pataphorical

[pataphorical]

Beltane

Dear Hera,

Today, I celebrate the maiden within you. We’ve always loved flowers, unicorns, and beautiful things…. But not at the sake of compassion or love. As you get older and have children… priorities change. You learned how to survive as a child, and it’s a lesson you’ll never let your kids be destroyed by. You were destroyed. Just for a moment. One breath. Hold.

There are these pots in a faraway land that are made of shattered clay. They fill those spaces with gold, and the way they blend and contrast together make a more beautiful art piece. You are filling your blood with gold. Grace, Honor, and Truth. Together those things will always make a beautiful spirit. Together your intention will flow with golden light.

Tonight I gathered the family together, made a beautiful meal in your name. It was too windy for a fire, but we all lit candles. We smiled. I let everyone just do what they want. We enjoyed each other, and laughed, and played. I got these long ribbons on sticks that the children twirled with, dancing with the wind and their own innate magic.

I never knew…. Peace like this. Love like this. I’ll name my next child Iris. It’s a name loved by both my husband and I. I loved the name Lilac, but my husband loved Iris. While Iris is like the Lilac, a graceful burst and flow of color and scent, it is also the Goddess of the rainbow, and her older sister has always prayed for a sister. A friend. Her room is a shrine to the rainbow. Iris, like Hermes, is a messenger god, though I feel she has a tendency to pick the sweeter messages to deliver. That will be my Iris. Fiona’s Iris. Orpheus’ Iris. Oh, Hera, it is my fondest wish for myself and my husband.

Also, Hera, please accept the sacrifice of my body, for a fucking fourth time, to add the dream sparkle to this marriage. I hate being pregnant. I’m keeping that opinion until I actually get knocked up and the magical baby hormones kick in. Sweet bio drugs, but I’m giving up a lot of things I love that help me cope and stay the beautiful creature you made me. Also, four just makes sense. Also, maybe this time we can work of some ridiculous hair growth. Maybe just a tad wavier? Do I get some choices in the DNA magic pregnancy swap?

In all fairness, I wouldn’t change a thing in my life. You, Hera,  gave me everything I could of wanted, and now I’m daring to dream just outside the dream I never thought I’d make it to. You’ve given me a beautiful, clever mind that can solve most problems, adapt quickly, and process more efficiently. I will keep this mind sharp for you, and my heart will always be in the name of Persephone. She can venture into the darkness for a short while, thrive, but she does need to work most of the other times. Sweet job. Let’s see what I can do to get there.

But, tonight I simply smile, sigh, and breathe in everything I have intentionally created for myself and my family. Tonight, I am proud of myself. I am grateful to have so many clever Gods to learn stories from… I’m finding those stories I learned in school weren’t just for a few laughs. Took me a bit to get here, but everything often does. Do I get to blame you for making me that way? I hope that got a little smile at my cheekiness.

Orpheus has held my hand through everything, and I promise that I will never stop learning. He had to learn so many dark truths about the world, and that’s a steep price to pay for loving me. He did it. Sometimes he grumbles a bit, but I can also be a bit slippery when I want to get away with something.

Neil Gaiman once wrote a comparison between the slick of a girl’s vulva, and that of a minnow. A minnow doesn’t have the scent of a bigger fish, and as a child I remember trying to catch them in the creek with a dark haired girlfriend of mine. I loved her. I loved her so much. She was wild, and confident, and when she laughed the whole world laughed with her. I got leeches that day. We were in the shower, and I thought it was a bit of dirt on my toe. It stuck. It was sucking the life out of me! I fainted. I remember everyone thinking I was being dramatic. Everyone thinks I’m dramatic. You’ve seen history, Hera. You know that drama is more than losing your mind at the sight of a creature that sucks the very flow of your body from you. Without consent. I hate when it’s without consent.

Athena, for that I pray to you sometimes. You gave me this quick mind, and three very clever kids. You want me to keep learning, understanding, absorbing… while these clever little foxes nip at my heels, sabotaging every moment. To be fair, though, they are all magical, beautiful creatures, and my life is lit from within as I watch them journey down this path of life. The kindness of Orpheus and his love gave me everything I needed to become the better self I am today. As usual, I did most of the work, but you made we dryads complex beings. Thanks.

I need to make you an altar. All of my books and I haven’t put any of them in a bookcase. They are strewn around the basement like… memories I don’t want to pick up. I hate picking things up. I’m flexible, I do yoga, but like Cinderella, I want to stab a bitch with a broken glass slipper when they imply I don’t do enough. I do everything. I love doing everything. Worship me like the fucking goddesss I am.

Time to put these wee foxes to bed. Orpheus is a bit tired, and has all the energy drained out of him. If there’s a bit of favor left in my pot, I’d pray for good night for all of us, and whaever sweet dreams we can muster.