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[parellelminds-blog]

Dec 30 2017

What a year. As the year comes to an end and I reflect on this year I have had both really great times and bad times. I feel like if anything I’ve learnt a great deal about myself and man do I need a lot of work. I suck. I am so dependent on other people for my happiness its sad and wow am I negative. 

Positives of 2017

- Set a wedding date

- Seems as if my mom is happy about dapinder

-Being in school

Negatives of 2017

-Three seizures

-Not being about to find a new job as of yet

-Grandma getting diagnosed with alzhemiers

-Debo died

-Mom got spinal TB

It really is hard to put all these things aside and think you know what despite all these things I am great and I deserve the best. I really dont believe it myself but if I dont how will anyone else? Loving yourself not only helps you but it helps your relationships with everyone around you. You are more happy more positive and you attract great things. It is so hard to keep on track though

[parellelminds-blog]

Nov 14 2017

Hello 

clearly consistency isnt my strong suit im sorry. Haha. So 2017. What a yearrrr. First debo died :( Debo you were an amazing dog and you will always have a place in my heart moochy I love you so much! Since my last post I had 2 more seizures. One at home that I somewhat remember, I rmbr my left hand going behind my back and in my mind thinking what the fuck is happening and feeling myself falling back and hearing my mom yell my name behind me. So from talking to my neurologist he thinks that was a complex partial. AND then I had one more seizure at work at DH again so embarrassing everyone is super nice and did not say anything were actually quite nice about it but its embarrassing esp when you are new. Oh well. Got a note from my doc and hoping I will be moved to another position that will hopefully help stop these seizures. After that we got another dog Grizzly, half german shepherd half husk, so far he is HUGE and a handful but hes 7 months so hoping he will calm down soon or hes getting neutered. Soooo I stayed in the hospital for 9 days nothing major just seeing if I would be a candidate for surgery I mean I was all for it before because I just want this shit to end and to be normal now. I have had epilepsy for 3 years and have had 6 major seizures since getting WORSE this year . But now its setting in its brain surgery man that scary. I dont know I really dont know what to do . I hope god can help me figure this out I really want to be more positive and happy 

M xoxox

[parellelminds-blog]

June 9 2017

Hello there, 

So since the last post I have had two more seizures ...yup two more. One I had last yearI think August 24 2016 I was on the plane coming back from Leenu’s wedding and I had a complex partial seizure. And then the second (or technically 4th ) seizure I had April 2017 at work at DH how embarrassing I just started a new job and I have one there. Everyone was super nice about it though so I hope they dont think it affects how I am as a nurse I mean I think I am pretty good/ thorough. Sigh* So I wanted to talk today about people that FAKE being nice to you. So my two cousins G and R both fake it and I really dont get it. Like seriously fuck off if you dont want to be my friend. I am soo fucking annoyed at R I really want to tell her off, like she literally faked she wanted to start talking to use at Leenus wedding just because G wasnt there and she was alone. I feel so deceived. Like I know that you said we were on different “wavelengths” whatever the hell that means. I cant believe I listened to her sappy bs story that she was just sad about not being close to us and all that bullshit. like go fuck yourself.

[parellelminds-blog]

This is my new favorite thing.

[parellelminds-blog]

and I had another seizure, Aug 8th. Man It sucks. So im off driving again for another 6 months and I feel like such a loser. especially in the city i live in. You cant get anywhere if you dont have a car! I am just so grateful I have family and friends that are whiling to give me rides when I need it . Thank you god :)

[parellelminds-blog]

sept 25 2014

its so weird thinking back to the accident. It was like seriously meant to be, and the scary part is I walked out with not a scratch on me. I do absolutely believe in a higher power, maybe not a specific god per say but I do go to the gurdwara(the Sikh temple) . Like this was all apart of gods plan. Its so weird thinking back because I would have totally left early that day from mamijis house, but literally the LAST second i was like fuck it fine ill just stay, 10 minutes what harm can it do. LIKE imagine if i went maybe I would have had it in the mall which would be scary actually esp. for the first meet OR maybe I wouldnt have had it at all. It was like god wanted this to happen. But I am so DAMN blessed to walk out with not even a scratch on me. THANK GOD. i totally believe in a higher power, and I feel like that day just reinforced that for me. I know that this was gods plan for me but I just hope that this will be treated and I wont have to go on medication for life, because at 22 I really dont want that , it would suck so bad. Anyway thats all for nowI have been referred to a neurologist so that a positive, atleast now I can get some clarity and treatment and hopefully this wont occur again driving or notLots of loveM xxxxxxxxx

[parellelminds-blog]

old post-aug 22 2014

Saturday August 16th 2014

Weirdest. Day. Ever. It’s insane. I could have died. I. Could. Have. Died. The weirdest thing is, that I felt perfectly fine and then I wake up in the ambulance. WTF? and even in the ambulance I felt fine? First I thought ummm okay? then after talking to the paramedics I thought hey maybe I had a seizure but usually when you have a seizure you sleep for a few hours, thats not what happen with me. Maybe I have a heart condition..but I got an ECG done two years ago and the doctor said it was fine.

Man, I have such a weird life.

Still doing tests so Ill do another post  when I learn what happened to me.

[parellelminds-blog]

aug 13 2014

ife is depressing. I feel like im just going through such a hard time lately and I cant figure out whats wrong with me. Am I too annoying?Or am I boring?Do I not talk enough?Do I get mad too often? Am I unapproachable? I cant figure it out. I feel like im all of these, but then I feel like I isolate myself as well. I guess it also becomes hard when you have such strict parents. But deep down inside I dont know how and what to fix. Its so hard being positive in the life I live. I know I can change it , but I just feel stuck not going forward. just stuck. Why is anger so hard to control. why cant I just be happy

[parellelminds-blog]

Hi I think I want to start journaling.im just going to keep it short right now.

So over the years I think I’ve learnt a lot about friendships. Often we choose our friends but the path they lead us, we usually don’t. I think I have screwed up in a lot of friendships over the years. And I have finally learned, unless someone has done something terribly wrong, don’t completely end a friendship. This I have a bad habit of doing, often I push people away. Don’t burn bridges. And if in some case you do push someone away and regret it, like me. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You did what you thought at the time was right , and if it’s meant to be its bond that you will cross paths again. And who knows maybe you wouldn’t have interacted with someone you interact with now if the other person was still in the picture. Everything in life has a purpose I feel, we just may not realize it.

in some cases it could just be a lesson.

[parellelminds-blog]

Hiiii loves!

Just a mini update. I just finished my seventh semester of nursing schooll.OMG. time flies honestly. I cant believe how fast time is going. I only have a year left. Me and my love have been together almost 3 years.but we have been fighting a lot which really upsets me. Like it sucks. And i dont know how to fix it. Before we started dating i thought i had a short fuse bit its clear im not even that bad. Like were goood when were good but irs bad when its bad

[parellelminds-blog]

Hi loves So I wanted to posted my tips on being more positive and grateful, if you have anything to add that works for you or whatever please let me know!! -make a list of 10 things your grateful for and why - at night think of your favourite moment of the day and worst moment of the day and for the worst moment I try to find something positive that came for that experience such as if I got into a fight with a family member about household chores I can say they just want us to have the best house and want to encourage me too be more responsible….anything really no matter how small - in the morning (I go twice a week before school for 10 mins) I go to the temple and just relax and clear my mind… I feel like I’m more calm and relaxed throughout the day , you could also pray or just go to any calm place with no loud music or distractions and just listen to nature and reflect And be grateful for the blessing you have -try everyday to do something nice for someone something so little as opening the door or letting someone pass you in traffic, or even just a friendly smile , any sort of kindness is not insignificant

That’s my list I may add on later, please give me your suggestions as well :)

Ps if I don’t make sense sorry I have been using my iPad lately and it likes to change up my spelling sometimes, quiet annoying

Anyway lots of love xxxx M

[parellelminds-blog]

Haha, okay total fail I know I know I'm sorry. I forget about this blog! I'm going to try more often I promise. Anyway soooo catch up time. I am now in term 6 of my bachelors of science in nursing. It is seriously awesome and it's so crazy how fast it is flying by! I can't freaking believe itt! I seriously can't wait to graduate ! I think I wouldn't want to be a nurse in the hospital for too long. I really want to educate kids on health and nutrition, like when I was a kid I don't think they taught us anything other than like the Canada's food guide. Hopefully I'll be able to do that or something similar. Moving on, to my love. It's been almost 2 and a half years and We are still together. Of course we have our moments sometimes more often than others(like right now) it's so crazy to me that someone is still in love with me after so long. How is that possible. Sometimes I feel so lucky to have such a handsome man, i seriously still think he's perfect. Sometimes I just like to stare at him because he's so damn adorable.. Of course I don't tell him that or else it will go to his head ahaha. The only problem is... He so not romantic, it's a bit annoying actually. Like even when I tell him what to do he doesn't listen, what do you ladies do to motivate your men to be more romantic. Tips please! Anyway I have so much more to type but I think I'm going to split this post into two!!! Talk to youuu sooonnnn (hopefully) Lots of loveee xxxxx M

[parellelminds-blog]

re:personal blog

I haven't posted in so long. I know what a crappy blogger, posts once and then never posts again. Let me just say that wow... my life TOTALLY changed after that last post. Reading that post I feel like just going back to past me and hugging myself and saying THINGS WILL GET BETTER! I wish i could say that to anyone going through a hard time, things will get better just hang on I guarantee that if your positive, have an open mind and stay true to yourself things will get better! Just a few weeks after i posted the blog I met the man of my dreams, the man I plan to marry in the future. We have been in a relationship for 10 months now, and I can honestly say that I have never felt this strongly about anyone ever, and I truly wish everyone meets there soul mate and other half and gets to experience the feelings I feel for him. Just about six months after that I got into the post secondary school I wanted and the program I wanted after two whole long and depressing years of waiting. I have been in the program for a semester and I have to say that I absolutely love it and can't believe how fast its gone by. Finals are right around the corner! After this semester nine semesters left! I feel like they will just fly by! I feel so grateful to have gotten in and not had to wait any longer or go to a private school and pay 9 times more (which I was going to before i got a call from this school) I have to say being grateful for the stuff you have really really helps you live a better life, if you are not positive you cant do anything. If anyones reading this..try this exercise for a week (from a book im reading) write down 10 things you are grateful for and why and read them back and say thank you (in your head or out loud) ,  you can say anything food, water, shelter, eyes to see, ears to hear, etc. and just notice how many LITTLE things we take for granted! I always try to look at the list I made and when im saying thank you I picture my llife without that thing and all the things I could not do , I feel super grateful then..Anyways I should go I want to start posting more but smaller posts so lets see if that works out good :)

love you alll xxxx M

[parellelminds-blog]

personal blog

 These few years I have changed so much. I lost two of the most important people in my life( or so i thought) and grown apart from the two other people.I’d say this is probably the most lonely point of my life. I wouldnt say my life is going horrible but it sure as hell is not going good. Its just going. I know I shouldn’t be so negative but seriously sometimes you just cant help it. Its even harder when you dont have someone there with you. Sometimes I just want to get away from everyone and just go somewhere away from all this bullshit, away from the drama, away from society and just relax and think out things. Those are my favorite times. It sucks how people act. I feel like when I love someone and hanging out with them I want to be with them all the time and invite them everywhere and tell them every little detail in my life and when its not the same for them it just makes me feel so shitty. I hate it. It hurts. It hurts to think that I’m never going to find someone that will return these feelings because it just might be true. I wish it didnt bother me I really do, I wish I could just brush it off and be confident. I envy people that can be so confident in themselves. I wish I was that kind of person, but im not and it sucks. I think I am going to end off here, I am getting way to emotional. I wish and pray to meet someone that will love me the way I love them.

love from your girl M xx