peak-avoidance

[peak-avoidance]

Disgruntled Luciferian ranting.

I'll preface this by saying that my opinions are heavily colored by religious trauma.

I have a non-zero amount of respect for those USAmerican xtians who can disentangle themselves from the xtian nationalism and bigotry that is so prevalent in those circles. If their religion is something important to them, and they've gone out of their way to unlearn hatred and treat everyone around them with respect, good. I don't have any issues with them in those cases.

The proselytizing, though, is extremely triggering to me.

Yes, I've heard many times that god loves me. Yes, even as a queer, kinky, genderfuck, therian, plural collective. Yes, I've met xtians who don't immediately hate me for those things. Yes, I know there are pro-choice xtians. Yes, I know there are xtian witches and xtians who worship more than one deity. This does not make me feel any safer returning to xtianity. I will always feel unsafe in xtian spaces and around xtian people, because I have only ever been hurt and othered by xtians. There is no bible quote, no sermon, no anything that would ever have me willingly worshipping the xtian god ever again. I cry and shake just thinking about it.

If there is a heaven, I don't want to go. If the xtian god exists, I don't want to meet him. These are not ideas that bring me comfort. These are ideas that fucking terrify me in every way. I'm not going to spend what little time I have on this planet worried about what some guy on a cloud may or may not think of me, especially because I'm completely unconvinced anymore that he exists at all. From what I know about Jesus, he was probably cool, but I don't believe he's a god or a demigod or was ever reborn or was the son of a virgin, so I'm not going to worship him. He was just a guy.

I tried for many years to be the type of xtian that I guess makes it to heaven. I had the devotionals, I went to church twice a week, I prayed all the time, and all that ever came of that was trauma. I was never good enough, and I never will be. I used to be terrified of going to hell, but it's clear that I could never be someone who qualifies for heaven, and I no longer have any interest in trying.

Stop praying for me. Stop recommending bible verses to me. Stop asking me to come to church with you. Stop begging me to "just give it one more try." No. The answer is no. This is my life, my afterlife, and my fucking decision. I'm tired of this. I don't want it. You cannot and will not make me want it. I've given it several chances and it has been miserable every fucking time. I have never been happy through xtianity. Not once. It has always been a nightmare. Keep it to yourself. If you think you have something to say that I've never heard before that's going to change my perspective and get me back into xtianity, I guaran-fucking-tee that I have heard it before and all it did was make me self-harm. I am allergic to xtianity. I can't. I won't. Keep it to yourself. I won't be nice about it if you cross this boundary. I will say something that we'll both regret. You won't "save" me, you will be endangering me. You will be actively harming me, and I will lash out.

Respectfully, I am happier as a Luciferian, and there is no world where I would be happy as a xtian. I'm very glad it worked out for you, but you need to understand that it will never work out for me.

And I just know that someone will read this and be like "well you were just in the wrong sect (AKA not the sect I'm in, which is unequivocally the correct one), and you didn't have enough faith (AKA asked too many questions), and you didn't try hard enough, and if you just hear me out and listen to my advice that you've definitely never heard before (all those bad things that happened to you were actually because of the devil/demons because god would never let bad things happen, and all the people who died in that flood who weren't as good and pure as Noah totally deserved it, especially also those worthless, sinful little kids, hey did I mention that everyone is a shitty sinful monster from birth?) and read this cool passage from the bible, I just know I'll be able to save you from damnation! Here's one I bet you've never heard before: the devil is just lying to you, he only accepts you for who you are because who you are is sinful and bad! god has all these problems with you and wants you to be miserable because he's gonna reward you with his meaningless, hollow, extremely conditional love in an afterlife you don't want any part of! You have to sacrifice everything worth doing in this life so you can enjoy the almost definitely not real afterlife you don't want! Isn't that great? Don't you want to be with all your loved ones in heaven for eternity? Isn't the idea of eternity super comfy and pleasant and not horrifying at all? Wouldn't it be cool to see your rapist in heaven? He's xtian, and I'm sure he's prayed for forgiveness, so he's going to be there. Don't you want to be there? Why not? What's wrong with you?"

Like, I can't stress enough how many times I've had that conversation, including times when I was genuinely receptive and open to what I was hearing, and it did nothing for me. This is not an invitation. If you take it as an invitation, you are choosing to ignore what I'm saying. You don't care about my well-being, you only care about adding me as a notch in your belt of people you've coerced into believing the same thing as you. I am not a person to you, you do not care about my soul or whatever, I am nothing but a trophy to you. And if you're a xtian who revels in the extermination of other religions, or even if you just dismiss others' religions as being fake devilry meant to steer god's sheep off the path, fuck you. Jesus wouldn't have approved of that and you damn well know it.

I could go on. There's plenty to say. The amount of kind things I have to say about xtianity could be counted on one of my hands. I just need to vent. If anyone messages me trying to convert me, you will only receive YouTube videos in response. I'm not playing that game anymore.

[peak-avoidance]

Do you ever interact with someone and you realize “this person has never had to consider or think about what their place in the world is, and why they believe certain things or act certain ways, this person has never considered society at length” and it’s just terrifying

[peak-avoidance]

what do you mean you havent used mindfulness techniques to accept the state of the torture labyrinth as is yet. its like youre not even trying

[peak-avoidance]

"Pro-Cs actually care!!!!!! You pointing out abuse when you see it is the reason why pro-Cs kill themselves and you should be ashamed!!!!!!"

So, one of the first posts I saw when I became radqueer was a post saying that people with PTSD from sexual abuse shouldn't be listened to about contact discourse because it would be "like asking a homophobe their opinion on gay people." I'm paraphrasing, but that comparison is actually the one the OP made.

That is admittedly just one anecdote, but it has consistently been like that for me this whole time. Pro-Cs have made it very clear that they don't care at all about my trauma or anyone else's. Pro-Cs don't care that they're the reason I want to kill myself. Wouldn't they listen to us if they cared? Wouldn't they try harder to understand what consent actually is instead of deciding that consent is just whatever makes them feel comfortable making excuses for abuse?

Pro-Cs, if it hurts your feelings when people call you a shitty person with no morals, try being a less shitty person with some morals. I promise it's really not as hard as it looks.

^

(I basically have nothing to add to this. This is really good.)

[peak-avoidance]

Since I haven't seen a single post about this on here yet:

Source

[peak-avoidance]

imagine the most meanspirited, unlikeable, rude, bitter, self centered, negative person you can think of. not a rapist, not a murderer, not an abuser. just a charmless, tactless, dyed in the wool asshole you wouldn't want to spend two seconds with. now assume they get sick, not with the flu, but with a long term, serious illness that limits their ability to provide for themself. a society in which that person is left to die alone because nobody likes them on a personal level is a failed society.

[peak-avoidance]

hi! So I call myself “radqueer “ (and also fleurison!) but what I mean by that is “person who supports transids and paraphilias” And I am absolutely anti contact, can I hear a bit more about why you are Ex-Radqueer? I’ve kind of been ignoring opposing views since recently but I’d be definitely interested in it. I definitely felt the social pressure of not hating pro contacts, Yeah. But I tried not to fall for it lol

-Joel and Yahweh

I previously identified as radqueer, and I was very passionate about it. But now I don't identify as radqueer. I might be bad at wording this, but imo the entire thing has been taken over by pro-contacts. In my experience, if you look up anything radqueer-related, it's very easy to unintentionally stumble across several open pro-contacts.

Even if it's "only __% of the community", it's too much. And there's a lot of "contact neutrals". It grooms vulnerable young people into being more accepting of abuse-defending rhetoric. Desperate transID/paraphiles deserve better than a community that's overall "neutral on contact discourse".

To use a metaphor, imagine being like, "I'm a proud anti-nazi member of The Nazi-Neutral Bar! you should join this bar!" about a bar that's like 20% nazis and 50% nazi-sympathizers.

Basically, the radqueer community is the Nazi Bar, but it's a Pro Contact Social Media Tag/Community/Movement.

(reference - "nazi bar" tweet thread by Michael B. Tager)

Some people say they're an anti-contact radqueer, and they try to avoid pro-c's, but honestly I think it's a sinking ship and it would be better to form something different. That's kinda what I was trying to do with coining ACPT. I like that other people have started using it and similar labels like FLEUR/etc :) The radqueer community will never be anti-contact enough; it inherently allows pro-contacts and therefore will be taken over by them.

i have a few more thoughts below, but above is a good summary i think.

[these are basically just first drafts]

The community generally views pro-contact as an acceptable thing to be. You can't escape pro-contact people if you're in the radqueer community. The radqueer community is, overall, an unsafe place that has a lot of pro-contacts and will only have more pro-contacts over time (it's the only place they're accepted + reasonable anti-c's leave for their own sanity).

There isn't any point in promoting the radqueer community to new people, since the community WILL normalize pro-contact ideology to people. In my experience, new radqueers are often young, vulnerable, desperate, and victims of abuse (past and current). We NEED to give these people something safer than a contact-neutral community.

Even if "only __% of the community is pro contact",

it's too large of a percentage. it is impossible to go anywhere on radqueer tumblr without immediately seeing several pro-contacts in various states of out-ness.

a significant part of the community does not see it as an issue and does not treat it seriously

The radqueer community allows the normalization of pro-contact by allowing pro-contacts in the first place, and treating it like an acceptable opinion. Maybe the community was more anti-contact in the past (it feels that way to me). But then more pro-contacts start joining and being open, because it's one of the only places that allows them. And then it becomes more and more pro contact

How could I wear the radqueer flag or call myself a proud radqueer if I knew this series of events was probably going to happen to someone:

A 15 year old sees me and joins online radqueer communities because they are transid/paraphilic

They see a variety of opinions on social media - many anti contact, some pro contact. They form a view of what types of beliefs are acceptable based on their dashboard. It's mostly anti contact, but they've started to think of pro contact as a bit more acceptable.

They start seeing more and more pro contact posts. Some of them are popular, and people aren't even arguing against them. They try to talk about this stuff to someone in their real life (a rare occurrence) but their parent brushes them off, and doesn't explain why some age gaps are problematic. They're being abused at home. They think, maybe if they had a nice pedophile boyfriend to save them, they would be abused less? They start to listen to more pro contact people, because nobody else will talk about contact discourse to them.

^ This happened to me. If I didn't start talking to other people about this, I might have been pushed into having a friend group entirely full of abusers 🤷 (or more terrifyingly, becoming an abuser myself.. but i like to think i was far from that.)

i feel little to no allyship with pro-contact people that share my identities and i do not want to be in communities with them. in contact-neutral communities they are impossible to avoid, and promoting these communities means promoting the pro-contacts in them, in a way.

[peak-avoidance]

using brain damage as an insult isn't a better alternative to using the r word. brain damage doesn't cause bigotry, and it's not the punchline for a joke. you know you can express astonishment at someone's actions without implying they must have brain damage. brain injuries aren't the end of someone's worth as a person. like are you even aware there's various types of brain injury.

[peak-avoidance]

The misinformation around contact discourse drives me nuts. You’re not complex-contact for being “anti-contact for the big three and pro-contact for all other paraphilias”. Being against contact for the big three is called being anti-contact. Contact stances are for the big three, nothing else.

It feels like people here are afraid to call themselves anti-contact and it’s concerning. Saying you’re “pro-consent” isn’t enough to show you’re against abuse, especially when some people in this community seriously think >16-year-olds are developed enough to consent to sexual relationships with chronological adults.

We need to beat the “unsafe pro-grooming community” allegations, I’m fucking begging.

.

[peak-avoidance]

*wokely* tell me what genitals you have, stranger i just met

[peak-avoidance]

you do know "MRA" is a right-wing dogwhistle because cis men already have rights on the basis of their gender, right? you DO know trans men DON'T actually have rights on the basis of their gender, right? you DO know "TMRA" more closely echoes "TRA", a term used by actual, GENUINE TERFs to compare trans liberation to a right-wing misogynistic hate movement, RIGHT?

[peak-avoidance]

[peak-avoidance]

I don't really know why I'm going on this rant, but I need to get it off my chest. Obligatory preface that our system's main/core is a CSA survivor so nobody jumps down my throat.

Ok, I really dislike the way the internet handled Jared Knabenbauer's cancelation. I think it's really fucked up that rather than criticize him for his actions, people took it as permission to bully him for the size of his nose and wearing a Sailor Mercury cosplay. It's just upsetting to me because a lot of that bullying was coming from people who usually understand that it's wrong to do those things and wouldn't normally do it, but because Jared was deemed an acceptable target, suddenly it's not a big deal to basically call him an unattractive transvestite. It was one of those moments, I suppose, where it became obvious to me how little survivors like us actually matter to the very people who claim to care. If they really cared, they wouldn't result to queerphobia and name-calling as a defense against abuse. They would understand how doing that is detrimental to the well-being of survivors, how they'd be completely undermining their point by focusing on irrelevant, harmless things instead of the actual serious harm.

I'm not trying to defend his actions here. Whether or not it's true that the minor in question lied to him about their age, it was pretty questionable of him for a number of reasons to have a blog here dedicated to just exchanging nudes with people, including the fact that someone could be untruthful about their age. That sort of thing would be a lot better suited for an already 18+ website, of which there are plenty. I'm just annoyed that people seemed to treat that aspect as less important than finding unrelated things to embarrass and shame him over.

I guess if there's silver lining, it would be that I didn't see any of this in the more recent Colleen Ballinger cancelation. The worst I saw in that regard were comments about her weight (in the sense that she's skinny), but nobody ever lost sight of what was important: the kids she was being a creep towards. Granted, she really didn't need any help making herself look bad.

But yeah, I guess it just sort of exemplified for us how survivors of abuse aren't really treated as people. Even when they fully believe they're acting in our defense, it's like we're an afterthought to these people. It's really upsetting.

[peak-avoidance]

"endos make a mockery of REAL systems" "ace people make a mockery of REAL queer people" "nonbinary people make a mockery of REAL trans people" "self-diagnosed people make a mockery of REAL disabled people" "bisexuals make a mockery of REAL gay people" "non-dysphoric trans people make a mockery of REAL trans people" "trans lesbians make a mockery of REAL lesbians"

arent you tired? arent you tired? arent you tired?

[peak-avoidance]

I'm hilarious.

My art is phenomenal.

I'm a good cook.

I'm generous.

My hair is gorgeous.

@plurearth @stridercestous @aetherglade-reborn @fleurpuppet

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

I struggle remembering even five of my followers so don’t expect ten

anyway

things I like about myself

I’m not afraid to advocate for myself and other people

I’ve learned to accept my disabilities as a part of who I am and define myself with them, not despite them

i have a good taste in music

even though i feel almost no empathy and find other people annoying at best, i still make a conscious effort to be compassionate because i believe in a better world than this

I like the layouts of my blogs. I think I did a good job designing them

okay shit well.

@kamisamabest @midnight-soulless-system @sweetashe @theriseofplut0 @chernobylcatfish09 @permasleepymoth @finnysobsession @lesbian-penguin-hehe

That’s the best you’re getting I can’t remember anyone else /srs

[peak-avoidance]

^

[peak-avoidance]

actually I think you're lying about your lived experience and the proof I have is that i asked the warped and evil strawman version of you that I built to live inside my mind and it said you're full of shit and you never have good intentions ever