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I'm out here playing looney tunes games with myself like "surely this time the coffee will make me more alert" like it hasn't made me sleepy the last 10 times
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being so fucking worried that a foot fetishist may see your toes and jack off about it that you start censoring your feet online and treating them like a perverted thing and being weird about seeing other people’s feet is fucking weird puritan behaviour and i really wish the general internet hadn’t gotten that far
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"im riding my biggest dildo imagining it's you" maybe use one of your medium sized dildos?
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*in the middle of a breakdown* Omg wait. this is just like the character
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Why isn't "too scary" a good enough reason to never drive a car
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when i was 9 i was banned from editing the muscovy duck wikipedia page because i kept editing any mention of the flavor of their meat to say things like “they taste like dirty dishwater” because i had pet muscovy ducks and couldn’t bear the thought of them being eaten, so i tried to run a smear campaign on duck meat
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