Actually my favorite replacement for both 'kill myself' jokes and jokes about reacting violently to things/people that upset me is "I'm going to end up on the news" like it's versatile, it's vague, it's not going to get me in trouble with any censors or websites that take joke threats seriously, it's family friendly while still getting the point across, what's not to love???
Hoffman's character arc is soooo funny to me man goes from "I must play cat and mouse and double bluff triple bluff triple word combo my way out of this one" to "Fuck it, I can just kill everyone"