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passherroute · 2 years

Text

You

I officially first met you back in November of 2021. Introduction was quite weird. I was a total piece of shit back then. Didn’t care for no one. All life was then, was just work, home, husband and my two kids. Minded mine and mine only. Amber, my Director at the time had me busy as soon as I clocked in. That day, I was told that I couldn’t go over my hours for the week but somehow, some way I always went into overtime. In this line of work, requires me always running back and forth.

Amber: “Take this car around back to Danny to get the windshield replaced.”

Me: “Who’s Danny? What happened to Mo?”

Amber: “Mo left remember? Apparently, Danny is one of Jimmy’s guys. Remember, Katelyn? The one that used to work Receptionist before you moved to CRM? She dated him remember?”

Me: “Kinda, not really but okay, where’s the car parked at?” Brushing off conversations like that were easy.

The RAV4 smelt like the previous owner smoked a pack of Malboro a day. I remembered only cause my late Aunt smoked those. My attitude back then, you all would’ve hated me. Being a total bitch for no reason was the attitude I thought was right.

Parked and jumped right out of the car and on I walked into the Back Shop, where you were.

Walked past Alvaro, our tint guy, “What’s up Al?” His, always short and simple responses were, “Hey, how’s it going.”

I could hear someone’s deep, somewhat proper dialect through the door. I knocked three times per usual.

“Come in.” Stern was a part of your tone. Before, I could turn the knob, the door flew open. Two others, standing around the desk. Your now desk. All eyes on me. Felt a little intimidated but I looked away and wiggled my way inside.

There you were. Sitting where Mo used to sit. Black Toyota polo, clean haircut, blue-tired eyes.

“Sup Kat? Whatchu doing back here?” Carl says.

“I’m here to drop off a car.”

“Ah. Sounds about right.”

“Amber told me to drop this RAV4 off for you.” Shit, I totally forgot my P’s and Q’s.

“Um, okay… for….” your voice got soft what the fuck?

You threw me off. “Uh tint.. I mean windshield replacement.”

“Oh okay, I will get it taken care of ma’am.”

Ma’am? Me? Oh yeah, right, I’m a woman.

“Okay, thanks.”

Shut the door right behind me.

Guys, before you judge me. That was how I was then, not now.

I didn’t feel anything. From there, I’d see you only when you’d walk through the doors by my desk. Whether it’d be through the back doors or the entrance doors. Or walking by Amber’s office to drop off keys to us.

You were quite invisible. Tried to be but how could you be walking throughout a building with your sunglasses on?

Sales girls would be quick to ask as soon as you’d walk by “Who is that?” and my responses were always, “He’s the new Mo in the Back Shop.”

Didn’t care. You paid no attention then neither. Not that I wanted you to. Back in September all the way to November I’d been my heaviest I’ve ever been, 196lbs.

Towards the beginning of this year, 2022, I saw you too frequently. Amber made it clear to only bring keys to me or to set them on her desk. You’d reach over my desk, I say “You can just drop them.” You’d stare, drop the keys and then walk off.

Around this time, things were getting bad for Amber. Complaining. Her continuous, “I do too much, I’ve already started applying for jobs. This place would burn without me. They’ll be fucked.”

Did I mention it was January? Yes. The month before my birthday month. Fun.

In the month of February, things were hectic. Amber made me her right hand. Only working on We Owes. Little did I know how stressful it was going to be for me. Her previous right hand, Izzy, left all the work. Over a hundred different We Owes all for Kat to work on.

You went missing around this month.. I remember Amber saying you had gotten arrested. I know, YIKES. Didn’t question it much then neither.

February 22nd. That’s right, 02.22.2022. My birthday.

During this week of, Amber blamed everything on me. I was stressed. Things going on at home with my daughter Mina, a miscarriage I had no idea of. Just hectic. I hated life.

Marriage was crumbling.. everything was. Everything was perfect to everyone else but me. My mental health, disintegrating.

Towards the end of March.. you reappeared. Didn’t notice you were back. Until I walked into Amber’s office to tell her some tea.

You stood next to Amber behind her desk. In the corner of her office was a chair. You plopped down and made yourself comfy— even Amber was surprised. You sat there and listened to the whole overdramatized story. I don’t remember details but at some point, you laughed and put your two cents in. You said “I am not the one ma’am.” and I argued back, “I’m not the one!”

It’s crazy to think that what comes along after that, would happen.

Before, you’d just drop off keys. Mimic me. Little giggles. You walked off always, like you were hot shit.

In the mornings now, during that time you’d bring keys but made a little effort to sit down next to me or behind me on top of the long desk. Made small conversation. I didn’t understand it then. I did lose more weight. At this point, I started to drift farther from my husband. I wanted nothing to do with him. Only because I felt.. nothing. You see, Brian was everything years ago but our love got so cold I began to feel nothing but hate.

My mind. My mind was in a black hole. Always wandering. Too intrusive, unbearable.

I told Brian countless time that I wanted to disappear. I wanted to die. To him, since depression wasn’t something that was real. As always, he brushed my warnings under a carpet and let the dust build. Sounds cliché but that’s what happened.

That’s how Brian pushed me farther.

Of April 1st, 2022, the firm decided, Amber had to move. They moved her to Accounting instead of firing her. Her mistake, was talking all her problems and shit to the wrong people.

It sucked. I, for some reason, made it alive. They moved my position to it’s own department and made me a Manager. YAY. So fun.. it wasn’t. The clean up was horrible. For some reason, you knew I was having a hard time adjusting.

That first week of April, I was sad, confused. I didn’t know where to start.

You gave me your first awkward hug. I was overwhelmed that day. Wanted to cry honestly.

We had to exchange numbers only for the sake of keys. It was only for keys.

Then the alert popped up while I was laying on my couch where I soaked in all my feelings.

“Danny Back Shop added you a friend!”

I shouldn’t right? Ugh, fuck it. What could the ‘mysterious Danny from the Back Shop’ post on Snapchat? Wouldn’t hurt. We’re coworkers. Fuck it.

Clicks *+ Accept*

It was quiet at first or so I thought.

April 23rd, 2022

Snapchat Notification

*Danny Back Shop is typing…*

*Danny Back Shop sent a snap*

If you guys want to read more about him and where this goes. I’ll be posting the next blog tonight 😜

Back to work!

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