent quality time with family

I used to have this feeling whenever i am around my cousins, these are the people whom i’ve grown up wit,h and who i used to consider really close friends. I just felt that over the years we have just became different people altogether. They’re normies with normal hobbies, living their lives normally and successfully while im just a weird outsider.

Im somewhat glad that we managed to find some common ground in gaming and our talking sessions. Attending their wedding is a weird feeling but im still somewhat glad that a part of them is still the same on the inside. We might not be as close anymore but im still happy that they treasured the times and memories we had just the same as i did. Lets hope i’ll not fuck it up and i’ll need another chance to rekindle this relationship. Still, them being more successful in life and work still gives me this crazy inferioty complex around them.

Talking with my mom has given me a lot of peace of mind. I am so glad that I have a responsible parent and business partner who shares the same values as i do. Makes things a lot less stressful to know that she’s got my back.

10. Became more social

Yep, went out of my comfort zone many times to talk to people and help out when i could! Its always good to do the kind thing and reach out, when i’d just brush it off as someone else’s problem previously. I am really proud of myself for this.

Now for the goals ive failed. Start work on my personal YouTube channel Join the weeb club to find more gamer weeb friends Learn weeb speak Be healthy Learn 2 songs on bass guitar or ukulele Draw at least once a month (I did but they’re not completed art)

Oof, i don’t know perhaps its the lack of time or the lack of effort. Maybe i’ve been putting in so much effort into the other things i don’t have the mental energy to process these. Perhaps i don’t want it bad enough...

Art and drawing in particular has been really bad. I want to be good at drawing so badly but i really just can’t be arsed to practice. Music too.

I think i am definately healtheir than before but i am nowhere near where i should be. Gotta step up!

Now here’s what i wanna do for the next year

Keep healthy, Lose weight! Be even more social! Start work on personal youtube channel Learn ONE SONG on any instrument Draw at least twice in the next year! Live even more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone more! Be hardworking, be brave

[pantsusnifferr]

2019, healed up and ready to work towards a better 2020

As per the tradition I started last year, (haha can barely be called a tradition with it only being a year old.) am gonna be writing down my thoughts and reflections about the previous year, before penning down my thoughts and goals for the year looking forward.

Even though I had a lot of goals last year (maybe some more optimistic than others) some which I ultimately didn’t accomplish, I still managed to hit some those goals and accomplish a lot more!

These are the goals I had last year:

1. BE SERIOUS WITH ART

2. BE HEALTHIER (SUCCESS)

3. MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS WITH FRIENDS (SUCCESS AND MORE!)

4. LEARN HOW TO DRIVE (LOL)

5. LEARN NIP SPEAK

6. LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE BASS

7. RESTART YOUTUBE/TWITCH

8. TAKE STEPS TO IMPROVE BUSINESS (Succ)

Maybe I’m casting my net too wide, maybe I wasn’t exactly serious about those goals in the first place...who knows?

But the fact that I came into 2019 as an unhealthy, Lonely wreck with a crazily unstable business, and emerged from it with double the sales of last year, drastically improved health (still fat though haha) and people whom i care about (and i hope they care about me too), is a really comfy feeling altogether.

2019 is really a roller coaster with its fair share of ups and downs but I’d like to think that the past year alone has presented me with a lot of opportunities that i have thankfully taken. (As opposed to the me a couple of years before who’d stupidly let these opportunities pass as i would be too lazy or couldn’t be arsed.) Watching a friend of mine do the things she wanted without fear of the unknown just made me want to try more and live more!

Health ♥

I started the year badly when my endocrinologist told me that i might develop diabetes over the next couple of years if i didn’t take care of my health properly. I was already a doomer about my health at that point, thinking that everything would be too hard to do and it was probably too late for me to do anything about it....in hindsight perhaps it was because i probably needed that kick in the balls to get my arse off to do something about it.

It was only until a couple of months down the road i had a skin cancer + kidney failure health scare that got me wanting to better my health. Now THAT was the perfect kick in the nuts i needed. At the moment, health issues wasn’t the only thing that was coursing through my mind. I WANTED TO LIVE.

Perhaps it was the realisation that i haven’t really lived at all, perhaps it was the realisation that my life was in a mess and i wasn’t satisfied. Maybe its the realisation that i lack control in my life all these times.

I don’t really know to be honest, all i know is it made me want to try. To try to live more to try to be healthier...afterall there’s nothing wrong with trying right?

So i started with my diet, and i found out that counting calories and eating healthy food actually isn’t that bad at all! In fact a lot of my favourite meals are actually pretty healthy! Just gotta cut out the garbage...

And Running! Oh my god...it isn’t like how PE classes were like back in Primary or secondary school! Couch to 5k is really fun to do and I’m so Glad my friends whom offered to teach me how to gym back then are open to the idea of me joining them again. Also went hiking with other friends and hit the gym together with them too!

All in all I’ve lost about 17kg in total and I’m on the track to lose even more in this coming year. Also i ended the year with my lab reports where my blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol and kidneys is healthy and fine!!

School 🏫

So 2019 is also the year which I’ve started school for the first time in 4 years...(haha 8 years if you don’t count NYP and their ‘school’ stuff. I felt surprisingly at ease during my lessons and studying for the exams, (granted i missed a couple of assignments if not i would’ve gotten an A for my marketing module grrr)

Still, i should study a little harder and not rely on the power of last min cramming aaa..

That being said, things will be looking forward as Long as i could keep my grades up!

3.6 GPA though, 73% reee

ART 🎨

Haha i drew Peni Parker this year...Didn’t sell any though, but it still remains one of my proudest pieces as of yet. Also i did a reprint of the Sayori keychain and I sold out for another year! Yay!

I’m Glad i got to meet new friends and some other anons who’re in the pursuit of doing art. A little disappointed that i didn’t go further into it last year but here’s to a better art year in 2020 yeah?

FRIENDS AND RELATIONSHIPS 🐝

Managed to be a better person overall and fixed my personal insecurities, made new friends and found closer friends with those who’re important to me. I tried to be more outgoing and open minded with the people i meet and to the people around me. Hanging out with friends, trying new things and working with each other to grow as people is something I’d want to do even more in the coming year.

I am so Glad i found people who’re as like minded as me. Online and offline, in the beginning of this year, a friend from Finland came over to visit Singapore and i hung out with her together with new and old friends. Made me feel like a normie for the first time in my life. 10/10 will do again.

Although its a shame that i wasn’t able to do the same for my extended family, mainly my cousins and childhood friends. I Guess over the years we’ve just become different people with different lives. I even managed to miss one of their 21st birthday parties oof...

I’m going to double my efforts to try and reconnect with them again! They’re important to me and i should treat them as such!

COMPANY 📈

Nothing much to say here, even though business in the individual months were pretty garbage, we’ve still managed to emerge from the year with 100k more in sales than the previous year! Bringing that total to almost $250k in sales!

Still not a huge fan of plants and stuff tbh, but i really cannot deny that this business provides me with financial stability (at least for the time being) that allows me to pursue my other interests and hobbies.

Also by some miracle we’ve managed to keep a 5.0 rating for the entire year lmao. Also did our first corporate and wedding gifts!

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS OF THE YEAR

Got a Nintendo switch!

Found more gaming and weeb friends!

Made contact with old classmates and friends!

Got a new camera!

So what’s next for 2020?

I want to have less regrets! Become a nicer and kinder person, yet be firm in my principals. LIVE MORE! EXPERIENCE MORE! DON’T BE AFRAID, DON’T BE LAZY

HARD WORK AND GUTS!

Rekindle ties with those whom i deem important to me.

Start my YouTube channel as a Vtuber and myself

Start YouTube channel for company

Join the weeb club to find more gamer weeb friends!

Study hard!

Learn weebspeak maybe?

Continue to work hard for health and company!

Learn 2 songs on either the bass on ukulele

Draw at least ONCE A MONTH (shouldn’t be too hard do it lazyass!)

Be more confident and social!

Here’s to an awesome 2020!

[pantsusnifferr]

2019 new year new me?

I have no idea what the fuck i am doing. I have decided to maintain this blog thingy of a sorts to track my thoughts and make it slightly easier to find and read up upon it. I could also write a journal but the fact that it isn’t easy to look back on it makes me question that decision. I will however maintain a written journal to track my habits and progress on certain things that needs to be done. A little bit late since i worked and played away on new years day, but i wanna write down a little bit about the new year before i forget everything. The past year was good to me. Even though I had faced extreme loneliness, sadness and insecurities around my friends and others, making a decision to face them and fix most of the issues i have with them seemed to be a good idea. I think i am in a better position right now than i am a year ago. I become much closer to my best friends, did a bunch of memorable stuff together and more! I think i have also become a more outgoing and extroverted person over the past year, who isn't afraid to talk and make friends with people like i have always wanted to be, but am too shy/autistic to do so. And my business, which has been surprisingly great in my first year of operations...Even though I don't really like what i am doing half the time, i can't argue that it has given me more of a peace of mind than anything else to be able to achieve financial stability from it. Also i picked up cooking as a hobby and i am enjoying more than i thought i would have! That being said, i still have a bunch of things which i still haven't accomplished. I wanted to learn to become a better artist. other than attending a doujin event (Special thanks to for contributing art) and doing a couple of doodles, i haven't been drawing much. I even bought a shiny new ipad because i thought it'll guiltrip me into drawing more. It didn't and this has to change. I wanted to become /fit/ but its obvious that i wasn't very serious about it in the first place. My health is probably not in the best shape right now so im gonna double my efforts into becoming more fit! More things i wanted to do too, Learn Nip Speak, Learn how to drive, learn how to play the bass, start streaming/youtube channel. maybe this is too much to wish for to be accomplished in 2019. But looking back I felt that I have come so far emotionally...2018 feels like a year of healing for me, tying up loose ends and making myself ready to jump headfirst into the shitpile. Im gonna bring over the shit i couldn't accomplish the last year into this year. wish me luck guys! I don't want to look back at this 10 years later and wishing i had started in 2019. Be Serious with Art Be Heathier Maintain Relationships with friends Learn How to Drive Learn Nip Speak Learn how to play the Bass Start a youtube/twitch

[pantsusnifferr]

Let’s Talk About Crabs and Buckets.

If you put a single crab into a bucket, it will climb out and escape from becoming someone’s dinner.  If you put a whole bunch of crabs in a bucket, however, the crabs in the bottom of the bucket will pull the crabs at the top of the bucket back down if they try to escape. Instead of allowing some or all of the crabs to survive, the group of crabs will ensure that every single one of them ends up on a plate. 

This same phenomenon is seen in human communities, where it has become known - appropriately - as crab bucket mentality. From the outside, these crab bucket communities might look like support groups, or places to get feedback and advice. But in reality, they are black holes - these are communities where people go to tear each other down, and to actively be torn down in return. Instead of lifting each other up, these communities burrow further and further into their buckets, until everyone is too bitter and broken to ever climb out.  And you might be part of a crab bucket community without even knowing it.  Some online communities are obvious crab-buckets. The so-called “incel” community might be the most obvious example; these are angry young men who tell each other over and over again that they are worthless, unattractive, and that they will never be loved. Lonely teenagers enter the incel community to talk about how frustrated and insecure they are after dealing with romantic rejection, and they quickly find themselves pushed toward hopelessness, violent misogyny and suicidal fantasies. Likewise, the “pro-anorexia” and “thinspo” communities are crab buckets, where members encourage each other to adapt more and more extreme disordered eating, and often invite other members to make cruel comments about their bodies and food journals. Insecure young women (and some men) go to these communities because they want to like their bodies more, and end up weighed down with self-hatred. 

But not every crab bucket is obvious. 

Although there are lots of wonderful and supportive spaces online for LGBTQ+ people, the internet is also littered with LGBTQ+ crab buckets - especially for trans people. Some trans communities are almost entirely dedicated to discouraging and criticizing other trans people for not “passing”; these communities will pore over each others’ pictures, pointing out lingering masculine or feminine features, comparing each other to “a man in a dress”, or outright convincing each other that there is no point in transitioning, as they have no hope of ever “passing”. Anxious trans or questioning people join these groups to navigate a very difficult time in their lives, only to have their own insecurities magnified and distorted.  Communities and feedback circles for writers and artists can also be crab buckets. Again, while there are wonderful and supportive spaces available, there are also toxic black holes out there, masquerading as genuine communities. I’ve belonged to writers’ groups where every single piece of writing was viciously torn to shreds, no matter how promising it might have seemed, and there were constant discussions about how ‘pointless’ it was to try to get published. Members were so insecure about not “making it” that they frantically tried to crush the hopes and dreams of anyone who might be competition. Instead of producing better writing, these kinds of groups eventually produce no writing at all. 

Activist communities are often crab buckets. On the surface, people join activism communities to lift each other up and feel less alone in their cause; in reality, however, many activist communities have underlying cultures of suspicion, gossip, and hostility. Members gleefully comb through each other’s posts and content carefully, constantly looking for any small mistake or out-of-context comment that will allow them to declare that someone is “trash” or “cancelled”. People join these causes to fight back against their own feelings of powerlessness, and often report developing anxiety, depression and panic attacks as a result. 

The list of crab bucket communities goes on. Any kind of group can become a crab bucket group under the right conditions; just because a community is created by and for a marginalized identity, it doesn’t mean that that community is actually safe for that identity. As humans, we like to band together in groups to accomplish large goals and feel less alone… but sometimes, we turn those groups into echo chambers for our own toxic ideas, and try to drag as many people as we can down into our buckets of despair with us. 

If you’re in a group that you suspect might be getting a little crabby, it’s probably time to leave. Turning a whole group around by yourself is an enormous and thankless task, and it’s not one that I’d wish on anybody. Once a group of people have formed a collective identity around proving why they’re all worthless or fat or problematic, it’s hard to turn that ship around, and any attempts to do it might be met with hostility. It’s okay to give up on toxic communities, and look for healthy ones that build you up instead of tearing you down. 

It’s okay to climb out of the bucket. 

[pantsusnifferr]

ATTENTION ZINE CREATORS, ARTISTS, AND ANYONE WHOSE BUSINESS UTILIZES PRE-ORDERS AND PAYPAL

As of June 15th, 2018, PayPal has changed their user policy with little to no fanfare at all in ways that could literally destroy your business. I’m going to say this as plainly as possible:

DO NOT USE PAYPAL AT ALL IF POSSIBLE.

I know this is a lot to ask, especially since PayPal is the most globally accepted digital tender, but unless you want to lose access to your funds for six months and PayPal possibly forever, you need to read this.

PayPal Business accounts are now being flagged, locked, and completely shut down if:

1. If you haven’t shipping anything within 21 days of your first transaction

2. You’ve received more than 200 orders

and/or

3. You’ve made an excess of $20,000 (USD)

If this happens to you, you will not be able to access your money for up to six months. PayPal is NOT willing to work with you, all they will say is there’s nothing they can do, they’re cutting business ties, and offer you the MAILING address of their legal department. That’s right, you can’t even get a direct line to these people, they’re just going to tank your business by dicking around with your money for six months. Your only options are to:

1. Wait six months and frustrate customers, and by-proxy tarnish your reputation.

2. Refund everyone, possibly lose their business, and tarnish your reputation.

3. Pursue the matter legally, which will likely take longer than six months anyway, not to mention cost money out of pocket.

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY USING A PAYPAL ACCOUNT FOR PRE-ORDERS, GET OUT NOW. Deposit your funds and part ways with PayPal as a tender, this is not a battle they’re willing to let you win.

[pantsusnifferr]

Someone commissioned me to draw Kochimizu Sachiko from Idolmaster. And thus, my first NSFW. Thank that someone for bursting my artistic cherry

[pantsusnifferr]

keychains ayy

[pantsusnifferr]

OC-tober Day 11: Cyborg Menace “Lion’s Paw” and Pyotr Rabbit! (2016)

She’s a natural-born killer! Grrr!

[pantsusnifferr]

Please allow me to walk you through my creative process:

Sometimes it starts off as a simple exercise: can I draw an expressive face?

“Nice!” I think to myself. “But…now I’m curious: what has her so terrified? What might possibly-”

“Okay, but this leads into another question: how did he get up there?”

“Of course. We have a reaction (surprise) to an effect (lizard) with a cause (man), but now I want a motive for this story to complete it. Why did he throw the lizard?“

[pantsusnifferr]

little guys adventures

[pantsusnifferr]

Cat Has Wrong Opinion about Anime

[pantsusnifferr]

It’s pretty difficult for me to gather courage to talk. So I picked some questions with quick and easy answers! Haha.

[pantsusnifferr]

2Bと9S描きました。なんで描いた?と聞かれると困る。

[pantsusnifferr]

[pantsusnifferr]

I love ya Nyx! Sorry for my lame jokes!

LOVE ME MORE

[pantsusnifferr]

「x」Don’t pet the bunny