paragonindustries

[paragonindustries]

GLOSSARY:

DATAWIPE, The - an event that happened some 20 years ago - the largest, and, indeed, first ever full-office powercut. So named because it caused a solid two hours' worth of technological information to be erased completely out of every computer's memory and, indeed, off every hard drive themselves.

Nobody is quite sure what casued it, but proceeding this, every online record is now to be followed up by a paper copy of documentation, to ensure valuable efforts are not wasted again.

MSRHWSHG/MHRHWHHG/MTRHWTHG - A shortened form of the traditional prayer following the mention of Walked Away employees as a sign of respect or well-wishing- it stands for "May (She/He/They) Rest Happily Wherever (She/He/They) (Has/Have) Gone". Usually only used in written form, it's a nightmare to say out loud. Or explain in full, apparently.

WALKED AWAY - a term used to discuss Employees who are no longer with us, or in employment- alive, of course, but Elsewhere.

[paragonindustries]

EMPLOYEE RECORD NUMBER FIVE:

NUMBER: Em Emp E Oh god sorry excuse me Employee #000

ALIAS: 'Zero'.

AGE: Apparently, that's rude to ask. I mean, ulp. Old enough to be wise and young enough to be- uh- handsome?

POSITION: The big boss. The big, big boss. The large boss in charge of and with total diction over every single increment of the office and the man with total control over my paychecks so really I just have to pray he doesn't see this haha

PUBLIC OPINION: Why, everybody likes him, of course! What's not to like? He's so...strong and good at leadership! He's so, uh, leader-y!

NOTED EXPEREINCES/CLAIMS: Ohhhhgh he's so good at running this place oh he's so amazing at harnessing the power of the universe to control the boundaries of the office oh he's doing marvellously at allowing our office to span chunks of the multiverse with its sheer expanse oh all these pocket dimensions are so real and scintillating oh he's mastering control over time too-- has he stopped looking? Good.

[paragonindustries]

EMPLOYEE RECORD NUMBER FOUR:

NUMBER: Employee #235

ALIAS (IF APPLICABLE): N/A. He's boring.

AGE: 22

POSITION: Chief-in-head of health and safety. Haha. Yes, I know. I know. This place would be much more dangerous without him, though, I assure you.

PUBLIC OPINON: About 50/50, really. Actually, more than that. About 80/20 towards the positive. Look at that! He's liked. That's nice :). I guess some people really like being healthy and safe, huh?

NOTED EXPEREINCES/CLAIMS: No cemented notation, nor claims stated one way or another. However, it has to be recorded that, at least as of right now, #235 is following an incredible, incredible string of good luck. Wherever they go, seemingly by complete coincidence, things simply go very, very well for him. Not enough to be cemented in powers mystical or otherwise, but- well, still surprising.

[paragonindustries]

EMPLOYEE RECORD NUMBER THREE:

NUMBER: Employee #999

ALIAS (IF APPLICABLE): '9'. Employee #009 goes by the full title of '009', and similarly with #099, so no real argument from opposing sources is brooked on this point.

AGE: 23

POSITION: No real position or job.

PUBLIC OPINION: Heavily negative. Okay, well nobody's ever wrote a letter about how much they want to grind #999s head into a computer screen, it has to be said, but theyre still not particularly liked. Nobody really goes 'oh, goody, Employee #999!'. Except me. Just now. So there's that.

NOTED EXPEREINCES/CLAIMS: Claims to be able to see "ghosts". Mostly "ghosts" of previous Employee #999s, but has volunteered information about witnessing other Walked Away employees long after their absence, despite neither of these groups technically qualifying as being dead.

[paragonindustries]

EMPLOYEE RECORD NUMBER TWO:

NUMBER: Employee #432

ALIAS (IF APPLICABLE): N/A, unless the title of 'Office Bastard' also categorises itself here.

AGE: 22

POSITION: Office Bastard Subject of Varying Experimenation To Note The Make-Up Of Our World

PUBLIC OPINION: I'm writing this report on the back of a complaint form that details in excruciating amounts how its author wishes to seize 432 by his quote, unuote, 'greasy mess he so voraciously calls hair', grind 432's face into a monitor screen until some quite unfortunate things happen, and then simply trails off into writing 'I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him' over and over with near-maddened ferocity, so it's perhaps safe to say he's gently disliked.

NOTED EXPEREINCES/CLAIMS: Claims he cannot die. Results currently inconclusive, given he has never publicly suffered any life-threatening situations either way (seemingly despite the best efforts of the author of this lovely complaint form), but his faith in this idea is still unwavering. Perhaps there's some grain of truth to it after all.

[paragonindustries]

EMPLOYEE RECORD NUMBER ONE:

NUMBER: Employee #144

ALIAS (IF APPLICABLE): Sometimes referred to as '4' in shorthand, much to the consternation of Employee #004. #144 claims it is a title she deserves more, having twice the number of '4's in her name. The reactions of Employees #044 and #444 have yet to be noted on this discussion.

AGE: 20

POSITION: Chief In-High Lord And Queen of All Powerpoints And Presentations And Little Shitty Videos With Way Too Many Transition Effects (Self-proclaimed title.)

PUBLIC OPINION: About 50/50. Overtaking the position of the previous #144 (MSRHWSHG) has placed her in quite a positive light from a young age, but her constant drawing of phallic imagery across the desks of the meeting rooms has dampened public opinion quite a lot. Results still inconclusive.

NOTED EXPEREINCES/CLAIMS: The fact she seems the catalyst to the Datawipe is probably the most fitting information to place in this segment - beyond that, no noted happenings nor personal claims otherwise.