paradigmareunion

[paradigmareunion]

good morning, good evening, goodnight

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the worst part about ocd and ocd-like tendencies is that you think hyper-analyzing your thoughts and constantly psychoanalyzing yourself will fix you but that's actually part of the disorder. it's the disorder. disordering.

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"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

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[Text: This alter is very similar to something/someone, but it is just coincidence and not their source.]

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[Text; This system heavily relies on music]

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well i guess that's fine

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ignite

twitter/ insta/bluesky/ store

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[Text: This person is a fictive–heavy system from multiple different sources.]

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[paradigmareunion]

A computer app that turns into a virus every full moon call that malwere

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[Text: The host of this system greatly misses one of their alters.]

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[Text: Frequent fronters depend of the system's current hyperfixation]

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[Text: This alter is an AI against generated images! ]

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[Text: This system is introject-heavy and won’t apologize for it.]

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[paradigmareunion]

[Text: This system has a lot of introjects]

[Text: This system is introject-heavy]

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[paradigmareunion]

Tell me when you get bored. A story about doses. [x]

I posted this on twitter and had a variety of aggressive ableism thrown my way.

This is a story about changing what I can in spite of what I cannot for the comfort of my loved ones. The thing that others find to be hurtful about me is that I like to spend time in silent solitude. People who love me often feel hurt that I tend to solve my own problems instead of leaning on them.

When we spend too much time together, people find my neutrality to be concerning, and it becomes too much for people to be unable to read me.

To show the people I love that I enjoy their company in ways they can understand, I pool my energy together to be high-energy, peppy, and social. Since this is not my natural state of being, it takes effort, which can only be expended in small doses. I amplify the things people like in me while filtering out everything they dislike about me when I am in their company.

I change my behaviors for those I love, but at the end of the day, I cannot change my neutral state of being, which is the thing that they want most out of me.

This is a story about me accommodating people in the best way I know how, not the other way around. I would truly appreciate it if people don't misconstrue this anecdote as me asking for dismissal of hurtful behavior when in reality, people find hurt in the fact that I simply exist, and I must change for them.

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I don't think some ppl understand that when disabled ppl say that it takes a lot of work to do something they're saying that it's a lot harder for them to do it than it is for you. To you it's a 20 minute task, for me it will take 2 hours minimum. All it takes from you to do it is cleaning supplies. Meanwhile it costs me a meltdown, very sore muscles, and 2 days of rest after. There's also a good chance I will forget to eat, drink, or use the bathroom while I'm doing it. When I say it's hard for me to do something I mean it's hard I don't mean that I don't want to do it.