paradisals

[paradisals]

odette

𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆  𝒉𝒂𝒅  𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏  𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚  𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏  𝒂𝒔  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕  ,  beautiful  ,  and  intelligent  daughter  that  everyone  had  wanted  .  no  matter  how  humble  she  had  been  about  these  opinions  they  had  spread  throughout  the  town  like  wildfire  ,  but  after  the  encounter  that  she  believed  nearly  ended  her  life  (  and  led  her  to  meet  finn  )  she  felt  like  she  had  to  just  …  let  loose  ?  go  wild  .  that  all  sounded  so  extreme  .  whatever  she  needed  ,  she  felt  like  she’d  found  it  in  cal  .  

❛  i  thought  i’d  come  and  see  you  .  ❜     she  takes  an  innocent  step  towards  him  that’s  steeped  in  a  tension  she’s  recently  started  to  recognise  ,  answering  his  next  question  before  it  can  even  leave  his  lips  .     ❛  my  dad  just  got  home  ,  said  he’d  be  back  for  the  rest  of  the  night  so  i  should  go  out  and  enjoy  myself  .  ❜     just  like  him  ,  she  couldn’t  hide  her  excitement  ,  being  someone  that  felt  emotions  wholly  and  fully  was  something  that  came  naturally  to  her  .     ❛  are  you  free  tonight  ?  ❜

meeting   odette   couldn’t   have   come   at   a   more   perfect   time.   with   callahan   becoming   more   and   more   aware   of   riley’s   growing   feelings   for   another   man   and   with   claudia   occupying   more   and   more   of   her   time   with   her   boyfriend,   cal   has   started   to   feel   lost   in   it   all.   it   wasn’t   that   the   three   of   them   were   growing   apart,   more   that   cal’s   complicated   feelings   were   become   way   too   much   for   him   to   handle.   odette   was   a   perfect   and   beautiful   distraction   from   it   all.  

picking   up   the   soccer   ball,   he   walked   towards   her.   callahan   felt   a   little   embarrassed   with   his   appearance   in   odette’s   presence.   he   was   sweaty,   his   uniform   was   covered   in   dirt   and   cheeks   were   a   light   shade   of   pink   from   running   around   plus   the   blushing   that   he   couldn’t   help   but   do   around   the   blonde.   “   yes   of   course.”   his   excitement   clear   in   his   tone.   “ did   you   want   to   do   something  ?”   his   reply   a   little   sheepish.   the   male   should   have   more   confidence   than   he   did   but   alas   it   was   something   he   had   never   grown   to   possess.

[paradisals]

alivia

“   do   you   really   want   to   go   down   that   hole   of   bashing   your   work   class   ??   because   i   can   come   up   with   a   list   from   the   top   of   my   head,   ”   she   jokes,   signing   the   paper   to   get   the   plastic   bag   of   her   belongings   and   giving   him   an   appreciative   nod   and   a   smile   as   he   holds   out   the   door   for   her.   it   was   little   things   like   this   that   made   her   heart   skip   a   beat,   almost   wondering   if   noelle   knew   how   lucky   she   was   for   having   such   a   gentleman   by   her   side   ;   or   maybe   she   felt   like   that   because   she   wished   she   was   the   one   going   to   bed   with   wes   every   night.  

“   oh   come   on,   ”   she   says   while   rolling   her   eyes   though   the   smile   never   left   her   features,   while   ripping   off   the   plastic   bag   to   get   her   wallet   and   cellphone,   putting   both   in   the   back   pocket   of   her   jeans   as   well   as   the   plastic   so   she   can   throw   it   on   the   next   trash   can   she   sees.   “   it’s   very   well   past   eight,   and   my   payment   only   comes   if   it   is   through   beers   and   oh   my   god,   look,   ”   with   her   now   free   hands,   alivia   points   it   to   a   pub   on   the   street   corner,   her   smile   only   enlarging,   “   there’s   a   pub   right   there   !!   ”      

it   was   hard   for   alivia   to   stop   joking   while   around   wes   and   that   only   really   happened   when   she   was   truly   comfortable   with   the   other   person,   and   lately,   she   had   taken   notice   of   he   was   being   the   main   receiver   of   it   instead   of   her   best   friend.   “   oh,   you   haven’t   heard   ?!   ”   she   quirks   her   eyebrows,   already   with   another   jocular   comment   on   the   tip   of   the   tongue,   “   there   is   a   new   law   saying   they   have   to   lock   up   all   the   pretty   blondes   and   unfortunately   i   meet   the   quota,   ”   alivia   lets   out   a   childlike   giggle   roll   out   of   her   lips   and   looks   up   at   him,   her   eyes   not   hiding   in   the   slightest   her   feelings   for   him,   and   being   serious   for   once,   “   contempt   of   authority,   as   usual.   ”

if   wesley   was   as   faithful   as   a   man   he   would   claimed   to   be,   he   would   be   picking   up   his   fiancee’s   best   friend   with   his   fiancee.   the   only   problem   with   that   being   he   wouldn’t   be   able   to   have   alivia   all   to   himself.   how   selfish   was   he   that   he   yearned   for   her   attention.   how   all   he   wanted   was   for   her   to   look   at   him   and   smile   at   him   and   make   him   feel   something   once   again.   and   oh   did   she   ever   have   the   power   to   do   so.   watching   her   intently,   he   could   feel   the   soft   smile   that   remained   on   his   lips.   everything   she   did   somehow   delighted   wesely.   it   was   as   if   she   was   an   exotic   bird   and   he   was   a   bird   watcher   finally   being   able   to   witness   the   beauty   for   himself.  

taking   notice   of   the   pub   right   in   front   of   them   he   let   out   a   deep   laugh.   his   attention   turned   back   to   the   blonde,   finding   himself   standing   closer   to   her   than   he   would   have   ever   allowed   if   noelle   was   in   their   presence.   “ that   you   have.”   his   tone   softer   as   he   reached   forward   to   tuck   some   lose   strands   of   her   blonde   locks   behind   her   ear.   allowing   his   hand   to   linger   a   second   too   long   he   removed   it   and   took   a   step   back.   clearing   his   throat   to   shake   the   feeling,   he   began   again.   “ yea   well   your   contumacy   has   definitely   earned   me   a   beer   or   five.”  

looking   both   ways,   he   crossed   the   street   with   liv   and   held   open   the   door   to   the   pub.   taking   a   quick   look   around   to   see   if   he   knew   anyone   he   realized   was   he   was   doing.   he   was   behaving   as   if   he   was   doing   something   wrong   because   even   though   the   pair   weren’t   behaving   any   less   than   friends   in   his   heart   he   knew   she   was   more   than   that   to   him.   sitting   down   next   to   liv,   he   wanted   to   confess   everything   but   he   quickly   shut   down   the   idea.   if   wes   was   good   at   one   thing   that   was   being   able   to   control   his   emotions.   “ i   should   be   lucky   you   don’t   have   a   boyfriend   or   else   i’d   be   losing   one   of   my   best   clients.”

[paradisals]

callahan & odette // @seraphicists​​

there   are   very   few   things   in   this   world   that   callahan   felt   truly   passionate   about.   not   I’m   a   cynical   I   hate   everything   type   of   way   because   he   enjoyed   most   things   life   had   to   offer,   but   real   passion   was   rare.   he   was   passionate   about   claudia   and   riley,   soccer   and   now   his   secret   relationship   with   his   coach’s   daughter.   everyone   who   met   callahan   assumed   the   guy   had   his   whole   life   together.   he   seems   confident   on   the   outside   but   the   truth   is,   he   never   really   felt   sure   of   himself.   meeting   odette   at   this   certain   time   in   his   life   truly   felt   like   fate   for   the   athlete.

practice   had   ended   about   an   hour   ago   and   everyone   had   already   left   for   the   day.   callahan   stayed   behind   to   kick   the   ball   around   and   practice   some   kicks.   he   was   pleasantly   surprised   when   he   saw   a   familiar   figure   walking   towards   him   on   the   field.   a   boyish   grin   he   didn’t   even   try   to   hide   occupied   his   sharp   features.   he   had   to   be   careful   however   because   he   wasn’t   sure   if   his   coach   was   following   behind.   “   what   are   you   doing   here ?”   he   couldn’t   hide   the   excitement   in   his   tone   and   he   had   hoped   that   if   coach   was   here   that   he   didn’t   hear   callahan’s   blatant   excitement   over   seeing   odette.

[paradisals]

enzo

just   like   he   expected,   her   tirade   started   almost   momentarily   and   he   turned   to   face   her   with   his   arms   crossed   on   his   bare   chest.   if   someone   knew   that   weight   words   could   have,   that   person   would   be   enzo   and   for   the   first   time   in   a   long   time   that   weight   was   aimed   toward   him   and   not   from   him.   every   word   spat   out   by   emilia   made   him   irrevocably   sad,   but   his   brain   still   had   all   his   emotions   under   control.   he   looks   stoically   at   her,   feeling   like   he   only   took   another   heave   of   air   when   she   slams   the   door   of   his   bedroom.  

out   of   anger,   he   grabs   the   dishcloth,   balls   it,   and   throws   it   as   far   as   it   could   go.   maybe   he   should   have   let   her   have   the   last   word,   like   she   always   wanted   to   stroke   her   ego   and   tell   luma   later   about   how   she   put   him   in   his   rightful   place.   lorenzo   takes   a   deep   breath   and   goes   back   to   his   room,   swinging   the   door   open   and   looking   at   his   ex   with   the   same   vigor   that   she   had   in   the   kitchen.  

“   you   know   what   is   funny   about   that   whole   scene   in   the   kitchen,   emilia   ?   the   funny   thing   is   that   you   were   the   one   who   broke   up   with   me,   ”   he   shouts,   letting   out   a   hollow   laughter   as   he   shook   his   head,   “   you   were   the   one   who   didn’t   want   anything   from   me,   so   now   you   are   mad   when   i   give   you   exactly   what   you   truly   want   ?   ”   he   asks   incredulously,   arms   going   up   in   the   air   and   going   down,   “   and   oh,   i’m   so   sorry   for   actually   respecting   your   relationship.   one   that   you   took   no   time   getting   into   after   we   fucking   broke   up,   ”   he   stops,   looking   at   her   with   his   eyes   almost   watery   from   the   same   hurt   that   he   felt   when   he   found   out   she   was   dating   angelo.  

“   and   since   you   don’t   fucking   need   a   hero   like   you   so   say,   take   fucking   better   of   yourself,   ”   he   sighs,   shaking   his   head   again   and   leaving   the   room,   “   and   stop   calling   me   when   you   are   drunk   saying   you   miss   me,   ”   shutting   the   door   behind   him.

shaky   fingertips   found   the   hem   of   the   shirt   emilia   was   just   about   to   pull   over   her   head   when   the   door   suddenly   opens.   throughout   their   relationships   whenever   the   pair   would   quarrel,   more   times   than   not   enzo   would   allow   emilia   to   have   the   last   word.   this   allowed   her   some   sense   of   power   that   the   male   knew   she   needed.   emilia   thought   this   time   would   be   the   same   as   those   but   instead   here   was   enzo,   continuing   on   with   what   emilia   started.   she   knew   that   it   must   meant   something   that   emilia   said   really   struck   a   cord   with   him.   she   couldn’t   help   but   feel   at   least   the   slightest   pride   in   that.   if   enzo   cared   enough   to   continue   on   that   must   mean   he   still   cared   for   her   right   ?

  putting   on   her   pants   and   collecting   her   things,   but   still   remaining   in   his   oversized   shirt,   she   hastefully   walks   out   of   his   bedroom.   she   so   badly   wish   she   could   explain   her   side   of   the   story.   how   she   only   fell   into   a   relationship   with   angelo   so   quickly   after   their   breakup   was   because   of   how   much   she   still   loved   enzo.   she   needed   a   distraction   and   she   found   that   in   angelo.   though   she   didn’t   love   him.   her   love   still   remained   with   the   angry   man   in   front   of   her.  

grabbing   his   phone,   she   walks   back   over   to   him.   scrolling   through   his   contacts   she   reaches   her   name   and   proceeds   to   block   it.   “   there   you   go.   i   just   made   your   life   a   whole   lot   fucking   easier.”   her   tone   was   eerily   calm.   the   yelling   was   over   and   it   made   her   feel   more   broken   than   the   night   they   ended   things.   taking   one   last   look   at   the   man   she   so   desperately   loved,   her   expression   almost   melting   into   something   so   soft   and   vulnerable.   she   couldn’t   stop   the   tears   from   forming   in   her   eyes   this   time.   “  goodbye   enzo.”

[paradisals]

duke

“   of   course   i   believe   in   you,   cookie,   ”   he   leans   down   to   kiss   her   forehead   and   soon   is   sitting   on   the   sun   lounger   next   to   hers   and   looking   at   her   with   a   smirk   on   his   face,   “   i   do   hope   you   made   him   beg   on   his   knees   …   whoever   the   shithead   is.   ”   maybe   duke   should   have   been   more   understanding   to   the   guy   as   in   many   instances   on   his   life   he   had   been   one   buying   flowers   and   asking   for   forgiveness   for   being   an   asshole,   but   he   wasn’t   that   type   of   guy   anymore   and   it   was   his   sister   on   the   situation.   the   last   thing   he   would   do   would   be   understanding,   not   when   his   bond   with   lottie   was   blurred   by   the   age   difference   and   the   fatherly   sentiment   he   had   towards   her.  

he   takes   off   his   sunglasses   and   places   them   on   the   small   table   between   the   sunloungers,   laying   on   it   and   flexing   his   arms   to   lay   his   head   on   his   hands.   “   what   are   the   plans   for   tonight,   uh   ??   ”   he   questions,   with   his   head   turning   the   attention   to   the   blonde,   “   parents   out   …   if   it   was   me,   i   would   be   throwing   the   party   of   the   century.   ”

“   of   course.   just   like   daddy   taught   us.”   she   joked   with   her   brother   since   she   knew   matteo   would   be   on   his   knees   for   her.   being   as   many   years   apart   as   lottie   was   with   duke,   it   meant   there   was   very   little   crossover   with   the   people   they   hung   out   with.   even   with   such   a   small   group   of   elite   individuals   they   grew   up   around,   it   gave   the   siblings   enough   privacy   in   their   personal   lives   to   have   the   other   be   mostly   clueless   with   the   other’s   endeavors.   this   was   very   beneficial   for   lottie   especially.   too   many   boys   would   be   walking   around   with   broken   noses   if   duke   caught   wind   of   everything   they   have   put   her   through.   of   course   lottie   wasn’t   completely   innocent   but   she   would   hope   her   brother   could   ignore   that.

the   idea   of   a   party   did   excite   the   blonde   but   she   had   far   more   complicated   things   going   on   in   her   life   to   even   think   about   throwing   one.   “  god   i   wish.   i’ll   probably   just   catch   up   on   some   homework.”   it   was   the   worst   lie   she   could   think   of   but   really   she   couldn’t   tell   her   brother   she   had   to   decide   between   manipulating   one   boy   or   being   at   the   beck   and   call   of   another.   “   how   about   you,   old   man  ?   have   anything   fun   planned   for   tonight  ?”

[paradisals]

enzo

it   takes   all   of   his   self-control   to   not   do   exactly   what   she   asks   him   to,   but   his   brain   always   won   out   of   his   heart   and   this   time   wouldn’t   be   different.   he   stays   planted   there,   however,   his   brown   eyes   locked   on   her   brown   eyes,   and   the   ghost   feeling   of   her   lips   on   his   lips   almost   pulls   him   in   with   the   need   to   know   if   she   tastes   any   different.   the   need   to   know   that   after   their   lips   are   locked,   his   kiss   is   still   the   best   one   she   ever   had.   if   no   one   else   ever   got   near   to   how   he   made   her   feel.  

his   jaw   clenches   and   he   looks   away   from   her,   using   the   marble   counter   to   pull   himself   away   from   her.   “   your   boyfriend   wouldn’t   like   that,   ”   his   words   hurt   the   same   place   on   his   chest   he   didn’t   want   to   hear,   but   it   was   the   right   thing   to   do,   she   wasn’t   his   anymore   and   he   would   respect   her   relationship   even   if   it   would   put   him   in   a   state   of   agony   the   moment   she   left   his   apartment   again.  

he   moves   back   to   the   sink,   turning   on   the   faucet   to   wash   the   cup   she   had   used   and   waiting   for   her   to   pull   the   brat   act   she   always   did   when   denied   something.   already   preparing   himself   for   the   ungodly   power   he   will   have   to   put   himself   under   to   not   give   in   to   both   of   their   desires   for   him   to   fuck   her.

there   were   very   few   times   in   this   life   that   emilia   has   been   denied   something.   a   pony   for   her   seventh   birthday,   getting   a   tattoo   at   thirteen,   moving   to   paris   and   becoming   a   model.   however   she   has   never   been   denied   sex   from   a   man.   quite   the   opposite   actually.   men   practically   beg   for   her   to   sleep   with   them.   she   is   always   the   one   denying,   not   being   denied.   this   time   it   felt   different.   maybe   because   she   wanted   it   so   badly   or   maybe   it   was   because   of   who   was   doing   the   denying.   either   way   it   caused   a   sharp   pain   to   shoot   through   her   chest   and   a   knot   to   form   in   her   stomach.   the   kind   that   almost   causes   tears   to   dwell   in   her   crystal   eyes.   tears   that   haven’t   fallen   from   those   very   same   eyes   since   the   night   her   and   enzo   broke   up.   

jumping   off   the   counter   with   more   vigor   than   intended,   she   storms   right   up   to   enzo.   “   you’re   such   a   fucking   coward   enzo.   do   you   ever   do   anything   you   truly   want   or   do   you   just   write   about   it   ?”   her   chest   heaved   with   every   breath   she   took.   her   eyes   near   daggers   thrown   at   the   man   she   loved,   the   man   who   seemingly   stopped   loving   her   enough   where   he   was   able   to   deny   doing   the   one   thing   anyone   in   love   wants   to   do.   knowing   this   was   all   but   enough   for   her.

“  stop   taking   care   of   me.   stop   bringing   me   home   from   the   bar.   and   stop   showing   up   in   my   life.   i’m   done.   no   one   needs   a   fucking   hero   like   in   one   of   your   little   stories   enzo.”   walking   passed   him   she   goes   back   into   his   room   and   slams   the   door   shut.   taking   her   rage   and   harnessing   it   in   order   to   stop   herself   from   completely   breaking   down.

[paradisals]

zeus

“   and   yet   i   still   look   much   better   than   you,   ”   he   clicks   his   tongue   and   winks   at   his   best   friend,   throwing   the   cloth   over   his   shoulder   and   going   on   with   his   long   charade   of   making   fun   of   reed   ;   after   all,   he   had   to   recover   the   time   lost   from   the   years   apart   by   his   big   move   to   los   angeles.   “   honestly,   it   still   surprises   me   that   you   didn’t   get   botox   to   fix   those   crow’s   feet   on   your   eyes.   if   i   were   in   your   place,   i   would   have   become   plastic   besties   with   the   kardashians   with   all   the   procedures   i   would   go   under.   i   would   turn   myself   into   tom   cruise   before   scientology.   ”

he   lets   a   chuckle   out   and   playfully   punches   reed’s   upper   arm,   leaning   himself   over   the   counter   to   have   an   actual   conversation   with   his   best   friend   that   didn’t   involve   many   jokes.   it   had   always   been   easy   for   the   blond   to   shut   down   his   inner   troubles   and   listen   to   reed,   especially   when   his   problems   had   always   been   easier   to   deal   with   than   his   own   ;   even   more   lately.   “   let   me   guess,   ”   his   eyes   squints   dramatizing   his   analyze   over   reed’s   features,   though   he   already   knew.   zeus   had   seen   his   features   scrunched   up   like   that   a   few   times   before,   “   your   girlfriend.   ”

letting   out   a   small   chuckle   reed   begins   to   play   with   an   empty   straw   wrapper   that   was   left   on   the   bar   top.   hearing   zeus   joke   about   los   angeles   fills   reed’s   body   with   a   sort   of   emptiness.   he   knew   that   was   his   home   and   he   knew   he   had   to   go   back   there   soon   but   hearing   his   best   friend   talk   about   it   like   it’s   some   fictional   land   filled   with   fictional   people   made   him   feel   lost   and   uneasy.   “i   was   actually   planning   on   going   to   the   kardashian’s   plastic   surgeon   with   a   picture   of   you   and   telling   him   to   make   me   look   exactly   like   the   best   looking   guy   i   know.”   reed   teased   back.   now   feeling   a   sense   of   nostalgia   as   if   the   two   were   back   in   high   school   joking   around.

hearing   zeus   bring   up   lulu   made   the   same   empty   feeling   in   his   stomach   return.   being   back   home,   reed   could   no   longer   pretend   that   being   with   lulu   was   what   he   wanted.   not   after   seeing   marley.   a   part   of   him   wanted   to   burst   out   and   tell   zeus   how   he   didn’t   want   to   go   back,   that   all   he   wanted   was   to   be   with   marley   and   not   be   famous   anymore   but   he   knew   that   it   wasn’t   fair   to   burden   his   best   friend   with   his   petty   drama.   especially   when   he   wasn’t   look   all   that   well.   “it’s   always   the   girlfriend.”   reed   tried   to   make   light   of   the   situation.   “which   reminds   me,   how   long   has   it   been   since   you’ve   had   one  ?”

[paradisals]

vivian

it   is   remarkable   how   oliver   makes   her   go   from   hell   to   heaven   and   back   to   hell   in   a   matter   of   minutes,   feeling   the   once   pleasure   burning   in   her   eyes   turn   into   heartbreak   and   a   new   sentiment   that   had   begun   to   loose   its   ties   in   her   heart.   sure,   oliver   and   vivian   had   broken   up   before,   but   not   like   this.   not   when   she   was   in   her   most   vulnerable   state.   not   when   she   was   trying   to   make   this   relationship   work   despite   the   pressure   of   their   parents,   but   because   she   wanted   it   to   work.  

her   hands   balled   up   on   his   chest   to   help   herself   to   hoist   up   from   him,   looking   at   him   the   blonde   could   feel   her   cheeks   burning   but   not   from   embarrassment,   but   from   rage,   and   it   made   her   jaw   clench.   “   you   are   fucking   unbelievable,   ”   she   spats,   at   the   same   time,   her   open   hand   slaps   his   face,   the   same   hand   then   pinching   hard   his   chin   to   make   him   look   at   her,   to   see   the   furiousness   in   her   eyes   because   this   time   his   money   or   looks   wouldn’t   save   him   from   the   problem   he   had   just   found   himself   in.  

“   you   see   this   look   in   my   face,   oliver,   do   you   see   it   ?  a   picture   of   disgust   and   disappointment.   this   is   the   look   every   woman   you   ever   know   will   come   to   share,   because   you   are   despicable,   ”   her   venom   spat   on   every   single   word,   hand   abruptly   leaving   his   face   to   get   off   of   him.   moving   toward   the   bathroom,   she   stops   and   looks   back   at   him.

“  you   will   regret   this,   ”   her   voice   taking   a   sinister   tone,   as   she   points   at   him,   walking   into   the   bathroom   to   shower   away   every   trace   of   him   from   her   physique.

a   rush   of   conflicting   emotions   circulating   oliver’s   body   at   a   rapid   speed.      his   body   frozen   as   she   was   still   on   top   of   him,   her   hands   connecting   to   his   face   causing   a   sudden   sting   to   erupt   on   his   skin.   speechless   was   the   only   way   to   put   how   he   was   feeling.   if   he   were   in   a   normal   place   in   his   life   he   would   have   known   that   this   was   the   last   place   he   should   ever   be   breaking   up   with   his   girlfriend.   that   this   intimate   moment   between   them   was   not   the   time   to   tell   her   what   he   had   been   feeling   for   months   now.   but   alas   oliver’s   brain   was   so   fucked   up   with   everything   going   on   that   he   couldn’t   decipher   between   what   is   wrong   and   what   is   right.

sitting   up   in   bed   as   soon   as   she   left   him,   he   dressed   himself.   his   eyes   glued   to   her   still   with   a   statuesque   expression   gracing   his   features.   he   didn’t   dare   move   off   the   bed   until   she   shut   herself   in   the   bathroom.   quickly   getting   up   he   grabbed   his   phone   and   the   clothes   he   came   into   the   room   wearing.   walking   over   the   the   bathroom   door,   he   paused   for   a   moment.   he   knew   vivian   and   her   family   were   more   than   capable   of   fulfilling   the   promises   she   made   him.   but   he   was   also   terrified   of   what   his   new   connections   would   do   when   she   made   good   on   those   threats.   

“i’m   so   sorry,   vivian.”   he   spoke   to   the   door,   not   even   sure   if   she   could   hear   him   before   leaving   his   room   and   apartment   for   good.

[paradisals]

vivian

feeling   his   lips   against   hers   send   an   electric   rush   through   her   body,   almost   making   her   forget   what   happened   a   few   moments   ago.   vivian   could   almost   taste   the   comfortable   feeling   of   being   in   sync   with   a   partner   again,   but   then   oliver   retrieves,   leaving   her   high   and   dry.   a   disappointed   sigh   escapes   her   lips   seeing   him   putting   on   his   shirt   and   the   words   that   followed   it.   if   it   was   any   other   situation,   vivian   would   have   tried   to   seduce   him   back   to   bed   like   she   has   done   so   many   times   before,   but   this   time   it   felt   different.   it   didn’t   feel   like   just   a   work   obligation,   but   a   way   for   oliver   to   put   another   brick   on   the   wall   he   had   been   successfully   building   for   a   few   weeks   now.  

but   then   she   stands   up   and   walks   to   him,   pulling   herself   on   tiptoes   to   cup   his   cheeks   as   he   had   done   before.   she   presses   her   lips   against   his,   but   instead   of   a   passionate   kiss,   she   pours   every   word   that   she   had   left   unsaid.   words   of   her   wanting   him   to   trust   her,   to   want   her,   to   love   her.   parting   their   lips,   vivian   falls   back   on   her   heels   and   looks   at   him   expectantly,   interlacing   her   fingers   with   his.   “   just   come   to   bed,   oli,   you   need   rest   too.   ”

being   raised   as   a   bradley   you   are   raised   to   be   strong,   confident   and   unwavering.   even   when   oliver   renounced   his   family   and   behaved   in   ways   they   did   not   accept,   he   still   held   onto   those   principles.   he   was   a   sure   and   prideful   man   yet   he   was   finding   it   hard   to   resist   his   very   irresistible   girlfriend   at   this   time.   though   he   knew   the   love   he   felt   for   her   wasn’t   as   strong   and   true   as   it   should   be   he   was   still   very   attracted   to   her.   having   vivian   be   so   vulnerable   with   him   in   this   moment   didn’t   help   manners   much   at   all.   allowing   her   to   take   his   hand   and   take   him   back   to   bed,   he   knew   not   much   rest   would   be   accomplished.  

taking   her   by   her   waist   he   lightly   lowers   her   to   the   bed.   lightly   laying   on   top   of   her   he   takes   his   time   with   his   kisses.   placing   them   softly   along   every   inch   of   her   exposed   skin.   meticulously   leaving   an   impression   of   himself   on   each   part   of   her   so   she’ll   remember   that   she   belonged   to   him.   rolling   over   to   his   back   he   allowed   her   to   hover   over   him   now.   the   feeling   in   his   chest   was   becoming   too   much.   separating   his   lips   from   hers   he   looked   up   at   her.   “   i   —   i   can’t   do   this   anymore.”

[paradisals]

vivian

a   shiver   runs   down   her   spine   and   her   eyes   widened   at   his   display   of   unfiltered   rage,   waking   her   up   completely   from   the   sleepy   haze   she   still   was   in.   vivian   had   heard   the   stories   about   oliver   in   his   younger   years,   how   oliver   and   duke   would   be   putting   and   pulling   out   each   other   from   troubles   left   and   right   by   the   mere   fact   of   being   handsome   rich   guys.   she   had   heard   all   about   the   angriness   would   take   over   oliver   before   he   could   even   think   straight   from   landon.   vivian   had   heard   all   of   it,   but   she   never   expected   that   he   would   ever   aim   the   unbridled   rage   toward   her.

the   blonde   recoils   her   legs   and   hugs   them   in   a   subconscious   way   to   protect   herself   from   him,   to   be   somewhat   safe   in   the   only   place   that   started   to   feel   again   she   could   rely   on   after   years   of   having   oliver   as   her   safe   haven.   when   he   cups   her   face   and   kisses   her   cheeks,   vivian   is   still   paralyzed   by   it   all.   still   scared   of   saying   the   wrong   thing   and   getting   a   worse   reaction   out   of   him   from   something   that   now   seemed   so   trivial   in   her   eyes.   “   it’s   okay,   ”   she   manages   to   mutter,   her   hand   finding   his   forearm   and   she   starts   to   caress   him,   “   i’m   sorry   for   even   asking   that,   it   was   idiotic   of   me   for   doing   that,   ”   a   tentative   smile   on   her   features   as   she   leans   in   and   pecks   his   lips,   “   but   you   owe   me   one.   ”

the   look   in   her   eyes   was   one   he   had   seen   too   many   times   before   in   the   eyes   of   his   high   school   girlfriend.   how   he   would   take   his   anger   out   on   her   time   and   time   again.   as   he   grew   up   and   matured   he   swore   to   himself   that   he’d   never   gaze   in   the   eyes   of   another   woman   he   loved   and   see   that   same   look.   lately   it   seemed   as   if   oliver   was   breaking   every   single   promise   he   has   ever   made   to   himself   and   that   was   something   he   couldn’t   handle.  

pressing   his   lips   against   hers   once   more   he   gave   her   a   long   and   passionate   kiss.   his   lips   trailed   from   hers   to   her   jawline   and   down   her   neck.   it   was   the   start   on   an   act   they   have   done   many   times   and   one   they   were   long   over   due   for   but   before   going   any   further   he   stopped.   standing   up   he   walked   over   to   cover   his   tattoo   filled   body   with   a   t   shirt.   “   my   flight   leaves   in   5   hours   and   i’m   just   going   to   get   some   work   done   before   then.”   this   was   far   from   how   he   thought   he’d   be   spending   his   night   but   it   was   getting   harder   and   harder   for   oliver   to   pretend   with   vivian   that   everything   was   okay.

[paradisals]

vivian

sitting   on   the   bed,   she   watches   him   from   afar   and   looks   at   his   reflection   in   the   mirror   before   he   turns   to   her   with   the   heartbreaking   news.   desolation   immediately   falls   on   her   features,   her   eyes   burning   with   both   the   feeling   of   being   just   awake   and   salty   water   droplets   wanting   to   be   formed.   vivian   was   looking   forward   to   their   birthday,   the   first   time   they   would   both   be   able   to   actually   spend   time   together   despite   their   busy   schedules.   she   already   had   everything   planned   for   them   both   to   relax   and   not   think   about   any   outside   forces,   but   everything   crumbled   right   in   front   of   her   sleepy   green   eyes.  

“   oliver,   you   promised   …   ”   she   knows   how   she   sounds   pathetic,   almost   childlike   as   she   often   did   when   upset.   vivian   never   really   learned   how   to   deal   with   her   feelings   quite   as   she   should   for   her   age,   always   retrieving   back   to   an   old   spot   in   her   life   when   she   was   broken   without   repair   :   the   moment   when   her   mother   told   her   she   was   a   disappointment.   “   i   had   to   ask   jack   to   swap   shifts   with   me.   you   know   i   was   looking   forward   to   it,   ”   her   digits   raising   to   her   cheeks   to   clean   the   tears,   “   there’s   nobody   else   that   could   go   in   your   place   ?   ”

turning   his   back   again   to   her   to   finish   undressing   but   also   because   he   couldn’t   bear   to   see   the   look   on   her   face.   oliver   hated   disappointing   vivian.   he   hated   that   he   wasn’t   the   loving   and   devoted   boyfriend   she   deserved.   that   he   couldn’t   offer   her   the   life   she   and   their   families   wanted   for   them.   what   oliver   hated   most   of   all   was   that   he   loved   her   but   wasn’t   in   love   with   her.   that   the   object   of   his   love   and   desire   belonged   to   another   woman.   a   woman   he   couldn’t   be   with.   oliver   was   many   things   but   he   wasn’t   a   cheater.   even   having   feelings   for   another   woman   yet   never   acting   upon   them   in   the   slightest   still   made   him   feel   sick.   that   mixed   with   the   new   life   he   was   leading   and   the   fact   that   he   had   held   his   composure   for   years   on   end   finally   began   to   feel   as   if   they   were   ready   to   explode   out   of   him.   

“ i’m   the   fucking   ceo   vivian.   of   course   there   is   nobody   else   who   could   go   in   my   place. ”   he   shouted,   slamming   the   dresser   drawer   shut   in   anger   as   he   remained   with   his   back   turned   to   her.   instant   regret   filled   his   body.   his   tensed   bare   torso   softened   as   he   turned   to   face   her.   his   angry   expression   melting   almost   instantly   as   he   saw   hers.   walking   over   to   her   he   sits   on   the   bed   and   cups   her   cheeks   in   his   hands.   “  baby   i’m   sorry.   i   didn’t   mean   to   yell.   this   job   has   just   become   so   god   damn   stressful.   i   didn’t   mean   to   take   it   out   on   you.   i’m   sorry. ”   placing   a   small   kiss   on   her   cheek   followed   by   another   one   and   one   more.   he   hated   how   he   was   reverting   back   to   the   angry   boy   he   once   was.

[paradisals]

vivian

although   vivian   found   fulfilling   whenever   she   was   assigned   to   the   pediatric   ward   it   was   equally   tiresome,   the   minute   that   she   was   discharged   from   the   shift   all   she   wanted   was   a   bed.   with   the   knowledge   that   she   would   have   to   be   at   the   hospital   again   in   mere   hours,   the   logical   answer   was   to   stay   and   sleep   in   one   of   the   on-call   rooms   but   her   body   desperately   needed   a   good   bed   and   an   even   better   night   of   sleep.   as   soon   as   she   got   to   her   boyfriend’s   apartment,   the   blonde   stripped   down   from   her   clothes   and   put   on   of   his   old   t-shirts,   and   the   second   she   laid   on   the   bed,   her   mind   was   already   on   dreamland   …   that   until   she   felt   a   pair   of   lips   on   her   temple.   a   lazy   and   affectionate   smile   appeared   on   her   lips   once   one   of   her   emeralds   eyes   opened   to   see   the   figure   of   her   boyfriend.   “   you’re   back,   ”   her   voice   slurred,   shifting   slightly   on   the   bed   to   lazily   open   her   arms   for   a   hug.

everything   was   happening   at   lightening   speed.   ever   since   oliver   began   working   with   yvelisse’s   less   than   legal   connections   it   has   felt   like   the   trajectory   of   his   life   shifted   immensely.   he   had   found   himself   agreeing   to   things   he   never   in   a   million   years   would   have   thought   he’d   be   okay   with.   but   he   had   to   do   it   for   the   company   and   for   his   family.   he   had   no   other   choice.   or   at   least   that   was   what   he   had   to   tell   himself   to   be   able   to   fall   asleep   at   night.   oliver   had   always   had   to   travel   for   work   but   now   the   business   trips   have   become   more   frequent   and   far   more   draining   for   the   male.   hugging   vivian   back   before   standing   up   to   change   out   of   his   suit   and   into   pajamas,   he   quickly   caught   a   glimpse   of   himself   in   the   mirror.   his   appearance   has   changed   drastically   over   the   past   couple   of   months.   the   once   prime   and   proper   male   has   began   to   allow   his   hair   and   beard   to   become   un   groomed   and   wild.   letting   out   a   weary   sigh   he   turned   to   face   the   beautiful   blonde   in   his   bed.   “   not   for   long   i’m   afraid.   i   have   to   go   to   seattle...for   a   week.”   the   pause   was   because   she   would   know   that   meant   he   would   be   missing   their   anniversary.   the   anniversary   he   swore   up   and   down   he   wouldn’t   miss.

[paradisals]

bea

♡ @paradisals​​​​​​   /   starter      ,     𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑥  𝑘𝑖𝑑𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑛  𝑎𝑛𝑑  𝑙𝑎𝑤𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒  𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑢𝑒  .

❛  𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒂𝒂𝒂𝒂𝒂𝒚  …  𝒔𝒐  𝒊’𝒎  𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒘𝒆  𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚  𝒕𝒓𝒚  𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕  stupid  fucking  chicken  pot  pie  recipe  again  .  i  know  ,  i  know  ,  i  burned  the  shit  out  of  it  last  time  ,  but  !  i  think  i  know  where  i  went  wrong  .  ❜     bea  found  herself  rambling  on  about  domestic  tasks  that  would’ve  made  her  sick  to  her  stomach  only  a  few  years  ago  ,  unpacking  groceries  she’d  bought  with  her  non  -  rockstar  money  and  placing  them  into  a  fridge  that  wasn’t  crammed  full  of  booze  and  energy  drinks  .  she  finally  turned  her  attention  to  her  boyfriend  ,  waggling  a  finger  .     ❛  it  was  because  the  oven  was  set  to  max  .  ❜

despite  bea’s  increasing  ability  to  be  a  responsible  human  being  ,  she  still  had  her  fair  share  of  moments  .  still  had  those  days  where  it  was  difficult  to  pick  bills  over  a  two  month  long  australian  backpacking  trip  ,  but  that  was  why  she  had  lawrence  .     ❛  how  was  your  day  ?  and  if  you  dare  say  it  was  more  exciting  than  my  trip  to  trader  joe’s  ,  i’ll  kick  you  in  the  shins  .  ❜

being   in   the   limelight   for   as   long   as   lawrence   has   been,   you   are   bound   to   go   either   of   two   ways.   either   continue   being   a   crazy   rockstar   who   drinks   and   gets   high   and   parties   all   the   time.   or   you   lose   your   fame   completely   and   become   a   washed   up   no   body.   lawrence   found   himself   somewhere   completely   different.   and   nothing   was   as   rockstar   as   that.   while   still   securing   his   fame,   he   also   found   the   beauty   and   fun   in   the   mundane.   instead   of   staying   out   until   four   in   the   morning   after   his   shows,   lawrence   comes   home   to   his   beautiful   girlfriend.   something   he   never   thought   he’d   do.

walking   behind   bea,   he   places   a   small   kiss   on   her   cheek   as   he   reaches   over   to   help   her   unpack   the   groceries.   leaning   against   the   fridge   that   was   now   fully   stocked,   he   lets   out   a   small   laugh   at   her   commentary.   “ how   bout   you   tell   me   about   this   trader   joe’s   trip   instead  ?”   which   was   lawrence’s   way   of   getting   out   of   telling   his   girlfriend   that   he   and   the   band   had   an   interview   with   rolling   stones   magazine   today   and   preventing   himself   from   getting   kicked   in   the   shins.

[paradisals]

zeus

zeus      &       reed           ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯         @paradisals​

cleaning   jamie’s   pub   wasn’t   something   zeus   had   fun   doing,   but   it   was   the   least   he   could   do   for   the   number   of   absolut   vodka   bottles   to   waste   on   his   everyday   slushies   he   took   from   the   pub’s   inventory.   sometimes   he   wonders   if   he   is   an   alcoholic   for   that,   but   then   again   he   had   read   that   a   shot   of   vodka   every   day   was   good   for   the   heart,   so   how   bad   could   it   actually   be?   besides,   for   the   past   weeks   he   had   and   for   the   things   he   had   witnessed,   he   deserved   a   hall   pass   for   every   bottle   he   could   put   his   hands   on.

hearing   the   door   opening,   zeus   kept   his   attention   on   the   tulips   he   was   cleaning   the   dust   off   with   the   help   of   a   cloth   and   said,   “   it’s   3pm,   pubs   closed,   ”   but   when   his   eyes   rose,   he   saw   his   best   friend   standing   there   and   all   he   could   do   was   tease   him,   “   why   do   you   look   like   a   forty-year-old   woman   who   just   discovered   her   menopause   started   ?!   ”

being   back   in   town   meant   reed   could   be   with   arguably   one   of   the   most   important   people   in   his   life,   his   very   best   friend,   his   other   half,   zeus.   the   pair   have   been   inseparable   since   the   day   they   met   all   those   years   ago.   with   the   way   reed’s   life   has   been   going   however,   he   hasn’t   had   much   time   for   zeus.   in   all   honesty,   he   had   no   idea   what   the   other   male   was   going   through   or   doing   with   his   life.   at   least   reed   knew   where   zeus   worked   so   he   decided   to   stop   by   unannounced   to   spend   time   with   his   best   friend   after   his   shift.

“   ha   ha   very   funny,   asshole.”   reed   was   stuck   in   a   perpetual   state   of   looking   like   exactly   how   zeus   described   him.   he   needed   his   best   friend   in   la   which   he   knew   wasn’t   possible   but   it   sucked   not   having   zeus   there   to   be   with   reed.   sitting   down   at   one   of   the   bar   stools,   he   turned   to   his   friend.   he   wads   going   to   tell   zeus   how   he   felt   like   him   and   lulu   should   break   up   but   now   fully   seeing   zeus   he   became   concerned.   “   you’re   commenting   on   my   appearance   when   you   look   like   that   ?   fuck   man   it   looks   like   you   haven’t   slept   in   years.”

[paradisals]

marley

between   becoming   a   couch   potato   in   ashley’s   living   room   and   filling   aysun’s   grandiose   bedroom   with   non-stop   tears,   marley   had   begun   to   neglect   her   home   obligations   and   that   wasn’t   something   her   mother   took   lightly.   after   a   slew   of   horrible   words   thrown   marley’s   way,   gloria   put   her   finger   on   her   daughter’s   face   and   implied   that   she   would   kick   marley   out   if   the   house   wasn’t   crystal   clear   when   she   came   back   from   a   day   in   the   spa   with   her   friends.   those   words   would   have   had   a   harsher   impact   on   marley,   if   she   hadn’t   heard   it   for   the   entirety   of   her   life.   she   just   didn’t   expect   that   at   twenty-four,   she   would   still   be   listening   to   them.  

she   didn’t   mind   cleaning   the   house,   though,   for   all   that   it   was   worth   it   would   be   a   great   way   to   keep   her   thoughts   about   reed   at   bay.   well   in   an   hour   or   two,   maybe   three,   of   cleaning   and   listening   to   bad   bunny   on   the   tv,   there’s   a   knock   on   the   door.   the   brunette   turns   off   the   tv   and   leans   the   broom   to   the   closest   wall   as   she   walks   to   open   the   front   door.   “   hi,   ”   she   greets   with   a   smile   before   her   brain   could   register   who   was   on   the   other   side   of   the   door,   her   mouth   falling   agape   for   a   second   at   the   man   who   still   held   her   heart.   the   man   who   had   been   in   her   every   thought   from   the   moment   she   woke   up   to   the   moment   she   eyes   closed   at   night.

“   of   course,   come   in,   ”   she   gives   him   a   space   to   walk   in   and   closes   the   door   behind   him.   “   sorry   about   the   mess,   i’m   on   cleaning   duty.   can   i   get   you   anything   ??   a   glass   of   water,   sprite,   coke,   anything   ??   ”   the   nervousness   started   to   take   control   over   her   lips,   and   a   never   ending-ramble   took   place   as   she   walked   to   the   living   room,   “   also,   is   this   some   sort   of   intervention   ??   is   someone   else   coming   ??   because   listen,   leonor   is   very   scary   when   she   is   angry   and   i   think   she   wants   to   kill   me,   so   i   would   like   to   know   if   these   are   my   last   few   minutes   of   being   alive.   by   the   way,   i   didn’t   know   you   knew   how   to   use   the   front   door   …   the   last   time   you   used   it   was   when   you   came   to   meet   my   parents   for   the   first   tim—   ”

out   of   everyone   in   the   group,   reed   was   never   really   the   go   and   fix   it   type.   if   there   was   a   problem   that   needed   to   be   fixed   within   the   group’s   dynamic,   darcy   was   the   obvious   choice   to   be   the   one   to   help   out.   zeus   or   leonor   or   even   teddy   would   also   step   in   to   repair   anything   that   was   broken.   everyone   had   their   own   little   roles   within   the   group   and   reed   knew   where   he   stood.   it   was   usually   by   zeus   or   marley’s   side.   he   was   never   alone   in   anything   that   the   group   did   because   he   always   had   zeus   or   marley.   so   when   the   problem   that   needed   to   be   fixed   involved   marley,   he   knew   he   had   to   intervene   even   if   he   didn’t   know   exactly   where   he   stood   with   the   girl   who   he   still   loved.

stepping   into   the   familiar   house,   he   looked   around.   he   never   was   sure   how   marley’s   mom   would   discipline   her   growing   up   but   there   were   many   times   marley   had   become   upset   by   her   mother’s   actions.   reed   not   wanting   to   push   thing   always   just   made   sure   he   was   there   to   comfort   her   but   to   not   ask   too   many   questions.   that   was   one   of   many   qualities   he   hated   about   himself   and   things   he   regretted   he’d   do   while   him   and   marley   dated.   as   much   as   he   loved   her   and   cared   for   her,   he   was   never   fully   able   to   be   present   in   her   life.   that   alone   was   something   that   still   kept   the   male   up   at   night.

letting   out   a   laugh,   he   turned   to   face   her.   if   he   was   in   his   right   mind   he   would’ve   picked   up   on   her   rambling   which   was   something   she   did   when   she   was   nervous   but   alas   reed   was   just   as   nervous   as   she   seemed   to   be.   “   no   one   else   is   coming,   just   me.   so   you’re   safe   from   leo...for   now   at   least.”   a   small   smile   crept   up   on   his   lips   at   the   memory   from   meeting   her   parents   for   the   first   time.   it   felt   as   if   it   was   another   lifetime   ago   and   in   some   ways   it   was.   “   marley   ”   his   smile   fading   as   he   spoke   again.   “   i   came   here   because   i   —   i   mean   the   group   misses   you   and   it’s   just   not   the   same   without   you,   marls.”

[paradisals]

enzo

her   tone   and   her   next   movements   made   it   very   clear   to   enzo   that   her   words   were   far   from   the   truth   and   of   course,   it   brought   a   smirk   to   his   face   as   he   watched   her   pass   by   him   to   the   kitchen.   he   couldn’t   deny   it,   it   was   an   ego   booster   to   know   that   he   still   had   that   much   effect   on   her,   that   maybe   he   wasn’t   so   wrong   to   never   shut   down   completely   the   door   of   their   past   relationship.  

finally   moving   into   the   kitchen,   he   looks   at   her   with   only   his   shirt   sitting   on   the   kitchen   counter   and   he   couldn’t   help   but   bite   his   lower   lip.   that   scene   was   all   too   common   in   the   course   of   their   relationship   and   his   mind   took   him   back   to   the   many   memories   they   had   in   his   kitchen.   her   sitting   in   that   exact   same   spot   talking   to   luma   on   the   phone   and   he   was   making   dinner   for   them,   the   many   nights   there   was   soft   music   playing   on   his   music   box   and   they   were   dancing   under   dim   lights.  

it   was   hard   to   forget   emilia,   and   he   wasn’t   sure   he   wanted   to   forget   her   at   all.  

he   moves   to   the   kitchen   sink   opposite   where   she   was   sitting,   placing   the   used   cup   in   it   and   he   turns   to   look   at   her   with   his   arms   crossed   on   his   bare   chest.   his   head   was   shaking   slightly   as   his   mind   tried   to   make   sense   of   her   last   statement   and   maybe   if   her   whole   bratty   act   didn’t   make   him   act   on   impulse,   he   would   have   thought   his   next   movements   better.  

enzo   walks   toward   her   slowly,   eyes   never   deviating   from   hers   until   there   were   mere   centimeters   from   each   other   ;   his   fingers   softly   pushing   her   knee   to   the   side   so   there’s   enough   space   for   him   to   position   herself   in   between   her   legs.   both   of   his   hands   caress   the   exposed   skin   of   her   legs   before   setting   them   on   the   marble   on   each   side   of   emilia,   giving   no   room   for   her   to   leave.  

“   you   are   the   only   person   i   fuck   or   make   love   to,   emilia.   ”

living   her   day   to   day   life,   it   was   easy   for   emilia   to   forget   about   enzo.   of   course   there   were   reminders   here   and   there   but   she   tried   her   hardest   to   avoid   anything   that   might   bring   up   past   memories.   their   relationship   was   everything   emilia   never   knew   she   needed.   she   never   thought   she’d   fall   so   madly   in   love   with   someone   just   for   things   to   not   work   out   between   them.   the   instant   these   memories   become   too   strong   and   too   painful   she   ends   up   going   out   and   drinking   her   troubles   away.   this   of   course   always   causes   emilia   to   find   herself   waking   up   in   the   very   exes   apartment   she   was   trying   to   forget.   and   so   the   vicious   cycle   continues.

  watching   enzo   move   about   the   kitchen   caused   emilia   to   feel   that   same   feeling   she   always   felt   when   she   was   around   him.   like   there   were   one   thousand   little   lightning   bolts   on   her   skin.   that   uneasy   yet   exhilarating   fluttering   in   her   stomach   that   made   her   want   so   much   more   of   him   than   she   was   allowed   to   have.   never   in   a   million   years   would   she   think   he’d   break   the   distance   they   have   built   between   them   since   they   broke   up.  

heart   racing   as   she   felt   his   hands   on   her   skin.   her   gaze   never   leaving   his.   she   could   feel   her   breath   get   caught   in   her   throat   as   he   spoke.   his   words   only   filled   her   head   with   more   confidence.   calming   herself   down   just   enough   so   she   can   speak,   she   leans   forward.   her   lips   nearly   touching   his   as   she   spoke.

“ then   fuck   me.”

[paradisals]

safiye

the   pain   in   his   voice   was   enough   to   make   her   heart   fall   to   her   stomach,   eyes   deviating   from   his   as   looking   at   her   husband   was   too   painful   and   she   wasn’t   worthy   of   it.   the   guilt   that   made   her   heart   its   home   was   completely   settled   now   with   his   discovery,   but   somehow   there   was   a   small   relief   being   upped   from   her   shoulders.   for   the   first   time   in   months,   safiye   didn’t   need   to   lie   anymore.   she   didn’t   need   to   pretend.   she   could   come   clean   and   show   him   her   side,   the   logistic   of   how   having   a   kid   shouldn’t   be   in   their   plans   right   now   as   teddy   had   to   focus   on   his   career.   things   that   she   should   have   discussed   with   him   before   making   the   decision   for   both   of   them,   behind   her   husband’s   back.  

looking   back   at   him,   seeing   the   hurt   of   betrayal   and   pain   etched   on   the   features   she   had   loved   since   their   first   encounter.   it   was   the   first   time   she   had   seen   such   a   scene   and   it   made   her   swallow   the   lump   forming   in   her   throat   because   safiye   finally   realized   what   she   had   put   in   the   line   now   that   the   truth   was   out.   an   almost   ten-year   relationship   built   in   trust   and   love.   the   laughter,   companionship,   and   care   could   be   so   easily   swept   away   from   her   feet.   and   all   because   of   a   whimsy   thought   of   what   was   better   for   him.   what   was   better   for   them.  

“   yes,   ”   the   simple   three-letter   word   cemented   everything.   that   the   reason   for   her   tears   for   the   last   months   every   time   they   were   facing   the   white   stick   was   out   of   guilt.   that   the   trust   between   them   that   was   so   unshakable,   so   envied   by   many,   crumbling   after   years   of   building   it   to   be   as   strong   as   it   was   before   her   choice.   safiye   sighs   and   moves   to   him,   kneeling   before   him,   and   her   hands   softly   take   the   box   out   of   his   hands   and   put   it   on   the   floor   to   hold   it.   “   but   i   can   explain,   teddy.   ”

there   had   never   been   a   moment   in   teddy’s   life   where   he   felt   so   frozen.   as   if   time   and   space   decided   to   stop   moving   and   he   was   somewhere   stuck.   stuck   in   this   moment   stuck   in   all   the   moments   leading   up   to   this   moment   and   stuck   with   the   most   awful   feeling   that   was   forming   inside   of   him.   teddy’s   parents   always   showed   him   the   perfect   amount   of   love.   nothing   too   much   but   nothing   too   less.   it   was   all   very   adequate.   he   thought   that   was   all   he   ever   needed.   that   was   until   he   met   safiye.   he   never   knew   it   was   even   possible   to   feel   so   much   love   and   trust   for   someone.   that   there   was   a   person   out   there   able   and   willing   to   hold   all   his   love   inside   of   her.  

no   one   tells   you   the   downside   to   that   sort   of   love.   that   maybe   teddy’s   parents   never   gave   him   more   than   what   was   needed   to   prevent   him   from   feeling   the   pain   he   was   feeling   now.   the   betrayal,   the   heartache,   the   agonizing   truth   that   even   the   person   you   thought   would   never   hurt   you   has   been   lying   to   you   for   months.   for   months   she   stood   there   and   allowed   teddy   to   feel   the   grief   of   not   conceiving.   teddy   was   beginning   to   feel   himself   getting   lost   in   the   pain   and   in   the   lies   his   wife   has   been   feeding   him   for   months.  

even   though   teddy’s   gaze   never   left   safiye,   he   wasn’t   truly   looking   at   her   until   this   moment.   as   if   his   brain   was   guarding   him   from   looking   at   the   love   of   his   life   and   right   now   the   person   who   has   hurting   him   more   than   he   has   ever   hurt   before.   but   now   he   could   see   her.   he   could   see   her   and   seeing   her   made   his   heart   feel   like   it   was   getting   stabbed   by   a   thousand   little   knifes.   he   didn’t   have   the   strength   to   keep   looking   at   her.   turning   his   head   away,   he   could   feel   the   tears   burning   behind   his   eyes.   closing   them   briefly   to   ease   the   pain,   he   tried   to   conjure   up   enough   courage   to   speak.   “ there’s   nothing   to   explain.   you’ve   been   lying   to   me   for   months,   safiye.   for   months   you   let   me   believe   there   was   a   chance   that   we   could   become   parents.   that   i   could   become   a   father.”   finally   looking   back   at   her,   the   tears   now   cascading   from   his   blue   hues.   “ why   would   you   do   this ?   everything   was   perfect.   i   thought   you   wanted   this.   i   thought   —”   it   was   all   becoming   too   much.