perplexxingcharmx-blog - Tumblr blog

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nobody:

me: *tears*

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My life

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I don't think most people understand the urge to kill yourself every time you do something wrong

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Fucked

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Honestly..

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“To understand the depths of each other’s sorrow. This is what friendship is for. Friendship is meant to make you feel both warm and at home while it’s raining outside from the monsoons and hurricanes of tears from a joy that’s lost – never to be found again. Laughing like two sick patients in an asylum at the greatest cosmic joke: to realize from the day you were born, you’re going to die, and friendship is what keeps it funny. Friendship is what prevents you from dealing with the truth that life is inherently meaningless and how it closes your eyes from going insane and holds your hand with promises that you are safe, that you are precious, and nothing’s going to rob you from the most beautiful gift of all which is you are understood. And understanding is the highest form of Love that transcends all suffering. Understanding is rare and wonderful. Friendship is “Understanding” which is the first name given to the word “Love.” But know this about me – I have no friends, and this is simply me crying to the void. I have no friends, but this feeling has led me to appreciate how a truly lovely thing friendship must be, and it exists for every desolated being … somewhere … someone … someday.”

— Juansen Dizon, A Diary entry about Friendship

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I’ve been figuring out how to vent without having facing anyone..

Shoutout to Tumblr for giving lonely people a space to feel less lonely without actually having to talk to anyone

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“I break my own heart by expecting people to be as attached to me as I am to them.”

—

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And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

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I feel like I’m fucked up cus of my past..

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Can’t I quit this level..

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I need you by my side..

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TRIGGER WARNING; Today has been fucking rough to get through and I thought it would get better and stay better but I guess nothing last.. I’m so tired of everything..I love everyone in my life that I keep close but I feel like I don’t belong here, constantly. This world is depressing, it’s like all the negative shits in my face and I’m having a tough time to find the light.. How can people be okay..like why am I having such a hard time. Also idk what’s up with these stars or whatever but this has been ok of the worst months for me in a really long time and I need July to come already.. hopefully it gets better..Ughhhh sorry

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Something I shared with Patrons a while back. It’s been that kind of a year. A lot of change and stress, but with that, some reminders of what’s important. Hoping the new year is better to everyone. ❤

———————————– Lackadaisy is on Patreon - there’s extra stuff!