pear1escence

[pear1escence]

target practice

[pear1escence]

Having a family where mental illness is so common and deteriorating is so depressing it makes me want to die

[pear1escence]

The best cure to sadness is meal prep. I’m so fucking exited to eat my overnight oats tomorrow morning

[pear1escence]

Need a glass of white wine and a cigarette REAL BADDD

[pear1escence]

My room is constantly fucking freezing cold and it always makes me think about how rorke would make such a comfortable pillow. Need him solely as a source of warmth lowkey. Like yeah man is built like a fucking brick wall (bitch is probably heavy as HELLL being like 6’4 or wtv) but he’s an older guy, body fat % increases w age which means pillow-for-me-to-lie-on

LIKEEEE those thick ass biceps I need him to hold me😞 I feel like he’d like have a heinous fucking dad snore though. Loud as hell for no reason.

[pear1escence]

Like bitch be so fucking serious

A grape

[pear1escence]

A grape

[pear1escence]

Also just nonsensical as hell. The other day I almost cried about eating a grape. A grape. A fucking grape.

Food guilt is the worst can I fucking LIVEEEE AUGHHHHH

[pear1escence]

Food guilt is the worst can I fucking LIVEEEE AUGHHHHH

[pear1escence]

Pre-fed rorke would be such an awesome grandparent. I don’t know why this thought came to me earlier but it made sense at the time.

[pear1escence]

I literally can’t exist without hurting myself in some way, wether it’s through cutting or starving or smoking or making myself throw up, it’s impossible to live with my mind unless I do. I don’t know what it is that’s so wrong with me. It’s ruining me, and I feel like I’m built on so much shit that no matter how much I work on myself I’ll always return to this state. My core beliefs are just insecurity and doubt. I have no regulation, the smallest things set me off and then I have to spend hours in this piece of shit mental state where I feel wrecked with anxiety and insecurity and I have no idea how to act. I keep acting on these rules I’ve created for myself from every interaction in my life which stuck with me, rules I don’t even realise I have cause they’re so deeply ingrained in my brain I act on them subconsciously. None of this even makes any sense and I have no idea how I’m supposed to work though any of it when my brain is just layers upon layers of absolute bullshit.

[pear1escence]

I myself feel nauseous af with the election and I appreciate your support. I'm scared to even say this with my handle idk what I'm gonna fucking do

It’s honestly surreal. I’m just heartbroken for the women and the girls, the poor, everyone who’s going to be negatively affected by this. Take care of yourselves🫂

[pear1escence]

I’d been following the election all morning and Trump winning was what I dreaded the most, I can’t think about it for long without feeling nauseous. Praying for my American moots, especially the female ones. The more I research the more dystopian this shit gets.

[pear1escence]

All that ass for what

Wishing there was more Rorke content out there fr fr 🤞😔

I wanna blow him so bad :(

(Anyway my mate sent me this, if anyone knows the orig maker please tell me so I can credit them 🫶)

[pear1escence]

Hey, it's been a while. Are doing alright?

🩶

Put off answering this for a trillion years because tumblr has been triggering my anxiety lately for whatever reason, sorry dear mopsi, but anyhow I’m doing pretty well lately :)) trying to stay consistent and happy, thank you for the check up🫶🏻

[pear1escence]

I miss you and your content😩 where are you!

Busy as hell studying most of the time😓 I’ve gotta get better at replying sorry for leaving you hanging for half a month

[pear1escence]

Did I hallucinate or is my short term memory tricking me into believing I saw something I just thought about