pattte-blog

[pattte-blog]

First Post of New Year!

I am writing my first post in the Helsinki airport waiting to get on the flight back to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. Yeah I am a Vietnamese girl who are studying in Finland, my town here is Mikkeli, it is a small town, very different from the place where I grew up. If you think of them as two extreme opposite people you can somehow imagine the feeling: Ho Chi Minh is young, wild, noisy, full and hot; Mikkeli, on the otherhand old, peaceful, quiet, empty, cold (well it is Finland). I love these places (not to mention Helsinki) since they held many of my precious memories but after a long time away from home and through a very surprised year, I decided it is time to go home.

To say surprised I mean it was full of emotions from happiness to sadness, from exciteness to depression, from blessful to anger. Last year taught me a lot of lessons that I regret not taking them sooner (but rather late than never right!). How to sum up it with a word? It is love! Yes I learned to love myself even in the worst situation which I felt like I did everything wrong, I love myself more after those times I cried my heart out, I love myself a little bit more when I was given the freedom from a realtionship that both my ex and I did not want to continue, and I still love myself in those days in Mikkeli knowing my ex in Helsinki was having a good time with his new girlfriend and I was having happy moments with my friends. Now you know the reason why I did not mention Helsinki earlier, admit it or not, I am still hurtful and a little lost, but I am proud that I was able to pick myself up after a long time, I am coming home to make a new start with the people I love.

The term “take for granted”, I think everyone of us all experienced it before; and yes, I took my family and the people I loved for granted because I was so sure that they would never leave me, I was wrong. At some point of my life, I will just have to experience greater lost than I expect. The reasons I am heading back home beside feeling depressed is to spend time loving the people I have with me right now. I have never cooked a proper meal for my mom and my aunt like they did for me a thousand times, I have never given my little brother any hugs or consolation when he witnessed my parents divorce, I have never been able to stand my dad because he is a narcissist and he did terrible things to mom, but at last I still love him and this time I just want to give him more chances, I have never really understood my friends’ different personalities and that is why I gave up on them. I have never truly sympathized with my ex, I know he is my ex now but he played an important part in my life although I want it or not. The point is I should have known that nobody is perfect and there is also no such thing as a perfect partner or perfect parents or perfect friends; everyone just try to be on their best in their opinion and sometimes things just do not match, and if I love them I must be kind and generous (in emotional aspect).

This is my year (in Asian culture we have the Zodiac which divided into 12 spiritual animals stands for each year of the tendency of 12-year round) so I hope everything is just fine and the lessons come a little softer (even though they often say you should learn them the hard way).

So that is it! Next time I will try something more intellectual and educated like history or culture! 🎉