pbandjesse

[pbandjesse]

It’s the ambiguously muted blue backdrop that is killing me

[pbandjesse]

collector of small and meaningful objects (with no inherent use other than to make the heart glow a little softer)

[pbandjesse]

[pbandjesse]

Daily affirmations

I am a freak and that is ok

Anyone who hates on me for my writing has never picked up a pencil in their life

I should be more self indulgent

My characters should suffer more

[pbandjesse]

I am real hot right now. It's not even that warm right now but I am uncomfortable!! Hopefully I cools down as the sun sets. Though me running around messing with out plants probably didn't help. Just doing to much but it was nice to feel productive.

I had a good day. I slept pretty well. I did the dishes and worked on my laptop for a bit before brining Sylvie upstairs. I read a few chapters of my book and slept for a bit before James came and took over and I went to sleep for reals.

When I woke up I wasn't like. Thrilled. My ankle hurts for no reason. And I have my period and it's the first one since I had Sylvie and I hate it and was really hoping the IUD would stop it from happening but it's fine. I'll live. But it isn't comfy.

I got dressed and I absolutely loved my outfit. These are my new soft overall shorts and they are so comfortable and fit me so well. I felt so good. An excellent thrift find.

I was not interested in breakfast. I was interested in Sylvia's lemon pants!!! I was so excited to see her little outfit.

James was leaving for some work stuff and would be gone for a few hours. And I was looking forward to some alone time.

Me and Sylvie would gather up our stuff and headed out. It was our first solo thrift trip. I decided we would go to the savers. And Sylvia did so good. She didn't cry the entire drive there.

I decided on having her in the stroller. Which I got compliments on for the pretty color. And I would have an excellent time walking around. I found some nice dresses for my baby for the summer. Nice light things. I would also get a whole box of ball pit balls and a leap frog typing game that she obviously can't use for a while but I think is super cool.

I met another mom. Her baby girl was born the day after Sylvia, March 1st!! And was originally due the day before our original due date, March 20! What are the chances. It was fun chatting.

I wandered the whole store. Sylvia fell asleep. And we headed back home.

Sylvia has a pretty solid time on the drive home until like the last ten minutes because I was struggling to park and had to circle the block. So getting my purchases inside would be a later issue. I got Sylvia out and brought her inside (after pausing to say hi to the neighbors). Poor baby was just cry cry cry.

I put her down in her chair so I could get a bottle out and let it warm up a little. And she fell asleep.

So I went to get my stuff from the car. And when I came back I sat on the floor with baby and fed her. And when she was half done we took a break and I took all the tags off my purchases. And put the oven on so I could make mozzarella sticks.

I made to many and upset my stomach but whatever. Sylvia was being so cute. And we would go upstairs to lay down.

I put her in the big crib with her aquarium show. And I did some cleaning and worked on my laptop. And had a nice time chilling on the couch up there.

When Sylvia woke up more I moved her to the bedroom and we played with an elephant toy. And then James was home!

James got cleaned up and joined us. We would eventually move downstairs and I showed James all the cute baby clothes. We would just hang out to here for a while. It was a nice day. I even talked to my mom on the phone and it was good to hear her voice.

At 330 I drove over to South Baltimore to go meet Ann Marie at art easy. They were doing some filming for a YouTube channel that is doing a spotlight on them. They had professional camera people and everything. Very cool. Steve from the print shop at the museum also was there! Smalltimore for real.

I feel really good about leading their new sewing club. I'm going to work on writing up a proposal for themes and supply needs. But I feel great about the collaboration and it will be a little extra paycheck for me and that's pretty chill.

After my meeting there I went over to the shopping center to get a hoagie. Honestly I wasn't hungry but it was good. And after I ate I went to the grocery store and got a whole bunch of snacks. And soy sauce, as requested by James. I would also get some flowers they had on sale. I honestly would have gotten more flowers but I couldn't carry them. Ah well.

Traffic sucked. I was just really looking forward to seeing my family and not being in the car anymore. Plus I was just feeling a bit icky

When I got back here I held Sylvia for a bit. And chatted with James. And it was a good day.

I decided to take a bath. First one since before Sylvia was born. I used the good bubbles and even did a face mask. It was very good.

I put on a slip dress. And put away all my sweatshirts. I spent some time in the guest room refolding all my winter gear to fit better. And moved some extra stuff to the storage bag I have in the basement. I got all overheated again.

I came to sit outside on the swing. But got distracted by the plants and started messing with those. Got all sweaty. But it's fine. I'll rinse off again. It was a good day.

Tomorrow Sylvia has a doctor's appointment early. And then we will go pick up the two quilts Jess won at auction!! Amazing.

I hope you all have a good night tonight. Sleep well. Be safe.

[pbandjesse]

not to be a dirty commie or anything but i don't think any one person should have enough money to solve world hunger and then get to decide not to

[pbandjesse]

Gastrodon (West Sea form) ko-fi doodle for Annie! 🐌🐚

[pbandjesse]

So the "don't call trans women dude" discourse is back on my dash, and I just read something that might explain why it's such a frustrating argument for everyone involved.

TLDR: There's gender-cultural differences that explain why people are arguing about this- and a reason it hurts trans women more than you might think if you were raised on the other side of the cultural divide.

I'll admit, I used to be very much on team "I won't call you 'dude' if it feels like misgendering, but also I don't really grok why it feels like I'm misgendering you, especially if I'm not addressing you directly." But then I read an academic paper that really unpicked how people used the word 'dude' (it's Kiesling (2004) if you're curious) and I realized that the way I was taught to use the word was different from the way most trans women were taught.

... So the thing about the word 'dude' that's really interesting is that it's used differently a) by people of different genders and b) across gender lines. This study is, obviously, 20 years old, but a lot of the conclusions hold up. The gist is, there's ~5 different ways that people use the word "dude":

marking discourse structure- AKA separating thoughts. You can use the word 'dude' to signal that you're changing the subject or going on a different train of thought.

exclamation. You can use the word "dude" the way you'd use another interjection like "oh my god" or "god damn".

confrontational stance mitigation. When you're getting in an argument with someone, you can address them as 'dude' to de-escalate. If you're both the same gender, it's homosocial bonding. If you're different genders, it's an attempt to weaken the gender-related power dynamic.

marking affiliation and connection. Kiesling calls this 'cool solidarity'- the idea is, "I'm a dude, you're a dude. We're just guys being dudes." This is often a greeting or a form of address (aka directly calling someone dude).

signaling agreement. "Dude, you are soooo right", kind of deal.

Now, here's the important part.

When [cis] men use the word 'dude', they are overwhelmingly using it as a form of address to mark affiliation and connection- "hey, we're all bros here, dude"- to mitigate a confrontational stance, or to signal agreement.

When [cis] women use the word 'dude', they're often commiserating about something bad (and marking affiliation/connection), mitigating a confrontational stance, or giving someone a direct order. (Anecdotally, I'd guess cis women also use it as an exclamation - this is how I most often use it.)

Cis men use the word 'dude' to say 'we're all guys here'. It is a direct form of male bonding. If a cis man uses the word 'dude' in your presence, he is generally calling you one of the guys.

Cis women use the word 'dude' to say 'we're on the same level as you; we're peers'- especially to de-escalate an argument with a cis man. Between women, it's an expression of ~cool solidarity~; when a woman's addressing a man, it's a way to say 'I'm as good as you, knock it off'.

So you've got this cultural difference, depending on how you were raised and where you spent time in your formative years. If you were assigned female at birth, you're probably used to thinking of the word 'dude' as something that isn't a direct form of address- and, if you're addressing it to someone you see as a girl, you're probably thinking of it as 'cool solidarity'! You're not trying to tell the person you're talking to that they're a man- you're trying to convey that they're a cool person that you relate to as a peer.

Meanwhile, if you were assigned male at birth and spent your teens surrounded by cis guys, you're used to thinking of 'dude' as an expression of "we're all guys here", and specifically as homosocial male bonding. Someone using the word 'dude' extensively in your presence, even if they're not calling you 'dude' directly, feels like they're trying to put you in the Man Box, regardless of how they mean it.*

So what you get is this horrible, neverending argument, where everyone's lightly triggered and no one's happy.

The takeaway here: Obviously, don't call people things they don't want to be called, regardless of gender! But no one in this argument is coming to it in bad faith.

If you were raised as a cis woman and you're using the word the way a cis woman is, it is a gender-neutral term for you (with some subconscious gendered connotations you might not have realized). But if you were raised as a cis man and you're using the word the way a cis man uses it, the word dude is inherently gendered.

Don't pick this fight; it's as pointless as a French person and an American person arguing whether cheek kisses are an acceptable greeting. To one person, they might be. To another person, they aren't. Accept that your worldview is different, move on, and again, don't call people things they don't want to be called.

*(There is, of course, also the secret third thing, where someone who is trying to misgender a trans woman uses the word 'dude' to a trans woman the way they'd use it to a man. This absolutely happens. But I think the other dynamic is the reason we keep having this argument.)

[pbandjesse]

This is a really good thread.

[pbandjesse]

They buried me under ground in a coffing but they left my phone in my pocket so I'm pretty good just chillin for a couple hours at least then after that I will recreationally think and dream I suppose

[pbandjesse]

Destiel long distance would never work because Cas would never answer his phone, and Dean has abandonment issues and a car

[pbandjesse]

I think I just found the only reasonable exchange involving two people with opposing views on porn to ever exist on this website

[pbandjesse]

I am very hot all of a sudden. Bathing a baby is hard work I guess. Honestly it was actually really calm. She cried when we got her dressed but that's mostly because it's hard to get her head in the shirt hole. Today was mostly a really good day, with a happy baby.

Last night was not the best. Sylvie was way to awake after napping to late and got up at 1130 wanting her bottle. And then again at 215. So we were just a bit off. I was very very awake and didn't even attempt to sleep before James took over. I read for a while. I played a puzzle game on my phone. It was a nice night, even if it wasn't the most restful.

James would take over at 3 and I would sleep fine. And when I woke up I felt okay. A little nauseous but okay enough.

I got up and dressed and was really ready to just go do something. And it was decided that thing was a walk. When I got downstairs we discussed the day and my only thing was a meeting at 330. So a nice morning walk would be good.

Sylvia was awake and happy. We did a lot of playing and talking today. I'm trying to teach her to blow raspberries. And she was awake for the first half of our walk. We tried to have her wear the sun glasses but they are just slightly to large. So we just tired to block the sun with our own shadows best we could.

I was in a good mood and just wanted our awake baby to experience nature. We had her touch grass and trees. We stopped under particularly good canopies. We walked the boardwalk I love. We saw turtles and many many baby fish. Even saw a bird catch one! It was an absolutely beautiful day. And I was really happy.

I would periodically carry Sylvia. Sometimes James would. Sometimes she was in the stroller. Eventually she fell asleep in my arms and I transferred her back to the stroller and she slept the whole rest of the walk home. Over fairly bumpy terrain so you know it was a deep snooze. Cutie pie.

When we got home she woke up. And we would all hang out. James made me rice and nuggets for lunch. I sat on the porch swing until I got to hot. And then I was just inside holding Sylvia. Hanging out with James. It was a nice day.

James would go for a ride after lunch. And I decided to work on another square quilt. I would cut 80 squares over the next two hours. They are all about 6x6. And I am very happy with the colors. And as I was finishing the last fabric, James came home.

Sylvie had mainly been in her bouncer chair kicking her flower toy. She did that for a while. Just calmly playing. They she screamed twice and promptly fell asleep. And right before James came in the door she woke back up and I held her for a bit before putting her on the play mat for a little while.

But when James came back home she was like. Oh now I must be held. And James took over to spend some time with her while I placed my cut fabric squares on the ground in the order I think I want them. I numbered the rows so hopefully when I get back to sewing them they will be in the right order. It's hard to make sure none of the blocks are the same next to each other!

I would leave here at 3 for my meeting. I sent Joe and Zella a message letting them know I was on my way. But Zella had a conflict with school and wasn't able to come anymore. But that was okay, I was glad to just talk to Joe.

And I really felt like a lot of my concerns were at least acknowledged. About how the job functions and the relationships we have with upper management. And it was just a really good discussion. Joe bought himself a coffee and me a vanilla frappachino. And we just talked about how we are going to approach the next meeting. I don't feel as full of dread anymore. Like I'm still anxious but that's mostly about having to miss days of camp for the meetings that will happen in the summer. But overall I feel a lot better.

I headed out of there at 430. And was home before 5. Traffic wasn't amazing but it wasn't the worst either.

When I got home I moved the trash cans and went to find my family. I was really happy to see them.

We would spend the evening on the couch together. Sometimes I was holding Sylvie. Sometimes James was. Sometimes she was on a pillow. She was awake. She was asleep. She was babbling and smiling at me. It still doesn't feel on purpose but it's more on purpose for sure. She just looks straight into my eyes now. And she seems to be tracking things as of a few days ago. So I really think she's hitting those milestones, even if they might be slightly delayed.

I would take a shower and got ready for bed. We would give Sylvie her bath and read her a book. And now we are having her 9pm bottle before we all split up for the evening.

I have some stuff to do for camp on my laptop so I'm going to do some of that. And hopefully get some sleep. I am just a little overheated. Hopefully I cool down.

I hope tomorrow is a good day. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[pbandjesse]

🏺🧥✅

greek amphora cardi

[pbandjesse]

Pig #1: *Wakes up*

Pig #2: Hey, you're finally up... I have an idea

Pig #3: Let's run around Mama

[pbandjesse]

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

[pbandjesse]

“kink belongs at pride” - tired, desiccated, queerphobic discourse

“make the golf course a public sex forest” - thriving, vibrant, moves the conversation forward