peachjjam

[peachjjam]

Please don't worry about "being a fraud" or people thinking you were just faking your illness when you have good mental or physical health days. Allow yourself to enjoy feeling well, instead of overthinking how your illness and recovery might be perceived. Don't let feelings of imposter syndrome come over you and keep you from living your life. You don't always have to be at your worst for your illness to be valid and a serious matter.

[peachjjam]

Been battling some serious imposter syndrome this week. I tried to draw out how it feels to me.

[peachjjam]

honestly the worst thing about adhd for me is that a new hobby or hyperfixation is one of the greatest sources of joy, but its always haunted by the knowledge that it won’t last and i don’t get to decide or even know how long. I can’t count on being interested in anything long term.

it feels like theres a clock ticking above my head and i cant see how much longer i get to enjoy something. i can’t start big projects for fear of never finishing them. i have to hold myself back from anything that requires long-term commitments or consistency because i can’t rely on future-me to follow through.*

when i pace myself and try to casually keep up with something after the hyperfixation ends it just isn’t the same, the joy is gone. when i say fuck it and just let myself run, i end up trying to cram years of a hobby into weeks or months. i bite off way more than i can chew, burn out spectacularly, and spend the next month feeling guilty every time i look at the pile of expensive, unused materials that i sat down one day and never picked back up.

Theres a toll that years of it takes on your self-trust, it compromises your ability to make decisions without second guessing the most basic things. “What will I want?” and “what will I like?” aren’t any less opaque at six months from now than six years. I can’t count on what I want. In a way, I can’t count on myself and there’s a grief that comes along with that.

i see so much about dealing with adhd shame, but i dont think i’ve heard more than one person express the grief that comes with losing something you really love, not because it leaves you, but because your body simply decides without your permission to stop loving it.

[peachjjam]

quotes that help me survive:

“You are not lost. You are here. Stop abandoning yourself. Stop repeating this myth about love and success that will land in your lap or evade you forever. Build a humble, flawed life from the rubble, and cherish that. There is nothing more glorious on the face of the earth than someone who refuses to give up, who refuses to give in to their most self-hating, discouraged, disillusioned self, and instead learns, slowly and painfully, how to relish the feeling of building a hut in middle of the suffocating dust.” — Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly

this tumblr text post:

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” — Mary Oliver

From an interview with Kazu Makino:

Instructions On Not Giving Up, Ada Limon:

And this poster by Yumi Sakugawa

“You have to believe, in your heart, that even if you don’t work hard and exercise and think positive thoughts and make new friends and march triumphantly into the future, you are still enough. You will always have bad days. Being broken doesn’t make you a loser. You can crumble, and you will still be enough. Make that your religion moving forward. You are here to feel this moment. You are not here to become someone better. You are not here to impress or compete. You are not here to prove yourself. You are here to savor this life. Let down your guard. You are already enough. Believe it.” — Heather Havrilesky

“The first feminist gesture is to say: “Ok. They’re looking at me. But I’m looking at them.” The act of deciding to look, of deciding that the world is not defined by how people see me, but by how I see them.” -Agnès Varda

lyrics from the song Grow by The Oh Hellos:

“The world’s otherness is antidote to confusion, that standing within this otherness—the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books—can re-dignify the worst-stung heart.” — Mary Oliver

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you,and that you will work with these stories from your life--not someone else's life--water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom. That is the work. The only work.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estes

[peachjjam]

it’s absolutely gorgeous outside - blue skies! sunshine! not a cloud to be seen! - but my desk is its own perfect brand of moody and marvelous while the sun shines on the opposite side of our little house

[peachjjam]

Hello, lovelies! I’ve gotten a couple of asks about studying so I decided to condense them into one post for you guys! I’m trying to hit a bunch of different topics so if you need an even more specific post you can send an ask! Without any further ado, have some tips! My studyblr is @spacey-scholar​

Prep

First, you always need a good base for your day! Especially if you’re studying a lot.

Make a good full breakfast! Ex. Eggs and Toast, Smoothie and fruit, Pancakes and a cup of juice. 

How’s your hygiene? Do you need to shower, brush your teeth, wash your face, condition your hair? Do it! You’ll be distracted if you feel messy!

Get dressed like it’s a normal day. Staying in PJ’s is okay! But being ready for the day seriously helps focus!

Likewise, your space should be clean. A clean space is a clean mind! Remove dishes, trash, scrap paper, and extra items. Wide down your desk, organize your pens and books. Your space should feel like your space!

Now make a list of what you need to get done! What needs to be done Now, what needs to be done Soon, and what needs to be done Later? 

Order your list how you want your day to go, and don’t put super-tough subjects back to back, or subjects that are similar exercises i.e. reading thirty pages of two different books back to back is no fun.

The Studying

It’s important to buckle down with No Distractions! If you find yourself distracted put your phone away! If you need your phone, put it on Do Not Disturb until you’re done. I also do this at night for better sleep. 

Pick the best technique for you, Pomodoro, reward-based, group studying, etc.

Play music but only if it will not distract you! If you sing along or daydream it’s the wrong music! Classical, Lo-fi, and White noise are all good! My Spotify Here has some good ones.

Use a nice journal (I don’t mean expensive!) and pens/pencils you enjoy using. I like to have a specific journal and color dedicated to each subject. 

Take notes on recorded lectures and classes, if you’re doing online classes right now try to screen record or record the audio! That way if you space out you can play it later and take notes, and you can absorb the lesson better instead of being distracted.

Don’t worry about your notes, stationary, pictures, being beautiful and your grades being perfect. Life doesn’t always look the way it does on Instagram. And the people who spend hours trying to get a good photo of their coffee are not studying! 

Use flashcards! Quizlet is good if you need premade ones! If you can save up and buy them, Barrons AP Flash Cards are the best in my opinion. Very clean, not too long, very durable, and cover all subjects.

Feeling Distracted 

If you catch yourself drifting off and getting into your head, get up and take a quick walk, stretch, or energizer. 

It’s okay if this happens, don’t guilt yourself! practice affirmation. The best and smartest still get distracted. 

If you are drifting, why? Are you hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Bored? Get a snack and some water, take a break and rest, find a way to make your studying more enjoyable. 

Remember that Motivation and Discipline are different things. Sometimes we just won’t be motivated, we won’t want to do it and it will be rather frustrating. But the cure to this is not shaming its discipline. Remind yourself “This may be hard, and I may not want to do this, but I want to reach my goals and If this is what It takes I will make it happen. 

Always do just one more page of you’re tired. One at a time and oh you did it! Maybe just one more? One more? Eh, one more just to finish the train of thought, Oh just- I’m done? Nice!

If you really can’t focus just move on and come back to this subject, you can always ask for help.

Supplementary Things

There are so many apps you can use to study, for free! My favorites are Tide, Quizlet, Focus Keeper, Forest, Flora, Egenda, SpanishDict, Photomath, and Kahn Academy. 

You can also join a study group! You may know one, but if you don’t, there are a lot of online ones! I’m in a study Discord and have been for a while! it helps a lot and motivates me to finish my work!

You can make a studyblr, but don’t do it just for the aesthetics! It’s about studying, and sometimes that gets messy! Sometimes we fail a test, we spill our tea on our notes, we cry because we don’t understand the formula. That’s the part you don’t see!

Having cute stationery can really help, as well as nice organizers and decorations for your space! I don’t have much money so I get a lot of stuff on Amazon or FB Marketplace.

Health

Remember that no matter what you are good enough. It’s okay if you fail, it’s okay if you struggle.

It’s also okay if your path doesn’t go the way you expected! Maybe you go to a different school than expected! Or choose a trade instead! Maybe you take a gap year! Maybe your passion changes! Maybe it changes six times!

Your health is always more important than your school. If you are in pain, mentally or physically, if you are anxious, exhausted, burnt out, talk to your teachers about it! You matter more than a grade.

Your best is good enough! And your best doesn’t look the same as someone else’s best! Don’t compare!

Now go get out there and study!

[peachjjam]

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: it’s more important to know and understand fully why something is harmful than it is to drop everything deemed problematic. It’s performative and does nothing. People wonder why nobody has critical thinking skills and this is part of it because no one knows how to simousltansly critique and consume media. You need to use discernment.

[peachjjam]

As I get older I’m starting to let go of the guilty urge to build permanent habits. Like, a while ago I decided I would start jumping rope every day. I did it for like three weeks and felt good about it. Then I got bored, because of course I did, because I’m a human person. So now I do a bit of kickboxing because that’s what I like now. The other week I cut all sugar from my diet, just for a week, to challenge myself. Now I’m back to eating sweets but I don’t crave them as much.

Growth is about stretching, trying new things, and setting small, realistic goals for yourself, not picking a “good habit” you’ve decided you will be doing always and forever from now on. That’s not discipline. That’s pointless self-torture and unhealthy resistance to change.

What’s good for you today will not necessarily be what’s good for you tomorrow.

[peachjjam]

A Guide to Planning Systems

It’s important to have a system of getting things done, whether it’s tackling tasks as the day progresses or having a carefully planned schedule for every single hour of the week. How can you create an effective personal planning system that suits your needs and preferences?

Mentioned in this post:

Attention Management: How to Take Control and Live Intentionally

Energy Management: A Human-Based Organization Method

Flexible Time-Blocking: A More Breathable Way to Get Things Done

The ABCDE Method: Accomplish Tasks More Efficiently

My other posts

N.B. some categories include a few examples but they are no means limited to the ones listed here, e.g. there may be methods of organizing tasks other than the five listed here.

[peachjjam]

latin phrases worth knowing:

(in case you wanted to know because i fucking love this language) 

ad astra per aspera - to the stars through difficulties 

alis volat propriis - he flies by his own wings 

amantium irae amoris integratio est - the quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love 

ars longa, vita brevis - art is long, life is short 

aut insanity homo, aut versus facit - the fellow is either mad or he is composing verses 

dum spiro spero - while I breathe, I hope 

ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem - with the sword, she seeks peace under liberty 

exigo a me non ut optimus par sim sed ut malis melior - I require myself not to be equal to the best, but to be better than the bad

experiential docet - experience teaches 

helluo librorum - a glutton for books (bookworm) 

in libras libertas - in books, freedom 

littera scripta manet - the written letter lasts 

mens regnum bona possidet - an honest heart is a kingdom in itself 

mirabile dictu - wonderful to say 

nullus est liber tam malus ut non aliqua parte prosit - there is no book so bad that it is not profitable in some part 

omnia iam fient quae posse negabam - everything which I used to say could not happen, will happen now 

poeta nascitur, non fit - the poet is born, not made 

qui dedit benificium taceat; narrat qui accepit - let him who has done a good deed be silent; let him who has received it tell it 

saepe ne utile quidem est scire quid futurum sit - often, it is not advantageous to know what will be 

sedit qui timuit ne non succederet - he who feared he would not succeed sat still 

si vis pacem, para bellum - if you want peace, prepare for war 

struit insidias lacrimis cum feminia plorat - when a woman weeps, she is setting traps with her tears 

sub rosa - under the rose 

trahimir omnes laudis studio - we are led on by our eagerness for praise

urbem latericium invenit, marmoream reliquit - he found the city a city of bricks; he left it a city of marble 

ut incepit fidelis sic permanet - as loyal as she began, so she remains

[peachjjam]

As I get older I’m starting to let go of the guilty urge to build permanent habits. Like, a while ago I decided I would start jumping rope every day. I did it for like three weeks and felt good about it. Then I got bored, because of course I did, because I’m a human person. So now I do a bit of kickboxing because that’s what I like now. The other week I cut all sugar from my diet, just for a week, to challenge myself. Now I’m back to eating sweets but I don’t crave them as much.

Growth is about stretching, trying new things, and setting small, realistic goals for yourself, not picking a “good habit” you’ve decided you will be doing always and forever from now on. That’s not discipline. That’s pointless self-torture and unhealthy resistance to change.

What’s good for you today will not necessarily be what’s good for you tomorrow.

[peachjjam]

nobody talks about

nobody talks about how frustrated you can feel when all you want to do is something that will relieve all the anxiety and anger you have inside, but you don’t because you know it’s wrong, so instead you do the right thing. 

but the feeling of anxiety and anger doesn’t go away just because you did the right thing. and if you don’t release it somehow, it’s going to pile up until you stop doing the right things. so my question is,

how do you deal with it? 

[peachjjam]

wholesome student life things that we should collectively start romancizing

waking up and being genuinely thrilled to go to class because today is THAT CLASS you love so much you’d like it to never end

coffee breaks with friends, chatting and joking about this particularly hard essay and the prof’s mannerism

coffee breaks on your own, as you absent-mindedly watch the people around you, while thinking about what you’re working on

finding this book you’ve been dying to read for so long, and borrowing it from the library

the feeling of excitement that goes through you whenever you remember The Book is in your backpack

understanding everything during demanding classes and being genuinely interested in the subject

buying a New Special Pen and taking colorful notes that look super pretty

not being able to shut up about your school projects (no your friends dont really care about the intricate details of what you’re working on, they don’t even have the same major as you, but they’re happy to hear you rant with such a burning passion)

actually doing the extra reading and having your curiosity so piqued by what you’re reading that you go on and on and suddenly its 1am and what happened

printing the project you’ve spent so much time and energy on and feeling the paper’s warmth

actually submitting that project without feeling awful about it because you know you did your best and aren’t responsible for what happens next

when you finally finish this Super Hard And Important Essay at like 3am, open the window and feel the cold night air on your burning cheeks and everything is dark and quiet and you can see the moon and you’re at peace with everything for a few minutes

when this professor you admire says you did a great job and/or that you’re talented!!!!

realizing two concepts that seemed so far away from each other and that you discovered in wildly different contexts are actually interlinked, then Realizing™ things and linking concepts/works/articles to each other at the speed of light & being super excited about it

being so deeply immersed in your work that you didn’t realize two hours have passed

finding the Perfect Spot at the library

that Pure Joy moment when you FINALLY understand that super obscure sentence/text

when you feel anxious because you’re not done with your homework & the deadline is super tight & your friend tells you they aren’t done yet either

same but with an even more intense relief feeling when you realize you both haven’t even started yet

when the professor starts a new reasoning and you can predict what the next idea/the final conclusion will be

when the professor mention your favorite novel/author/fictional character in class and you feel like your internal screech of joy could shatter glass

the Academic Salt™ that has you like 👀👀

when the professor tears apart an author or scholar you hate and you’re like YES I WANT BLOOD GIVE ME BLOOD

when you learn that Cool New Fact that makes you reconsider your whole life

leaving the library after a long productive day and feeling like nothing is real but experiencing everything more intensely

leaving the library at night after a long study session and everybody has left already and its just you and the long neon-lit corridors then stepping outside and smelling the crisp night wind

feel free to add your own!!!

[peachjjam]

something doesn’t sit right with me with the way the world has been quiet towards the genocide currently taking place in china. there are over millions of muslims that are being raped, tortured, and forced to eat pork simply because they are muslims. i’ve talked about this so many times in the past year yet it is continuously brushed down. their ultimate goal is to denounce islam from every single muslim there. you know what i do see on my social media feed right now? i see constant praise towards the street fashion in china. there’s nothing wrong with that but how can you support and praise the good aspects of a country and ignore the bad that is taking place there, that they are tacticfully hiding from the rest of the world? should we wait to care when it’s written in a history book? this breaks my heart as a muslim. they don’t get to practice their religion peacefully because of the geographical location they are in. it’s not fair. this isn’t a ‘muslim’ issue this is a HUMAN issue. the entire world mourned the loss of a burning cathedral in france. but while a genocide is occurring, with intentions to wipe an entire group of people, the world has turned a blind eye. simply because muslims are not worthy enough to fight for? if you care here’s a link to a petition. please spread the message and don’t turn a blind eye to this. i’ve attached some important resource links below for those interested in learning the entirety of what’s happening.

link 1

link 2

link 3

[peachjjam]

i hate it when men make fun of women for being vain. like you’ve structured society in such a way that we spend our entire lives chasing after the fleeting moments where we really and truly feel good about our appearances and then have the audacity to mock us for trying to “look pretty” like you’re constantly telling us to? shut the fuck up.

[peachjjam]

[peachjjam]

i mean this in the nicest way possible you guys but you NEED to take better care of yourselves online. getting severely anxious about mass quantities of horrible things you cant change every single day is normal considering the internet’s ability to educate on worldwide issues, it shows that you have empathy and that you truly do care. but relentless knowledge of constant suffering on this scale is NOT something humans are psychologically equipped to handle. it’s okay to shut off. it’s okay to just take a break and enjoy yourself for a while in your own localized space