personalaccjl-blog

[personalaccjl-blog]

[personalaccjl-blog]

unti-unting nawawala...

1. noong oras na nagtagpo ang ating mga mundo, nakakita ako ng katulad ko.

umasang nagkaron ng kaibigan na sing kulit at sing harot pero, isang taong totoo.

walang tatalo sa sayang naramdaman.

2. nang tayo'y naging magkaibigan, tila walang kapantay ang sayang nararanasan.

sabik na sabik magkita para maibsan ang kalungkutan. 

walang tigil ang ating samahan. 

tayong dalawa, kamay sa kamay lahat dinaraanan. 

3. kaso nga lang, meron ka palang iniwang mga kaibigan. unti unti kang nawawala.

habang ika'y nakaabang sa kanilang pagbabalik.

di ko alam kung bakit ako'y nawawalan na ng gana..

siguro dahil, dahan dahan kang naglalaho, isama mo naren ang iyong mga pangako. pansin ko na ndi naman ako ang una mong hinahanap at naiisip na kaibigan pag kailangan mo ng sandigan..

ayos lang saakin pero, ano na aking gagawin? totoo ba na mawawala ka na saakin?

4. paano na ang saya at ang pagaalala sa isa’t isa, katulad sa simula?

kusa nalang bang mababaon at mawawala?

ang puso’t isipan na puno ng pait mula sa sakit na nararamdaman.

di na ba maitutuwid tulad ng unang naranasan?

5. ang sakit at pait na aking nararamdaman, noon ay wala naman.

ngayon ay tila hindi nakakailag at nakakaiwas saking nararanasan.

aking mga tanong na hindi mo nasasagot o ang mga tanong na tila hindi ko matanong, luha ang naidudulot. 

6. ngayon ay hinahanap hanap ang iyong mga bulong sa umaga at sa gabi. maari bang ulit-ulitin ang bawat kuwento at sikreto na ating sinabi sating dalawa?

para muling kong maranasan ang saya, upang ang pait at sakit na aking dinaranas ay tuluyan ng mawala.

hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita…

[personalaccjl-blog]

Unti - Unti // UDD

1. Unti-unting naglalapit Ang ating mga mundo Pag-asa ay ating bitbit Maligaya't walang takot 2. Ang saya at pagsinta'y Tila walang kapantay Inaabangan ang bawat pagtatagpo Walang mintis ang tuwa sa ating dalawa Hinamak ang lahat 3. Unti-unting nawawala Ang iyong mga salita Dahan-dahang naglalaho Ang lahat ng pangako Napapansing lumalayo ang iyong tingin 'Di na alam ang dapat kong gagawin Tuluyan ka na bang mawawala sakin 4. Ang tamis at aruga na laganap sa simula Ngayo'y nabaon na Sa puso't isip na mapait 'di na maibabalik Sa unang araw 5. Ang pait at ang sakit Na dati'y wala naman Ngayon ay hindi na mailagan Ang tanong na walang sagot, Luha ang nagdudulot sa ating mga mata 6. Hanap-hanapin ang mga bulong sa gabi Ulit-ulitin ang bawat kwento at sikreto natin Hanggang wala na ang luha sa puso ko Hanggang sa muli tayo rin ang magtatagpo

[personalaccjl-blog]

rant entry #01

so yes haha i have so many rant accounts but twitter aint just doin it. i’ll still rant there but mainly here, hopefully LOL so that we’re not offending anyone but MYSELF *rolls eyes*

it’s 6:51 pm on a friday, i just did my devotions a while ago and i cried a whole ocean. But something just doesn’t feel right. I feel like i wanna cry another ocean, i think the photo i sent to “mga pangit” made me feel IT again. And when ninong said that he’s alone in their house for like the next 2 days, i really wanted to go but i have so much family matters to do tonight and tomorrow as well. I wanted to go but here am i again over thinking, it started when i thought what if bonjep was going there also you know to gym or whateva since ninong is back at it again.

I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.

i wanna be angry at myself for feeling such a foolish feeling. That is first of all not supposed to be entertained, obviously. When i’m just about to start ranting to people - specifically leaders - they would not entertain it, either they won’t reply or really pretend like they don’t hear even a single bit of it.

Okay, so i’m more calmer now, thinking about the preaching i watched yesterday of Steven Furtick. He said this - “The way you treat your neighbor, is the way you treat yourself.” - I think this is why i feel the way i feel most of the times.

I hate how people are better than me, I hate how they are more popular than me, I hate how they make more sense than i do. I hate how they are more good-looking than i am. I hate how they are more masculine than i am. I hate how they can socialize better than i can. I hate how they know more people and people know them more than i do. I HATE HOW THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE AND I’M SOMEHOW NOT THEM.

This is why i feel angry towards myself, feeling like i’m not supposed to be who i am, not being satisfied with myself, INSECURE & INTIMIDATED. I always HATE everything i see with others that i don’t even notice, i’m already hating myself.

It HURTS to say that i have to stop feeling this way, bc if i continue being like this and always let it slide - LIKE WHAT I DID MOST OF THE TIMES - it can build up pride. Which can cause a barrier/wall that can affect my relationship with God. And my relationship with God reflects my relationships with others.

if there’s a wall of pride, insecurity, jealousy, and being envious that’s blocking or stopping me from loving Jesus with all my heart, FOR SURE I WOULDN’T BE SECURE. Which can make me feel the same exact thing with the people around me.

This rant case is for sure not closed.

Thanks for making me feel better, i hope that i’ll stop feeling that feeling.

currently: Broken Hearted and Looking for Jesus. *again