paolingistumbling

[paolingistumbling]

December 17, 2021

I have been badly hurt since last year when a lot of challenges came along the way.

The pain is still in my heart until now and the effect is that it made me vindictive and bitter. My anger included even the innocent ones.

To forgive is also among the challenges.

I wanted to punish them but I realized the longer I hold the wrath in my heart, it also punishes my well-being. I was too burdened and unhappy.

I am a forgiving person, i am sensitive and I don't want any bad blood but the unfortunate events took a toll on me and burdened me. It is already affecting my relationship to the people I love.

Upon reading the verse, I was again reminded to be kind and compassionate no matter what because there is no sense carrying all the hate that would only deteriorate myself and my relationship with others.

Eventhough it's hard, but I need to choose to forgive because I myself is also a sinner, an imperfect creature who often seeks forgiveness from God.

Prayer

Lord God, please be with me in these times that I am wanting to gather myself again. Please remind me always to be kind and forgiving because aside from the peace of mind that I clamor, I wanted to be a role model to my daughter. I want her to inculcate kindness and compassionate in the home where she lives. Amen

[paolingistumbling]

December 13, 2021

Earlier was the coronation of the Miss Universe 2021 with Beatrice Gomez as representative of the Philippines.

Beatrice finished 5th while Miss India won the annual prestigious pageant. Eventhough our bet didn't got the crown but still brought honor to the country as the Philippines is a dark horse when it comes to beauty pageants, it still didn't break the 12 year streak of all candidates not failing not to get in the top 20.

Just like in our lives, there are some happenings that beyond our control that makes us dishearten. Despite things not meeting our expectations, unfortunate events or delayed dreams, there are still a lot to be grateful if you look into circumstances.

The food in our table, our shelter, good health and family are just among the flock of sheep that should be counted.

Just like in the famous christmas song: 🎶And if we worry and we can't sleep, we'll count our blessings instead of sheep and then we'll fall asleep counting our blessings🎵🎶.

The Miss Universe journey of Miss Beatrice is a reminder that we still have to rejoice and give thanks because she will not go home teary-eyed. Top 5 is top 5, She triumphed over other contestants that were all stunning and intelligent women.

We need to look at the beauty of everything. We don't need negativities this time. We've had enough of the pandemic. If we had the attitude of gratitude, it will show and radiates in ourselves and will begin to inspire others.

Thank you Lord for the littlest things which are bigger things in a wider perspective. Let me be reminded of your unfailing love and please awaken my senses if there might be a time that I will forget about it. Amen!

[paolingistumbling]

December 8, 2021

The significance of having a deep relationship with God is that your relationship with others also becomes deep because you become compassionate and clement.

If you only mind yourself; you don't mind others hurting, needing help and asking sympathy. You only care about yourself being on the safe zone.

As they say, kindness never goes out of style because no matter what, people will remember you for being kind.

If we have a deep relationship with God, our deeds becomes more like him. As he commanded us to be loving to our neighbors and not to be vengeful.

It is kind of difficult to be righteous most of the time because of the cruelty of the world but we should always remember that we should do is solely for God not for people to please.

Prayer

Lord, thank you for reminding me everyday of your goodness even in the unexpecting times.

Please remind me always to be kind and sensitive. Help me become more compassionate to others even if they had hurt me.

May your loving heart flow in mine too in all ways. Amen!

[paolingistumbling]

November 29, 2021

I remember when my heart was full of hatred about what happened with my marriage.

When I loathed a person in my heart that I wanted to get back to that person for "revenge".

But God didn't allowed me to become vindictive. He saved me from becoming one.

He stopped me when anger was reigning in my heart because unlike people who easily judge, God knew deep in my heart my struggles and my sufferings. God understands and his love is unconditional even for the most undeserving.

[paolingistumbling]

November 24, 2021

In the past months, there was a time I quarelled God for allowing me to suffer but I didn't realized then that it was his way for me to pause and reflect.

The painful happenings was his way to remind me to call for him. My faith was tested then because I stopped praying.

But God's grace and mercy prevailed. He helped me stood again even though I didn't asked help from him. God knows what to do, he never left my side during my trying times. He served as my shield from all times.

Prayer

Lord, thank you for being always present and for not neglecting me during my most difficult times.I pray that you shield me and my lovedones from the illnesses esp from Covid 19. I pray for healing and strength to those infected with the diseases. Protect our frontliners God, that you may also be their shield at all times. Amen

[paolingistumbling]

November 22, 2021

I remembered when I applied for a job many months ago.

Unfortunately, my application was rejected. I was expecting to get hired because of the experience and skills that I had.

I was devastated. I pitied myself for not getting the job. I felt low for being jobless.

But now I understood. God saw my intentions for applying for the job isn't pure. I had other agenda, black agenda.

Yet God saved me from becoming vindictive. He knows in my heart I wasn't a bad person and I thanked God for rescuing me. Though, I'm still longing for the job until now but I know there's more opportunities out there.

He is still honing me, cultivating and shaping me to the person that who he wanted me to be.

[paolingistumbling]

November 17, 2021

Yesterday was my 30th birthday.

Thank you very much God for the gift of another year and the gift of family who are the most valuable of all.

This year was tough mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

My faith was tested when I stopped praying becaused I loathed God because life seemed unfair. I became impatient for not getting what I wanted which I thought was the best thing to do. My heart was full of hatred to all the people who have hurt me and God saw that I was turning vindictive.

God didn't allowed me to become the monster that I wasn't supposed to be. He wanted me to be forgiving and to reconcile.

Eventhough I didn't prayed for it, his mercy and grace prevailed for restoring my self and my family.

The trials served as an opportunity to pause and reflect.

That's just among the manifestation of God's holiness and unfailing love no matter how undeserving I am. There's no one like God who cares for his children with all of his heart.

God never left me. God guided me. He wanted me to become better, he wanted me to be forgiving and to reconcile.

I bring back all the glory to your name Lord, i am beyond grateful to you for not letting go of me.

Amen

[paolingistumbling]

October 26, 2021

Sometimes, I'm thinking that God is angry with me because of the delay of my ambitions.

At 29, I am unemployed and a stay-at-home mom. I left my previous job because there is no security of tenure.

Aside from that, my review was put to halt due to the pandemic yet there's still no schedule for the eligibility exam.

I really wanted to be a public servant, to be an information officer to be exact but it is still beyond reach for now.

It makes me thought that maybe God is punishing me because of my sins. There was even a time that I became so frustrated to work again so I got angry and questioned God." What have I done wrong to deserve this?", i tearfully asked. There are many people out there who were more sinful than I am!

When I've read today's scripture, it reminded me again that our God isn't vengeful but very compassionate to his children.

“Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3).

He doesn't hate me but he allows some unpleasant things to happen in order for me to grow and ready myself if he hands the future to me.

Just like a father, God may sound a little strict but he is present to guide because he wanted me to grow just like how he wanted me to be.

Prayer

God, thankyou for your unending and unconditional love. Please help me be reminded always of your concern for me that I am your sheep who needs a good sheperd like you. Amen!

[paolingistumbling]

October 23, 2021

I admit i am a short-tempered person. I always carry a nuclear bomb inside me and whenever i am provoked, it explodes and brings damage around me.

This is the kind of behavior that I wanted to change. In my facebook bio, i wrote "train your mind to be stronger than your emotions" because that's what i wanted to change in myself. To be calm in all situations so I won't be able to do things and decisions that I will regret later.

I admit i always fail and it's always day 1 but i will try and try until I will be able to apply it in my daily life with the guidance of God. I know every delays that is happening to my life right now has a purpose of reshaping me.

I have dreams to achieve and this dream still beyond reach but God teaches me and molds me so when the time comes that my dreams will be just one step away, i am emotionally ready accompanied with wisdom from the Lord.

Prayer

Lord God, help me become a better person everyday. Teach me to be calm, teach me how to handle every uncontrollable happenings. Help me be the person you wanted me to be. Amen!

[paolingistumbling]

October 21, 2021

Sometimes, I do not pray because I thought I do not deserve God's love because I am a sinful being.

Not until I've read today's scripture. Indeed, God is not a punisher but a loving father who always give 2nd chances to his people whom he genuinely love.

When we are lost, all we have to do is step back and ask God for a redirection through his loving grace he will guide us all the days of our lives.

[paolingistumbling]

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

For today's scripture, my reflection is this: let us not be easily influenced from what we saw and heard from our sorroundings.

What's being done by everybody does not necessarily mean it is righteous. What comes from our heart reflects in what we do and say. It affects everyone even ourselves. Let us be the sources of blessings to everyone.

In everything we do, let's do it for the glory of God.

[paolingistumbling]

My life became peaceful when I stopped being nosy

I thought what I was doing was just being concern as a friend but I was oblivious that it was already annoying to meddle with people's personal lives especially if they didn't ask help from you. The worst that I became judgmental because I am pushing something from my own perspective because I think my idea is better.

"Don't do unto others what you don't want others do unto you" ~The Golden Rule

I've received hurtful judgments in the past especially in my former workplace.

I was maliciously linked with men whom I just befriend.

I was somewhat labeled flirty because people saw me talking with uniformed men.

But these people who talked as if they knew every bits of me didn't know that:

I am an only daughter with two macho elder brothers.

I wore my brothers' outgrown clothes as a child. I only have a few dresses and I rarely wear them.

I listened to Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Metallica, The Creed and Incubus because these were my brother's choice of music. I've learned to love this genre.

And lastly, Both of them are men in uniformed. My eldest bro was a soldier while my 2nd elder bro was a policeman. I even aspired to be a military official just like my brother.

In conclusion. I am indeed comfortable with men because I see myself as "One of the boys".

Since I know the feeling of being judged, I stopped being nosy. I stopped giving unsolicited opinion. I just let them be and learned their own lesson.

Mind you, it was like letting go of a burden in your head. It was a relief.

It's not being an enabler but it's called minding your own thing.

[paolingistumbling]

I got the jab done!

As a stay-at-home momma for 3 years, I was happy to be finally employed again in the midst of the pandemic when job hunting is like grasping at the straws.

But this fulfillment comes with a price of being vulnerable with the virus because a part of my job is rubbing shoulders with people.

Despite the precautions I instilled to myself, it is still not a 100 percent guarantee of not contracting the disease. The guilt worsened when I got influenza like symptoms a couple of weeks ago.

When I informed my employer about my ailment, they immediately ordered me to stay at home until further notice. I was anxious that I might infect my senior citizen mother and my 3-year-old toddler at home.

I was quite relieved when my fever subsided even if my cough and runny nose remained after 2 days but I was again terrified when my daughter had cough, colds and fever a few days after. I was very guilty for causing her the sickness especially when she had unpredictable soar of temperature. She wasn’t eating well in those days and only relies on my breastmilk which made the recovery harder because she should be eating more solids at her age, also to hasten the efficacy of her medicines.

The company endorsed me to the swabbing center so I went to have a nasal and mouth swab to know if I might have covid. The result came a day after and I was euphoric to know that it was negative.

After a lot of medications and antibiotics, I was fully recovered and my daughter as well so my next step was getting vaccinated to gain protection from the virus. I was becoming impatient because I belong to the non-priority group but thank God I finally received a text message for my vaccine shot.

I was a little disappointed that I will be inoculated with Sinovac instead of western brands but I just thought that I have waited so long for this opportunity so being fastidious shouldn’t be a necessity. It is the best option than having no vaccine at all. A lot of people and business were in jeremiad with this pandemic and worst; it is impairing the economy. People have always prayed for the end of this turmoil but prayers should always be paired with responsibility and action.

Defense should start with yourself.

I was amazed that I didn’t have any other side effects aside from a little pain from the injection site. I was expecting to experience mild fever or chills but there’s none at all.

When it comes to fear with the vaccination, research and reading legitimate news sources should be done for veracity. In fact, medical experts and scientists have considered vaccine as a luminary as it helped eradicate worst pandemics like the black death, Spanish Flu and other plagues. Children lived normal lives including my generation because we were protected against Polio, Diphtheria, Measles, Chicken Pox and other dreadful diseases.

Just imagine the suffering of the past generations who got Polio and those who succumbed with the disease because there was still no remedy. We are fortunate that we live in an era of advanced technology and science.

Getting vaccinated is the least we could do and it is an act of love as what Pope Francis recently said in a video released last August 18 in support of the world’s moxie to end the pandemic.

Get the jab done!

[paolingistumbling]

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