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THE FINAL ARGUMENT

Last night my girlfriend and I had a heated political argument about Biden"s new policies.

She flew onto a range and called me a BLIVIT!

I promptly returned her insult and called her a HUMDINGER !

She said What is a humdinger?

I said tell me what a blivit is and I will tell you what a humdinger is. OK?

She said a BLIVIT IS 10 POUNDS OF SHIT IN A 5 POUND BAG !

OK so a HUMDINGER IS A BAD ASS WOMAN THAT CAN TAKE HER RIGHT BREAST THROW IT OVER HER LEFT SHOLDER AND LUBERCATE HER ASS WITH MILK!

I get out of the hospital tomorrow I HOPE!!!!

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LITTLE JOHNY

Johny came into the school late. Teacher asks why he was late reluctant to scold him as she had been taken by him before.

Johny said: on the way to school my dog was with me and a car ran over his ass.

Teacher yelled Johny we don't talk like that. The proper word is rectum

Johny replied RECYUM HELL IT KILLED HIM

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A STORY MY DAD TOLD ME. he was a small man about 5ft

Right afterWW2 bootlegging whisky was still illegal. However it didn't stop him form having a still. One Saturday he was on his way back from the still with a few jars of white lighting.

He spotted the county sheriff coming and he ran into the local cemetery as he was almost in town. The sheriff rode past and turned around to come back. Dad panicked and jumped into an open grave that was to be used the next day. After about an hour the sheriff left.

Dad being short could not get out of the hole. It was already dark so he sat down and decided to wait till morning. He soon fell asleep.

Bout midnight one of the locals on his way back home from the local bar stumbled into the open grave as he was pretty well sloshed. He started trying to get out but was stuck. He started hollering for help. Still trying to get out dut couldn't. Dad woke up and said NO NEED TO TRY YOU CAN'T GET OUT

BUT HE DID !!!

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LITTLE COLD WAR HUMOUR

The general was inspecting one of the missile silos and noticed one of the crew members was not present. General asked who was missing.

The NCO said it was private Julie.

General asked why was she missing.

NCO replied she was hit by a guided muscle and was in the hospital having the pressure from the explosion released.

The general turned to his orderly and asked what did he say?

Orderly replied she is pregnant and having a baby

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FARMER VISITING HIS SON IN COLLEGE.

The farmer was taken to the college science lab where his son was. The son being excited ran to his dad and with excitement exclaimed WE ARE MAKING AN ACID THAT WILL DISOLVE ANYTHING! The old farmer said sounds exciting but please explain to me what you going to keep it in.

Heard this in school many years ago.

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A new meaning for the international distress call.

In the market today and see this pretty girl in a beautiful white sweater with a big golden V on the front. I said excuse me pretty lady but what does the V on your sweater stand for?

She smiled and said VIRGIN!

I said congratulations!

She turns to go and on the back in black letters was S O S.

I said hold on little lady what are the letters on the back for?

She grins and said SEPT ON SATURDAY!

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Hooker on the street being questioned by cop.

She says No I am not selling sex. I AM SELLING CONDOMS WITH A FREE DEMONSTRATION ON HOW TO USE THEM DUMMY!

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Hey guys a joke told at the last traveling medicine show in the late 40's.

Two brothers were tired of playing the same old games and came up with a new one. Little Jonny was the oldest and thought it up. They would put a small amount of flour on the old tree stump in the back yard and would jump across it and fart to see who could blow the most of.

Along came Sally the neighbour next door and asked if she could play. Johnny laughed and said girls cannot fart! He agreed to let her try. She hiked her skirt and jumped. To the boys suprise she blew all the flour off! Johny cried "that was luck". Bet you cannot do it again.

Sally proceeded to repeat the same and Johnny said bend over and let me see your farter. She did and Johnny cried HEY NO FAIR YOU ARE USING A DOUBLE BARREL FARTER!!!!

I know it is kinda corny but in the forties it was top of the line comedy.

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RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA

Two cars were to race in Russia one US and the other a Lada. The US car being much bigger and more HP naturally won.

The next day the Russian news quoted :

The race was held and the Lada came in second and the US car came in next to last.

When will the race be held with China?

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CHICARGO 1930 DAILY NEWS

The local gentleman's house of illrepute burned last night.

Some came running and some come running.

FORGET THE SPELLING!

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OVER HEARD IN ALABAMA WALMART

Customer: i need this repaired.

Me: looks like you have a problem with this whatmachaulet.

Customer: uh OK

Me: you need to to turn this little dohicke here first and if it still don't work you will have to buy this little thingmabob.

Customer: uh Ok

ME: i will install it free. Then your weed eater will work.

Customer: weed eater? This is a CHAIN SAW!

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BAD DOG

My dog was the terror of the neighbour's. After 5 police calls and telling the officers he had no name I decided to name him.

His new name was DIDHEBITEYOU

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UNDERSTANDING SOCIETY

The new society wants to ban all offensive items related to them, religion. statues,etc.

But not one wants to ban RAP MUSIC which uses profanity, sex, gun related use for killing, etc.

GO FIGURE?

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BY THE WAY TJ GOES BY ANOTHER NAME !!!!

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1958 society rules

Being 16 in 58 I witnessed this:

TJ THE DJ was on radio one evening and he dedicated his next record to all the pregnant women listing. The song was I DID NOT KNOW THE GUN WAS LOADED !

The station manager stormed in and FIRED old TJ. All TJ asked was to be able to sign off after the song finished which the manager agreed to and then left the broadcast booth. When the song finished TK gave this sign off message.

THIS IS TJ SIGNING OFF FOR THE LAST TIME FROM W.P.I.S. THE URINATION STATION OF THE NATION.

It was said that TJ moved to California and became a DEMOCRATIC POLITICAN !! Anyone know him ?

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ÌT IS OFFICAL!

SEX is classified as a misdemeanour crime!!

THE MORE I MISS DE MEANER I GET

And I missed lot !!

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The old farmer visited his son in college. The son was excited and explained that his class was making an acid that would dissolve anything!

The farmer says that's great but what are you going to keep it in?