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If Hamilton Were a House

I am super excited for this post because I am finally combining my two favorite things: Harry Potter and Hamilton.  And, as a literary analyst, I am combining them in the best way I know how:

If Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr were sorted into Hogwarts Houses, what Houses would they be in?

There is no doubt in my mind that Alexander Hamilton would be sorted into Gryffindor and Aaron Burr would be sorted into Slytherin.

No, Burr is not a Slytherin because he is evil and fatally shot Hamilton, and no, Hamilton is not a Gryffindor because he is the good and brave war hero and martyr.  Simply stated, Alexander Hamilton is a Gryffindor because he recklessly does what he strongly believes in while Aaron Burr is a Slytherin because of his drive to protect what is most important to him and very meticulous way of going about it.  There are four songs that best represent this idea: “Aaron Burr, Sir”, “Wait For It”, “The Room Where It Happens”, and “The Election of 1800.”  

“Aaron Burr, Sir” Loosely defined, Gryffindors have strong opinions and will be as in-your-face as they can in order to make sure that their beliefs are known to everyone around them.  Slytherins, on the other hand, are very protective of what they hold closest to them and are very calm and calculated in how they choose to act (if they even choose to act at all).  That is precisely why Hamilton impulsively “may have punched [the bursar], it’s a blur, sir” over a simple disagreement of opinion while Burr stands by the idea that in order to get ahead, you need to “talk less, smile more.  Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.”

Hamilton, of course, is bewildered by what Burr says.  He has always been a bull in a china shop, always reacting first and thinking later, and so he can’t even begin to comprehend what life would be like if he simply just stood by and did nothing.  Because that is the most important part: working for the cause he believes in.  “If you stand for nothing, Burr, what will you fall for?”

But that’s the thing – Burr doesn’t want to fall.  Falling is the worst-case scenario, for to him, status and reputation are so much more important than having something to stand for.  Thus, he does the only thing that will guarantee both not falling and continuing to (slowly but surely) “get ahead” and does nothing at all.

For the time being, at least.

“Wait For It” While Gryffindors are out there going and doing, Slytherins stand by what is theirs, or what they believe is destined to become theirs.  No matter what happens, whether that’s falling for a married woman, losing his parents, or watching as Hamilton continues to rise above him, Burr is always “willing to wait for it,” “it” being the comeuppance he so fiercely deserves.  He continues to protect his girlfriend, his parents��� legacy, and his place within George Washington’s militia because they are his, and the number one priority is to always protect what is yours.  And then, you “wait for it,” because “if there’s a reason [Burr is] still alive when so many have died,” then that reason will always come to those who wait.

Hamilton, on the other hand, doesn’t “wait for it.”  He “doesn’t hesitate,” he “takes and he takes and he takes and he keeps winning anyway," changing the game by going out there and doing rather than just waiting.  Hamilton does everything in the complete opposite way from how Burr thinks things should be done, and Burr is just baffled that it works.  However, he continues to “wait for it,” because that is what he knows and understands to be the best way of continuing to protect what is his.

For the time being, at least.

“The Room Where It Happens” What drives a Gryffindor is their need to do what they believe is right, while a Slytherin is motivated by their need to protect what they have and to get what they deserve.  Though Burr can be extremely arrogant, sometimes even more so than Hamilton, he is also very self-conscious.  He doesn’t feel as though he fits in with his fellow politicians unless he is there in the thick of things with them, and thus, he wants to be “in the room where it happens.”  Being absent, not invited, or just not allowed to attend these important events due to his status angers Burr, because not only does he feel excluded, he also feels like that opportunity he has been so diligently waiting for is being unjustly taken away from him.

Hamilton’s advice on this matter just about rocks Burr’s world: “When you got skin in the game, you stay in the game, but you don’t get a win unless you play in the game.”  If Burr goes and gets the opportunity rather than just waiting for the opportunity to come to him, he might “get love for it”, he might “get hate for it”, but in the end, he will actually get something.  The question “If you stand for nothing, Burr, what will you fall for?” has finally been answered: Burr stands for his place in the status quo, and he finally understands what it means to have something to fight for.

“The Election of 1800” Finally, it is the moment we have all been waiting for – well, not the moment that will inevitably end the story (and Hamilton’s life), but the election to determine the country’s third president.

Due to the destruction of his reputation and the recent loss of his son, Hamilton is not running in this election, but still being a respected member of the political community, he has an important decision to make: who to endorse for presidency.  And, as many of the members of the Federalist party don’t support their leading candidate John Adams, they look to Hamilton for advice on which of the two Democratic-Republican candidates they should vote for, Thomas Jefferson or Aaron Burr.  And, despite the fact that they don’t get along and are in opposition on every belief and ideal in existence, the endorsement goes to Jefferson.

While he may be political enemies with Jefferson, Hamilton recognizes that he at least has something he is willing to stand for, has a direction that he will lead the country in, and as the Gryffindor who is willing to die (literally) for the cause, that alone takes precedence above everything else.  He at least “has beliefs” while “Burr has none.”  Burr may have learned how to fight for and go after what he wants, but he still prioritizes simply having power over having something to use that power for.  He has learned how to fight, but like the Slytherin he is, as long as he’s at the top, Burr doesn’t care about having something to fight for - or rather, as has been foreseen, to fall for.

In essence, Hamilton’s definition of “getting ahead” means being able to further your ideals and leave behind a legacy that will steer others in the right direction, and Burr believes that getting ahead is just that – getting ahead.  The Gryffindor will fight to the death (literally) in order to spread his message, to leave his legacy, and the Slytherin will die protecting, defending, and trying to dominate what they believe is (or should be) rightfully theirs.

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The Only Time She Ever Cried

The Harry Potter series is full of incredibly tragic, miserable, and just plain sad moments.  We readers cried at everything from the time when Harry longed for his parents in the Mirror of Erised to Sirius Black’s death to when Harry walks to his own end in the Forbidden Forest, but interestingly enough, according to her editor, the story’s own creator didn’t cry at any of that.

What?

Are you kidding me?!

How could you NOT be sobbing uncontrollably and crying your eyes out?!  Do you have no heart?!

No, no, I can assure you that Jo Rowling does not have a heart of stone and can actually feel emotions when such emotions need to be felt--she was just well-prepared for what needed to be written.

However, there was a time where Jo Rowling cried while writing.  Just one, but it was a big one.

The only time Jo Rowling's editor ever saw her cry during the entire process of writing the Harry Potter books was when she created another Harry Potter.

I started this post a long time ago, back when Jo Rowling was only ever in the media for reasons that had to do specifically with the original series, so obviously now learning about her thought process while writing the books doesn’t feel nearly as meaningful.  However, I still thought that it might be interesting to share.

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Heart-breaking but also uplifting

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What each house wants out of their research

Gryffindor: information that aligns with their beliefs and ideals

Hufflepuff: information that brings people together

Slytherin: information that will help them get ahead in life

Ravenclaw: the truth

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I am excited to announce that I have finally accomplished my dream of winning first place in a Harry Potter trivia competition!!!!! #Aeronaut #FirstPlace #HarryPotter #WeAreAmazing https://www.instagram.com/p/BrRd9mklh_-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ipiv3d9kuxyu

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Where was this when I was in high school?!

https://www.popsugar.com/celebrity/Harry-Potter-High-School-Dance-Team-Homecoming-Routine-45365954

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The Entire Building is a Sorting Hat

Ever wonder why it’s just so darn difficult to get to class, to find the bathrooms, and to just move around Hogwarts in general?  Want to know why Ravenclaw and Gryffindor ended up in towers while Slytherin and Hufflepuff stayed under the ground?

Well, here is your perfectly-fitting answer.

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Random store on Newberry Street It’s not even noon and I’ve already had the best day Luna basically describes my life

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Hermione, the Most Badass Hypocrite There Ever Was <3

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What Is Loyalty?

I was online the other day reading random Harry Potter articles (like I often do) when I stumbled upon an article on Quora about the Hogwarts Houses.  The question was “Which Hogwarts house would you get rid of and why?” and the top answer was an article written about why the writer would get rid of Gryffindor House.

Of course, there was instant uproar at this.

“Gryffindors are the soldiers that protect and guard your nation bravely and fiercely when you are sleeping at night,” so “no, they are not useless, and we very much require them!”

“[Gryffindors] are the people who take a leap of faith, [do the] things that require courage!”

In the books, Gryffindor is defined by bravery and nerve, and as the article claimed, those descriptors cannot be valued in the same way that hard work and loyalty (Hufflepuff), knowledge and intellect (Ravenclaw), and ambition and resourcefulness (Slytherin) can.

However, at this point, one of the responders took hold of the word “loyalty.”  Gryffindors, they claimed, are much more loyal than Hufflepuffs.  “Passive loyalty is placed in Hufflepuff,” and “those who are prepared to die for it [are] in Gryffindor.”  That is why, they claimed, soldiers fighting in the military are members solely of Gryffindor house, for no one else would be brave enough to do what they are doing.

In retaliation, the original writer responded that “loyalty is explicitly reserved for Hufflepuff and for Slytherin, though the types of loyalty are very different.”  Loyalty is not the same thing as bravery, and putting the former above the latter would automatically take a soldier OUT of Gryffindor and place him or her into Hufflepuff or Slytherin.

I both agree and disagree with this last statement.  Yes, the types of loyalty that define Hufflepuff and Slytherin are very different, but no, loyalty is not explicitly reserved for just those two houses.  Loyalty can be found in each house, and each house values their own form of the quality:

Hufflepuffs are loyal to all people Slytherins are loyal to those of their own social circles Gryffindors are loyal to their own morals and beliefs Ravenclaws are loyal to their thoughts and desires (therefore making them the people who are most likely to be true to themselves)

Because of this, the definition of loyalty that we best know (and is associated with the series) is embodied by Hufflepuff House.  But when you look at all meanings of the work, all houses value loyalty.  Therefore, a soldier fighting in the military could be considered a member of any of the houses, depending on what he or she is fighting for:

Their beliefs--Gryffindor Their country--Hufflepuff Their family back home--Slytherin Simply because they want to join the military--Ravenclaw

Thus, I have come to the conclusion that if asked which of the Hogwarts Houses I would choose to eliminate, I would choose to eliminate all of them.  Separating people based on their personality traits and what they choose to value in life just leads to hostility, prejudice, and exclusivity.  As Dumbledore says in response to Voldemort’s return, “we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided,” and separating by house does nothing BUT divide.  Growth and understanding are triggered by learning about and reflecting on the differences of others, and being around people who think and act in the same way that you do causes nothing but ignorance and static perception. And, as we have seen with loyalty, just because a person of one house values something doesn’t mean that a person of another house doesn’t value that same thing.  More often than not, the lines between the houses are so blurred that it becomes impossible to tell them apart.  Unless we treat the system as it was originally written to be, with one house as good, one house as evil, one house as helpful, and one house as I-don’t-really-care-what-happens-either-way, doesn’t everyone really have the same goals of getting good grades, making friends, learning to do magic, and not destroying the Wizarding World in the end?

*However, as this system and the characters surrounding it aren’t real (as far as we know), it is still fun to play around with characterizing and sorting them, so I will continue doing so!

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Why Ron Is Not A Hufflepuff and Harry Is

Case and point.

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Random Facts

I thought this was pretty cool to learn about, and I’m posting the link here so others can learn about it, too.  Here are a few of my thoughts while reading:

1. Child actors (especially Tom Felton) are hilariously amazing. 2. The fact that Jo Rowling incorporates so many of her past experiences into her writing makes these stories all the more interesting, insightful, and relatable, and I thank her for that! 3. I knew several of these facts already. 4. I am still mad at Jo Rowling for publicly regretting putting Ron and Hermione together, because they are perfect for each other <3 5. There is so much amazing foreshadowing within the story, even expanding multiple books and plot lines! 6. Props to the films for taking care to accurately represent many of the books’ minute details, but I still don’t understand why they had to skimp out on the characters and plot lines.....? 7. I never really thought about how wasteful and anti-green film sets can be...and also how much it sucks for actors to be stuck in certain (smelly) environments :P 10. I love Ron/Rupert Grint.  So much.

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The Potterverse

One day I just decided to research all the important dates that have ever occurred in the Wizarding World--at least, all that dates that Harry would find importance in.  I looked through the books, read Harry Potter wiki pages, and talked to other Potterheads in order to gather all of the information I needed, and then I make a timeline.  So here it is, for your viewing pleasure!  Most everything is exact information I found, with a few approximations (ex: was Albus Potter born in late 2005 or early 2006 in order to make him a first year beginning in fall of 2017?).  And I included so Harry Potter pics to make it pretty, as well :)

Because the print is so small in the above picture, here is a link so you can view and zoom in to it at you leisure!  https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1mp1bQLEWiXRZ0W-suOz0qQJa8zudl97O

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Fan Fiction Bringing a New Perspective

I was on Facebook today, just scrolling through my newsfeed, and I found an amazing piece of fan fiction that was posted by MuggleNet.com.  I loved Cedric Diggory, the entirety of the fourth book, and how its events affected everything that was to come in both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds, but this story really brought new perspective to Harry Potter.  It showed how a single detail can change the entire meaning of the story and the powerful message it sends to its readers.

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The Many Houses of Hermione

So I was thinking about it, and really, Hermione is a great representation of all four of the Hogwarts houses.  She has so many sides to her personality, multiple ways of thinking about different things, and numerous sets of values when it comes to her morals and interests, and each seems to align with a particular house.  Hermione showcases her many-sided personality, multiple ways of thinking, and different kinds of values in a different way in each book, and because of this, we can characterize each version of her into a Hogwarts house.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone--Ravenclaw Hermione is such a know-it-all in this book.  She isn’t afraid to tell a random boy in her class (Ron) that he is doing everything wrong when it comes to spell-casting (Wingardium Leviosa), she tells Harry and Ron off for making her break rules and risk expulsion and the end of her academic life (which is apparently worse than dying), and when she does decide to break the rules, it’s so that she can research Nicolas Flamel, lean all about him, and use that knowledge to solve a mystery.  Even at the Golden Trio’s first meeting, all she does is brag about how many books she’s read and how much information she knows because of it.  If the person who worships learning and knowledge and information and uses it to her (obnoxious) advantage isn’t the epitome of Ravenclaw, I don’t know what is.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets--Ravenclaw In this book, Hermione isn’t as much of a know-it-all, but her thirst for knowledge and logical closure prevails nevertheless, particularly as she researches how to make the Polyjuice Potion and uses her love of learning to solve the mystery of the Chamber of Secrets.  She uses her detective skills to pick up on clues that help her to figure out why Harry is hearing voices in the walls and what the monster of the Chamber is, and she is completely prepared when it comes to things like ensuring Crabbe and Goyle are out of the way for Harry and Ron to change into and using mirrors to protect Muggle-Borns from the eyes of the Basilisk.  Hermione even shows her need for justice with the Howler that Mrs. Weasley sends to Ron, for, whether friends or not, he (and Harry) need to be punished for breaking the rules.  Hermione has the perfect balance of curiosity, preparation, and problem-solving skills, and as Ron so accurately puts it, her Ravenclaw-inspired thirst to be right and thoroughly accurate is “because that’s what Hermione does.  When in doubt, go to the library.”

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban--Slytherin This is the point where Hermione starts to show a different side of herself, and a highly stubborn and self-righteous one at that.  When you think of third-year Hermione, what comes to mind--at least for me--are her fight with Ron about Crookshanks and how she walked out on Trelawney, and Hermione handles both of those things in very Slytherin ways.  Crookshanks is Hermione’s beloved cat who, ever since she adopted him, comes with Hermione everywhere she goes, and when Ron starts to complain about it, she gets very angry and defensive.  To her, Crookshanks is her cat, her family, and it is completely inappropriate and uncalled for for Ron to say anything that contradicts that, even if it’s true that Crookshanks is trying to eat Scabbers.  These possessive feelings toward Crookshanks blind Hermione to the facts of reality, that cats eat rats, therefore causing a fight between her and Ron.  Similarly, Hermione has a very strong view of how she likes to learn--facts out of books that can be physically learned and practiced--and when that specific method is challenged by Trelawney’s ways of teaching Divination, she feels threatened.  Hermione has a hard time adjusting to a new way of thinking, and because she feels criticized both by that and by that fact that Trelawney is actually criticizing her, she decides that she is just done.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire--Slytherin Here, it is her senses of pride, loyalty, and vengefulness that attribute to Hermione’s character.  She dedicates the majority of this book to helping Harry survive the Triwizard Tournament, again prioritizing her friends above all else.  She helps Harry to learn about the dragons and meet with Sirius, not objecting to his sneaking out past curfew and even offering to break rules herself by letting off dungbombs in the common room.  Hermione nags Harry over and over again that his first priority must be figuring out the dragon egg’s clue (because that will help him to survive and therefore make her happy), and when Harry needs to practice jinxes for the maze in the third task, she sacrifices her own need of studying for her exams in order to help him.  Though these acts may seem selfless, they are only so because they are for Harry, who is a part of her family. Had this been happening to any other person, Hermione probably wouldn’t have cared as much (or even at all).  Similarly, Hermione goes after Rita Skeeter because of her exploitations of Hagrid, another person she has come to call her own.  Her cunning ambition leads her to discover the truth, and once she finds it, Hermione uses it as leverage over Rita to keep her from attacking her friends ever again.  She even tells Ron that after a while, Rita will be back to writing horrible stuff, but as long as that horrible stuff isn’t about any of Hermione’s people, it doesn’t matter.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix--Gryffindor Hermione demonstrates her strong beliefs and desires in this book, showcased both in her want to help others, in her narrow-mindedness, and in her desire for others to listen to her.  One of her main struggles in this book is the search for elf rights, which began in the previous novel and has now turned into physical activism.  As others are wary, indignant, and even critical of her beliefs, she has decided to help the elves herself by making them clothes so that they can be free.  Freedom is what the elves truly want and is the best thing that can happen to them, despite what everyone else tells her.  However, too wrapped up in her beliefs, Hermione fails to take into account what the elves actually want, forcing clothes and freedom on them when they like their lives as servants.  Another instance where Hermione acts similarly is when she jinxes the list of DA members so that whoever squeals on them will be sure to regret it.  The main point of this action is to punish those who don’t think like her or value her beliefs.  By signing the parchment, the characters are (unknowingly) agreeing to break school rules in order to follow Hermione’s rules, and disobeying those are like waking a sleeping giant.  In a way, this can be seen as a Slytherin act, that anyone who tries to harm her friends and her school and her defense group has got to go, but at a base level, this is seen as a disagreement of morals and ideas, which is inherently Gryffindor.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince--Hufflepuff Ignoring the stupid love triangles between her, Ron, and Lavender and between her, Ron, and McLaggen, Hermione is all about working hard, following rules, and playing fairly in this book.  This especially shows in how Hermione treats Harry in Potions classes, while doing Potions homework, and any other time that the Half-Blood Prince is mentioned.  Because Harry uses the Prince’s tips and bits of advice to get ahead in Potions class rather than following the intended instructions like everyone else, Hermione gets angry and accuses him of cheating.  This could be because, as Ron says, she doesn’t like seeing someone else beat her at something, but I think that it is more likely that Hermione doesn’t like seeing someone else beat her at something who doesn’t deserve it.  Hermione thinks that in order to be the top student, you need to learn as much as you can and work and study hard (all while following the rules), and Harry does not do this.  He simply follows what the Prince wrote and makes her look bad in comparison.  She understands that Harry’s way of doing things may produce better results, but because it is not he who came up with these modifications and yet it is he who takes the credit for them, Hermione is bitter.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows--Slytherin This is a book in which Hermione is all duty and no nonsense.  Harry is her friend who she would do anything for, even if that means months of tricky spell work and intricate planning, sending her parents away to another continent, and risking her life in the process.  She made a promise to him and Ron, and her refusal to back out (even when the latter does) shows her unbreakable loyalty to the commitments she makes.  Showing a bit of her Hufflepuff side, Hermione is thorough, careful, and cautious every step of the way, doing everything herself when the boys fail to help her, but this ultimately comes through as Slytherin reasoning because it is motivated by duty rather than a want to help.  Also a sign of Slytherin reasoning, Hermione’s aversion to believing Xenophilius Lovegood’s (not so) ludicrous tale of the Deathly Hallows shows her no-nonsense personality when it comes to the impractical and the illogical.  She is especially reluctant to accept this idea because it provides a distraction from their original mission, which is what first and foremost needs to get done.  There is no time for nonsense when there is a duty to be done.

However, though Hermione is able to show us how she is representative of all four houses throughout the series, I still think that she is a Slytherclaw.  From what we have seen, much of Hermione’s motivation for what she does is driven by her want to protect those she feels connected to and her ambitious desire to accomplish a task (Slytherin), and though it might only be explicitly stated above in the first two books of the series, Hermione accomplishes everything she does in a very planned, analyzed, and calculated way (Ravenclaw).  As J.K. Rowling herself has said, the series grew and developed as it progressed (which explains why I had less to write about with the first couple books) and Hermione’s Ravenclaw habits, which were previously the only things that defined her, grew into habits that stemmed from Slytherin motivations.

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Antonin Dolohov is Petrified AGAIN

Has anyone ever realized that every single time Antonin Dolohov makes an appearance in the books, he is hit with the full body-bind Petrificus Totalus curse?  And that often, he is hit multiple times in each instance?  And that no other spell is ever used against him (at least that we are able to see)?

1--Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries After realizing that Sirius is not in the Department of Mysteries and finding a prophecy with his name on it, a group of Death Eaters appear out of nowhere to take it from him.  During the chase, Harry, Hermione, and Neville are separated from Ron, Luna, and Ginny and chased by Dolohov and Jugson into the Time Chamber.  After breaking Neville’s wand (and nose) and using an unknown spell to silently knock Hermione unconscious, Harry uses the full body-bind curse on him.  Later, when the Order of the Phoenix comes to the students’ rescue, Harry uses Petrificus Totalus on Dolohov again.  So basically, he is revived from the curse only to have it used on him again.

2--Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows during the skirmish at a café on Tottenham Court Road When the Golden Trio escapes from Bill and Fleur’s wedding to a café on Tottenham Court Road, a mysterious pair of workmen who aren’t really workmen sit at a nearby booth.  At the last minute, Harry recognizes them as two Death Eaters, Dolohov and Rowle, and Hermione is able to cast Petrificus Totalus on Dolohov while Harry stuns Rowle, and she then wipes their memories.

3--Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows during the Battle of Hogwarts On their way down to the Whomping Willow in order to find Voldemort and kill Nagini, the Golden Trio runs into a group of fighters on whom Peeves is throwing Snargaluff Pods.  The three are covered with the Invisibility Cloak and therefore go unnoticed, that is until a Pod hits Ron and a few of the Death Eater fighters, including Dolohov, realizes that someone there is invisible.  Parvati Patil takes advantage of Dolohov’s distraction and uses the moment to cast the full body-bind curse on him.

I just think that this little detail is really hilarious.  It really doesn’t matter what a a person has to do to overcome a Death Eater, but the fact that one character is only ever and repeatedly hit by one particular spell is kind of funny and pretty clever on Jo Rowling’s part.  It causes that moment of “Damn it, not again!” that we can all understand and relate to, and I almost feel a little bit badly for Dolohov.

Almost, but also not at all, because he’s a Death Eater and so deserves it.

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Fan Theories (Part 2)

This theory is ridiculous.  This theory is hilarious.  This theory really makes you think about something you would never have actually thought about, or even cared about.  

This is the theory that explores the question of “Is Stan Shunpike really a Death Eater?”  How could the gangly, acne-ridden and not-so-bright conductor of the Knight Bus be a Death Eater?  Yes, the one who thought that Harry Potter was really Neville Longbottom and who claimed to be the youngest-ever Minister of Magic just to impress a bunch of Veela.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but he is, and his partner in crime is not Ernie Prang, but Madam Marsh.

At least according to this theory.

Awww, look at him!  How could that cute little guy ever be in league with Voldemort?!?!?!?!

Well he is.  And apparently, Madam Marsh helps him--it’s a team effort.  See, what happens is that Stan lures people onto the Knight Bus with his charm (or because they actually need to go somewhere), piques their interest with his charismatic personality, and then Madam Marsh comes in, steals their stuff, and claims that she has to get off the bus early because she is “sick.”  For, both times that Harry has ridden the Knight Bus and witnessed Stan in action, Madam Marsh is also there.  And gets sick.  And has to be “let off first 'cos she isn’t feelin’ ‘er best.”  And thus, this plan never fails.

This is a brilliant theory, thank you times a million to whoever wrote it.  It makes complete sense.  Of COURSE Death Eater Stan Shunpike would want to find Harry and “pretend” that he doesn’t know who he really is, only for the Minister of Magic to come in and inconveniently snatch him away.  Of COURSE Stan would want to lay low when Harry rides the Knight Bus with Tonks and Lupin, for they are members of Order of the Phoenix who would be able to see right through his plot.  And of COURSE Stan would want to play himself up as the youngest-ever Minister of Magic to those Veela, who WOULDN’T want to make a Veela think you’re impressive?

And, each time that we get to see the Knight Bus, Madam Marsh is always able to make her escape.  Maybe she didn’t get a chance to steal Harry’s stuff, or Ron’s, or Hermione’s, but are there NOT sleeping people on the Knight Bus?  It’s too easy!

It’s true that Stan DID get himself arrested by bragging about his Death Eater status, but, as we’ve already established, that’s not out of character for him.  Like how he acted with the Veela, Stan just got a little carried away.  After all, no one ever said he wasn’t kind of a moronic show-off, just a Voldemort-serving mastermind crime lord!