paradoxolotl

[paradoxolotl]

Dear Diary,

Today I have acquired a new blorbo. It is, of course, a wretched little man with a somewhat twisted sense of honour. I put him in my blorbo basket and carried him home. Tomorrow I shall display him on the mantel when my friend comes for tea.

[paradoxolotl]

life can't be that bad when there's still cat and other assorted creatures

[paradoxolotl]

Mother sloth reunites with her baby

[paradoxolotl]

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

[paradoxolotl]

if you make blue daytime cold pills and sleep one white you should jail

[paradoxolotl]

I love when authors get all hyped about their own fics and the plot twists they just dropped. Like, I’ll scroll down to the author’s note and it’ll be something like, “omg you guys I can't believe that just happened!!!” — as if they weren’t the ones who literally wrote it 😭😭 It’s so cute. It makes me ten times more excited to read because if the author’s losing their mind, I know I’m about to lose mine too.

[paradoxolotl]

whenever i read books i cannot actually imagine what the characters look like, they're all somewhat like this.

[paradoxolotl]

The great thing about Gus is that he perfectly oscillates from playing the annoyed straight man to Shawn’s general insanity to yes-anding to an insane degree. For every moment where he says no Shawn, you did not hear that both ways there’s a moment where he, with no prompting, claims that his fictitious grandmother with a broken hip was teaching a line dancing class. For every time he says Shawn, stop messing around at work, there is a time where after Shawn says he’s been “looking at the man in the mirror”, Gus, in a move that never ever fails to make me laugh, with a completely straight face and no impact on the conversation, does the Michael Jackson “he-he”. He’s insane. He thinks he’s normal. He does 11 point turns. He’s a sympathetic crier.

[paradoxolotl]

need more “guish” words. anguish. extinguish. languish. great for when a character is bleeding out on the floor

[paradoxolotl]

i want. a cicada on one arm and a crayfish on the other

[paradoxolotl]

Coming outta test feeling just fine and the spouse chose violence

[paradoxolotl]

this what im going thru rn. if anyone gaf

[paradoxolotl]

Babe: mom. This house…is FULL of babies

Me: oh?

Babe: I’m collecting them in my toolbox.

Me: okay? That’s nice

Babe: can I have one of your things?

Me: which one?

Babe, exasperated beyond measure: UUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Me: ?????????

[paradoxolotl]

my criteria for liking music is like well there has to be noises

[paradoxolotl]

I feel like "thanks to bisexuals and gen z" deserves a place in the tumblr meme phrases

[paradoxolotl]

Found that over at mastodon