pepper---chase

[pepper---chase]

hi y’all

sorry i haven’t been on much, i’ve been pretty busy and in the last week i mean that in a good way :’)) i withdrew from my calculus class bc it was absolutely killing me and my final grade was gonna be pretty sad  and then... i ended up going out with a girl in my german class on halloween and it was so so fun and we got drunk and ate fries at like midnight and talked for hours and then i didn’t realize until the end that it was a date and then sunday we went out again bc she got a puppy and she needed to get some stuff for him and i ended up having my first and second ever kiss that day and i’m just so shook by everything

if y’all have been reading my ooc posts for a year you know that literally a year ago i was heartbroken and i felt so undesirable and so sad and now i’m kissing girls in the middle of sidewalks in new york and ??? whose life ????? i guess it’s mine

and it’s fucking awesome BUT i still wanna be on here so i swear i am trying to get my muse back by staring at my babies’ blogs and reading their old self paras and shit so yeah if you wanna get anything specific going with anyone just send me a message :-))

[pepper---chase]

oh, ‘cause i keep digging myself down deeper i won’t stop ‘til i get where you are i keep running, i keep running, i keep running

they say i may be making a mistake i would’ve followed all the way  no matter how far i know when you go down all your darkest roads i would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard

[pepper---chase]

baby.spice: met a baby this weekend. a baby who also happens to be my niece. shoutout to karl & brett for getting a cute kid. like this post if me & gina should get one too

[pepper---chase]

[pepper---chase]

they say don’t open old wounds but this is still brand new and all the flames you said you ran through you got a little more to prove one day i’ll give you my heart when it’s not in two they say don’t open old wounds but i’m going to

( @ginacraw​ )

[pepper---chase]

right from the start i knew you’d set a fire in me that i’d rather be sad with you than anywhere away from you

and hey, i can’t believe i captured your heart i can’t believe i captured your heart

[pepper---chase]

baby.spice: crimson & clover honey, over & over honey

[pepper---chase]

Pepper had just started her break, having finished a few appointments early in the day, and was on her way to get a coffee herself when she barely noticed someone trying to talk to her through the new Lana album her earbuds were providing in opposition to the city noise. She usually ignored strangers trying to get her attention-- it was just what New Yorkers did-- but this guy looked so out of place and-- meek-- she figured he was a tourist trying to figure out how he even ended up in Queens when he was looking for Rockefeller Center or something-- until she recognized him, vaguely, like the last time she’d seen him was clouded by thick fog. ( It was. She was hardly conscious half the time back then. ) She took an earbud out to listen. “Uh, yeah. There’s one two blocks down. I was on the way there. You’re the brother, right? Uh, Heather’s. --And Samantha’s.”

Having not traversed around Queens in an immensely long while, it was safe to say that Caleb had nearly forgotten most of the suitable establishments to unwind there; he had become too accustomed to the even more dashing cities and found sole comfort in the warmth of his office or within the cradle of both his two-year old daughter and wife. Things felt a little different here, the air felt homely, but not in a good way–reminding him of the much complicated times, with his parents, two ruffled sisters. He tried to not permit the nostalgia disturb him too much and continued to venture from the hotel room he had booked for the next three days, and down to the streets. “Excuse me,” he murmured, his voice low, evidence of it scarcely being used. “Do you know any decent coffee shops around here? Somewhere quiet would be preferable, I need to finish my work.” 

[pepper---chase]

hello again !

here’s my life update lol: - moved back to new york ! i have a new dorm which is apartment style and so far i love it <3 it’s tiny but there’s a kitchen and a BATHTUB (last year i only had a shower) and i have an amazing view as far as people watching goes... i also have a balcony which i love BUT we’re not allowed to go out on them lol - started classes and i’m officially taking (the sociology of) sex & gender, elementary german, and calculus LMAO i’m also auditing chemistry 1 because i’m a dumbass and threw my notes away then decided i wanna do pre med again ;-))) so far german is fun, sex and gender is interesting, and calculus is fucking terrifying (but the professor seems rly nice and she gave us a review of pre cal <33 which is good bc it’s been...... 3 years lmao) - unfortunately my grandma passed away last week so i went home this weekend for her funeral...... it was.......... emotional but i’m okay (i was also on my period so shoutout to my hormones for making me even more fragile) came home today, did my german homework, now i’m trying to mentally prepare for the week :’) - oh ALSO! i turned 20 last monday, got my first tattoo (!!!) and had a really fun day  - i’m kind of? maybe? on the way to making friends? a girl in my sex & gender class who gives me MAJOR gay vibes immediately noticed my tat and we talked a little and she sat next to me again in the recitation (i was hoping to save her a desk in the next class but some dude took it right before she came in... she waved to me tho) AND in calculus another pre-health girl who is a transfer student from some school in north carolina sought me out because i guess i looked somewhat interesting & the person she sat next to in bio apparently had 0 personality HAH so i’m glad i give off entertaining/positive vibes!!

anyway yeah that’s my life as of right now, trying to jump back into threads and find my muse for all my kids again!!  feel free to message me if u wanna set anything up <33

[pepper---chase]

cinnamon in my teeth from your kiss, you’re touching me all the pills that you take violet, blue, green, red to keep me at arm’s length don’t work you try to push me out, but i just find my way back in violet, blue, green, red to keep me out, i win

there’s things i wanna say to you,  but i’ll just let you live like if you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did

there’s things i wanna talk about,  but better not to give but if you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did

( @ginacraw )

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oh !! i just realized i never gave y’all an update after my appointment lol so i don’t know for sure if i have a concrete diagnosis, she was a nurse practitioner so she could prescribe me meds but i’m not 100% sure if that means she can also diagnose me without any brain scans or other tests besides the conversation we had -- but i’m pretty sure she would say clinical depression if i asked. turns out the really good period i had that i thought might be a hypomanic episode (super motivated, super productive, getting shit done, not necessarily getting exhausted or feeling like i needed to slow down) was just... me not being depressed LMAO so hey!! if i can get back to what my normal should be.... holy shit. that’s really exciting lol if i can find that inspiration again i really believe i can get through these stem classes and get into med school (if u haven’t heard i’m going back to pre med LMAO because i like being in pain i guess) ANYWAY

she did prescribe me an anti-depressant (escitalopram/lexapro) and i’ve started it!! so hopefully within a few weeks i’ll start to feel a little better!! give me that serotonin!!! 

i got my spicy nuggets today also if you were wondering about that hahaha

yeet ok that’s all i got for now :’)

[pepper---chase]

hcatheralcott‌:

Over the past few months, particularly at the very beginning of the year, the artist had creaved herself off the outside world - no longer able to shroud behind hospital walls and a fabricated, jovial demeanor, she had relapsed into sheer isolation and endless violence as a way to cope with her pain, too clueless back then, bearing a massive grin but vacant in both eyes. Lately, she’d been able to pick herself up, though - to let people in, to heal, and to allow others to help her instead of shoving them away. She’d been attempting to reconnect when she could, it was a gradual process, but mending together fractured rubbles would always take time. Pepper was one of the first people she wanted to catch up to, the girl whom she’d trusted with her whole heart, whom she’d shared ridiculous stories and small pieces of overly-sweet Zebra cakes with back at the hospital, the one whom she’d always wanted to see prosper despite her demons. “You should. They miss you, you know. Like, they love Cy’s fucking annoying ass, but they want to see you play again, too. Tried teaching them guitar once, almost broke the thing. I am not the most musicially-gifted one in the club here. I - uh, Pepper?” Months, or years ago, she would’ve stiffened at the hug- and she still did, but this time, instead of pulling away, she turned around and enveloped her in a full embrace, attempting to at least mimic her girlfriend’s hug whenever they greeted one another and wanting to finally give Pepper her entire affection. “Missed you, Pep, you fucking nugget.” So this was how warm Pepper felt. Placing hands on shoulders, she leaned back, an awkward chuckle leaving her lips. “Yeah. Sam’s, uh, been gaining more confidence lately - which is good. I think school’s been helping become a little more bold. She still wants to play with you. I think.” She dropped her hands then, not wanting to overdo it - for Pepper’s and her own comfort. “Let me know if you decide to visit the shack again. There’s someone I’ve been wanting to introduce to you. You might have seen her a couple of times, though.”

Pepper hadn’t had the chance to spend much time with Heather lately, between both of them working and having separate responsibilities and schedules, but she’d been watching over social media, trying to keep up via Instagram posts and texting. She could tell she’d been on an upward incline, though, and she was glad to see her doing well, finally seeming to reap the benefits of all her work, back in the hospital and outside. It was a little weird to hear that the kids missed her. She’d never seen herself as much of a child-oriented person, someone kids would be drawn to, or even a good influence. But when she thought about the kind of people she’d looked up to for years, the rebels, the angsty punks and emos, it made a weird, nostalgic sort of sense. “That’s cute. Maybe I could give ‘em, like, temporary tattoos or something, too. Enhance my coolness.” The way she said her name, seemed to hesitate at first in response to her hug, reminded her of how she’d pulled away in the past, one time resonating clearly. I’m injured, Pepper, could you-- but then she was pulling her in, hugging her back with more conviction than she ever had. She exhaled slightly, taking a moment to rest her chin on her shoulder. This was kind of comfort, closeness, was what she’d always felt at the root of her relationship with Heather-- the simple manifestation of that in a finally complete hug was even more rewarding than she could’ve anticipated. “I-- missed you, too.” She nodded with a small smile. “Yeah, that’s-- always nice. I was hoping she’d kinda come out of her shell at some point. At least a little. I’m totally down for that.” She was intrigued, if a little nervous, by her invitation. “Yeah, I-- I will. Don’t wanna let the Golden Nugget Fans down. Who’s that?”

[pepper---chase]

cywreck‌:

“I know, gettin’ drunk at a festival is usually a shit idea. I see so many fuckin’ people that had been wasted for seventy-two hours straight at some festivals,” he chuckled, crossing one leg over the other and leaning against the wall. Despite the year of binge-drinking at parties he had partaken in, he acknowledged that drinking heavily in humid conditions or multiple days in a row would be unwise for his heart. USB vape managed to draw a snort from him, smirk transforming to a genuine smile in ten seconds or less, saying softly, “You did great. Your singin’ is phenomenal, the crowd was vibin’ with your shit.” Patting her on the shoulder would have seemed condescending in his perspective, settling to slide his free hand into the pocket of his leather pants that laced up on the sides. Corners of his eyes wrinkling with his laughter when she revealed the backpack to him, Cyrek shook his head, replying, “Nah, I shouldn’t anyway, my kid is over there–” Tipping his water bottle in the direction of the bonfire, he paused when he realized what he had said, boggled by the revelation momentarily. “Well… a kid. Foster kiddo. Not my child– you know what, you get my fuckin’ point– we’re adoptin’, maybe.”

“Oof. That sounds like a lot of puking in port-a-potties. And a big fucking headache. Gotta love combining impending hangovers and heat exhaustion. I’m not a fan of being drunk anyway, so-- that sounds like a good way to ruin a concert or festival, to me.” Pepper hadn’t been intoxicated in over three years now, not counting her NyQuil habit that’d hung around a while after that. She’d been more drawn to other vices, most of which she was continually trying to resist. She smiled at the extension of the compliment, refraining from shrugging or shaking her head. “Well, thanks. That’s, uh-- hella flattering. I swear, Lana always works, especially when your audience is gay.” She slung her backpack over one shoulder and raised her eyebrows at his next words. “Your kid-- oh damn. That’s good.” She still wasn’t sure she’d ever want children, or that Gina would, but the ones from the art shack always tugged on her heartstrings a little, certainly more than random kids or babies in public. “I feel like I’d have to make some major alterations to myself if I was gonna be a major role model.”

[pepper---chase]

pepperchase

honesty hour.

pepper. jordan. andie. christopher. tara. madeleine. nyx. jennifer. lydia.