paradisiacpublishing

[paradisiacpublishing]

It’s 2019 already??? Yikes!

Just kidding! This November, Paradisiac will be 10 years old. Ten! Double-digits is *kind of* a big deal.

How much fun has the founder/owner and all of the associated artists of the prior, current, and rejected titles had over the years?

An EXTREMELY varied amount of fun at different points in time!

On that note, going into the second decade of independent publishing means a few changes are afoot.

If you are interested in submitting your manuscript it is very important that you be selective when choosing a publishing company to approach.

If Paradisiac is the one for you, moving forward here are a few guidelines to follow:

Guideline Number One

Paradisiac Publishing only publishes titles in the comedy genre

Guideline Number Two

To submit, you must send a full marketing plan, your resume, and the entire, fully-completed manuscript

Thank you for all of the overwhelming love and support over the past decade and here’s to another, and another, and another!

Happy 2019!!!

[paradisiacpublishing]

Paradisiac Publishing currently has some books on roster (the proper publishing industry term, of course)!

Get this: one/some/PREFERABLY ALL could be in your/a loved one’s library. What are you even doing right now? Playing outside in the snow (awesome)? Baking the most delicious Midwestern food imaginable (you’re amazing)? Looking outside at a barren winter hell (it’s going to be OK)? Well, just take a quick seat and check out these books you can order to read by the fireplace with cocoa later!

Promise. Us. You’ll. Put. Rumchata. In. Your. Cocoa.

PROMISE US!!!

Anyway.

These books are a steal. It is true that Barnes & Noble has a coffee shop inside, but you can buy our titles without even having to worry about putting on pants so I mean I think we can all agree which option is better.

So what’s the deal?

All titles. $15-$40 per book. That is actually an effing steal considering you are dealing with a 100% independent, LOCAL publishing company. Does it even necessarily know what it is doing at all times?

No it does not! It’s women run so...

I AM KIDDING!

It’s WOMAN-RUN, so you know these books will actually get to you when expected, sent with tender-loving care.

Also, it’s the holiday season.

Whatever you are celebrating, these books make great gifts!

And, if you were a jerk all year and aren’t getting any presents, buy yourself one or more of these books and forget about your garbage life by getting lost in these pages.

Something. For. Everyone.

So, what are the books available that you could buy?

Here’s some:

But wait, there’s more:

Last (but in no possible way least because it gets its own highlight), our newest title:

Oh, but wait, there’s more!

Oh! And:

Holy. Shit.

So many books!

What are they even about though?

Good question! Check it!

Prose and Kahns by Zack Kahn

Los Angeles actor and screenwriter Zack Kahn trusted Paradisiac Publishing to bring his first book to life. The book is a collection of Zack’s comedic one-liners collected over time on the scraps on which they were originally created. Tons of LOLZERS and check the Amazon reviews/Facebook page for a tip on how to use the book as a drinking game. Holiday. Fun.

Becoming BGD by Matthew Essex

With great power comes great fashion sense. This saga about a gay, Midwestern superhero is a must-read. Written by Quad Citizen Matthew Essex.

Montreal on October by Ryan Buynak

Ryan is the owner operator of Coyote Blood, Paradisiac Publishing’s sister company. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! It means whatever you want it to mean! Basically, Ryan writes the fuck out of poetry (and writing in general) and this collection is his take on his favorite city up north. Ryan has been a partner to Paradisiac from the start and someday we will take over the world, possibly, if we get around to it.

We’re the Drug by Justin Everett Foyil

In this Coyote Blood book, Justin (a singer/songwriter) channels his radical mindset into a unique breed of poetry.

Something’s Missing by Lauren Alexis Wood

Lauren wrote a children’s book as a baby shower gift for her new niece (fall 2017), because if that was an option of something you could do, why wouldn’t you do that? #extraAF She asked illustrator Johnnie Cluney (Daytrotter, Bent River Brewery) to bring the story to life and he couldn’t have done a better job. She also calls her younger brother stupid within its pages. If you love sibling rivalry or you’re just looking for an adorable book to give to an expecting couple, this is your title.

Future Underwater Tomahawk by Ryan Buynak

A Coyote Blood title, this title astounds as a collection of random acts of poetry.

A is for Artisanal by Matthew Goldenberg

Illustrated by New Yorker cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz this modern alphabet book playfully highlights popular, new-age and hipster baby names and it is goddamn adorable.

Hellbound Angel by Nikki Avila

This breathtaking look at an apocalyptic future touches on personal growth, relationships, and finding your way home. The first novel by poet Nikki Avila is a page-turner that sheds light on the beautiful poet she has grown into.

Ghost of the Wooden Squid by Ryan Buynak

This was the first title of Ryan’s (and I think his third published collection?) Paradisiac had the pleasure of publishing. It was love at first read in this exciting showcase of everyone’s favorite anti-poet at the time.

Help me! I’m Fat! by Lauren Alexis Wood

Paradisiac founder/owner lost a pretty astounding amount of weight by getting really into CrossFit so she wrote a book sarcastically about it (aren’t you supposed to, like, just automatically get on Good Morning America if you lose more than 100 pounds?!). Although ridiculous, the book contains blank journal pages with silly motivational shouts should you or someone on your Christmas list have health on their mind heading into the new year. She actually kept the weight off so there just *might* be something to the very brief, yet impactful tips on health within the first few pages. The book also links to her fitness blog where she documented the entire 5-year journey.

100 Series Presents: Shades ($40 special price due to printing costs)

Quad City Lifestyle brand expert and reigning local positivity spokesperson Jaawan Arrington of the 100 Series shares the photos and stories of 100 incredible Quad Citizens who each shared an object of importance in these colorful pages. If you’d like a wonderfully eclectic look at what makes the Quad City area so special (hint: it’s the people), this is a fantastic investment/gift.

Angels & Inner Demons by Nikki Avila

In Nikki’s follow-up to Hellbound Angel, and first collection of beautiful poetry, this title touches on the light and the dark elements of the human experience.

Sleeping: I’m Just Not Good At It by Ryan Buynak

A Coyote Blood title, what does a poet do when he can’t sleep? He makes lists. Lots of them. This collection is a culmination of a restless man’s collection of things he must never forget.

Magnet by Ryan Drag

In this Coyote Blood title the lead singer of Heavy Birds holds nothing back in a complex collection of lyrical verse dedicated to the exploration of one’s subconscious mind.

Half Dollar Rebel by James R. Parkinson

In this gritty yet hilarious collection of heartfelt essays, a young man struggling to make his way in New York City begrudgingly makes his way to adulthood.

Misfit Tales by Nikki Avila

In this cerebral collection Nikki touches on growth, love, emotion, and finding your one, true self.

Writer Bartender Skateboarder by Ryan Buynak

A Coyote Blood Title ten years in the making, this fucking amazing collection is Ryan’s latest contribution to Rock & Roll Poetry.

The Necessaries by Misty Urban

In Paradisiac’s latest title, midieval literary scholar Misty Urban takes a step back from academia and a step into our hearts with a collection of riveting stories and character portraits with life lessons you won’t soon forget.

Scary Stories To Laugh At In The Dark by Lauren Alexis Wood

This title is an homage to Alvin Schwartz’s classic ‘Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark’... except with a humorous twist. Because the dark is scary! Also... some people might be familiar with laughing in the dark for another reason so this is just adding to the laughs!

Happy Cloud’s Fly Along by the Intro. to Children’s Literature Course (ENG 240) at Black Hawk College in Moline, IL (Fall 2018)

The perfect children’s book to read to your little snowflake at bedtime.

Being the President: An Outline by Lauren Alexis Wood

This is a children’s book for any young leader out there with big dreams on the importance of being nice and embracing teamwork. Also, it’s a children’s book specifically written for our current President, Donald Trump, and is a very easy-to-understand quick guide giving him some specific guidance on how to do his job. If someone needed to womansplain the presidency to Donald Trump for some reason, I imagine this could be looked at as an effective option in which to accomplish that feat. Something the whole family can enjoy!

Um, excuse me. Those all sound amazing and this is actually kind of impressive AF.

THANK. YOU.

If you are interested in a title, please shoot an email to paradisiacpublishing@gmail.com with the title(s) you are interested in and your mailing address. You will get an invoice sent your way ASAP. Pay the invoice and your books will be on their way.

❤️❤️❤️

[paradisiacpublishing]

ON SALE NOW

Paradisiac Publishing is INDIE AF, so naturally, the seamless distribution with Amazon and Barnes that’s been used for nearly a decade with no issues whatsoever is suddenly not synching properly nor is the sales integration on the website software that has been used with very few hiccups for almost as long.

No problem!

Most certainly not your problem.

You need to get your hands on this book because it is available for purchase RIGHT NOW.

YOUR FIRST AND BEST OPTION IS TO REACH OUT TO THE AUTHOR DIRECTLY.

Her email is misty@madwriters.net, she is also on Facebook (Author Misty Urban). She won’t bite (we promise) also, hello, why wouldn’t you want a signed copy? WHY?!

If you’re shy though, do not stress.

Simply send your name, mailing address, and email to paradisiacpublishing@gmail.com. You’ll get an emailed invoice within 24 hours. Problems/questions/concerns/issues/rather do a text than email?

Sure!

TEXT your name, mailing address, and email to (563) 528-9670. You’ll get an emailed invoice within 24 hours (sorry, until the smartphone scientists figure out how to send invoices via text you’ll have to use your email for just this one thing).

Pay the invoice and the book will be at your doorstep in no time.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for taking the extra time to support a local author, a local business, and independent print.

I know this isn’t *as cool* to you as an Amazon Prime drone but YOU are EXTREMELY cool for being patient with this process and choosing to support the local arts.

[paradisiacpublishing]

ATTN: Book Reviewers! We’ve got quite the title for you to check out

Paradisiac Publishing is pleased to announce Misty Urban’s newest collection of short stories, The Necessaries: Stories.

What do you do when the thing you most need isn’t what you thought?

The narrators of these thirteen wildly original and unforgettable stories all find out—in poignant, surprising, and sometimes painful ways—that the thing they thought they most need is not what they’ve been striving for all this time. Whether it’s starting a romance or ending one, raising babies or rescuing a friend, running an advice column or the most powerful country on the planet, their worlds fall apart and then get rebuilt, in surprising and tender ways, on the new discoveries rising from the rubble. Bold, sneaky, sometimes bewildered, and always jumping in feet first, these characters will steal your heart, turn it upside down, shake out all its contents, and give you back what you most need, polished, clear, and whole.

What readers are saying about The Necessaries:

“The women in these 13 stories are a lucky number. Urban deftly reveals their wants and needs in such a way that readers feel compelled to keep turning the page to find out what's going to happen, where they will go, what they will say, do and, perhaps most importantly, what they will think. Urban draws you in to the circumstances of their lives through prose so keen and almost unbearably lovely that it feels both mysterious and familiar. She creates complex characters who embody seemingly conflicting ways of being and yet, by the story’s end, you can't imagine there’s any other way for them to navigate their lives.”

--Christiana Langenberg, author of Half of What I Know

“Traversing the ordinary and the extraordinary (and everything in between), Misty Urban introduces us over and over again to our most human desire: to find connection with someone else.  Her stories explore the tenuous threads of her characters’ relationships with humor and grit, humility and abandon. When we’re desperately looking for others, we are sometimes lucky enough to find ourselves. With The Necessaries, Urban has kindly allowed us to borrow the map.”

—Sarah Gerkensmeyer, author of What You Are Now Enjoying

The book, to be released as a paperback, is slated for an early-November retail release and will be available online at major retailers like Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Please CLICK HERE to access an advance digital review copy. Please contact the author directly at misty@madwriters.net for the password. 

[paradisiacpublishing]

How To Become A Rich And Famous Author. No, Seriously. If That Is Your Goal, Here Are Step-By-Step Instructions.

Our current blog is a bit pricey and just kind of a pain in the you-know-what to maintain, so we’re migrating over to this one. 

In the meantime, Paradisiac Publishing will be taking pitches for new books next weekend (June 30th) as part of a local writing conference highlighting distinguished regional writers and authors. The conference is offering exceptional educational and developmental programming. If you’re local to the Quad City area and have a passion for writing, reading, or truly want to develop that within your own life, please come check it out.

Indie publishing, which is what we do here at Paradisiac Publishing, is not a quick road to fame and fortune. Pursuing anything independently can be a tough road full of ups and downs and huge and miserable mistakes and really amazing and seemingly-impossible successes. 

It can be hilarious fun, although hard work, but it’s not for everyone.  

The very honest truth of the matter is that if your goal is to be a well-known public figure FROM YOUR WRITING ALONE (i.e. you want to focus solely on that) and you are wanting to support yourself entirely AS A PUBLISHED AUTHOR ALONE (which again, FOCUSING ON ONE CAREER/PUBLIC PERSONA GENERALLY LEADS TO THIS TYPE OF SUCCESS), indie publishing may or may not be for you.

Given all that information, I felt it important that I outlined for anyone interested, exactly how to pursue the more traditional publishing route, which again, will be a much more efficient and likely chance for you to reach a goal of notoriety and substantial income as a well-known author.  

Are you ready? Here we go!

The following will explain a 5-step process on becoming a traditionally-published author in which you will have a much higher chance of becoming well-known for your published work AND you will have a potentially much better opportunity to make a substantial income from that published work.

Those steps include:

Step One

Conceptualize and fully-form your idea(s) into either a full manuscript (for works of fiction) OR a concrete and formal research proposal (for works of non-fiction).

Step Two

Hone your writing skills. Take classes. Attend workshops. 

Are you local to the Quad Cities? 

HANG OUT WITH THESE PEOPLE!

Practice those skills as often as you can and get your work published. By “get your work published” I mean if you’re a fiction writer, get your writing published in blogs with an audience, magazines, anthologies, and collections in your genre, etc. You can even self-publish or independently publish something as long as it’s not the exact words you are hoping to traditionally publish. If you are a non-fiction writer or journalist, aim for newspapers, non-fiction magazines, and peer-reviewed journals in your field. 

The reason for this is so that you have a substantial body of work to appeal to an agent. 

Most people wouldn’t just apply to a job with absolutely no prior credentialing or experience to show for themselves. Professional writing is no different. Professionalism is key, and a portfolio is important.

Step Three

Once you have a portfolio of work, it’s important that you work on developing the idea you plan to approach an agent with. Is your idea focused enough and understandable to a large enough group to make it potentially commercially profitable? By that I mean have you created something that fits a genre well enough to appeal to the majority of its members? In this day and age there is an audience for pretty much anything, however for traditional corporate publishing an agent is going to want to see the potential for sales. They will be essentially pitching you and your idea(s) to a group of folks with a lot of cash and asking them to trust the three of you (your agent, you, and your idea) enough to hand over a potentially large portion of that cash as an investment that they will very much need a return on. Make it easy for your agent to do that by giving them a well-developed potential product (your book).

Step Four

Find the right agent. If you are writing a science fiction novel, do not waste your time pitching it to an agent who works mostly with celebrities who publish vegan cookbooks. What I mean is that they may get a great laugh at your hard work and creativity, but you are just going to experience either the sounds of silent ignoring or a potentially ego-crushing rejection letter. You’ll get rejection letters regardless, but if you’d like less of them and to actually have a chance at someone hearing you out, pitch to an agent looking for what you’re offering. The two best ways to find those agents are reading authors’ words of acknowledgement in books mirroring the type of writing you are attempting (many authors will thank their agents - just look for a name and head on over to Google) OR purchase/subscribe to and use the latest (the most recent calendar year’s edition) Writer’s Market.

Step Five

Once you secure an agent who will champion for you and your idea, LISTEN TO THEM. They will guide you on your proposal creation and they will help you not only fine tune your proposed book as a marketing presentation and unpolished-polished product to package and hand over but allow you to help yourself by helping them to sell you and your idea to a publisher.

The Bottom Line:

If you are serious, and truly want to become a well-known and well-paid author, following these steps and in this order is key. Straying from this path could be an express route to rejection and/or taking the much-harder DIY route, which we fucking love here at Paradisiac Publishing, but again, this is not for everyone. Especially a very talented writer with a commercially-viable idea who is actively seeking a career as a substantiated author.

On that note, happy writing!

With Love, 

Lauren Alexis Wood (owner/founder of Paradisiac Publishing)