perhapsyoucanwritetome-blog

[perhapsyoucanwritetome-blog]

For your Sunday viewing pleasure. 

One of the best podcasts I’ve heard in a long time, if not the best ever. 

Humble just re-released his book Unlearn: 101 Simple Truths. This is my second time owning the Kindle version and I picked up a physical copy for my best friend. It is the digestible wisdom that everyone needs to hear at some point in their lives. 

I always find myself thinking about Kanye’s line in Paranoid lately: “You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things.” 

What’s important in life and what isn��t? Are you focused on the right things?

[perhapsyoucanwritetome-blog]

I Among the smoke and fog of a December afternoon You have the scene arrange itself — as it will seem to do— With "I have saved this afternoon for you"; And four wax candles in the darkened room, Four rings of light upon the ceiling overhead, An atmosphere of Juliet's tomb Prepared for all the things to be said, or left unsaid. We have been, let us say, to hear the latest Pole Transmit the Preludes, through his hair and finger-tips. "So intimate, this Chopin, that I think his soul Should be resurrected only among friends Some two or three, who will not touch the bloom That is rubbed and questioned in the concert room." —And so the conversation slips Among velleities and carefully caught regrets Through attenuated tones of violins Mingled with remote cornets And begins. "You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends, And how, how rare and strange it is, to find In a life composed so much, so much of odds and ends, (For indeed I do not love it ... you knew? you are not blind! How keen you are!) To find a friend who has these qualities, Who has, and gives Those qualities upon which friendship lives. How much it means that I say this to you — Without these friendships — life, what cauchemar!" Among the winding of the violins And the ariettes Of cracked cornets Inside my brain a dull tom-tom begins Absurdly hammering a prelude of its own, Capricious monotone That is at least one definite "false note." — Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance, Admire the monuments, Discuss the late events, Correct our watches by the public clocks. Then sit for half an hour and drink our bocks. II Now that lilacs are in bloom She has a bowl of lilacs in her room And twists one in her fingers while she talks. "Ah, my friend, you do not know, you do not know What life is, you who hold it in your hands"; (Slowly twisting the lilac stalks) "You let it flow from you, you let it flow, And youth is cruel, and has no remorse And smiles at situations which it cannot see." I smile, of course, And go on drinking tea. "Yet with these April sunsets, that somehow recall My buried life, and Paris in the Spring, I feel immeasurably at peace, and find the world To be wonderful and youthful, after all." The voice returns like the insistent out-of-tune Of a broken violin on an August afternoon: "I am always sure that you understand My feelings, always sure that you feel, Sure that across the gulf you reach your hand. You are invulnerable, you have no Achilles' heel. You will go on, and when you have prevailed You can say: at this point many a one has failed. But what have I, but what have I, my friend, To give you, what can you receive from me? Only the friendship and the sympathy Of one about to reach her journey's end. I shall sit here, serving tea to friends ...." I take my hat: how can I make a cowardly amends For what she has said to me? You will see me any morning in the park Reading the comics and the sporting page. Particularly I remark. An English countess goes upon the stage. A Greek was murdered at a Polish dance, Another bank defaulter has confessed. I keep my countenance, I remain self-possessed Except when a street-piano, mechanical and tired Reiterates some worn-out common song With the smell of hyacinths across the garden Recalling things that other people have desired. Are these ideas right or wrong? III The October night comes down; returning as before Except for a slight sensation of being ill at ease I mount the stairs and turn the handle of the door And feel as if I had mounted on my hands and knees. "And so you are going abroad; and when do you return? But that's a useless question. You hardly know when you are coming back, You will find so much to learn." My smile falls heavily among the bric-à-brac. "Perhaps you can write to me." My self-possession flares up for a second; This is as I had reckoned. "I have been wondering frequently of late (But our beginnings never know our ends!) Why we have not developed into friends." I feel like one who smiles, and turning shall remark Suddenly, his expression in a glass. My self-possession gutters; we are really in the dark. "For everybody said so, all our friends, They all were sure our feelings would relate So closely! I myself can hardly understand. We must leave it now to fate. You will write, at any rate. Perhaps it is not too late. I shall sit here, serving tea to friends." And I must borrow every changing shape To find expression ... dance, dance Like a dancing bear, Cry like a parrot, chatter like an ape. Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance— Well! and what if she should die some afternoon, Afternoon grey and smoky, evening yellow and rose; Should die and leave me sitting pen in hand With the smoke coming down above the housetops; Doubtful, for quite a while Not knowing what to feel or if I understand Or whether wise or foolish, tardy or too soon ... Would she not have the advantage, after all? This music is successful with a "dying fall" Now that we talk of dying— And should I have the right to smile?

Portrait of a Lady By T. S. Eliot                                                                                                                                                        

This is my favorite poem. Not only by T.S. Eliot, but in general. I have a collection of all of his poems from the 1960s and like to read through it every few months because each time I read these poems, a different line will stand out to me or the lines that I’ve always loved will take on a different meaning. Because I’m sharing this as a “quote,” I can’t go through and bold or highlight specifically what lines mean something to me, so I’ll have to dissect it sometime in a separate post. 

[perhapsyoucanwritetome-blog]

On Losing 65 Pounds in 194 Days

As the title states, I've lost 65 pounds since September 24th, 2019. Sometimes I share insights about this "anonymously" on Reddit, but why not write about it here? I'm 15 pounds away from my lowest adult weight. (When I was in college.) My original goal was 100 pounds by October 2019. I've still got quite a bit of time until then and anything can happen, but I'm thrilled about where I'm at now and where I'm headed in 15 pounds.

There are absolutely no magic tricks when it comes to losing weight. There's a quote... I'm not sure who said it and I'm using this focused writing app that I love to write this, so I'm not going to check, but if you go from eating two pizzas a day to eating one pizza a day, you're going to lose weight. We all know this. It isn't ALL calories in, calories out, but that is a major part of it. You need to know what is an appropriate amount of calories for your weight and your TDEE. (Total Daily Energy Expenditure.)

A lot of people also have a huge misconception that you need to exercise to lose weight. You absolutely do not. The kitchen determines your weight and the gym determines the shape of your body. There are plenty of weight loss stories where people lose literally hundreds of pounds by just changing their diet. These are the facts. There are dozens of scientific studies on these things. What more proof could you ever think you need? It is thrown around that it is 80% diet and 20% exercise... But most people recognize that 80/20 is a standard not based in facts. You'll see a lot of things compared that way. I think the concept originally came from a book about business. Doctors would tell you it is more like 90-something percent diet.

One of my close friends is a dietician and when I started talking about getting serious about weight loss, she did three things: she asked me to write down everything I'd eaten the day before, she told me to add fruits and vegetables to every single meal and she came to the gym with me one time so far.

What did I eat the day before I started going to the gym/eating healthier? I woke up that morning and went to Wawa where I had... One of their large coffee drinks, probably two breakfast sandwiches and two hash-browns. For lunch/dinner, Jill and I went to Shake Shack and because I knew it was my "last meal," I had a double cheeseburger, fries and a large 50/50, which I would've had regardless of whether it was my "last meal" or not. I probably went to Starbucks once or twice during that day. Might have gorged on some string cheese, which is still one of my foods that I binge on.

I could never eat like that now. The Wawa breakfast alone. As "delicious" as that might have been, it was disgusting to be eating like that. I know it would make me sick to eat like that now and I wouldn't want to because now, I'm much more mindful about what I'm eating and pay attention to what nutrients my food is giving me. So it is important to me to eat foods that I know are high in protein. If I have an injury, I'm concerned with protein, zinc, vitamin c, iron, etc.

I haven't drank soda (unless it was mixed with alcohol) since I was 17. (Coming up on a decade) I cannot *believe* that people voluntarily drink soda when there's so much information out there about how bad it is for you. We all have our vices, but... I just can't fathom how some people drink soda all day long. If you're one of those people and want to lose weight, cut out the soda and you'll see a tremendous change.

Losing weight is basic. Eat nutritious food. Stop eating when you're full. Eat at appropriate times. (I fast 16:8, which is probably 65%+ of my success.) If you're going to exercise, try to do it in a fasted state, so you're burning fat.

But something that surprisingly isn't talked about more often... How did you get this way? What happened that made you reach for food as comfort? Why did you reach for a pint of ice cream and eat the entire thing, KNOWING how terrible that is for your overall health and weight gain? There's a phenomenal book about anxiety/depression in general called Lost Connections by Johann Hari. This is essential reading for anxiety/depression/anxiety or depression related obesity.

I'd be happy to talk about the book with anyone who is interested. There are other books I'll talk about regarding weight loss too, but you don't need to read an entire book to get the point: eat fruits and vegetables. I might do a book summary at some point, but I don't feel like doing it now and if I don't feel like doing it and save it for "later," I'll close out of this post and never share any of this.

Maybe I should've mentioned earlier in the post, like perhaps the very beginning, why I started this journey. I started this journey because I finally cared about living. I didn't care about living when I was eating my way to a heart attack. I wanted to be here for the people that I love. ***I wanted to be here to see someone I love living out her dream.*** And I couldn't have done that at 300+ pounds, eating two Wawa breakfast sandwiches. I wouldn't have wanted to do that if I lost my limbs to diabetes because I couldn't stop eating entire pints of ice cream in one sitting.

Any kind of change is possible. Thomas Edison said that "If we did all of the things we were capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." Making the right food choices is one small piece of the ultimate puzzle of living.

The next time I write about this, I'm going to go more into the psychology of weight loss. If any of you are struggling or want to lose weight, I will give you all of my resources.

[perhapsyoucanwritetome-blog]

As promised,

Here are links where you can learn more about Claire Wineland, her non-profit foundation and be impacted by her life as well:: 

Claire's Place Foundation Claire's YouTube Channel Claire's Instagram

[perhapsyoucanwritetome-blog]

I can’t remember exactly what I was looking up in the Fall of 2017, but I remember this video of Claire Wineland speaking at TedX was one of the suggested videos on the side of a video I landed on about the suicide forest in Japan. Who would’ve known that coming across this person and this video would have completely changed my mindset and perspective of life? 

Up until this point, I lived in an environment where being depressed was something viewed as a “choice” or a person being “weak.” (Someone “feeling sorry for themselves” or “having a pity party.”) It wasn’t until I heard Claire speaking about different types of suffering being legitimate that my own perspective shifted on what “suffering” really means. 

Learning that she grew up practicing Tibetan Buddhism and hearing how much wisdom she had for someone at such a young age, I started to look into Buddhism, which ultimately led me down the hole to Daoism, the pillar (now) of my life. I'm going to expand much more on that as I continue this blog. 

Claire passed away at the age of 21 on September 2nd, 2018 after a lifelong battle with cystic fibrosis. Her death was a major loss to this world. There's plenty to be said about Claire. She gained a platform online as a teenager through sharing vlogs about her life experience and her experience with her illness. She showed the world that being "sick" doesn't define a person as an individual. She started her own non-profit to support families and individuals with cystic fibrosis called  Claire's Place Foundation. 

I’ll have to share a post where I can link more information about Claire/the foundation/etc. 

[perhapsyoucanwritetome-blog]

An Introduction to My Thoughts

This is my first blog post. It will most likely be one of many. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. Why am I doing this? Who would write or read a blog in the year 2019? Well, I'm doing this because I want to have a creative outlet where I can share what is on my mind with others. Others who will voluntarily read it because I've come to understand more and more that sharing interests with people who do not share those particular interests is an extremely lonely and unfulfilling feat.

As much as I've indulged in photography over the past decade, before that and during that, my main outlet has been writing. At one point, I was even a journalism major in college and thought I'd want to make a career out of it. (That was very short lived and was mostly because I had a knack for journalism and creative writing in high school.) As the years drew on and on, I wrote less and less; to the point where it was difficult for me to even write 350 words for Emulsive's "5 Frames With" about photography when I've been doing it for almost 10 years.

In 2018, I started journaling; daily and obsessively, but everything I wrote, I would tear up and throw away for fear that someone else would read it or inability to accept what I was thinking or feeling. In December, my feelings about my writing shifted and I decided to stop throwing what I wrote away and keep my finished journals. It is April and I'm about halfway through my third journal for the year. There are some things that I don't want to keep to myself, like things I'm writing about inspiring books I'm reading, music I hear or videos I see. I want to share those with people who may also benefit from the things that I'm learning or experiencing, so that is what this is.

Photography will always be something I love and identify with. Always. But social media has made it such an unenjoyable experience for me that no matter what I do, I get absolutely no pleasure from taking photos if the intent of them is to share them on social media. I just can't imagine pouring my heart and soul into something that I care about to share it with strangers who see it for MAYBE .2 seconds and MAYBE leave a comment that says "cool pic." I also can't get caught up in the psychology of likes from strangers being a measurement of something's value. Even thinking about it is spiraling me to a psychological hell.

I've come to accept that unless I feel irresistibly compelled to share something, I'm not going to do it. What's the point?

I could curate a highlight reel of events and experiences to make my life look glamorous and perfect (something unrealistic for any person) on social media, which would make people I know personally and strangers across the globe feel inadequate and bad about themselves and their lives. Why would I do that? I know that isn't most people's intentions when they post on social media, (though it is some people's) but unfortunately, that is what ends up happening. Look at social media related depression and anxiety alone. People have developed anxiety disorders from FOMO. It doesn't take long of scrolling through pictures of people's Leicas to start feeling bad that I don't have one, even though I have an awesome collection of cameras that I am super happy with that all do what they're intended to do.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I don't wish to compare or compete with anyone about anything. I want to share with people with hopes of bettering their lives, sparking their interest and hopefully motivating others to share if they also feel like something is holding them back.